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Forever Unknown
Guess what?

None of us got a payrise, which is absolutely appalling and unjustified.

I went in, kicked bottom, counteracted every one of their negative statements. Especially pushed the 'I'm paid like a receptionist' point. I came across as motivated and enthused. And still they don't give payrises. I said if I didn't get over at least 17 (which my boss said himself is a 'crap wage'), I'd seriously consider leaving. I can get paid more in a managing agent position.

As a result:

Dear Jonman,

How's the best way to quit my job?

If you could slot some revenge in there for the last year of bullsh*t I've endured would be a plus.

Lots of love,

Soon-to-be-Unemployed
Usurper MrTeapot
^ 1000th post

< 1001th post. [/spam]

Dear Jonman -

I've recently discovered the thrills of saucy ladies underwear but find I cannot hide the VPL in my school trousers. Do you have any tips for continuing my closet habit but at the same time remaining unnoticed within the classroom.

Yours secretly
Sparkle
Jaq
Dear Jonman:

I've got a few days off work to celebrate a holiday that until recently didn't even know existed. Should I attempt to celebrate this holiday or should I just lounge about and waste time on the computer?

-Perplexed
Jonman
QUOTE (Forever Unknown @ Sep 27 2004, 04:19 PM)
Guess what?

None of us got a payrise, which is absolutely appalling and unjustified.

I went in, kicked bottom, counteracted every one of their negative statements. Especially pushed the 'I'm paid like a receptionist' point. I came across as motivated and enthused. And still they don't give payrises. I said if I didn't get over at least 17 (which my boss said himself is a 'crap wage'), I'd seriously consider leaving. I can get paid more in a managing agent position.

As a result:

Dear Jonman,

How's the best way to quit my job?

If you could slot some revenge in there for the last year of bullsh*t I've endured would be a plus.

Lots of love,

Soon-to-be-Unemployed
*



Right, well, first things first. Don't quite your job until you've got another one to go to. There's nothing that'll take the satisfaction out of quitting one job faster than the sudden realisation that you've got to sign on and be a 'jobseeker', and your hundred-pound-a-day Dance Dance Revolution addiction will have to take a back seat.

Then, once you've accepted a new job, the professional thing to do would be to submit a politely worded letter of resignation to your boss in person, outlining your reasons for leaving, and thanking them for being so good as to employ you in the past. You then dutifully work out your notice period, being diligent and pleasant the whole time.

Alternatively, you quit via Post-It or text message, turn up every day for your notice period either drunk, hungover or naked (preferable a combination of all 3), and on your final day, wreak havoc around the office - scramble any IT passwords you have, swap the 'G' and the 'H' keys on a few keyboards, install annoying spyware everywhere, scatter cress seeds on all the carpets, sew frozen prawns into the upholstery (they'll stink up good in a few weeks), and just for good measure, clingfilm all the toilets.

Quite literally, job's a goodun.
Jonman
QUOTE (MrTeapot @ Sep 27 2004, 04:37 PM)
^ 1000th post

< 1001th post. [/spam]

Dear Jonman -

I've recently discovered the thrills of saucy ladies underwear but find I cannot hide the VPL in my school trousers. Do you have any tips for continuing my closet habit but at the same time remaining unnoticed within the classroom.

Yours secretly
Sparkle
*


Thongs.
Jonman
QUOTE (Jaq @ Sep 27 2004, 06:45 PM)
Dear Jonman:

I've got a few days off work to celebrate a holiday that until recently didn't even know existed. Should I attempt to celebrate this holiday or should I just lounge about and waste time on the computer?

-Perplexed
*


Celebrate the holiday BY lounging around in your pyjamas. Best of both worlds, innit?
Snugglebum the Destroyer
QUOTE
How's the best way to quit my job?


See previous post. biggrin.gif

All else fails you can always run away and stay with me again.

Bottom line, my sweet? You will always have somewhere to go. You are more than qualified for that job and probably over - qualified for anything else.

Remember who you are and go for it.
Forever Unknown
QUOTE
Alternatively, you quit via Post-It or text message, turn up every day for your notice period either drunk, hungover or naked (preferable a combination of all 3), and on your final day, wreak havoc around the office - scramble any IT passwords you have, swap the 'G' and the 'H' keys on a few keyboards, install annoying spyware everywhere, scatter cress seeds on all the carpets, sew frozen prawns into the upholstery (they'll stink up good in a few weeks), and just for good measure, clingfilm all the toilets.


That, admittedly, was more of the idea than the sensible one. But, in hindisight, I'm going to prove the evil little Nazi wrong. That's more fun. And then, in six months time, they can give me an 8k payrise, because I know I'll out-do my co-worker who's on 23,5.

More fun. Except, y'know, for the work part.

Thank you for your help though Jonman. Most handy. No doubt I'll return for future work advice.
Forever Unknown
QUOTE
You will always have somewhere to go. You are more than qualified for that job and probably over - qualified for anything else.


Sadly, not. I'm not sure if I can get that pay elsewhere. Otherwise I'd be out the door straight away. And if I want to stay in the law, I ideally need to stay there.

Catch 22's - so much fun.
Ashbless
Dear Jonman,

I have two things I'd really like to do on the same day. On one hand family. I'd get to meet cousins I've never met before and see my favorite uncle. Yay! (who I haven't had a chance to see in 14? years) Plus it's thanksgiving which is a big family time in my family. The other hand concert. I've had this ticket in my hot little hand since february. (when it went on sale) A combination of Sting and Annie Lennox in concert together. I'll have an excellent view of the stage. cool.gif No, I can't do both or I most certainly would. Which should I do?

Why do good deeds never go unpunished? tongue.gif
Ash
Jonman
QUOTE (Ashbless @ Oct 4 2004, 05:15 AM)
Dear Jonman,

I have two things I'd really like to do on the same day.  On one hand family.  I'd get to meet cousins I've never met before and see my favorite uncle. Yay! (who I haven't had a chance to see in 14? years)  Plus it's thanksgiving which is a big family time in my family.  The other hand concert.  I've had this ticket in my hot little hand since february. (when it went on sale)  A combination of Sting and Annie Lennox in concert together.  I'll have an excellent view of the stage.  cool.gif  No, I can't do both or I most certainly would.  Which should I do?

Why do good deeds never go unpunished?  tongue.gif
Ash
*

How do you know he's still your favourite uncle after 14 years, hmm? He could have become a complete twatwallet in that time.

Stick with the safe option. Go to the concert.

Alternative, bin the concert, as nothing's more important than your family.

So that's no help.

And good deeds never go unpunished due to the fundamental underlying laws of the universe. It was Einsten himself who said 'oh bugger'.
Ashbless
QUOTE
How do you know he's still your favourite uncle after 14 years, hmm? He could have become a complete twatwallet in that time.

laugh.gif He's my only uncle.

Driving the 4-5 hours each way for family. Thanks for the advice Jonman.


New question:
How do I convince my flatmate that she'll be safe as houses by herself among rabid Sting/Annie Lennox fans? That way she'll buy my ticket and I'll have gas money for the family trip. I only bought one ticket because I could only afford one.

Yours broke,

Student Gal.
Jonman
QUOTE (Ashbless @ Oct 4 2004, 03:05 PM)
QUOTE
How do you know he's still your favourite uncle after 14 years, hmm? He could have become a complete twatwallet in that time.

laugh.gif He's my only uncle.

Driving the 4-5 hours each way for family. Thanks for the advice Jonman.


New question:
How do I convince my flatmate that she'll be safe as houses by herself among rabid Sting/Annie Lennox fans? That way she'll buy my ticket and I'll have gas money for the family trip. I only bought one ticket because I could only afford one.

Yours broke,

Student Gal.
*



A Sting/Annie Lennox gig is probably one of the safer places on the planet. It's hardly going to have a nose-breaking mosh pit at the front, is it? I mean, really, your average Sting concert go-er is likely to be on the higher side of 30 (if not 40), white and middle class. Hardly a criminal underclass. Chances of finding cheeky teenagers who've had too much cider and are looking for a fight are slim to non-existant, methinks.

Check this link out for a dangerous crowd.... oooh, scary.
the lil' pie fairy
Dear Jonman,

In Geography today, we learnt that the British Government launched a Sex Lottery campaign in the last few years. This was aimed at increasing young people knowing more about STIs and other unsavoury things. But no-one in the room, including the teacher, had ever heard of it?
Could you shed some light on said Lottery?

Yours in interest, Pie x
Jonman
QUOTE (the lil' pie fairy @ Oct 4 2004, 04:14 PM)
Dear Jonman,

In Geography today, we learnt that the British Government launched a Sex Lottery campaign in the last few years. This was aimed at increasing young people knowing more about STIs and other unsavoury things. But no-one in the room, including the teacher, had ever heard of it?
Could you shed some light on said Lottery?

Yours in interest, Pie x
*

Unfortunately, the Sex Lottery bears no resemblance to a lottery as we know it. Buying a ticket with a slim chance of winning a shag does sound like a good idea, and could probably lead to a nice little earner for the government. However, it's unlikely to be ethically justifiable, and the Daily Mail would have a field day.

What you're referring to is a PR campaign launched by the government recently to essentially say:

"By having unprotected sex, you run the risk of contracting any number of STD's"

There were TV ads, and possibly magazine adverts too. They had a faux-lottery program...

" You just missed out on HIV, but never mind, you've won a bad case of gonorrhea! Congratulations!"

Bit of a crap concept really. Having sex is nothing like the lottery. Except for the bit about hoping your balls get picked.
Forever Unknown
Dear Jonman,

How are you?
Mutilation
Dear Jonman,

Did you get caught in the terribile rain we had this morning? One hell of a bugger twas.

This isn't a real question. Here is one:

Dear Jonman,

Why do people say only women can mutlitask? Today I was having a piss, shaving and scratching my ass at the same time!
Pab
How did you aim? Did you get your shoes wet?
snooodlysnoosnoosnoodle
Dear Jonman,

When a fellow student, all be it a mature one with a wife an two kids, buys you coffee and a packet of crisps what is the correct way to thank them?
I just ended up talking about Terry Pratchett...

confused,
snoo
Jonman
QUOTE (Forever Unknown @ Oct 4 2004, 05:46 PM)
Dear Jonman,

How are you?
*


In the words of Big Gay Al:

"Super, thanks for asking!"

Bit tired actually - I cycled 85 miles yesterday, so my poor little pins are sufferring a litte. Other than that, I'm all good, me.
Jonman
QUOTE (Mutilation @ Oct 4 2004, 05:54 PM)
Dear Jonman,

Did you get caught in the terribile rain we had this morning? One hell of a bugger twas.

This isn't a real question. Here is one:

Dear Jonman,

Why do people say only women can mutlitask? Today I was having a piss, shaving and scratching my ass at the same time!
*


No. the roof on the top of the car managed to keep the vertical wetness off me.

People say many things. One day, you'll learn that not all of them are true. For instance, if I were to say to you:

"Blimey, you smell of welders boots"

I would (probably) be lying.
Jonman
QUOTE (Pab @ Oct 4 2004, 06:08 PM)
How did you aim? Did you get your shoes wet?
*


Probably having a royal wee. You know - occupying the throne. Leaves both hands free for brushing and/or scratching.
Jonman
QUOTE (snoo @ Oct 4 2004, 07:21 PM)
Dear Jonman,

When a fellow student, all be it a mature one with a wife an two kids, buys you coffee and a packet of crisps what is the correct way to thank them?
I just ended up talking about Terry Pratchett...

confused,
snoo
*


Sleep with him, kidnap his children and pimp out his wife. It's the morally correct response.

Alternatively, you could just do the ordinary thing, and perhaps consider forming a platonic friendship. Such things do exist, despite what Billy Crystal tries to tell you during a long car journey.
snooodlysnoosnoosnoodle
erm thanks...

I was thinking more along the lines of should I offer to buy him a coffee sometime or is a simple thanks enough?
Jonman
QUOTE (snoo @ Oct 4 2004, 10:16 PM)
erm thanks...

I was thinking more along the lines of should I offer to buy him a coffee sometime or is a simple thanks enough?
*


Depends - if you have a good laugh with him, offer to buy him a coffee. If you're not fussed about hanging out with him, just a simple thanks is the ticket.
the lil' pie fairy
Dear Jonman,

Do you know anything about York? I'm going up on Thursday and would like drinking establishments to visit, shopping areas to browse in and other such useful nuggets of information. Or someone else to pester about it smile.gif

Yours, never-been-to-York
Forever Unknown
QUOTE
Do you know anything about York? I'm going up on Thursday and would like drinking establishments to visit, shopping areas to browse in and other such useful nuggets of information. Or someone else to pester about it


They make Terrys Chocolate Orange there!

I went once when I was a little 'un, on a school trip. I stayed with nuns. It was all very wholesome.
Jonman
QUOTE (the lil' pie fairy @ Oct 5 2004, 11:11 AM)
Dear Jonman,

Do you know anything about York? I'm going up on Thursday and would like drinking establishments to visit, shopping areas to browse in and other such useful nuggets of information. Or someone else to pester about it smile.gif

Yours, never-been-to-York
*

Blimey. I ought to - I spent 4 years at uni there.

Mind you, that was a while ago. I've not been back for 5 years, so all this info may be out of date.

OK -

Drinking establishments:
Lendal Cellars (by the main Square)
Kings Arms - on the river bank - good if the weather's warm - can sit outside.
Scruffy Murphys (right by Micklegate Bar)
All the rest of the pubs on Mickelgate are the ones that get a bit full of townie w***ers on a Friday and Saturday night.
My old local - the Rose and Crown (13 Lawrence Street)- good and studentified, but a ways out of town. Good if you're staying with students, as it's on the walk from campus to town.
Right next to the campus - The Charles, in Heslington - the essential York student pub

Shopping:
have a wander through the Shambles (right in the centre of town) - very olde worlde, and very touristy.
can't remember where the good record shops are....
wander around the city centre - it's only wee, and there's a few (but not too many) interesting shops. Oooh, there's one who's name I forget (edit: remembered it - Forever Changes, adress is: 42 Stoneygate), but it's a proper hippy shop; bongs, tie-die, ethnic instruments (I bought an ocarina there) and pewter jewellery to boot. Entertaining.

Nightlife:
Toffs, Silks and Ziggy's were the three in-town cheesy nightclubs. All are terrible, but Ziggy's was clearly the worst of the lot. Go there if it's still open, and marvel at the hideousness. If there's any justice in the world, they'll all have been bulldozed, but I doubt it. The Arts Centre (in a converted church, just over the river) used to have the occasional good night on, from live bands to banging techno.

Culture:
Have a wander around the Minster - very impressive.
Walk around the city walls.
Walk up to the top of Clifford's Tower and go 'ooh, thats a bit crap'
errmm, dunno about any more culture - I was a student, and thus allergic to it.

coo, it's amazing how much I've forgotten about my time there. Maybe I should go have a visit and remind myself.

So, there's some info. Do with it what you will. And remember, in York, it's still legal to shoot (with a crossbow) a Scotsman who remains within the city walls after sunset.
Jonman
QUOTE (Forever Unknown @ Oct 5 2004, 12:21 PM)
QUOTE
Do you know anything about York? I'm going up on Thursday and would like drinking establishments to visit, shopping areas to browse in and other such useful nuggets of information. Or someone else to pester about it


They make Terrys Chocolate Orange there!

I went once when I was a little 'un, on a school trip. I stayed with nuns. It was all very wholesome.
*


Indeed. Rowntrees (or maybe Nestle - I forget) have a factory just outside town. If the wind's blowing in the right direction, the whole city smells of burnt cocoa. Ick.
Snugglebum the Destroyer
Dear Jonman,

Can you recommend a decent pair of headphones for me to use with my portable CD player? Nothing you have to poke into your ear because my ears are really tiny, the tragus gets in the way and they really hurt.

Also nothing that makes me look like a knobend.

Thank you

Me with the sore ears (ouchie)
EvilSpork
Dear Jonman,

I have this obsession, perhaps an addiction, to appologizing even if it's not necessary. I'm guessing it's something to do with OCD or something.

Any suggestions for 'weening' myself off of being so appologetic?

Cheers,
Myself
Jonman
QUOTE (Snugglebum the Destroyer @ Oct 5 2004, 09:40 PM)
Dear Jonman,

Can you recommend a decent pair of headphones for me to use with my portable CD player?  Nothing you have to poke into your ear because my ears are really tiny, the tragus gets in the way and they really hurt.

Also nothing that makes me look like a knobend.

Thank you

Me with the sore ears (ouchie)
*


Ooh, I'm a bit of a wannabe audiophile, me, so you've come to the right place for relatively uninformed advice.

Depends what you're after though - in terms of style and price. Link to my cans....

These for instance are fanblinkintastic. They're the most comfy pair of cans I've had ever. I've worn them non-stop for over 8 hours before, and they were still really comfortable at the end of that period. Downsides are price (I paid US$80 for 'em), and size - they're pretty chunky, although very very lightweight. I'm guessing that you'll be a bit turned off something like this by the size issue.

I've you're having trouble using in-ear phones, then I'd tend to steer away from them. However, if you were going to get some, you can't go wrong with some Sennies (I'm a bit of Sennheiser fanboy, if you hadn't guessed). A pair of MX500's will set you back 20 quid, but again, you may run into the same problem as with your current in-ear ones.

So, having exhausted that avenue, you're probably looking for a pair of lighweight 'streetwear' cans. One thing to note with these is that they tend to be 'open-backed' design, which means that you'll get significant sound leakage out of the cans (which will piss off the person sitting next to you), and will give you minimal attenuation of outside noise (no good if you're intending to use them on the bus/train/plane). However, you can get 'closed-back' slimline cans, they're just less common. A closed-back design tends to give you more bass response, but not always.

Again, going back to the Sennheisers, their PX Series have active noise cancellation (which works a treat, but pushed the price up), and are really lightweight. Their HD Series is probably more up your street.

Another good resource is the What Hi-Fi website, which has a Buying Guide Section that allows you search by price. You can then go and have a schmooze at the manufacturer's website, and google for decent suppliers. Try Empire Direct - they've been good to me in the past. Have a look on Richer Sounds too - they often have good prices.

Two brands to ignore in my opinion is Bose (vastly overpriced crap), and Sony(shoddy workmanship, more often than not). Again, I know loads of people that have Sennheisers, and everybody's well happy with them.
Jonman
QUOTE (EvilSpoon @ Oct 6 2004, 02:06 AM)
Dear Jonman,

I have this obsession, perhaps an addiction, to appologizing even if it's not necessary. I'm guessing it's something to do with OCD or something.

Any suggestions for 'weening' myself off of being so appologetic?

Cheers,
Myself
*

Simple. Start being a complete git. A git will never apologise for anything, the reason being that they're selfish enough that they never feel bad about inconveniencing another person, so never have need of apologising.

On a more realistic level, you can apply the same technique. Before you reflexively apologise, stop and question yourself about what you're apologising for, and try and objectively evaluate whether the apology is warranted. Empathise with the person you're going to be apologising to, and determine whether they actually feel slighted or not. If not, no apology needed.
the lil' pie fairy
Dear Obi Jon Manobi,

I've just been reading the quote site again. And am in hysterics. Unfortunately, I have more important things to do, such as write large essays. How can I detract myself from the unlimited amusement presented to me?
Also, how can I refrain from putting ska music with added bagpipes/brass/violins on?

Yours in happy hilarity, Pie
Jonman
QUOTE (the lil' pie fairy @ Oct 6 2004, 11:47 AM)
Dear Obi Jon Manobi,

I've just been reading the quote site again. And am in hysterics. Unfortunately, I have more important things to do, such as write large essays. How can I detract myself from the unlimited amusement presented to me?
Also, how can I refrain from putting ska music with added bagpipes/brass/violins on?

Yours in happy hilarity, Pie
*

See the button on your base station with a symbol like a circle with a line through it? Push that. That'll see you right. Then pull out the cable from the back of your machine that looks a bit like a phone cable. Chew on the end of it until either:
( a ) the connector looks like a Dali painting

or

( b ) all your teeth are fubar'd.

Bad-a-bing - Job's done by Bob, the Monkey's Uncle.

As for your second point, what possible reason could there be for not playing bagpipe ska? Unless you happen to have some breakcore polka or acid skiffle.
Snugglebum the Destroyer
QUOTE
Ooh, I'm a bit of a wannabe audiophile, me, so you've come to the right place for relatively uninformed advice.


That's what I thought! biggrin.gif

You've been really helpful actually. Everyone I know always harps on about Sony and I've always felt their products are overrated.

Anyway - I chose from the PXSeries and they only cost me £30 (although when you put it into perspective, probably a silly amount to pay for headphones). That'll do me.

Cheers very much.
the lil' pie fairy
Pour le Jonman,

'Ow do I get zis damn IRC to work? I cannot find ze thread with the details in and I am 'opelessly stuck.

Yours, still affected by stupid phoney accent french conversation have been having for last hour
Jonman
QUOTE (Snugglebum the Destroyer @ Oct 6 2004, 12:25 PM)
QUOTE
Ooh, I'm a bit of a wannabe audiophile, me, so you've come to the right place for relatively uninformed advice.


That's what I thought! biggrin.gif

You've been really helpful actually. Everyone I know always harps on about Sony and I've always felt their products are overrated.

Anyway - I chose from the PXSeries and they only cost me £30 (although when you put it into perspective, probably a silly amount to pay for headphones). That'll do me.

Cheers very much.
*



Send me a PM and let me know you get on with them - I'd be interested to hear your feedback.

Really though, 30 quid for a decent pair of cans is good value for money. You'd be amazed how much more listening pleasure you can get out of a decent set - really transforms the sound.

BTW, if you want to get really nerdy, I can hook you up with a portable headphone amplifier - about the size of a large box of matches, and gives you serious hifi quality sound on the move, especially when paired up with some decent cans.
Jonman
QUOTE (the lil' pie fairy @ Oct 6 2004, 12:34 PM)
Pour le Jonman,

'Ow do I get zis damn IRC to work? I cannot find ze thread with the details in and I am 'opelessly stuck.

Yours, still affected by stupid phoney accent french conversation have been having for last hour
*

That's your problem right there. IRC is allergic to the French. Try using a Polish accent, that should do you alright.
Pab
QUOTE (Jonman @ Oct 6 2004, 01:49 PM)
QUOTE (the lil' pie fairy @ Oct 6 2004, 12:34 PM)
Pour le Jonman,

'Ow do I get zis damn IRC to work? I cannot find ze thread with the details in and I am 'opelessly stuck.

Yours, still affected by stupid phoney accent french conversation have been having for last hour
*

That's your problem right there. IRC is allergic to the French. Try using a Polish accent, that should do you alright.
*




Jonski is qvite right. But if you vont get in IRCski, try dis link:

Duffers Guide to IRC

It has vorked before, and now ve all capeetaleest pig-dogs, it vork for ass too

Yoors

Pablov
Ashbless
Dear Jonman,

Any suggestions on how to amuse myself alone in a car for a 4-5 hour drive?

Many thanks,
Why am I doing this madness again?

Family bound.
Jonman
QUOTE (Ashbless @ Oct 7 2004, 04:06 AM)
Dear Jonman,

Any suggestions on how to amuse myself alone in a car for a 4-5 hour drive?

Many thanks,
Why am I doing this madness again?

Family bound.
*


I have many such suggestions. Some are not safe. Most are illegal. So here's the few that are.

1 : scan through the radio stations every half hour or so - you'll probably get a few new ones every 50 miles. Try Medium Wave as well (MW as opposed to FM) - there's a bunch of less mainstream stations on there. Sometimes there's some interesting stuff on talk radio stations. You may be suprised.

2 : take a decent selection of music.

3 : stop every couple of hours for a five minute break and a stretch of the legs - you'll be suprised how much this breaks up the journey.
Jaq
Dear Jonman:

I really have nothing of value to say, no real question to ask and not a single witty, inspiring or even vaguely wise thing to impart thereby contributing to this thread. I am merely a spam whore and my only mission is to up my post count and practice my less than average typing in the hope that I may spawn a new sub literate language from the sheer volume of posts and reckless deviation from standard English.

My question is this: hOw du U no wen yer prok cohps R bda? myne R al gerrn + sutff!

Yours, Jaq
Jonman
QUOTE (Jaq @ Oct 7 2004, 01:58 PM)
Dear Jonman:

I really have nothing of value to say, no real question to ask and not a single witty, inspiring or even vaguely wise thing to impart  thereby contributing to this thread.  I am merely a spam whore and my only mission is to up my post count and practice my less than average typing in the hope that I may spawn a new sub literate language from the sheer volume of posts and reckless deviation from standard English.

My question is this: hOw du U no wen yer prok cohps R bda?  myne R al gerrn + sutff!

Yours, Jaq
*

prok cohps, eh? For some reason that makes me think of the blokes in the hit 80s series Chips, except that instead of motorbikes, they've got guitars. There's some kind of Prog Rock Cop thing going on. Cross Magnum P.I. with Led Zeppelin, and you're along the right lines.

Clearly, you know when they're bad when they say things like "oiii, you slaaaaag, 'and over ve wonga, or ai'll shoo'cha" (with power chords), instead of "allo, allo, allo, what is all this 'ere then? (with twinkling ballads)". If they've gone a bit green, they've probably overdone the drugs again (which they no doubt confiscated from groupies).
Pab
Dear Jonman,

That's "pork chops". Jaq wants to know if she can eat'em even if they are crawling away from her.

Yours,

Pab-off Interpretation Services Inc. (not affiliated with the Bush conglomerate)
Pab
Dear Oh-The-Agony Uncle,

I would like to request your input in this thread. As one who probably knows the current state of propulsion physics, do you think/feel/know/hear that major scale barriers can be broken to transport matter in one piece across, say, a solar system in, say, a matter of weeks or days? Ya know ... a ship, supplies, and a human or two ... is it achievable? Even considering commies point about things like "you'll all asphyxiate" being used as an argument to poopoo the invention of a train that would do 28 mile per hour?

I mean, really ... How?

Yours in hope,

Not-falling-for-no-time-travel-bullsheet
Laramon
Dear JonMan,

I am inquiring here because I found nobody of lower stature who could answer my highly techie question. This is in reference to my post in the tech forum http://www.matazone.co.uk/forums/index.php?showtopic=9589.

I am willing to provide any pertinant information that you deem necessary for me to provide you during the course of your investigation. I am quite boggled at the situation and have had no choice but to turn to you and the denizens of the Other Side.

Reverently,
Laramon - the poor man suckered into marrying Feyliya
Ashbless
Dear Laramon,

Jonman is amazing but I'm under the impression that even Mata occasionally calls on Mr.Fuzzy over in Tech for technology troubles. You may want to check over there as well. Still - Jonman may be able to help. *nods*

Dear Jonman,

How is your biking for a charity going? Was that this month? Can I ask multiple questions in a post without, how did Polocrunch put it?, getting on your nips?

Yours,
Ash
Polocrunch
Dear Jonman,

What kind of surfboard would one need to ride a "wave of conservative populism"?

Yours,

Irrelevant
Mutilation
I think you would need a lamp-post Polo. But that's not really a surfboard.

Dear JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJOOOOONMANNNN!!!!!!

Would it be better to have something that gave +3 Moxie, or +4 Moxie and -2 Muscle?
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