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Mutilation
Holy shit. somethings wrong today. My mum was just walking back to the house when a car near her burst into flames and the man who did it ran up to her and threw something at her. The fire-brigade and police are at the end of my road, and she's gone it A&E. I just don't know what to do, or why something like this would happen near my house. Or what will happen to my mum.

Please help Jon.
Feyliya
Dearest Obi-Jon Manobi,

You can ignore the question Laramon posted above, as it is no longer relevant. Today we got the parts to re-build his computer, and when we started it up we found that his master hard drive fried when his CPU did. So, we now have the joy of paying $60 for a new HD (better, I must admit) and of freshly installing and patching Windows. At least the damn'ed throttle is off for good (please dear Goddesss let it be off for good)...

On another note, why Obi-Jon Manobi? Why not Qui-Man Jonn? Jonman the Hutt and Darth Jonman also have a rather malicious appeal, I must say. Or Supreme Chancellor PalpaJon? I can understand why not Jon Jon Binks, but I'm in a slight quandary over why you skipped over the other monikers.

Your most adorative stalker fan,
Feyliya - the girl who proposed and surprised Laramon into saying, "Yes".
Jonman
QUOTE (Laramon @ Oct 13 2004, 01:14 AM)
Dear JonMan,

  I am inquiring here because I found nobody of lower stature who could answer my highly techie question. This is in reference to my post in the tech forum http://www.matazone.co.uk/forums/index.php?showtopic=9589.

  I am willing to provide any pertinant information that you deem necessary for me to provide you during the course of your investigation. I am quite boggled at the situation and have had no choice but to turn to you and the denizens of the Other Side.

Reverently,
  Laramon - the poor man suckered into marrying Feyliya
*



*looks panicked*

Errmm, you need to biwire the comm port back into the USB hub router. Use a dongle.

*runs*
Jonman
QUOTE (Ashbless @ Oct 14 2004, 02:23 PM)
Dear Laramon,

Jonman is amazing but I'm under the impression that even Mata occasionally calls on Mr.Fuzzy over in Tech for technology troubles.  You may want to check over there as well.  Still - Jonman may be able to help.  *nods*

Dear Jonman,

How is your biking for a charity going?  Was that this month?  Can I ask multiple questions in a post without, how did Polocrunch put it?, getting on your nips?

Yours,
Ash
*


Biking for 'charidee'. Clearly, I don't like bragging about it. But I did indeed do it. All 85 miles of it. Yes, it was only supposed to be 76miles, and no, they didn't tell us they'd lengthened the route until it was finished. Those extra 9 miles were hell in lycra.

Yes, you can ask multiple questions. Fortunately, I've trained for many long years with ancient saffron-clad nepalese monks, and my nips are more than capable of bearing the weight of multiple posters.
Jonman
QUOTE (Polocrunch @ Oct 14 2004, 06:09 PM)
Dear Jonman,

What kind of surfboard would one need to ride a "wave of conservative populism"?

Yours,

Irrelevant
*

You would need a surfboard that's bouyant when immersed in smallmindedness, stiff enough to withstand the buffetting of flipflopping liberals yet flexible enough to dodge those annoying human rights legal wrangles that thrive in the political ocean.
Jonman
QUOTE (Mutilation @ Oct 18 2004, 05:55 PM)
I think you would need a lamp-post Polo. But that's not really a surfboard.

Dear JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJOOOOONMANNNN!!!!!!

Would it be better to have something that gave +3 Moxie, or +4 Moxie and -2 Muscle?
*


+4 Moxie. Without a shadow of a doubt.

*twitch*
Jonman
QUOTE (Mutilation @ Oct 19 2004, 09:30 PM)
Holy shit. somethings wrong today. My mum was just walking back to the house when a car near her burst into flames and the man who did it ran up to her and threw something at her. The fire-brigade and police are at the end of my road, and she's gone it A&E. I just don't know what to do, or why something like this would happen near my house. Or what will happen to my mum.

Please help Jon.
*

Blimey o-reilly.

Hope she's doing OK.

The reason that things like this happen is that a small percentage of the population of the world are utter fruitcakes. It's a bugger, but that's the way the world is.
Jonman
QUOTE (Feyliya @ Oct 20 2004, 12:16 AM)
Dearest Obi-Jon Manobi,

You can ignore the question Laramon posted above, as it is no longer relevant.  Today we got the parts to re-build his computer, and when we started it up we found that his master hard drive fried when his CPU did.  So, we now have the joy of paying $60 for a new HD (better, I must admit) and of freshly installing and patching Windows.  At least the damn'ed throttle is off for good (please dear Goddesss let it be off for good)...

On another note, why Obi-Jon Manobi?  Why not Qui-Man Jonn?  Jonman the Hutt and Darth Jonman also have a rather malicious appeal, I must say.  Or Supreme Chancellor PalpaJon?  I can understand why not Jon Jon Binks, but I'm in a slight quandary over why you skipped over the other monikers.

Your most adorative stalker fan,
Feyliya - the girl who proposed and surprised Laramon into saying, "Yes".

*


It's quite simple. All the rest are rubbish. Obi-Wan is the man, pure and simple. Luke's a whiney runt, Darth Vader's a manky old git in a gimp suit, Jabba's a lardy get, C3P0's waaay too camp. What do you suggest? R2Jon2? Pfft. Obi-Wan rocks. Some mad old dude that lives out in the desert, but secretly has magic powers? That's how I'm going to be when I'm old.
Ashbless
Dear Obi-Jon Manobi,

Last time I ventured onto the dating scene I had "Potential Other Woman" in creep visible letters on my forehead. How do I keep them from seeing this? Violence springs to mind but I believe that there are other ways. unsure.gif

On a similar note I've a blind coffee date set up for a chap 4 years my junior. Do you think I should inform him of the age difference? biggrin.gif

Yours,

And I have time for dating, how?
Jonman
QUOTE (Ashbless @ Oct 20 2004, 02:31 PM)
Dear Obi-Jon Manobi,

Last time I ventured onto the dating scene I had "Potential Other Woman" in creep visible letters on my forehead.  How do I keep them from seeing this?  Violence springs to mind but I believe that there are other ways.  unsure.gif

On a similar note I've a blind coffee date set up for a chap 4 years my junior.  Do you think I should inform him of the age difference?  biggrin.gif

Yours,

And I have time for dating, how?
*



Well, first off, I'm going to assume that you don't want to play the Other Woman role...

If you do, ignore everything you're about to read.

1 : Check their ring finger. Even if they're smart enough to remove any incriminating wedding and/or engagement rings, the ring will leave a 'dent' in the finger - I've only been wearing me wedding ring since january, and within a couple of months, my ring finger had a visible 'waist' to it where the ring sits.

2 : Don't jump into bed with them after the first date. If you're easy, then you're a prime target. Probably. Except for the ones that enjoy the thrill of the chase - for them, you should sleep with them as soon as possible.

3 : It may be a ker-azy idea, but be bluntly honest. Tell any potential suitor that you have no interest in being someone's bit of fluff on the side. Sure, some of them might think you're a bunny-boiler, but hey, you can't make an omlette without really pissing off some chickens.

As for the age issue with the blind date dude, it's all relative really. If you're 17 and he's 13, you should definitely tell him. You should definitely tell the police as well, but that's another issue. If you're 25 and he's 21, what's the biggie? It's pretty rare for a couple to both be the same age, I think, and 4 years is a minimal age difference. Shame the difference isn't a bit bigger - he'd get much kudos for having an 'older woman' then....

And if you don't have time for dating, then why are you bothering? Unless of course, you [i] want/i] to be dating again, in which case, you have to make time. Give up the pottery classes or something.
Ashbless
Thanks Jonman. I'm actually not so keen to be the other woman. I'd like someone of my own and not someone I have to share with another woman/man. I'd like to date but my schedule is insane. Not overly fair to date someone when I'm never very available to spend time with. wink.gif Meh, it's just a coffee.

Next question oh sage,

Do I want to know what a bunny-boiler is? Is it something you can explain in the forum and not corrupt the youthful readers or will I be reading a very amusing PM?

Yours,
English slang challenged.
Jonman
QUOTE (Ashbless @ Oct 21 2004, 05:10 AM)
Next question oh sage,

Do I want to know what a bunny-boiler is?  Is it something you can explain in the forum and not corrupt the youthful readers or will I be reading a very amusing PM?

Yours,
English slang challenged.
*


Watch Fatal Attraction. Go get yourself a big blonde perm, and a season pass to the petting zoo. You'll be all set.
Snugglebum the Destroyer
Dear Jonman type person,

Is it normal to be listening to the same album over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over... etc.. etc...

Until you know all the words and made your own little dance too?

Regards

Not very sober

XX
Jonman
QUOTE (Snugglebum the Destroyer @ Oct 22 2004, 02:13 AM)
Dear Jonman type person,

Is it normal to be listening to the same album over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over... etc.. etc...

Until you know all the words and made your own little dance too?

Regards

Not very sober

XX
*

Depends. If it's the latest Tweenies album, then I can honestly say that for someone of your advanced years that no, it is not normal.
vicrawr
Dear Mister Jonman,

Is it normal for one such as myself to like Nancy Sinatra?

Thanks.

Curiously Weird.

[Bangbang]
dancing hamster guy
Dear Jonman

One of my dancing hamster's batteries have gone dead - now instead of sounding like a high pitched hamster it sounds like barry white ( its bloody hilarious). It may sound funny but is it fair on the hamster - should I change the batteries to prevent any further suffering or should I continue to laugh till my sides ache?

Thanx

dhg
Jonman
QUOTE (IrishGuy @ Oct 22 2004, 10:04 AM)
Dear Mister Jonman,

Is it normal for one such as myself to like Nancy Sinatra?

Thanks.

Curiously Weird.

[Bangbang]
*

Hmm.

Now, I had assumed that Nancy Sinatra was a relative of Frank, who had followed him into the music business. Maybe she is, but Google revealed some things to me that have the potential to get me in trouble, being that I'm writing this from the office.

Based on that brief bit of reseach, I think it's absolutely fine, if not healthy.
Jonman
QUOTE (dancing hamster guy @ Oct 22 2004, 10:15 AM)
Dear Jonman

One of my dancing hamster's batteries have gone dead - now instead of sounding like a high pitched hamster it sounds like barry white ( its bloody hilarious). It may sound funny but is it fair on the hamster - should I change the batteries to prevent any further suffering or should I continue to laugh till my sides ache?

Thanx

dhg
*

Barry White was actually half-hamster (from the waist down), so it's absolutely fine.
monkey_called_narth
dear jonman,

i told a guy i liked him... and he told me i was a stalker... (because we see each other at concerts all the time...)


what do i do?

love,
im not a stalker!
Jonman
QUOTE (monkey_called_narth @ Oct 24 2004, 12:52 PM)
dear jonman,

i told a guy i liked him... and he told me i was a stalker... (because we see each other at concerts all the time...)


what do i do?

love,
    im not a stalker!
*


The simplest solution would be to start stalking him. It'll give him the satisfaction of being right, and us blokes like that.
monkey_called_narth
dear obi jon manobi,

how do you stalk somone

love,
narth vader
Jonman
QUOTE (monkey_called_narth @ Oct 24 2004, 01:08 PM)
dear obi jon manobi,

how do you stalk somone

love,
narth vader
*


Simple set of steps to become a good stalker.

1: Join all of the same classes, clubs and activites of your stalkee.

2: Make friends with your stalkee's friends. Turn up at social gatherings when invited by them. How convienient.

3: Steal some of your stalkees underwear.

4: Send a dead pigeon to your stalkee in the post with a note attached that says: "Unlike this pigeon, my love for you will never die".

Job's a good'un.
Dreams On Hiatus
Dear Jonman,

How does one avoid distractions?

Sincerely,

Distracted
Polocrunch
Dear Jonman,

As one who constantly seeks sophistication, I have recently become concerned that I am reaching my sophistication-saturation point (where one is limited in one's sophistication by financial constraints). I read high literature, enjoy poetry and classical music, visit libraries, museums and art exhibitions, watch only the BBC and Channel 4, read only broadsheets and The New Yorker, travel extensively with my parents, make witty remarks regarding economic prospects for Southern Rhodesia and more. I am at a loss as to how to further improve myself - surely there is another outlet for my haute-couture-ness?

Yours languidly,

Probably Better Than You (wink.gif)
Feyliya
Dear Probably Better Than You ( wink.gif ),

Have you tried learning gourmet cooking? You don't even really need to take classes if you have basic cooking knowledge. Just look up some internet cookbooks. Or maybe a specific kind of cooking would suit your needs. I know Thai and Oriental are very popular these days, and you could probably find classes for fairly cheap if you wanted or needed to take them.

With Highest Sophistication,
Chefess Feyliya the Wise.



Dear Jonman,

What would you think of some day coordinating a Seattle-based Matazone meet? Not any time soon, of course, but some day in the sorta-far future.

Lots of Lurve and Jagermeister,
Feyliya, the other Seattle Denizen
Jonman
QUOTE (Dreams On Hiatus @ Oct 24 2004, 11:42 PM)
Dear Jonman,

How does one avoid distractions?

Sincerely,

Distracted
*

It's quite simple *glance*.

You just *twitch* keep on *glaze* ummm.......

*sidles off to the PS2.
Jonman
QUOTE (Polocrunch @ Oct 25 2004, 12:40 AM)
Dear Jonman,

As one who constantly seeks sophistication, I have recently become concerned that I am reaching my sophistication-saturation point (where one is limited in one's sophistication by financial constraints). I read high literature, enjoy poetry and classical music, visit libraries, museums and art exhibitions, watch only the BBC and Channel 4, read only broadsheets and The New Yorker, travel extensively with my parents, make witty remarks regarding economic prospects for Southern Rhodesia and more. I am at a loss as to how to further improve myself - surely there is another outlet for my haute-couture-ness?

Yours languidly,

Probably Better Than You (wink.gif)
*


Hmm. Sophistication isn't actually flat, you know. Like spacetime, it's curved. It's actually shaped like a 5 dimensional egg (hard boiled). What this means (other than there's one hell of a cosmic chicken somewhere) is that like walking along on the earth, if you walk long enough, you'll go full circle. And like Terran time zones, before you get back onto you're own time, you've got to cross the International Date Line. Which in sophistication terms is where you instantaneously jump from writing your own operetta (in Norwgian) to watching Pop Idol, eating Pot Noodles and reading The Sun.

So, basically, you have two options:

1: Continue to disappear up your own arse, until you metaphorically cross the line, then trade in your tweed for Burberry.

2: Put the feather quill down, and back away slowly.
Jonman
QUOTE (Feyliya @ Oct 25 2004, 01:46 AM)
Dear Probably Better Than You ( wink.gif ),

Dear Jonman,

What would you think of some day coordinating a Seattle-based Matazone meet?  Not any time soon, of course, but some day in the sorta-far future.

Lots of Lurve and Jagermeister,
Feyliya, the other Seattle Denizen

*


Someday, yes, I would consider it. However, given that I'm currently living slap bang in the middle of England, now isn't really the time. Me and wife were forced to move back here last March, y'see, as my job finished, and my visa was only valid as long as that job lasted.

However... we are planning to move back to Seattle - my green card application will be submitted imminently, and once that comes through (i.e. when Satan goes ice skating in his back yard), we'll be looking to move back...
monkey_called_narth
dear jonman,

whats the best way to kill a pigon?


heh
lygophilia
Dear Jonman,

I read a single page of this thread, and cracked up about four times at things you said (ooh, I rhymed!).

1: How are you so funny?

2: Do you have to think about your answers before replying?

3: How does one become close to being as funny as Jonman?

Sincerely,
Feeling Un-funny.
Jonman
QUOTE (monkey_called_narth @ Oct 25 2004, 05:18 AM)
dear jonman,

whats the best way to kill a pigon?


heh
*


the best way to kill a pigeon is to unleash a herd of ninja meerkats with hang-gliders, who've been starved for at least 2 days while being subjected to anti-pigeon propoganda materials.

It's certainly not the easiest, but it's by far the best.

That is, assuming you meant pigeon. If you meant pignon (edible seed of several species of pine; also, the tree producing such seeds, as Pinus Pineaof Southern Europe, and P. Parryana, cembroides, edulis, and monophylla, the nut pines of Western North America), in which case, the best way to kill a pignon is fire. Lovely, lovely, red, flickery, hot fire.

*twitch*
Jonman
QUOTE (lygophilia @ Oct 25 2004, 05:35 AM)
Dear Jonman,

I read a single page of this thread, and cracked up about four times at things you said (ooh, I rhymed!).

1: How are you so funny?

2: Do you have to think about your answers before replying?

3: How does one become close to being as funny as Jonman?

Sincerely,
Feeling Un-funny.
*



Firstly, thank you very much.

In answer to your questions....

1 : Call it a gift. Or A blessing. Or raw burgeoning talent. Call it whatever you like as long as it's flattering.

2 : Not really. I just start typing, and release the metaphorical sphincter that keeps my verbal diahorrea in check.

3 : I dunno. Take an improv class?
Sir Psycho Sexy
Dear Jonny-Jon-Jon

as you're so funny....do you make yourself giggle at things you think up that no one else would get?....or are you dead pan? ever thought of being a comedy writer?

oh, and while we're at it, and as it was mentioned in another thread, top or bottom? or both? wink.gif

love
me
Jonman
QUOTE (Sir_Psycho_Sexy @ Oct 26 2004, 06:58 PM)
Dear Jonny-Jon-Jon

as you're so funny....do you make yourself giggle at things you think up that no one else would get?....or are you dead pan? ever thought of being a comedy writer?

oh, and while we're at it, and as it was mentioned in another thread, top or bottom? or both? wink.gif

love
me
*


Occasionally. Not really. It has occurred to me, yes.

Incidentally, the me and Mrs. Jonman are actually enrolling in an improv class here. Kat did one back in the States, and she says that she reckons I'll be wicked at it.

And definitely bottom. Wobbly round bottom.
Ashbless
Good luck with the improv!

Dear Agony Uncle,

The blind coffee date didn't go so well. I didn't find the guy to be attractive. This isn't enough to toss him from consideration but I was also unable to find anything that we may have in common. The conversation lagged even when I turned it totally into talking about him, usually a guy's favourite topic. tongue.gif
He has e-mailed for a second date. dry.gif How do I drop him like a rock? Should I fail to respond to any and all e-mails/phone calls? Should I e-mail/phone him and give him a reasonable excuse?
Feel more than free to give non-serious advice. biggrin.gif

Your semi-devoted fan,
Ash
Jonman
QUOTE (Ashbless @ Oct 27 2004, 04:28 AM)
Good luck with the improv!

Dear Agony Uncle,

The blind coffee date didn't go so well.  I didn't find the guy to be attractive.  This isn't enough to toss him from consideration but I was also unable to find anything that we may have in common.  The conversation lagged even when I turned it totally into talking about him, usually a guy's favourite topic.  tongue.gif
He has e-mailed for a second date.  dry.gif  How do I drop him like a rock?  Should I fail to respond to any and all e-mails/phone calls?  Should I e-mail/phone him and give him a reasonable excuse?
Feel more than free to give non-serious advice.  biggrin.gif

Your semi-devoted fan,
Ash
*


Been there, done that. Ermm, I'd suggest replying to his email and being painfully honest.

"Dear Jeff. Thanks for getting back to me. However, I don't think a second date is such a good idea. Don't know if you got the same feeling, but I felt that wasn't any 'spark' between us.

Good luck in the future"

Move on to the next hapless victim. That's my advice.
Greeneyes
Dear man of Jon,

Who drew that big 'J' on the back of your head?

Yours,

Alphabet Admirer
Jonman
QUOTE (Greeneyes @ Oct 27 2004, 01:20 PM)
Dear man of Jon,

Who drew that big 'J' on the back of your head?

Yours,

Alphabet Admirer
*


No-one drew it! It's hair. My buddy Brian trimmed my hair with a set of clippers to a grade zero all over, except for the J sculpted in hair on the back.

It was a holiday haircut last year - I only kept it for 2 weeks. Unfortunately, I work in a suitably 'professional' environment that walking around with that on the back of my head wouldn't quite cut the mustard.
Snugglebum the Destroyer
Dear Jonman,

Is leashing your child to a peg in the garden (like a goat) considered child abuse? Do you think I could justify it by claiming he is a 'Free Range' baby?

Is there a way that I can subdue my son which would be plausable in a court of law?

Regards

Currently less then Snugglely one
Jonman
QUOTE (Snugglebum the Destroyer @ Oct 27 2004, 01:51 PM)
Dear Jonman,

Is leashing your child to a peg in the garden (like a goat) considered child abuse?  Do you think I could justify it by claiming he is a 'Free Range' baby?

Is there a way that I can subdue my son which would be plausable in a court of law?

Regards

Currently less then Snugglely one
*

Bizarrely, staking your child out in the garden would probably be considered child abuse. However, feeding them a diet of junk food and propping them up in front of the telly for hours on end isn't, despite the fact that it probably has a more detrimental effect on their physical and mental health.

So we're going to need an alternative submission plan. I'm a big fan of kids playing videogames - I spent my formative years gaming, and honestly believe that it's a majority contributor to my sharpness of mind and hand-eye co-ordination as an adult, not to mention honing to a razor-edge my highly efficient problem-solving skills. Is your boy a bit young for all that yet? That said, I started aged about 4 playing Game& Watches.

You can pick up second hand machines off Ebay for next to nothing. And if he's proper young, you could even pick him up a second hand SNES for about 20 quid (or less), with some genius kid-friendly games too.

Of course, you'll need to balance the indoors gaming with healthy outdoorsy stuff as well, but I'm sure you're aware of that, sensible lass like you.
Feyliya
QUOTE (Snugglebum the Destroyer @ Oct 27 2004, 12:51 PM)
Dear Jonman,

Is leashing your child to a peg in the garden (like a goat) considered child abuse?  Do you think I could justify it by claiming he is a 'Free Range' baby?

Is there a way that I can subdue my son which would be plausable in a court of law?

Regards

Currently less then Snugglely one
*


When I was an ickle one my grandparents kept me quiet with a globe and maps, a leapfrog learning center, and lots and lots of picture books. Leapfrog has some REALLY good stuff, and they usually aren't all that expensive. I don't know about how much they'd run in the UK, though. And I second video games being a good source of mental stimulation and a great deal of help in hand-eye coordination. And I know that Super Nintendo had a fantastic line of Disney games that were very cute. I highly reccomend Aladdin!



Dear Jonman, Psychic to the Masses,

How will the Earth end? Will it be fire and ice like it says in the Bible? Or will we all go undead like in Dawn of the Dead? Or do you think the collossal collective stupidity of mankind will suck all intelligence out of the world until it turns into a massive black hole and causes the Earth to implode? I know I wouldn't be surprised at the latter.

Yours Querulously,
Ides of March
Jonman
QUOTE (Feyliya @ Oct 28 2004, 12:23 AM)


Dear Jonman, Psychic to the Masses,

How will the Earth end? Will it be fire and ice like it says in the Bible? Or will we all go undead like in Dawn of the Dead? Or do you think the collossal collective stupidity of mankind will suck all intelligence out of the world until it turns into a massive black hole and causes the Earth to implode? I know I wouldn't be surprised at the latter.

Yours Querulously,
Ides of March

*


The world will end in 44 years, as a result of a concerted mass-terrorism effort by the people of China and India, in protest at the international price of flowers. They'll stand in a big group, and all jump up in the air at precisely the same time. The Earth will be thrown out of it's orbit by the combined force. The axis of the Earth's spin will start to precess, like a child's gyroscope. The axial wobbling will have a crippling effect on continental landmasses, and the oceans will be similarly messed up by the loss of the Moon, which will be ejected from Earth's orbit as the Earth leaves it's orbit of Sol.

There will follow a brief period of calm (a few years), while the Moon buggers off on it's own on an erractic ecliptic orbit around Venus, before heading back towards Earth and landing on Croydon. On the plus side, Croydon will of course be levelled, but on the negative side, the Earth's crust will be cracked, and the Earth will slowly consume itself by spitting searing ejecta from the wound into space.

Humanity's only chance of survival will lie in a new technology that allows digitisation of the soul, proving once and for all that the soul can be immortal, but it's nothing to do with God. The Christian Churches of the Earth spend their last few weeks red-faced and mumbling apologetically. The final act of Terran Earthlings is to send as many people out on arks hurriedly constructed, with thousands of souls stored in quantum computers.

The arks will have travelled the dank depths of interstellar space for many thousands of years when a remote alien race with a new-found spacetravel technology will come across the arks and postulate that the digitised human souls are a kind of alien Tamagotchi in a big flying amusement park. Humanity will spend the rest of eternity being poked, prodded and petted by alien youths.

Hope that answers your question.
Snugglebum the Destroyer
Dear Jonman,

I'm eating cheese, bruschetta slices and onion relish - what are the chances that I'm going to have weird dreams tonight??

Regards

Experiments too often with food.
Jonman
QUOTE (Snugglebum the Destroyer @ Oct 29 2004, 12:02 AM)
Dear Jonman,

I'm eating cheese, bruschetta slices and onion relish - what are the chances that I'm going to have weird dreams tonight??

Regards

Experiments too often with food.
*

See, I'm jealous of people like you. All you need to do is eat a bit of cheese before you go to bed, and bad-a-bing - crazy funky bonkers dreams! Me? I can never remember the buggers. The most I get is a vague feeling that I had a bizarre dream at some point last night. And what's the point of that? It's no fun if you can't remember the precise details of how you managed to craft a hanglider out of cornflakes, fly it to Spain, and swap it for a bag of weasels from a man named Jeff.
Snugglebum the Destroyer
I dreamt about bananas.

I was getting very irate because we had no bananas in the house and demanding that my partner go to the shop right this instant and get some bananas because Kai will want one with his breakfast in the morning.
Jonman
QUOTE (Snugglebum the Destroyer @ Oct 29 2004, 11:21 AM)
I dreamt about bananas. 

I was getting very irate because we had no bananas in the house and demanding that my partner go to the shop right this instant and get some bananas because Kai will want one with his breakfast in the morning.
*

What's weird about that? Were the bananas flying? Or sentient? That would be weird, for sure. Clearly you didn't have enough cheese last night. Dr. Jonman prescribes a half-kilo block of mature cheddar before bed tonight.
Ashbless
I would've loved bananas. I dreamt that I drowned after my car slid off a bridge and landed upside down in the river. I spent too much time trying to dial 911 and not enough fleeing for my life. sad.gif

O Jon Manobi,

Is this student thing going to change my job at all or will I be stuck amidst the carrots for life?

Sincerely,
Probably still unreasonable.
Jonman
QUOTE (Ashbless @ Oct 29 2004, 01:25 PM)
O Jon Manobi,

Is this student thing going to change my job at all or will I be stuck amidst the carrots for life?

Sincerely,
Probably still unreasonable.
*


I used to hope that a degree would instantaneously make me suitably employable to wander into any stripper's office, and have them unable to resist draping themselves across me.

Unfortunately, life's not quite that simple.

And don't eat too many carrots - you'll turn orange. Honest.
Ashbless
Meh, have the degree. This is actual job training for a specific position. Just feeling a bit down today. Positiveness must be sought out and added to the day.

Um Jon?

Where would one find this thing 'positiveness'? unsure.gif Has it a specific location?

Running through the quad screaming "I am a fish."
Jonman
QUOTE (Ashbless @ Oct 30 2004, 01:42 AM)
Meh, have the degree.  This is actual job training for a specific position.  Just feeling a bit down today.  Positiveness must be sought out and added to the day.

Um Jon?

Where would one find this thing 'positiveness'?  unsure.gif  Has it a specific location?

Running through the quad screaming "I am a fish."
*


Positiveness is just down the road from Correctness, which is in the city of Utilitarianism.

*glances around*

*legs it*
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