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Mata
QUOTE (Jonman @ Jan 27 2005, 09:44 AM)
QUOTE (trunks_girl26 @ Jan 27 2005, 01:27 AM)
Why is Iceland called Iceland if it's mostly green, and why is Greenland called Greenland if it's mostly ice?
*
Just to confuse people. It works, see?
*


I actually know the reason for this. Iceland was given it's name by the King of Norway. People from Norway were moving over there because that way he would have difficulty taxing them, so he called it Iceland to make it sound unappealing. Strange but true.

Greenland was named by the Icelanders. At that point, Iceland was becoming over-populated (probably because there were so many people trying to escape the King of Norway's taxes) so the Icelanders called it Greenland in the hope that their neightbours would move there and leave them some more space for their farms and pixie boulders.

Why do I know this? You've got to know these things when you're a web-designer.
Jonman
QUOTE (the lil' pie fairy @ Feb 2 2005, 10:31 AM)
Dear Jonman,

What is the airspeed velocity of a coconut-laden swallow? (The African swallow, to clarify)

Yours, watching a lot of MP lately, Pie
*



You know what? I'm sure I've answered this before on this forum. In terms of Mach number (Mn) no less.

Your challenge (to save me having to do the maths again) is to search through this entire thread, as well as the original Ask Jonman thread (you'll have to find that one in the depths of Daily Life) and find my original answer.

Have fun.
Jonman
QUOTE (Snugglebum the Destroyer @ Feb 2 2005, 11:57 AM)
Dear Jonman,

How is it that six adults can't arrange one trip to a concert effectively, especially when they have four months notice?

Yours in absolute desperation

Snugs
XX
*


*shakes head*

Dear S. Bum

You're missing the point. Since the widespread adoption of mobile phones, organisation itself has been obsoletised.

All you do is send an email telling everyone where it is with a link to TicketMaster so they can buy themselves a ticket, then you all just turn up in vaguely the right area sometime before the gig on the day, and ring each other. Walk around, looking wildly about, yelling

"I DON'T SEE YOU YET".


And don't try the old 'but Jethro doesn't have a phone' routine on me. Luddites shouldn't be allowed into concerts anyway. Unless they're accoustic, performed by smelly hippies and attended by old ladies.
trunks_girl26
Dear Jonman,

Why is the French guy in an English castle?

(Is watching waaay too much MP lately)

-yours truly

Ange
Snugglebum the Destroyer
Dear Jonman,

I don't have thumbs. How am I going to find my friends at the gig?

Love

The Thumbless Wonder
Jonman
QUOTE (trunks_girl26 @ Feb 2 2005, 03:54 PM)
Dear Jonman,

Why is the French guy in an English castle?

(Is watching waaay too much MP lately)

-yours truly

Ange
*

In order to provide a humourous interlude.

It worked quite well, you see?
Jonman
QUOTE (Snugglebum the Destroyer @ Feb 2 2005, 04:00 PM)
Dear Jonman,

I don't have thumbs.  How am I going to find my friends at the gig?

Love

The Thumbless Wonder
*


Dear T.W

Use your bloody fingers (pun fully intended).

Jonman
Cath Sparrow
QUOTE (Jonman @ Feb 2 2005, 05:07 PM)
QUOTE (trunks_girl26 @ Feb 2 2005, 03:54 PM)
Dear Jonman,

Why is the French guy in an English castle?

(Is watching waaay too much MP lately)

-yours truly

Ange
*

In order to provide a humourous interlude.

It worked quite well, you see?
*



Or it's surposed to be a Norman Castle so bound to be full of French guy's! biggrin.gif
trunks_girl26
QUOTE (Jonman @ Feb 2 2005, 04:07 PM)
QUOTE (trunks_girl26 @ Feb 2 2005, 03:54 PM)
Dear Jonman,

Why is the French guy in an English castle?

(Is watching waaay too much MP lately)

-yours truly

Ange
*

In order to provide a humourous interlude.

It worked quite well, you see?
*



Jonman,

What is this humor you speak of?

And why do clouds always look like other objects?

-Ange
pgrmdave
Dear Jonman,

How does one become a janitor?
Jonman
QUOTE (trunks_girl26 @ Feb 2 2005, 07:45 PM)
QUOTE (Jonman @ Feb 2 2005, 04:07 PM)
QUOTE (trunks_girl26 @ Feb 2 2005, 03:54 PM)
Dear Jonman,

Why is the French guy in an English castle?

(Is watching waaay too much MP lately)

-yours truly

Ange
*

In order to provide a humourous interlude.

It worked quite well, you see?
*



Jonman,

What is this humor you speak of?

And why do clouds always look like other objects?

-Ange
*



The humour I speak of is born from a man with a hammy French accent hurling ludicrous assaults at the ancient king of the Britons from the safety of a castle. Quite amusing really.

And clouds look like other objects because the human brain is a highly sensitive pattern recognition system. From birth, we're trained to interpret our vision in such a way as to instantly recognise certain arrangements, colours and shapes, and mentally catergorise them. "That's a cat, this is a keyboard, that's a banana".

We'd be a bit scuppered if we couldn't, to be honest. Try typing an email on your cat and eating your keyboard.

However, this means that your brain is constantly trying to categorise and identify everything that's in your visual field. So when you look at something abstract or without pattern, your brain is hunting for the closest match. Hence 'seeing shapes' in clouds, abstract modern art, or even amusingly shaped vegetables.
Jonman
QUOTE (pgrmdave @ Feb 2 2005, 07:51 PM)
Dear Jonman,

How does one become a janitor?
*


Thanks to your friend and mine, the Interweb, you can become a janitor without having to leave the warmth and security of your crusty office chair.

Bless the University of Phoenix
CommieBastard
Jonman,

When you think about it, though, isn't pizza just glorified cheese on toast?

Yours in wonderment,
Commie.
Jonman
QUOTE (CommieBastard @ Feb 3 2005, 11:31 AM)
Jonman,

When you think about it, though, isn't pizza just glorified cheese on toast?

Yours in wonderment,
Commie.
*

Ah, but it's Italian cheese on toast. I mean, bruschetta is just posh stuff-on-toast when you get down to it. Curry is just meat stew with rice. Soup is just water with stuff in it. And a kebab is just a greasy Mediterranean sandwich.

All good though, innit?
CommieBastard
QUOTE (Jonman @ Feb 3 2005, 11:35 AM)
Ah, but it's Italian cheese on toast. I mean, bruschetta is just posh stuff-on-toast when you get down to it. Curry is just meat stew with rice. Soup is just water with stuff in it. And a kebab is just a greasy Mediterranean sandwich.

All good though, innit?
*


*nod* It certainly is. Realising the essential simplicity of the pizza, however, led me to the fruitful conclusion that I could put Worcestershire sauce on it before cooking, much as I would on cheese on toast. The result was a delicious savoury treat, and it's become a common culinary practice of mine.
CommieBastard
QUOTE (Cath @ Feb 2 2005, 04:16 PM)
Or it's surposed to be a Norman Castle so bound to be full of French guy's! biggrin.gif
*


Interesting theory, but King Arthur predates the Norman invasion by several centuries - if I remember my history, he was largely involved in fighting off the Saxon menace.
Jonman
QUOTE (CommieBastard @ Feb 3 2005, 11:42 AM)
QUOTE (Jonman @ Feb 3 2005, 11:35 AM)
Ah, but it's Italian cheese on toast. I mean, bruschetta is just posh stuff-on-toast when you get down to it. Curry is just meat stew with rice. Soup is just water with stuff in it. And a kebab is just a greasy Mediterranean sandwich.

All good though, innit?
*


*nod* It certainly is. Realising the essential simplicity of the pizza, however, led me to the fruitful conclusion that I could put Worcestershire sauce on it before cooking, much as I would on cheese on toast. The result was a delicious savoury treat, and it's become a common culinary practice of mine.
*


You have much to learn, young Padawan.

A true Jedi would know that Woucester sauce goes with everything. Especially salad.
trunks_girl26
Dear Jonman,

Why are you my hero?

Yours in hero worshiping awe

-Ange
pgrmdave
Dear Jonman,

Do you personally answer all the questions, or do you have a horde of flying monkeys to answer the simple ones?
Sir Psycho Sexy
Dear Jonman,

Do you find that the standard of questions posed to your semi-phonominal nearly-cosmic intellect has slipped somewhat from what it used to be?

wistfully,
someone-who's-been-a-forumite-for-nearly-2-years
CommieBastard
Dear Jonman,

Do you find that blah blah blah, I think I'm so great, blah blah blah, blatant brown-nosing, blah blah blah?

Yours in light-hearted jest,
Commie.
otherside
dear jonman
i need to find my conscience. it seemed to disappear a few years ago. now i'm getting up to all kinds of stuff. where is it. can you help? innocent.gif
Jonman
QUOTE (trunks_girl26 @ Feb 3 2005, 04:54 PM)
Dear Jonman,

Why are you my hero?

Yours in hero worshiping awe

-Ange
*


There's two simple explanations. Take your pick:

1 : I'm just flippin' awesome. Like, totally amaaazing dude.

2 : You have very very very low standards for idolatry.
Jonman
QUOTE (pgrmdave @ Feb 3 2005, 05:05 PM)
Dear Jonman,

Do you personally answer all the questions, or do you have a horde of flying monkeys to answer the simple ones?
*


Except for questions concerning comparative airbourne banana studies, I answer them myself. To be fair, the monkeys tend to get a bit bored. I've had to equip them all with paintball guns and roof over the garden to keep them entertained.
Jonman
QUOTE (Sir_Psycho_Sexy @ Feb 3 2005, 09:30 PM)
Dear Jonman,

    Do you find that the standard of questions posed to your semi-phonominal nearly-cosmic intellect has slipped somewhat from what it used to be?

wistfully,
  someone-who's-been-a-forumite-for-nearly-2-years
*


Slipped? Dunno about slipped - it implies a downward shift. More of a sideways manouver has taken place - haven't had any serious questions for a while. But then again, there's a good reason for that - the introduction of the Issues forum, and now the Personal Concerns forum.

And I suppose that there is a chance that perhaps it's the quality of my answers that have slipped.... blink.gif .... what am I saying? Of course there isn't - I'm great, me.
Jonman
QUOTE (CommieBastard @ Feb 3 2005, 09:36 PM)
Dear Jonman,

Do you find that blah blah blah, I think I'm so great, blah blah blah, blatant brown-nosing, blah blah blah?

Yours in light-hearted jest,
Commie.
*



I do find that blah blah blah, yes. Odd you should ask that - I was just thinking about it. I'm am pleased to note however, that your self-esteem is in a healthy state of repair. You might want to think about washing your hooter though. It sounds most unsanitary.

Yours in diagonal abumblement.
Jonman
Jonman
QUOTE (otherside @ Feb 5 2005, 01:33 PM)
dear jonman
                        i need to find my conscience. it seemed to disappear a few years ago. now i'm getting up to all kinds of stuff. where is it. can you help? innocent.gif
*


Firstly, look down the back of the sofa. Yeah, where the remote and the small change always ends up. In between the random bits of fluff.

If that doesn't work, try hanging out with some charity workers, and seeing if that makes you feel bad (because they're helping people and you're not). Or go give blood and see if that gives you a warm fuzzy glow. If either of those happen, your conscience hasn't gone, it's just shrivelled. Conscience is a bit like a muscle - if you don't use it, it'll wither away.

Of course, there's always the chance that you're actually evil to the core of your empty-hearted black-souled being. Congratulations.
pgrmdave
Nov 14 2003, 07:35 PM Post #337

QUOTE (Jonman)
QUOTE (Polocrunch)

Darling Jonman,

What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?


Yours forever,

Anon 


Sidestepping the obvious African or European line of questioning, as, let's face it, it's going to be pretty goshdarned similar (what's a knot or two between friends?), I would guesstimate that it's somewhere around 27 knots. At sea level, on an ISA standard day of course.

Given that the speed of sound is 340.3 m/s in similar conditions, and that a nautical mile is 1852 metres, we could also say that the swallow could fly at top whack somewhere around 0.04 Mach, which is one twenty-one'th as fast as a Boeing 777 cruises.

Ai than-queue.


Here it is.
LoLo
Dear Jonman,

Do you like apple pie?

-LoLo
trunks_girl26
Dear Johnman,

How did Mata get to be so knowlegable?

-Ange
pgrmdave
Dear Jonman,

I've been questioning my faith recently. I trust in science, and accept that any experimental truths are correct. I believe with my emotions that there is a god. This sets up a bit of a conflict. The logical side of my mind sees that there is no evidence of a conscious creator, much less a caring conscious creator, but everything I feel tells me there is. My logic counters with the idea that all emotion is merely electrical impulses and chemical interactions, and my emotion, despite its power, is unable to debate. I am torn, and I want to know how one can solve this problem. I want to know, how can I combine the ideas of a caring creator with scientific knowledge that accepts a deterministic universe, with the possibility of freewill on a quantum level?
Quoth(The Raven)
Which do you think is better - Interpreting language, or translating language?
Jonman
QUOTE (LoLo @ Feb 7 2005, 01:58 AM)
Dear Jonman,

Do you like apple pie?

-LoLo
*


Aye. S'not bad, like. Wouldn't kick it out of bed for farting.
Jonman
QUOTE (trunks_girl26 @ Feb 7 2005, 02:01 AM)
Dear Johnman,

How did Mata get to be so knowlegable?

-Ange
*


He vacuumed some of my infiite knowledge out through my ears and ate the contents of the vacuum bag.
Jonman
QUOTE (pgrmdave @ Feb 7 2005, 04:55 AM)
Dear Jonman,

I've been questioning my faith recently.  I trust in science, and accept that any experimental truths are correct.  I believe with my emotions that there is a god.  This sets up a bit of a conflict.  The logical side of my mind sees that there is no evidence of a conscious creator, much less a caring conscious creator, but everything I feel tells me there is.  My logic counters with the idea that all emotion is merely electrical impulses and chemical interactions, and my emotion, despite its power, is unable to debate.  I am torn, and  I want to know how one can solve this problem.  I want to know, how can I combine the ideas of a caring creator with scientific knowledge that accepts a deterministic universe, with the possibility of freewill on a quantum level?
*


Blimey chap.

Anyway, I think that among the world's leading scientists, quite a large number are actually religious (in one form or another). It's my firmly held belief that they're a clever bunch of folks, and if they can manage to reconcile science with faith, then it must be possible.

I'm unsure precisely how you feel that the two views are incompatible. If God is this omnipotent, omniscient being, then surely he could have designed quantum theory to run the world as he wanted. Mysterious ways indeed. Of course, there is a few holes in that idea in order to 'plan' the outcome of quantum events, a vast number of scientific truths would have been shattered. Still, he's ineffable, so let's not try to eff him.

Have a google for 'Science and God' - it seems like there's a couple of half decent sites inbetween a few that are a bit heavy on the preachy side.

And at the end of the day, it's your faith. Don't let anyone tell you what you should or shouldn't believe in. Not even me.

Jonman,
Spiritual advisor to the stars.
Jonman
QUOTE (Quoth(The Raven) @ Feb 7 2005, 05:00 AM)
Which do you think is better - Interpreting language, or translating language?
*


Tranlerpreting lingerie. Defintitely the best .
otherside
QUOTE (Jonman @ Feb 5 2005, 12:34 PM)
QUOTE (otherside @ Feb 5 2005, 01:33 PM)
dear jonman
                        i need to find my conscience. it seemed to disappear a few years ago. now i'm getting up to all kinds of stuff. where is it. can you help? innocent.gif
*


Firstly, look down the back of the sofa. Yeah, where the remote and the small change always ends up. In between the random bits of fluff.

If that doesn't work, try hanging out with some charity workers, and seeing if that makes you feel bad (because they're helping people and you're not). Or go give blood and see if that gives you a warm fuzzy glow. If either of those happen, your conscience hasn't gone, it's just shrivelled. Conscience is a bit like a muscle - if you don't use it, it'll wither away.

Of course, there's always the chance that you're actually evil to the core of your empty-hearted black-souled being. Congratulations.
*



i do give blood. do i have a conscience after all? tongue.gif
Jonman
QUOTE (otherside @ Feb 7 2005, 09:47 AM)
i do give blood. do i have a conscience after all? tongue.gif
*


Either that or a serious surplus of blood.
Greeneyes
Dear Man of Jon

I was looking through the forum, and I saw the Jonman thread, and next to it, 1,337. I thought to myself...Jonman? 1337? So in conclusion, have you gone over to the dark side or was it just fate and basic mathematics playing a cruel prank?

Yours

Faithful believer. (Who is rather bored at this minute)
Jonman
QUOTE (Greeneyes @ Feb 7 2005, 10:37 PM)
Dear Man of Jon

I was looking through the forum, and I saw the Jonman thread, and next to it, 1,337. I thought to myself...Jonman? 1337? So in conclusion, have you gone over to the dark side or was it just fate and basic mathematics playing a cruel prank?

Yours

Faithful believer. (Who is rather bored at this minute)
*


I did go over to the dark side for a while actually, but then Ewan Macgregor and his beard popped in for a visit and explained that that way would only lead to fear, which led to anger, which led to hatred, which led to Swindon. Or something. I forget precisely, but it didn't sound all that, so I binned it. I've still got the silly black cloak upstairs in a box somewhere. I should probably put it on Ebay.
saucy_tara
Dear Jonman'c ;
I have developed a somewhat worrying habit, nay, obsession about Stargate: SG1.
I watch at least 4 episodes a night and am currently working my way through dvd box sets 1-7.
Everywhere I look I see little geeky men with floppy hair and glasses and I keep adding "apostrophe c " to everyone's name.
Is this normal? Please advise.
Yours,
Saucy'c
Jonman
QUOTE (saucy_tara @ Feb 8 2005, 09:41 AM)
Dear Jonman'c ;
I have developed a somewhat worrying habit, nay, obsession about Stargate: SG1.
I watch at least 4 episodes a night and am currently working my way through dvd box sets 1-7.
Everywhere I look I see little geeky men with floppy hair and glasses and I keep adding "apostrophe c " to everyone's name.
Is this normal? Please advise.
Yours,
Saucy'c
*


Clearly, it's not 'normal', Tara, no. That's why you refer to it as an obsession. People don't complain about having an obsession with breathing, do they? No, because that's normal.

As to the geeky men, you wouldn't happen to be living in a non-stop electronica club would you? That might explain it. I imagine it would make hearing the dialogue of SG-1 difficult though, so I doubt it.

Either way, it's a finite obsession. There are only so many episodes. Once you're done, I imagine that the obsession will fade. Me and Mrs Jonman get the same way whenever we get our greasy mitts on a box set of 24, Sopranos, or Six Feet Under. And let's face it, there are many many worse obsessions to have.

Interestingly, I used to know someone who had an obsession with Austrailian aboriginal culture. He used to add an exclamation mark to the start of people's names. Pronounced my name 'hck-Jon'. Resulted in a lot of plegm spittage. Made him rather unpopular to sit across from the table in the pub with.
saucy_tara
Thanks Jon'c I feel better now :-)
And, after I've finished with SG1 I have Stargate: Atlantis to look forward to :-)
Maybe it isn't finite, maybe they will keep on and on making more and more Stargate spin offs... unsure.gif The n I will never leave the house yikes!
Sir Psycho Sexy
You just wait til you run out of back catalog to watch, you'll be be living one week to the next waiting for the next episode, then you'll download them from bit torrent to get them a few weeks earlier...then, shock horror, the series will end on a cliff hanger where the wraith appear to have won the battle for atlantis....dammit!!!

Still new episode of SG-1 tonight, bets on Oma Desala being in this episode? I think so! *rocks gently in his seat* unsure.gif ph34r.gif
Jonman
QUOTE (Sir_Psycho_Sexy @ Feb 8 2005, 11:23 AM)
You just wait til you run out of back catalog to watch, you'll be be living one week to the next waiting for the next episode, then you'll download them from bit torrent to get them a few weeks earlier...then, shock horror, the series will end on a cliff hanger where the wraith appear to have won the battle for atlantis....dammit!!!

Still new episode of SG-1 tonight, bets on Oma Desala being in this episode? I think so! *rocks gently in his seat*  unsure.gif  ph34r.gif
*


Way to do a spoiler Pat

*claps slowly*
Sir Psycho Sexy
up yours four-eyes tongue.gif (that was ment totally in jest btw)

oh and i made it less spoilerish...except the big you quote...
trunks_girl26
Dear Man named Jon,

How many of Mata's rumors are really true?

And why is it that almost every time I'm online, my wireless has the need to kick me off?

Greatfully Yours

Girl-who-hates-wireless
Moosh
Dear Jonman who is called Jonman

Is any of this real? I dreamt I was a butterfly, but am I a human who dreamt he was a butterfly, or a butterfly dreaming he is human? If you are part of the dream will you not just give the answer which I want to hear, rather then the truth?

Cheese Moose (or possibly butterfly)
Feyliya
Jear Donman,

Why is it that every time I'm on cough syrup with codine in it I hallucinate little green gremlins with axes running around my room and in my closet, just out of the corner of my eyes?

And why does 2x2=4? I've always been curious as to an answer besides "it just IS".

Yours with dizziness,
Feyliya
Greeneyes
Dear man of Jon,


Firstly: I hear light sabres fetch a nice price on eBay. Especially when with original batteries, if you've still got it. Though after being in Swindon, I doubt it. Ahem. Anyway, why is it that all those schmany Zalman CPU coolers aren't compatible with my motherboard? What, did MSI run over Zalman's dog or something?

Yours,

Person who's computer is not too chilly and sounds like a turbine.
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