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EvilSpork
Dear JM,

Tell me, how can I fix a runny nose? I feel like I have a dripping faucet on me face!

Spoon
pgrmdave
Dear Jonman,

How are Relativity and Quantum Physics incompatible?
Jonman
QUOTE (trunks_girl26 @ Feb 8 2005, 09:33 PM)
Dear Man named Jon,

How many of Mata's rumors are really true?

And why is it that almost every time I'm online, my wireless has the need to kick me off?

Greatfully Yours

Girl-who-hates-wireless
*


Seven.

And your problem with your wireless is probably something to do with passing nuclear seagulls. They resonate at an autonomously orthoganal angle to the EM path of a wireless router. I suggest moving to the Arctic, where seagulls have been outlawed since 1847.
Jonman
QUOTE (CheeseMoose @ Feb 8 2005, 09:37 PM)
Dear Jonman who is called Jonman

Is any of this real? I dreamt I was a butterfly, but am I a human who dreamt he was a butterfly, or a butterfly dreaming he is human? If you are part of the dream will you not just give the answer which I want to hear, rather then the truth?

Cheese Moose (or possibly butterfly)
*


Your surname's not Anderson is it?

Anyway, just remember that all life is a rollercoaster ride as remembered by the dream of a giant's imaginationary beard in the sky.

Hope that clears it up.
Jonman
QUOTE (Feyliya @ Feb 8 2005, 11:11 PM)
Jear Donman,

Why is it that every time I'm on cough syrup with codine in it I hallucinate little green gremlins with axes running around my room and in my closet, just out of the corner of my eyes?

And why does 2x2=4?  I've always been curious as to an answer besides "it just IS".

Yours with dizziness,
Feyliya

*


Next time try just having a teaspoon-full, instead of downing the bottle. You may be pleaseantly suprised.

A friend of mine did actually write a mathematical proof of why 1+1=2 for me once. It was really very very clever, but I can't for the life of me remember what the gist of it was. And I've failed to find it with google and wikipedia. It's out there somewhere, I'm sure.

So there's a similar one for 2x2=4. Ask someone with a degree in pure mathematics, and they ought to be able to tell you.
Jonman
QUOTE (Greeneyes @ Feb 8 2005, 11:45 PM)
Dear man of Jon,


Firstly: I hear light sabres fetch a nice price on eBay. Especially when with original batteries, if you've still got it. Though after being in Swindon, I doubt it. Ahem. Anyway, why is it that all those schmany Zalman CPU coolers aren't compatible with my motherboard? What, did MSI run over Zalman's dog or something?

Yours,

Person who's computer is not too chilly and sounds like a turbine.
*


A real lightsabre would probably fetch a rpetty penny on the 'bay, I'm sure. But they run on a Jedi's Force, not batteries. Common misconception, but there you go.

Because your motherboard hates you. Simple as that.

And it was Zalman's hamster that MSI ran over. Hence all the woodshavings.
Jonman
QUOTE (EvilSpoon @ Feb 9 2005, 01:35 AM)
Dear JM,

Tell me, how can I fix a runny nose? I feel like I have a dripping faucet on me face!

Spoon
*



Tie it's shoelaces together.

</coat>
Jonman
QUOTE (pgrmdave @ Feb 9 2005, 03:40 AM)
Dear Jonman,

How are Relativity and Quantum Physics incompatible?
*


It's obvious really. One cannot extrapolate simultaneously both quantum mechanics and general relativity to minute distances. The theories explode or diverge.
*ahem*

See, obvious?

Further reading here and here. Expain it me when you figure it out.
the lil' pie fairy
QUOTE (pgrmdave @ Feb 6 2005, 03:25 PM)
QUOTE (Jonman)

Sidestepping the obvious African or European line of questioning, as, let's face it, it's going to be pretty goshdarned similar (what's a knot or two between friends?), I would guesstimate that it's somewhere around 27 knots. At sea level, on an ISA standard day of course.

Given that the speed of sound is 340.3 m/s in similar conditions, and that a nautical mile is 1852 metres, we could also say that the swallow could fly at top whack somewhere around 0.04 Mach, which is one twenty-one'th as fast as a Boeing 777 cruises.

Ai than-queue.


Here it is.

Dude sad.gif stolen my fun. That was my boredom reliever for the next three weeks!
*pokes dave with spoons*

Dear uber-schway Jonman,
Having seen the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow, I began to think, fell off my chair and bumped my head, thus increasing the original thinking pain. After all this, I was wondering something. If Superman is bullet-proof, and can deflect bullets left, right and centre, how come he ducks when the bad guys throw the gun at him??

Yours, the girl who actually worries about these things blink.gif
Jonman
QUOTE (the lil' pie fairy @ Feb 9 2005, 01:26 PM)
Dear uber-schway Jonman,
Having seen the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow, I began to think, fell off my chair and bumped my head, thus increasing the original thinking pain. After all this, I was wondering something. If Superman is bullet-proof, and can deflect bullets left, right and centre, how come he ducks when the bad guys throw the gun at him??

Yours, the girl who actually worries about these things blink.gif
*

Is a gun a bullet?

No. Sure, he's bulletproof, but who said anything about him being gun-proof?

Likewise, hurling ducks at him at high speed could cause him serious problems. He's not duckproof either.
Aria
Dear Jonman,
I am curious. What are the appropriate clothes to wear when visiting one's shrink? I'm thinking lots of black, skulls, and ankhs. Is this too morbid? Should I try to find an outfit of pastel pink?
Yours,
the fashion disaster
Forever Unknown
Dear the Jon,

I have an absolute irrational phobia of dentists. Well. I say 'irrational', I mean 'completely founded', due to some pretty horrendous experiences when I was younger.

Thing is, my teeth are a bit messed up, and usually ignorance is bliss, except I'm now in the most horrendous pain with a wisdom tooth playing up, and I don't think it's going to go away (not even prescription painkillers seem to be doing the trick). So a visit to the dentist is inevitable.

This scares the living bejesus out of me. Due to sinus problems, I can't really breathe through my nose, unless I'm incredibly relaxed (which isn't gonna happen), so having dentists hands and equiptment in my mouth means I can't breathe, and then I panic. The dentist is going to need to do a lot of work, too, so it's not even one visit and then over with.

Any advice, Mr Jon? I'm going to tell the dentist all of the above in the hope he'll take pity on me and put me under when they do it, to get it all done at once, but realistically know he won't. I was also considering going in really stoned, but I don't know what that'll do to The Fear, and I tend to get paranoid about my teeth when I'm stoned.

So. Any Jon-like advice you can give?

Yours,

The Tooth Fairy.
Jonman
QUOTE (Forever Unknown @ Feb 10 2005, 08:59 AM)
Dear the Jon,

I have an absolute irrational phobia of dentists. Well. I say 'irrational', I mean 'completely founded', due to some pretty horrendous experiences when I was younger.

Thing is, my teeth are a bit messed up, and usually ignorance is bliss, except I'm now in the most horrendous pain with a wisdom tooth playing up, and I don't think it's going to go away (not even prescription painkillers seem to be doing the trick). So a visit to the dentist is inevitable.

This scares the living bejesus out of me. Due to sinus problems, I can't really breathe through my nose, unless I'm incredibly relaxed (which isn't gonna happen), so having dentists hands and equiptment in my mouth means I can't breathe, and then I panic. The dentist is going to need to do a lot of work, too, so it's not even one visit and then over with.

Any advice, Mr Jon? I'm going to tell the dentist all of the above in the hope he'll take pity on me and put me under when they do it, to get it all done at once, but realistically know he won't. I was also considering going in really stoned, but I don't know what that'll do to The Fear, and I tend to get paranoid about my teeth when I'm stoned.

So. Any Jon-like advice you can give?

Yours,

The Tooth Fairy.
*


*puts on Dad hat*

Firstly, an admonition. To a certain extent, you've only got yourself to blame for toothache. Toothache comes about in no small part due to not going to the dentist. If you catch decay early enough, you have a little filling done before you have any actual toothache, and the only pain is the injection of anaesthetic, which hurts for all of about 2 seconds. If you leave it, you end up having a raging pain in your head, and then having to sit through a root canal, which is much much much less fun that a filling. Trust me, I've had one.

However, as you say that it's a wisdom tooth that's coming through, there's slightly less blame to hang at your door.

Nonetheless, you have to go to the dentist, and it's only going to get worse. The dentist is your only salvation. Like Obi Wan in a plastic bib, he's your only hope.

Before we get into how-to's, let me tell you about dentists. Personally, I have no problem with dentists. Over my life, I've been to dentists in Australia, Hong Kong, all over the UK, and in the US too. I've never had a dentist cause a serious amount of pain (during procedures including a root canal + crown fitting, multiple fillings, and even a couple of extractions). There has been a fair amount of discomfort, but that's an entirely different sensation to pain, and a lot easier to bear. Any dentist worth his drill uses anaesthetic. Which, of course, numbs pain. Any decent dentist is able to numb you up sufficiently for whatever procedure he's about to do that you'll feel next-to nothing.

So, this leads me onto the how-to. First things first, talk to everybody you know locally, and ask them about their dentists. Friends, colleagues, bloody anyone. If they recommend their dentist, chances are they've had pain-free procedures.

Secondly, you sound more worried about your breathing problem. So talk to your dentist about it. You're going to need to go in for a basic examination off the bat where he'll do nothing but have a look around your gob, maybe clean the plaque off, and decide what needs to be done. Then he'll schedule in the next appointment(s), during which the serious stuff will be done. So at the first one, where all that will be in your mouth is an ickle mirror, talk to him about it. Tell him your concerns, explain what's going on. Chances are, he's heard it all before, and has a handful of patients with similar problems.

Ask him if he can suggest anything to aid your breathing through your nose (oxygen nose plugs thingies), and also about anything you can take beforehand to relax you (herbal remedies or proper narcotics). Might be worth visiting your GP as well to ask about that.

Furthermore, ask him about anaesthesia. Dunno whether they use it in this country - I don't think so, but when I sent the wife to the dentist in the US (she has the Fear big time too), she got a dentist to give her nitrous oxide (aka laughing gas) to totally chill her out. There are options. Also, discuss with your dentist how he administers anaesthetic - when I had my root canal done, the dentist told me to tap him gently on the back as soon as I had any sensation at all. Then he'd do another jab of anaesthetic, leave me for two minutes, and carry on - it was top banana - didn't feel a thing. That way, I had no fear that I'd committed myself to a couple of hours of pain, with no way out. As soon as it hurt, he'd take the hurt away.

I'd not recommend the going in stoned, just because you never know quite how that's going to go. Sometimes a public situation is all well and good, and groovy - other times, you can totally flip out and just need to GET OUT NOW. That wouldn't be good with a mouthful of dentist.

So, in summary:
- Pull yourself together and grab both metaphorical testicles in both hands
- Do it, because if you don't, you're only letting yourself in for more pain.
- Be honest with your dentist. Tell him your terrified to the point of weeing yourself. Just to get the point across, like.

You'll thank yourself after, when your head doesn't feel like a herd of mountain goats are tap dancing in it.
Jonman
QUOTE (Aria @ Feb 10 2005, 12:21 AM)
Dear Jonman,
I am curious. What are the appropriate clothes to wear when visiting one's shrink? I'm thinking lots of black, skulls, and ankhs. Is this too morbid? Should I try to find an outfit of pastel pink?
Yours,
the fashion disaster
*



Dress up like Batman. That'll confuse the blighter.
the lil' pie fairy
Dear Jonman,

Trying to regain some semblance of normalness in your thread, a serious question. I can't sleep the last two nights, and I need to start sleeping before two parties Friday night, work all day Saturday, London Saturday night and work Sunday afternoon. Anything you can recommend?
For the record, I've tried hot water bottles, counting sheep and music.

Yours in twitching insomnia, Pie
Jonman
QUOTE (the lil' pie fairy @ Feb 10 2005, 03:31 PM)
Dear Jonman,

Trying to regain some semblance of normalness in your thread, a serious question. I can't sleep the last two nights, and I need to start sleeping before two parties Friday night, work all day Saturday, London Saturday night and work Sunday afternoon. Anything you can recommend?
For the record, I've tried hot water bottles, counting sheep and music.

Yours in twitching insomnia, Pie
*

NO CAFFEINE! Don't drink anything caffeinated at all. This includes: tea, coffee, coke, pepsi, red bull.

Eat loads of fruit and veg. Cut back on the carbs. Avoid wheat and dairy (hardest things to digest)

Get some gentle exercise - if it's out in the fresh air, all the better. Got a bike? Go out for a ride for an hour.

If all else fails, buy some Night Nurse. It's cough medicine, and it knocks me out good and proper about half an hour after taking it (it's meant to). Eyelids droopy and all. However, a warning - I'm not a pharmacist, so read the label, and whatever you do, don't continue to use it on a regular basis - it's addictive. And also about 20% alcohol by volume, I think.
the lil' pie fairy
Really? Maybe that explains the Flaming Mo's (Simpsons) secret ingredient being cough syrup...*ponders*
Will try all above and report back. Thank'ee kindly smile.gif
Cath Sparrow
Included chocolate in things to avoid as well I'm afraid I cant eat chocolate or have anything with caffine in after about 7:30 in the evening of I wont get to sleep till stupic o clock in the morning.
Moosh
Dear Jonman

Does it count as spam to try to reply to all the posts on "View New Posts" just to see your name on all of them?

Yrs

CM
Snugglebum the Destroyer
QUOTE (CheeseMoose @ Feb 11 2005, 08:31 PM)
Dear Jonman

Does it count as spam to try to reply to all the posts on "View New Posts" just to see your name on all of them?

Yrs

CM
*


Yes.
Moosh
Fair enough
the lil' pie fairy
Dear Jonman,

On the new Audi advert, with the elements and 'DNA' testing of the car, and such, one of the elements they show the little info box for is manganese, Mn. I'm sure, 'cause I'm a chemist and I know magnesium if Mg. My other half swears that the wheels are made of magnesium, so it can't have said manganese.
In summary, does it say manganese, are the wheels made of magnesium, and if not, what ARE they made of??

Yours, annoyed at stubborn partner
Jonman
QUOTE (the lil' pie fairy @ Feb 14 2005, 11:27 AM)
Dear Jonman,

On the new Audi advert, with the elements and 'DNA' testing of the car, and such, one of the elements they show the little info box for is manganese, Mn. I'm sure, 'cause I'm a chemist and I know magnesium if Mg. My other half swears that the wheels are made of magnesium, so it can't have said manganese.
In summary, does it say manganese, are the wheels made of magnesium, and if not, what ARE they made of??

Yours, annoyed at stubborn partner
*


Alright then,

The new A4 does indeed have a magnesium wheel. However, it's the steering wheel that's cast in magnesium. .

The wheels could well be manganese - or more precisely, a manganese alloy. Lightweight and strong, innit. Not absolutely sure about that, but you being a chemist ought to be able to tell me. The top of the range wheels that allow you continue driving safely and comfortably in the event of total pressure loss in the tyre are made of aluminium.

I've had a look on the Audi Website, but didn't really find any more info on manganese wheels. You might want to have a go yourself.
gothictheysay
Dear New-Avatar-Jonman:

Say one has a printer hooked up to a new computer. Say one is definite that it's plugged in. However, one is having trouble when trying to print. The printer is not recognized by the computer and when hitting "Find Printer" it says that the directory cannot be found. Do I have to install a driver or something?

Yours,
Ashamed at lack of knowledge.
trunks_girl26
Dear Johnman minus the h,

Which seven of Mata's rumor's are true?

Also, how many of the snapple facts are true?

Girl-who-seeks-the-truth
Greeneyes
Dear man of Jon.

Why does skin go dry when wet hair dries on it?

Yours,

Dave.
porcelainwarrior
Dear Jonman,

Is it wrong that I like the Four Non-Blondes?

Yours with a top-hat,

Porce
Jonman
QUOTE (gothictheysay @ Feb 15 2005, 02:35 AM)
Dear New-Avatar-Jonman:

Say one has a printer hooked up to a new computer. Say one is definite that it's plugged in.  However, one is having trouble when trying to print. The printer is not recognized by the computer and when hitting "Find Printer" it says that the directory cannot be found. Do I have to install a driver or something?

Yours,
Ashamed at lack of knowledge.
*


Yes, you definitely have to install a driver or something. My money's on 'something'.

Go over to the printer manufacturer's website and download the latest driver for your model of printer. That's a start.
Jonman
QUOTE (trunks_girl26 @ Feb 15 2005, 02:43 AM)
Dear Johnman minus the h,

Which seven of Mata's rumor's are true?

*

That's for you to guess, and me to make up.


QUOTE (trunks_girl26 @ Feb 15 2005, 02:43 AM)
Also, how many of the snapple facts are true?


None of them. Snapple is anti-truth. Any truth it comes into contact with annihilates with a small 'pop' noise, a flash of pink light, and a pathetic trail of smoke, which soon dissipates.

Interestingly, renowned hippy engineer Bertram D Schnizzlewitz actually invented a car engine that ran off the energy produced by truth/Snapple interactions in 1996, but he was assasinated by Exxon Mobile ninjas before he could get the blueprints into the public domain. The designs were fed to bats shortly thereafter, and the guano produced was used to waterproof the White House roof in 1997.

There's no real evidence, but it's SCIENTIFIC FACT!
Jonman
QUOTE (Greeneyes @ Feb 15 2005, 12:56 PM)
Dear man of Jon.

Why does skin go dry when wet hair dries on it?

Yours,

Dave.
*


Hello Dave? Wanna buy some pegs, Dave?

Anyway, in answer to your question, the reason that skin dries when wet hair dries on it is that it's incredibly gullible, easily led, and has notoriously bad judgement. It's also a little known fact that Skin is invariably very jealous of Hair. Skin has, for years, had to put up with crappy bars of soap, only to find that pubic Hair got there first and embedded itself deep into the bar, while Hair on the other hand, is pampered with shampoos, conditioners, cosmetics of all descriptions and even has it's own specialist - a 'hairdresser'. There's no such thing as a 'skindresser', and this makes Skin mad.

Obviously, of late, and thanks in no small part to Oil of Ulay/Olay (delete as applicable), Skin is now starting to get the better end of the stick, but long-held grudges take a long time to be forgotten. Skin is still jealous of Hair, the way it's treated like the attractive, smarter younger sibling, while Skin is the ginger step-child locked in the basement. Skin wants to have words like 'body' and 'volume' applied to it, instead of 'acne' and ‘melanoma’. Skin wants to be on-show, 24-7, feeling the wind brushing against it and having complements heaped upon it. Skin wants the option to be dyed blue, purple or red, temporarily and permenantly.

So Skin tries very hard to emulate it's idol. It sees Hair lying there, glistening with a freshly washed sheen, and it wants some of that pie. It sees Hair gently dry, and start to shimmer with that inner Pantene strength. Skin wants 97% less breakage. Skin 'is worth it'. But Jennifer Aniston and Beyonce never tell Skin that. Skin decides that it doesn't need all those expensive products, and reckons that if it just copies Hair, it'll be fine.

So dry it does, and poor Skin's hopes are cruelly dashed when instead of finishing up bouncy, light and glowing with health, it ends up looking like a baboons ass that's been dipped in talc. Poor Skin. Doomed forever to play second fiddle. How it longs for Hair to fall out so it can welcome it's cousin Baldness. Skin likes Baldness. Baldness is it’s friend.

Hope that clarifies the issue,

Jonman, epidermic psychologist to the stars.
Jonman
QUOTE (porcelainwarrior @ Feb 15 2005, 01:28 PM)
Dear Jonman,

Is it wrong that I like the Four Non-Blondes?

Yours with a top-hat,

Porce
*

If you're talking about the band, then no, it's not wrong per se. Misguided, sure, but wrong, no.

If you're talking about 4 folk without yellow hair, then dunno - what do they do? Juggle? Jump about naked on trampolines (hopefully while oiled and mixing cocktails)? I've not really got a preference for hair colour one way or the other when it comes to naked trampolining cocktail hula barmaids.
porcelainwarrior
QUOTE (Jonman @ Feb 15 2005, 03:55 PM)
If you're talking about the band, then no, it's not wrong per se. Misguided, sure, but wrong, no.

If you're talking about 4 folk without yellow hair, then dunno - what do they do? Juggle? Jump about naked on trampolines (hopefully while oiled and mixing cocktails)? I've not really got a preference for hair colour one way or the other when it comes to naked trampolining cocktail hula barmaids.
*


Erm...I meant the band...I like goggles...
Forever Unknown
Dear the Jon. Man.

Question 1) How long d'you reckon your body can sustain being doped up all the time before vital organs start jumping ship?

I've spent the past week and a half nearly constantly on paracetamol and ibuprofen 'cause of mah teeth problems. I'm being careful - only every four hours, and eating lots in order to avoid stomach ulcers (this is causing weight gain, but better safe than sorry, eh?). But I'm really starting to worry with amount of crap in my system.

Saw the dentist today (I had to wait one week for an emergency appointment. Ridiculous). Apparently I've got double-trouble fun with my wisdom tooth coming through at the bottom which has broken the back tooth at the top (my mouth is very crowded). So, one infection, one teething. I've now been given antibiotics, which is good, but they won't start kicking in for a few days, which means more time on painkillers. Am I going to do myself a lot of damage?

Question 2) Why can't I ever think of silly questions for you?

Yours,

Pained and unamusing.
Snugglebum the Destroyer
Dear Jonman,

I have a place that I use to wind down. This place is being desecrated by a bunch of arsing spammers. It gets on my tits. It probably shouldn't - but I resent the fact that I avoid certain areas so that it doesn't piss me off more.

What should I do?

Yours

Wound up with nowhere to chill
Jonman
QUOTE (Forever Unknown @ Feb 17 2005, 10:58 PM)
Dear the Jon. Man.

Question 1) How long d'you reckon your body can sustain being doped up all the time before vital organs start jumping ship?

I've spent the past week and a half nearly constantly on paracetamol and ibuprofen 'cause of mah teeth problems. I'm being careful - only every four hours, and eating lots in order to avoid stomach ulcers (this is causing weight gain, but better safe than sorry, eh?). But I'm really starting to worry with amount of crap in my system.

Saw the dentist today (I had to wait one week for an emergency appointment. Ridiculous). Apparently I've got double-trouble fun with my wisdom tooth coming through at the bottom which has broken the back tooth at the top (my mouth is very crowded). So, one infection, one teething. I've now been given antibiotics, which is good, but they won't start kicking in for a few days, which means more time on painkillers. Am I going to do myself a lot of damage?

Question 2) Why can't I ever think of silly questions for you?

Yours,

Pained and unamusing.
*



Dear Pained,

First things first - don't exceed the stated dose. There's a certain degree of 'buffer space' built into the stated does, so as long as you stick to that, you'll be alright. It's also my belief that you'll be fine over a short period (a few weeks) - it's when it gets into months instead of weeks that you'll start to need worrying.
Most importantly, if you're worried about it, talk to your doctor about it. Despite my immense knowledge (not to mention my rapier wit and stunning good looks), I'm not a medical doctor (my doctorate is in Skillness, not strictly a medical discipline). If you ring your GP and ask nicely, you can probably set up a quick telephone interview to avoid you having to go in. Even talking to the nurse at your GP's surgery would be good enough - she'll be well equipped to answer your worries and questions about painkillers, I'd reckon.

Secondly, well done for taking the plunge and going to see the tooth doc. Make sure you follow it through, get done what needs doing to fix your current situation, then (at the risk of sounding like your dad) GO REGULARLY! If you catch things like this early, then you don't get broken teeth and infections. Which is good, I think you'll agree.

As to your question 2, I dunno. Do you think of silly questions for other people, then you forget them by the time you get sat in front of a PC? If that's the case, put one of these on your christmas list. Or, if you're concerned that your comedy gland has shrivelled, you may want to consider this, although it's a bit of a trek on a weekly basis.

Hope that helps,

Jonman
Jonman
QUOTE (Snugglebum the Destroyer @ Feb 18 2005, 12:07 AM)
Dear Jonman,

I have a place that I use to wind down.  This place is being desecrated by a bunch of arsing spammers.  It gets on my tits.  It probably shouldn't - but I resent the fact that I avoid certain areas so that it doesn't piss me off more.

What should I do?

Yours

Wound up with nowhere to chill
*


Here's a question for you Ms Bum. Is this place open to members of the public? If so, then the simple fact is that you need to have a quiet word with your tits, and tell them not to mind folk being on them so much.

I'm sure we'd all like the public places that we use (both online and IRL) to be a bit more customised to suit our own personal needs, but life just ain't that easy. Hell, indeed, is other people.
Snugglebum the Destroyer
QUOTE
I'm sure we'd all like the public places that we use (both online and IRL) to be a bit more customised to suit our own personal needs, but life just ain't that easy. Hell, indeed, is other people.


So, you're telling me you're useless? Yes? tongue.gif

*stomps away grumbling*
Forever Unknown
Thanks Mr Jon,

1) You've put my mind at ease. I'm now very 'let's get this over with' in terms of the dentist, so the main problem will be sorted within the month and everything else sorted. Once I take the plunge, I have no patience with it. And never ever again will I go so long (in this case, eight years) without dentist appointments.

But that's very reassuring, so thank you! I expect the pain to be better over the next 48 hours - I was just concerned about what the past week and a half had done to me. I've assumed I'm immortal.

2) It's not either, sadly. I find I'm relatively amusing in conversation, so that's good. My comedy gland is nowadays better than ever - except it's often extraordinarily offensive, and therefore maybe that's why I find the forums a difficult place to be entertaining. Maybe now is the time to get nekkid instead.
Jonman
QUOTE (Snugglebum the Destroyer @ Feb 19 2005, 12:10 AM)
QUOTE
I'm sure we'd all like the public places that we use (both online and IRL) to be a bit more customised to suit our own personal needs, but life just ain't that easy. Hell, indeed, is other people.


So, you're telling me you're useless? Yes? tongue.gif

*stomps away grumbling*
*



Useless? Me? You've got to be kidding. I'm a dab hand at cleaning a toilet (I don't even retch at the welded on month-old clagnuts), and I've been known to cook a mean chilli. Not to mention being stellar in the sack. Useless? I think not.
Jonman
QUOTE (Forever Unknown @ Feb 19 2005, 12:47 AM)
Maybe now is the time to get nekkid instead.
*

It's always time to get nekkid.

That's the rule I live my life by, and it's done me proud thus far.
kisah
I would like to state 'No Comment' for the record.

Mrs. Jonman
Jaq
Dear Jonman:

What are you thoughts on the pros and cons of online dating? Bad idea? Good idea?

Jaq
Jonman
QUOTE (Jaq @ Feb 21 2005, 03:45 PM)
Dear Jonman:

What are you thoughts on the pros and cons of online dating?  Bad idea?  Good idea? 

Jaq
*


Pros: Some of the people on there will let you have sex with them.

Cons: Some of them will surgically remove your skin and wear it after they let you have sex with them.

No, I jest.

Seriously, it can be a lot of fun: you never know, you might even meet your soulmate through onling dating. Laugh you may, but believe it or not, that's actually how I met Mrs Jonman. It can happen.

At the end of the day, it depends on what you're expecting out of it. If you're expecting to find the love of your life, you'll probably be disappointed, but there's a small chance you won't be. If you're looking to meet new people, have some fun, and maybe a bit of a fling or some romance, then you're probably in with a good chance.

Be realistic. Like walking into a bar and expecting to find Mr/Mrs Right there and then is a long shot, but it's only by continuing to look that you eventually find that perfect person. In the meantime, you meet a bunch of folk, some of whom you hit it off with, some of whom you just want to hit. You learn a lot about yourself and other people, and hopefully have some fun along the way.

But first, a public safety announcement. Any of the big online dating sites will have this info on them, and it's worth taking note. Especially for the lay-deez. Anyway, first time you meet someone, have the rendez-vous in a public place (restaurant, bar, coffee house). Don't go to their house, or invite them to yours. Tell a close friend/room-mate where you're meeting. A very very very very very small proportion of the people out there are nutcases. Protect yourself from them. Don't give out your home number until you're happy that they're sound people. And most importantly, don't get freaked out by this warning - it's just common sense.

So, my advice is: dabble, have fun, but look after yourself.

P.S. A final peice of advice. Don't feel bad about rejecting any potential suitor if you get the wrong vibes. You're not going to 'click' with everyone, so don't bother wasting their time or yours.
kisah
And just to follow that up, remember that your instincts are there for a reason. If something seems wrong/uncomfortable but you just can't put your finger on it don't worry. You don't have to say anything more than 'You're not my type' or 'I didn't feel like we clicked'.
Jonman
QUOTE (kisah @ Feb 22 2005, 12:05 PM)
And just to follow that up, remember that your instincts are there for a reason. If something seems wrong/uncomfortable but you just can't put your finger on it don't worry. You don't have to say anything more than 'You're not my type' or 'I didn't feel like we clicked'.
*


or
"You've got a face like a bag of chips, and you smell of mice."

If you wanted to be less subtle, that is.
Greeneyes
Dear Man of Jon,

F U N E X?

Stephen.
Mata
QUOTE (Snugglebum the Destroyer @ Feb 18 2005, 12:07 AM)
I have a place that I use to wind down.  This place is being desecrated by a bunch of arsing spammers.  It gets on my tits.  It probably shouldn't - but I resent the fact that I avoid certain areas so that it doesn't piss me off more.
*

As I've found over the las few years of running this place, these things go in waves. It may be that those waves are especially connected to school holidays, like the easter half-term that we had last week, but things do smooth out again.

As annoying as it may be, patience is a virtue in these places, just like in life, and spammers get bored/busy just like they do everywhere else.
Jaq
QUOTE (Greeneyes @ Feb 23 2005, 06:54 AM)
Dear Man of Jon,

F U N E X?

Stephen.
*


Stephen, if that is your real name

Yes I do. Can you have any? No, you can't.

Jaq

/thread highjacking

{EDIT by Jonman} What she said. *Nods* {/EDIT}
Sir Psycho Sexy
Dear Jonman

As we both know, both Steak and Sushi are delicious and tasty, so why is it there is no restaurent that sells a steak and sushi platter? WHY?!

Hungrily,
Oddball

P.S. Before you ask, no I'm not pregnant and suffering from odd cravings
trunks_girl26
Dear Man, Jon

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?

How much is a peck?

Ange the Odd
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