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Usurper MrTeapot
Dear Darth Jonman

With this new fangled Kelvin thang (yes I failed chemistry), assuming that you can't reach absolute zero, is 2 degrees K twice as hot as 1 degree K?

Yours

Revision Cramming Expert.
Jonman
QUOTE (MrTeapot @ Jun 21 2005, 12:50 PM)
Dear Darth Jonman

With this new fangled Kelvin thang (yes I failed chemistry), assuming that you can't reach absolute zero, is 2 degrees K twice as hot as 1 degree K?

Yours

Revision Cramming Expert.
*


The Kelvin system is a temperature system where a delta of 1 degree Kelvin is the same as 1 degree Celsuis. The reason for this is that both Celsius and Kelvin are temperature measurements defined in terms of the same thing (behaviour of water at different temperatures: freezing, boiling and triple-point.

so, for a given temperature xK, which equals yC

x+1K = y+1C

Additionally, 0K is the point at which matter contains NO heat energy i.e. the molecules are not moving at all. Given that it's a linear system, doubling the number of degrees indicates a doubling of the heat energy.

So, in answer to your question, yes.
Usurper MrTeapot
Dear ManJon.

I have 2 questions for you. Huzzah!

Weevils. I was going to make a cake today, but there were weevils in the flour and so I can't. But this flour was in an airtight container! Did some malicious person place weevils in there when I wasn't looking? Can they eat through plastic and then cover up the hole? Or are they dormant in the flour untill a certain age in time? If it is the latter then thats slightly scary.

The second question is this, aside from the above weevil predicament, I have noticed that the 'Ask Jonman' thread is rarely used anymore. Could it be that you have single handedly rid the world of its petty problems?

Yours

Rambles McFlour.
Jonman
QUOTE (MrTeapot @ Jun 23 2005, 08:08 PM)
Dear ManJon.

I have 2 questions for you. Huzzah!

Weevils. I was going to make a cake today, but there were weevils in the flour and so I can't. But this flour was in an airtight container! Did some malicious person place weevils in there when I wasn't looking? Can they eat through plastic and then cover up the hole? Or are they dormant in the flour untill a certain age in time? If it is the latter then thats slightly scary.

The second question is this, aside from the above weevil predicament, I have noticed that the 'Ask Jonman' thread is rarely used anymore. Could it be that you have single handedly rid the world of its petty problems?

Yours

Rambles McFlour.
*


Dear Weevily McFlour

Yes. Weevils. One of the following things happened:

1 : There were some weevil eggs in your flour, which have since hatched.

2 : Weevils have invented invisibility. They've been in your flour all along, but the batteries on their invigenerators have run down. We should probably panic, as they're more than likely planning to take over the world with their vastly superior technology.

3 : They're not weevils, they're raisens.


As to your second point, mine is not to question the world's need for wisdom, merely to provide it when that need arises. And clearly, the novelty's worn off.


Hope that helps.
depressed lonely crazy person
Dearest Jonman

What should I do with 16 days of school/TAFE holiday keeping in mind I don't drive or have friends or have money to throw around and that most of the rooms in the house are 20 minutes off clean?


Thanks

Rae
Cath Sparrow
Dear Mr Harbinger of all Knowledge
Would red Jaffa cakes still be called jaffa cakes seeing as Jaffa refers to oranges and seeing as these jaffa cakes are red I would presume no longer have orange in them so there for you'd lose the Jaffa surly?

Yours
Orangey Curious

Ps Tell where there from!!!
Jonman
QUOTE (depressed lonely crazy person @ Jun 24 2005, 12:54 PM)
Dearest Jonman

What should I do with 16 days of school/TAFE holiday keeping in mind I don't drive or have friends or have money to throw around and that most of the rooms in the house are 20 minutes off clean?


Thanks

Rae
*


Dear Rae

TAFE holiday, eh?
Torturing Apple Fritter Eaters? Perhaps a bit extreme, but I supposed those dang fritter-munchers had it coming.
Tell All Friends Everything? Sounds good - honesty's the best policy in my book. Perhpas stop a little short of 'everything' though.
Trilobite Audiophonic Flange Extenders? *scratches head*

OK, I'll just ignore TAFE, and pretend I know what it means.

*squint*

Well, assuming all of the rooms in your house are 20 minutes away from clean, you could spend some time temporally moving those rooms in the direction of clean. Then take pictures of them once they're spotless. Should the house get dirty again, simply assemble a collage of said pictures, and hang from a head mounted girder fashioned out of a wire coathanger which cunningly dangles the collage of clean rooms right in front of your grime-fatigued eyes, making you feel like you're in a fabric softener commercial. Lovely jubbly.

And in any spare time, you could teach yourself Spanish. Or Esperanto.

Yours in doubt of the helpfulness of the above text,

Jonman
Jonman
QUOTE (Cath @ Jun 24 2005, 01:10 PM)
Dear Mr Harbinger of all Knowledge
Would red Jaffa cakes still be called jaffa cakes seeing as Jaffa refers to oranges and seeing as these jaffa cakes are red I would presume no longer have orange in them so there for you'd lose the Jaffa surly?

Yours
Orangey Curious

Ps Tell where there from!!!
*


Dear Orangey Curious,

Curious? CURIOUS!? You should be flippin' downright nosy. Wild horses couldn't have kept me from the packet of red JC's when I scented them from afar in Sainsbury's. Well, maybe 7 wild horses might have been able to, but no less. Assuming they're regular size horses. None of this warhorse nonsense. And equally, no donkeys. Call it a moral principle if you will, but I find that I lead a spirtually enriched life by sticking to that one simple motto. No donkeys.

Anyway, I digress. Donkeys aside, red Jaffa Cakes (and yes, they are cakes. Don't make me abuse the forum search function to dig out the post that details the reasons why) are the most exciting development in confectionary-based yum-delivery systems since 1923, when those lovely, lovely Cadbury brothers unleashed an ovoid waistline destroyer upon the public, that eccentric ova of deliciousness, the noble Creme Egg.

Yes, you heard me right, red Jaffa Cakes, have the potential to become the successor to the Creme Egg, wresting the crown for Most Delectable Sugary Treat of Wonderment from it's perfectly curved head. They really are that good.

The only problem I've come up against is that adapting the old slogan of 'a smashing orangey bit' doesn't quite work when you turn it into 'a smashing red-dy bit' or 'a smashing berry-y bit'. S'not the end of the world like, you know, but it tarnishes what would otherwise be a world-changing product on the scale of the invention of fire.

Yours in sugar-coated tummy-rubbing Jaffa Cake frenzy,

Jonman-Cake.
Cath Sparrow
Dear Mr J Cake
I know they are a cake I was on your side in the aformentioned thread about it but are they Jaffa? This ifs the original question and remains the question now?
I also have a second question for you now what do you do when a large f**ckwit corpoation say M&S keeps f**king up your job prospects and causeing you a lose a 2nd job which you didn't get to actually start in a month?
Yours
Miss V. Pissed-off
Faerieryn
Dear Mr Jonmany personage,

I have aproblem that requires your attention. I am currently in the process of buying a flat in which to store all my personal items and put Matazonians up in should they wish to explore the depths of Surrey. Unfortunately the vendor is being a tw@t and has not finished signing the paper work. I was hoping that this could be solved amicably but am now thinking of sending the heavies round. My question is How much does a group of heavies cost and do I have to pay extra for imaginative knee cap crushing devices?

Yours
The Spangle faerie
Forever Unknown
Dear Mr Jonmanamnamnamnamananana.

Where can you really wicked gifts for two-year old boys? Something different/interesting/original or just plain fabulous?

(Please don't quote this, as I'll need to edit it before Snugs gets back online, otherwise she'll know I cheated)

Ta!
Jonman
QUOTE (Cath @ Jun 27 2005, 05:47 PM)
Dear Mr J Cake
I know they are a cake I was on your side in the aformentioned thread about it but are they Jaffa? This ifs the original question and remains the question now?
I also have a second question for you now what do you do when a large f**ckwit corpoation say M&S keeps f**king up your job prospects and causeing you a lose a 2nd job which you didn't get to actually start in a month?
Yours
Miss V. Pissed-off
*


I don't see why they can't be jaffa. Jaffa is actually an Isreali port, and the region around it was where Jaffa Oranges (named after the place) initially came from. Hence, 'jaffa' actually has nothing to do with oranginess, but more to do with a tenuous historical link with Israel. I'm sure McVities could find a simliarly tenuous link with Israel that they could apply to the red jaffa cakes. You know, like the berry's used to make the jam went to Israel once on a package coach tour. Something like that.

Secondly, you take a deep breath, and move on. But first, you put a flaming bag of poo through the window of your local M&S*

Hope that helps,

Jonman

*this is not a serious suggestion. Well, not totally.
Jonman
QUOTE (Faerieryn @ Jun 27 2005, 10:42 PM)
Dear Mr Jonmany personage,

I have aproblem that requires your attention. I am currently in the process of buying a flat in which to store all my personal items and put Matazonians up in should they wish to explore the depths of Surrey. Unfortunately the vendor is being a tw@t and has not finished signing the paper work. I was hoping that this could be solved amicably but am now thinking of sending the heavies round. My question is How much does a group of heavies cost and do I have to pay extra for imaginative knee cap crushing devices?

Yours
The Spangle faerie
*


Call me stupid, but would a simple phone call speed things along a little?

Otherwise, we're onto the heavies. Heavies are like any other commodity: you can spend a pittance on an entry level one, and get Mr Bean, who'll struggle to get the job done, or you can splurge, and get a steroid-driven half neanderthal-half-gorilla who can kill people just by being in the room nextdoor. As with other commodities, you can usually find a happy medium in between.

If all that doesn't work, see my post above with respect to the flaming poo. There's no negative emotion that can't be countered by flaming poo.
Jonman
QUOTE (Forever Unknown @ Jun 28 2005, 10:35 AM)
Dear Mr Jonmanamnamnamnamananana.

Where can you really wicked gifts for two-year old boys? Something different/interesting/original or just plain fabulous?

(Please don't quote this, as I'll need to edit it before Snugs gets back online, otherwise she'll know I cheated)

Ta!
*

Dear Ta,

Coo. Blimey. Not too sure about 2 year olds. Older kids are much easier to buy for as you don't have to worry about how much of what you are buying will kill them if they swallow it.

You could do worse than Amazon (use Mata's links at the bottom of the page), or Toys'R'Us for a wide selection, even if they are big nasty corporations.

But if I was you, I'd buy your nephew an Xbox. Sure, he's a little young, but that just means that you'd have to babysit it for, I dunno, 4 or 5 years until he's old enough to enjoy it. Genius.

Hope that helps,
Jonman, personal shopper to the selfish and decadent.
Sir Psycho Sexy
Dear Jonman

When I phone up a company looking for a job and they say "pop around" some time. Is that like an interview which would require dressing up smart, or would pop around bring to mind a more casual meeting?

Pat
Snugglebum the Destroyer
QUOTE (Forever Unknown @ Jun 28 2005, 10:35 AM)
Dear Mr Jonmanamnamnamnamananana.

Where can you really wicked gifts for two-year old boys? Something different/interesting/original or just plain fabulous?

(Please don't quote this, as I'll need to edit it before Snugs gets back online, otherwise she'll know I cheated)

Ta!
*


HA - busted! biggrin.gif

If it helps I've opened a saving account for him if you want to just donate money? He gets it when he's eighteen so I won't have to fork out for higher education. wink.gif
Jonman
QUOTE (Sir_Psycho_Sexy @ Jun 28 2005, 05:53 PM)
Dear Jonman

When I phone up a company looking for a job and they say "pop around" some time. Is that like an interview which would require dressing up smart, or would pop around bring to mind a more casual meeting?

Pat
*


Depends on the company. If it's office work, I'd say dress like it's your day off, but your visiting you girlfriend's posh gran. But again, depends on the company and job. If it's a job that involves dealing with tradesmen face-to-face day in day out, you'll probably feel like a prize plum wearing a suit. If the job's a desk-based papershuffling dealio though, you could be better off in a suit.

But then again, what do I know - I've never hired anyone. If I end up running a company, my employees are going to wear whatever the frick they like, as long as it covers their rude bits. I'd purposely NOT hire anyone wearing a cheap ill-fitting suit - they're trying too hard.
Jonman
QUOTE (Snugglebum the Destroyer @ Jun 28 2005, 06:01 PM)
QUOTE (Forever Unknown @ Jun 28 2005, 10:35 AM)
Dear Mr Jonmanamnamnamnamananana.

Where can you really wicked gifts for two-year old boys? Something different/interesting/original or just plain fabulous?

(Please don't quote this, as I'll need to edit it before Snugs gets back online, otherwise she'll know I cheated)

Ta!
*


HA - busted! biggrin.gif

If it helps I've opened a saving account for him if you want to just donate money? He gets it when he's eighteen so I won't have to fork out for higher education. wink.gif
*



Education? Very much overrated. Xbox on the other hand.....
Usurper MrTeapot
QUOTE (Jonman @ Jun 28 2005, 07:54 PM)
Education? Very much overrated. Xbox on the other hand.....
*


Need I remind you all of this thread?
Jonman
QUOTE (MrTeapot @ Jun 28 2005, 08:01 PM)
QUOTE (Jonman @ Jun 28 2005, 07:54 PM)
Education? Very much overrated. Xbox on the other hand.....
*


Need I remind you all of this thread?
*



No, you needn't. That thread merely confirms my point. Videogames make people clever. Therefore, replace school with videogames, and everyone's a winner.
Usurper MrTeapot
Indeed, if Kai ever complains about Maths or Algebra then refer him to Devil May Cry 2, its all explained in the bonus level only reachable if you play for long enough.
pgrmdave
Dear Jonman,

What is the cheapest quickest way to cool off on a hot summer afternoon?
Wyvern
Dear Mr Jonman knowledgable personage sir

Recently I have discovered that inorder to reach my desired goal in life I must be able to put in at least 120 hours a week on my various painting and sculpture projects. Initially not too problematic you may say but I have stumbled upon a worrying defect in the general flow of time.

There are apparently 168 hours a week, unless the wee blighters got sneaky and added a few recently when I wasn't looking.
However take my 120 required hours
Add to that the 32 1/2 hours spent on a paid wage in order to fund general living and aforementioned project costs.
Plus a further 10 hours travelling to and from said job
7 1/2 hours for food stops throughout the week, which I will not cut down due to the worrying factor of increased choking potential if wonderful edibles, such as the glorious jaffa cake are bolted and the unthinkable slight to such delicacies in not according due respect.
Allowing myself a generous 5 hours a night 35 in total, for sleeping and necessary ablutions such as toothpaste consuming, even whilst done on the move I have a problem.

My entire tally of hours needed comes to an unnerving 205, even allowing for my dubious mathematical abilities and the condensing of several activities into the same space I have a problem.

In your varied travels and extensive knowledge of random trivia and factual titbits have you found a solution to this unfortunate oversight in natures weekly hour allocation, a method of stretching them perhaps?
Any help in this troublesome situation would be most welcome as I am beginning to see things and have conversations with objects that really shouldn't be able to answer back let alone Win the arguement!

Yours faithfully
Stretched to transparency
Jonman
QUOTE (pgrmdave @ Jun 29 2005, 07:51 AM)
Dear Jonman,

What is the cheapest quickest way to cool off on a hot summer afternoon?
*



Kinda depends on your budget. And whether your tastes run to the exotic or not.

For instance:

: A helicopter piloted by a specially trained monkey could hover above you, producing a not inconsiderable breeze.

: A herd of small people could be retained to follow you everywhere, armed with Super Soakers ™.

: Jumping into a cold shower (either from a shower unit, hurled out of the aforementioned helicopter, or get your pygmy herd to go upstairs.

: Turn on the AC.
Jonman
QUOTE (Wyvern @ Jun 29 2005, 08:51 PM)
Dear Mr Jonman knowledgable personage sir

Recently I have discovered that inorder to reach my desired goal in life I must be able to put in at least 120 hours a week on my various painting and sculpture projects.  Initially not too problematic you may say but I have stumbled upon a worrying defect in the general flow of time.

There are apparently 168 hours a week, unless the wee blighters got sneaky and added a few recently when I wasn't looking.
However take my 120 required hours
Add to that the 32 1/2 hours spent on a paid wage in order to fund general living and aforementioned project costs.
Plus a further 10 hours travelling to and from said job
7 1/2 hours for food stops throughout the week, which I will not cut down due to the worrying factor of increased choking potential if wonderful edibles, such as the glorious jaffa cake are bolted and the unthinkable slight to such delicacies in not according due respect.
Allowing myself a generous 5 hours a night 35 in total, for sleeping and necessary ablutions such as toothpaste consuming, even whilst done on the move I have a problem.

My entire tally of hours needed comes to an unnerving 205, even allowing for my dubious mathematical abilities and the condensing of several activities into the same space I have a problem.

In your varied travels and extensive knowledge of random trivia and  factual titbits have you found a solution to this unfortunate oversight in natures weekly hour allocation, a method of stretching them perhaps?
Any help in this troublesome situation would be most welcome as I am beginning to see things and have conversations with objects that really shouldn't be able to answer back let alone Win the arguement!

Yours faithfully
Stretched to transparency
*


Dear Stretchy

That 120 hour figure makes me laugh. I once worked 80 hour weeks for a month, and I nearly died. 120? *wipes tear away* yeah, sure.

Firstly and foremostly, 120 hours a week is a stupid, stupid, stupid amount of time to be putting into any one thing. Hell, I don't even sleep that much in a week. It's tantamount to you saying that you're going to paint for 18 hours a day, leaving only 6 hours a day to earn a living, sleep, eat and have a life.

This is unachievable. END. OF. Story.

So, your main problem is a lack of realism. I can say that I'm going to swim to the moon wearing underpants made of cheese. It's just as unrealistic as you declaring that you can put in 120 hours of extra-curricular activities. One of two things is happening: either you're really really rubbish at working out how much work you need to put into achieving your goal, or you've set yourself unachievable, unrealistic goals. Something's gotta give.

Here's my solution. You put in a reasonable amount of work every day towards your goal. Say 3 or 4 hours. Take Sunday's off. That's a suitable amount of time for 'homework. We're looking at 15 hours a week. You could maybe push it to 30 or 40 hours a week, but the problem with that is that you'll burn out in a matter of weeks. You need time to relax, chill out and recover.

See where that gets you. It may require you to adjust your goals. After all, what's the point of aiming for an Olympic gold in Cheesy Moonpants Swimming, when the chances of such a thing being possible is nil?

So, in summary:

1: Re-assess your goals. Having unrealistic goals is just setting yourself up for disappointment.

2: Timetable your time, allowing 7 hours a day for sleep, at least 1 hour a day of you-time, and at least 1 day 'off' a week.

Hope that helps,

Jonman, PA to the stars.
Cath Sparrow
QUOTE (Jonman @ Jun 30 2005, 03:43 PM)
QUOTE (Wyvern @ Jun 29 2005, 08:51 PM)
Dear Mr Jonman knowledgable personage sir

Recently I have discovered that inorder to reach my desired goal in life I must be able to put in at least 120 hours a week on my various painting and sculpture projects. Initially not too problematic you may say but I have stumbled upon a worrying defect in the general flow of time.

There are apparently 168 hours a week, unless the wee blighters got sneaky and added a few recently when I wasn't looking.
However take my 120 required hours
Add to that the 32 1/2 hours spent on a paid wage in order to fund general living and aforementioned project costs.
Plus a further 10 hours travelling to and from said job
7 1/2 hours for food stops throughout the week, which I will not cut down due to the worrying factor of increased choking potential if wonderful edibles, such as the glorious jaffa cake are bolted and the unthinkable slight to such delicacies in not according due respect.
Allowing myself a generous 5 hours a night 35 in total, for sleeping and necessary ablutions such as toothpaste consuming, even whilst done on the move I have a problem.

My entire tally of hours needed comes to an unnerving 205, even allowing for my dubious mathematical abilities and the condensing of several activities into the same space I have a problem.

In your varied travels and extensive knowledge of random trivia and factual titbits have you found a solution to this unfortunate oversight in natures weekly hour allocation, a method of stretching them perhaps?
Any help in this troublesome situation would be most welcome as I am beginning to see things and have conversations with objects that really shouldn't be able to answer back let alone Win the arguement!

Yours faithfully
Stretched to transparency
*


Dear Stretchy

That 120 hour figure makes me laugh. I once worked 80 hour weeks for a month, and I nearly died. 120? *wipes tear away* yeah, sure.

Firstly and foremostly, 120 hours a week is a stupid, stupid, stupid amount of time to be putting into any one thing. Hell, I don't even sleep that much in a week. It's tantamount to you saying that you're going to paint for 18 hours a day, leaving only 6 hours a day to earn a living, sleep, eat and have a life.

This is unachievable. END. OF. Story.

So, your main problem is a lack of realism. I can say that I'm going to swim to the moon wearing underpants made of cheese. It's just as unrealistic as you declaring that you can put in 120 hours of extra-curricular activities. One of two things is happening: either you're really really rubbish at working out how much work you need to put into achieving your goal, or you've set yourself unachievable, unrealistic goals. Something's gotta give.

Here's my solution. You put in a reasonable amount of work every day towards your goal. Say 3 or 4 hours. Take Sunday's off. That's a suitable amount of time for 'homework. We're looking at 15 hours a week. You could maybe push it to 30 or 40 hours a week, but the problem with that is that you'll burn out in a matter of weeks. You need time to relax, chill out and recover.

See where that gets you. It may require you to adjust your goals. After all, what's the point of aiming for an Olympic gold in Cheesy Moonpants Swimming, when the chances of such a thing being possible is nil?

So, in summary:

1: Re-assess your goals. Having unrealistic goals is just setting yourself up for disappointment.

2: Timetable your time, allowing 7 hours a day for sleep, at least 1 hour a day of you-time, and at least 1 day 'off' a week.

Hope that helps,

Jonman, PA to the stars.
*



*sniggers at the fact he thinks Wyverns talking about homework* Nope it what she does! Everything else is extra so she can afford to do it.
Jonman
QUOTE (Cath @ Jun 30 2005, 03:53 PM)
QUOTE (Wyvern @ Jun 29 2005, 08:51 PM)

However take my 120 required hours
Add to that the 32 1/2 hours spent on a paid wage in order to fund general living
<snip>

*sniggers at the fact he thinks Wyverns talking about homework* Nope it what she does! Everything else is extra so she can afford to do it.
*



So, she wants to spend 120 hours doing stuff in addition to her job. Sounds like extra-curricular activites to me.

Either way, it's a ludicrous number. I've even struggle to play videogames for 120 hours a week, and that's like flipping oxygen to me.
Wyvern
QUOTE
It's tantamount to you saying that you're going to paint for 18 hours a day, leaving only 6 hours a day to earn a living, sleep, eat and have a life.

Erm...thats what I do...well did until recently, I seem to be out of practice blink.gif

QUOTE
So, she wants to spend 120 hours doing stuff in addition to her job. Sounds like extra-curricular activites to me.

Either way, it's a ludicrous number. I've even struggle to play videogames for 120 hours a week, and that's like flipping oxygen to me.


Hmm...thankee kindly for the advice I think I've spotted the problem Im now working 5 days to earn a living instead of the two I did at uni, surprise, surprise it steals time. A reshuffle is inorder methinks sleep certainly would be nice. As for the life, you what? this is my life I love it! tongue.gif

Thankyou Mr Starry PA tis much appreciated.
WeeJ
My loving bucket o' Jonman,

I am once again looking for a new job. I've been at this one since 14th October 2003. The reason being because they've recently doubled my workload now that another collegue has been fired and one has gone onto part time. I've asked for a raise and I've been told that they can't afford it (even though they're spending money left, right and centre AND there is now a wage and a half spare due to one person leaving and the other reducing hours, as stated)

Now, do I have any legal ground here? Is there anything I can slap them with that will MAKE them have to cough up some more moolah? Or is it at the employers discretion?

Also, any chance of you writing my CV for me? I can't actually be arsed wink.gif

- WeeJ x
pgrmdave
Dear Jonman,

Do you think there is a market for an affordable 32-bit console, assuming it has good games written for it? How would one go about starting up a console business, what courses would I need to take in school, what types of people would I need to help me run a business like that, and stuff like that? And what is your favorite video game?
Jonman
QUOTE (WeeJ @ Jul 11 2005, 05:56 PM)
My loving bucket o' Jonman,

I am once again looking for a new job. I've been at this one since 14th October 2003. The reason being because they've recently doubled my workload now that another collegue has been fired and one has gone onto part time. I've asked for a raise and I've been told that they can't afford it (even though they're spending money left, right and centre AND there is now a wage and a half spare due to one person leaving and the other reducing hours, as stated)

Now, do I have any legal ground here? Is there anything I can slap them with that will MAKE them have to cough up some more moolah? Or is it at the employers discretion? 

Also, any chance of you writing my CV for me? I can't actually be arsed wink.gif

- WeeJ x
*


Umm, right, so first things first: I don't know. The best thing you can do is call your local Citizen's Advice Bureau (google it, or check you local council's website, or look in the phone book) and ask them - they ought to be able to advise you better.

But if you want me make and uneducated guess, I'll be more than happy to do so.....

*clears throat*

I reckon that you should check both your contract, and your job description, which ought to have been provided to you (try getting them from your HR department if there is one). Check them, and if the scope of your current activites fall outside of your job description, then you ought to be able to legitimately claim that you should get a promotion with the attendant payrise. However, all of that is conjecture - try the CAB.

If you want me to write your CV, I'd be happy to, but you ought to know that not only am I compulsive liar who wouldn't recognise the truth if it licked him in the knee-pit, but I also suffer from a rare form of Tourette's syndrome that only manifests itself when writing CVs. Interested?
Jonman
QUOTE (pgrmdave @ Jul 15 2005, 10:36 PM)
Dear Jonman,

Do you think there is a market for an affordable 32-bit console, assuming it has good games written for it?  How would one go about starting up a console business, what courses would I need to take in school, what types of people would I need to help me run a business like that, and stuff like that?  And what is your favorite video game?
*


OK, here's what I think.

No, there is no market for an affordable 32-bit console. You can pick up a SNES with controllers and a handful of games for 20 or 30 quid off Ebay. You can pick up a Saturn, Dreamcast, Jaguar, NES, MasterSystem or MegaDrive for a similar amount of money. With the bare minimum of IT skills, you can download emulators for all of the above and more (illegal though it is, of course, kids) in a matter of minutes. Why would anyone want to pay for a new machine that offers the same functionality they can get for the price of a night out, or for free even?

First thing to do to start up a console business is to develop a bombproof set of high level design documents, noting the key features and unique selling points of the machine. Then, you take that to venture capitalists, and try and convince them that they should give you vast amounts of their cash so you can spend it trying to compete with multinational corporations with seemingly-limitless resources and decades of experience between them.

It may sound harsh, but I think it's that the reality of it is harsh. You'd be competing for the same dollars as Microsoft. MICROSOFT! The second largest company in the world, who have been prepared to throw money at Xbox like it was going out of fashion just to ensure it's a success. Look at history - console history is littered with has-beens, almost-rans, and vaporware, from as recently as Dreamcast, to Jaguar, to Game Gear to Neo Geo Pocket to PC Engine.

As to what courses to take, I would think that you'd be wanting more Business Studies type courses than IT/Videogame design types of things, but then again, what do I know. You got a career's adviser at school? Won't cost you anything to ask them their opinion.

And I'll give you no business advice, 'cos I ain't got none. I've worked for huge companies ever since I graduated, so the only experience I've got is of being a small cog in a big big machine.

Favourite videogame? Ever? It's a toughie, but I think it comes down to some of my formative videogaming experiences. Elite, Football Manager 2, Switchblade and Rainbow Islands, all on the noble Spectrum +2 will remain as memories of pure videogaming bliss, whiling away long summer holidays locked in a room with the curtains closed. Similarly, on the MegaDrive (Genesis to you ker-azy yanks); Columns, CrackDown, Phantasy Star 3, and on the SNES; Super Street Fighter 2 (of course), Super Mario World, F-Zero and Mario Kart. All of those 16-it lovelies are memories of sitting around at Mata's house playing into the early hours of the morning, usually not going to be until the sun was coming up. Happy days.
mooooooooooopo
QUOTE (Jonman @ Jul 16 2005, 10:41 PM)
MICROSOFT! The second largest company in the world
*

Dear Jonman,

After reading this, I became curious. If Microsoft is the second largest company, what is the largest?

Yours,

Cand impersonating Moop, asking a question posed by Snoo
Feyliya
QUOTE (moop @ Jul 16 2005, 01:57 PM)
QUOTE (Jonman @ Jul 16 2005, 10:41 PM)
MICROSOFT! The second largest company in the world
*

Dear Jonman,

After reading this, I became curious. If Microsoft is the second largest company, what is the largest?

Yours,

Cand impersonating Moop, asking a question posed by Snoo
*



Ahem...If I may...

The largest grossing company in the world at the moment is Wal-Mart. I'm not sure if it's considered to be the BIGGEST, but I'm sure darlin' Jonman can sort out whether it is or not.
Jonman
QUOTE (moop @ Jul 16 2005, 10:57 PM)
QUOTE (Jonman @ Jul 16 2005, 10:41 PM)
MICROSOFT! The second largest company in the world
*

Dear Jonman,

After reading this, I became curious. If Microsoft is the second largest company, what is the largest?

Yours,

Cand impersonating Moop, asking a question posed by Snoo
*




It was a bit of a guess, to be honest. The biggest is certainly GE (I used to work for them, so clearly, their performance skyrocketed.

Indeed, it looks like I'm not making it up: Forbes
has a list of companies sorted by market value. GE is number 1, Microsoft, number 2.

Yay me.

[EDIT- Fey is correct, in terms of sales, Wal-Mart outstips all the others. ]
snooodlysnoosnoosnoodle
Dearest Jonman,

Out of curiosity how long have you been admin? You always used to be of Moddy pants... when did you get upgraded to pants of steel?

snoo
Jonman
QUOTE (snoo @ Jul 17 2005, 02:08 PM)
Dearest Jonman,

Out of curiosity how long have you been admin? You always used to be of Moddy pants... when did you get upgraded to pants of steel?

snoo
*


Mata's gone on holiday for a week to two to somewhere lovely and exotic and warm and posh. So he bumped me up so that I can leap tall buildings in a single bound, fight crime with lasers that come out of my eyes, and that kind of thing. Oh, and ban people I don't like the smell of. He's very keen on keeping the forum smelling of a fresh autumn evening.

*knocks on pants*
*DING!*

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
froggle-rock
*swoons*

/spam
Cath Sparrow
Oooh! My hero!!! *also swoons*

/more spam (couldn't help myself)
kisah
QUOTE (Jonman @ Jun 9 2005, 12:17 PM)
QUOTE (kisah @ Jun 9 2005, 12:22 PM)
Dear Mr Jon

Did you intentionally skip over Greeneye's question or is my magnetic charm so overwhelming that you couldn't help it?

Mrs Kat
*

Don't flatter yourself love, I'm just a sloppy worker.Don't flatter yourself love, I'm just a sloppy worker.
*




That's not all you're sloppy at...
Phyllis
Dearest Jonman,

I don't understand some of the name changes between the US in the UK with things like stores, brand names, and characters. For instance, why change TJ Maxx into TK Maxx? Does the one letter really make that much of a difference? And "Where's Wally?" instead of "Where's Waldo?" There are others, but I can't think of them at the moment.

My question for you is...why do they make these little changes? Is it the work of insane marketing people who actually think it'll make a difference? Crazy patent/trademark hordeing bastages? Just plain insanity? Or possibly an elegant ploy to confuse people who come to the UK?
Jonman
QUOTE (candice @ Aug 5 2005, 03:14 PM)
Dearest Jonman,

I don't understand some of the name changes between the US in the UK with things like stores, brand names, and characters.  For instance, why change TJ Maxx into TK Maxx?  Does the one letter really make that much of a difference?  And "Where's Wally?" instead of "Where's Waldo?"  There are others, but I can't think of them at the moment.

My question for you is...why do they make these little changes?  Is it the work of insane marketing people who actually think it'll make a difference? Crazy patent/trademark hordeing bastages? Just plain insanity? Or possibly an elegant ploy to confuse people who come to the UK?
*


I've often wondered about the TK/TJ Maxx thing myself. The only thing I can think of is that someone has already trademarked TJ Maxx in this country.

As for Where's Wally, that's changed for the simple reason that Waldo isn't a real name in this country. May as well call it Where's Squanglepopfridgemolester.

Of course, the real reason is because of the worldwide conspiracy to hoodwink honest Americans when they're out of the protective embrace of Uncle Sam. But don't tell the rest of your country-mates. Mum's the word, eh?
Cath Sparrow
QUOTE (Jonman @ Aug 8 2005, 03:58 PM)
QUOTE (candice @ Aug 5 2005, 03:14 PM)
Dearest Jonman,

I don't understand some of the name changes between the US in the UK with things like stores, brand names, and characters. For instance, why change TJ Maxx into TK Maxx? Does the one letter really make that much of a difference? And "Where's Wally?" instead of "Where's Waldo?" There are others, but I can't think of them at the moment.

My question for you is...why do they make these little changes? Is it the work of insane marketing people who actually think it'll make a difference? Crazy patent/trademark hordeing bastages? Just plain insanity? Or possibly an elegant ploy to confuse people who come to the UK?
*


I've often wondered about the TK/TJ Maxx thing myself. The only thing I can think of is that someone has already trademarked TJ Maxx in this country.

As for Where's Wally, that's changed for the simple reason that Waldo isn't a real name in this country. May as well call it Where's Squanglepopfridgemolester.

Of course, the real reason is because of the worldwide conspiracy to hoodwink honest Americans when they're out of the protective embrace of Uncle Sam. But don't tell the rest of your country-mates. Mum's the word, eh?
*



the TK/TJ Maxx may be partly because of the Uk having TJ Hughes.
kisah
QUOTE (WeeJ @ Jul 11 2005, 04:56 PM)
My loving bucket o' Jonman,

*



Dear Jonhusbandman

When did WeeJ bagsy you?

Love Always,

The Jealous B*tch

Seriously though-

Dear Jonman,

Is Bristol the land of milk and honey? Is it full of farmers, Miss? What's there to do there? Will we have to throw so much flaming poo after we move? What's the nightlife like?

I'm just asking for a friend. *shift*

Kurious Kat
Jonman
QUOTE (kisah @ Aug 19 2005, 03:22 PM)
QUOTE (WeeJ @ Jul 11 2005, 04:56 PM)
My loving bucket o' Jonman,

*



Dear Jonhusbandman

When did WeeJ bagsy you?

Love Always,

The Jealous B*tch

Seriously though-

Dear Jonman,

Is Bristol the land of milk and honey? Is it full of farmers, Miss? What's there to do there? Will we have to throw so much flaming poo after we move? What's the nightlife like?

I'm just asking for a friend. *shift*

Kurious Kat
*



28th June last year. About 4:35pm. And 41 seconds.

As for Bristol, I'd be very suprised if they have neither milk nor honey. However, that does mean that they have farmers. And beekeepers. Who are probably covered in bees. So, in part, it will be a land of cow poo and ker-azy apiarian antics. Whatever there is to do there, there'll be more of it than there is in Leicester. That should be good enough for you for the moment.
So much flaming poo as when? When we won the silver medal in the 2003 Pacific Northwest Flaming Turd Hurling Championships? Probably not, no. But it would be a rare day when we threw as much flaming poo as we did then. A rare day indeed *sighs*
The nightlife mostly revolves around the ant farms outside of the city centre. Local teenagers gather in their droves, taking turns to observe the ants for signs of sentience within their hive mind. It's a blast.
Cath Sparrow
Dear Mr MagicMan

Did I just see you use your amazing magical admin skills to turn from Kisah to Jonman?

Yours in amazement
Cath
pgrmdave
Dear Jonman,

What are the duties of an admin? What are your powers? What, exactly, is it like being an administrator?
trunks_girl26
Dear Jonman,

What should one do when one fancies a manwhore (as more than sex)?

yours in manwhore confusion,

Ange
Jonman
QUOTE (Cath @ Aug 20 2005, 06:24 PM)
Dear Mr MagicMan

Did I just see you use your amazing magical admin skills to turn from Kisah to Jonman?

Yours in amazement
Cath
*


Yes. Have you ever noticed how you never see both of us in the same room at the same time? Oh. You have. Fair point: well made.

So, in answer, yes, I did. But that's because whenever we're posting from home, one of us is logged into the forum. It's not unusual for one of us to forget this and accidentally end up posting in drag.
Jonman
QUOTE (pgrmdave @ Aug 21 2005, 03:44 AM)
Dear Jonman,

What are the duties of an admin?  What are your powers?  What, exactly, is it like being an administrator?
*


Duties: You know - the usual: protect the innocent, uphold the law, save the universe from alien beasties with big pointed mandibles. That kind of thing.

Powers: can range from the superhuman ability to make a damn good cup of tea at any hour of the day or night, all the way through to leaping tall Lego buildings in a single bound. I could kick your arse at StreetFighter 2 too. It's some power.

Being like an administrator is therefore very much like being a beekeeper, except without the bees. Or the keeping.
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