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QUOTE (Jonman @ May 21 2006, 04:24 PM) *
So, basically, you want to plug holes with gum, then, before the gun actually dries, wrap the entire repaired area with clingfilm. Gum and clingfilm surpsingly has higher tensile strength than steel, and more durability thatn diamond-encrusted titanium. Who'da thunk it, eh?


I knew you were genius personified! (PS. Leak was stopped only to spring anew nextdoor it seems wink.gif)

QUOTE (Jonman @ May 22 2006, 06:15 PM) *
*rips off Jonman mask in a Mission Impossible-stylee to reveal Stephen Fry's grinning jowels*


Repeat the above in wonderous awe minus leakage smile.gif
Ashbless
Dear J-man,

I recently parted ways with the boyfriend. Include the whole we'll be friends and I totally won't mind if you are seeing other people standard conversation here.

I find I'm still chatting with him, going out to movies, and kissing him goodnight.

???

So, am I single here or what? Any clue?

Yours,
Confuzzled in the Oilsands.
Jonman
QUOTE (Ashbless @ May 29 2006, 07:20 PM) *
Dear J-man,

I recently parted ways with the boyfriend. Include the whole we'll be friends and I totally won't mind if you are seeing other people standard conversation here.

I find I'm still chatting with him, going out to movies, and kissing him goodnight.

???

So, am I single here or what? Any clue?

Yours,
Confuzzled in the Oilsands.


Dear Confuzzled,

Without wanting to sound too flippant, you tell me. I can't tell you if you're single. However, as a rule of thumb, does the kiss include tongues? If so, then as much as you think you're supposed to be single, having split up and everything, you're not really, are you.

I guess that the main question you need to ask yourself is 'Do I want to be single?' Perhaps an even better question would be to ask yourself 'Do I want to my ex boyfriend to be my ex ex boyfriend?' Because you sound like you're not really sure what your status is with your ex-boyfriend. And that you're not really sure what you want your status to be.

Perhaps another way to think about it would be to imagine if you (or your ex for that matter) hooked up with someone else. How would that make you feel? If the answer is jealous, then maybe you're not as single as you think you might be or ought to be.

Ultimately, you're as single as you think you are. It's only fair on your ex that you ensure that he knows how single you are, otherwise one of you is thinking that you're single, and the other one doesn't, which is likely to lead to be general badness.

Good luck,

Jonman
froggle-rock
Dear Jonman,
will you and the delectable Kisah be heading down to Crawley for circus camp this summer?

Your Cow Grrl in training,

Froggie-Lee
Jonman
QUOTE (funked)out_frog @ May 29 2006, 08:47 PM) *
Dear Jonman,
will you and the delectable Kisah be heading down to Crawley for circus camp this summer?

Your Cow Grrl in training,

Froggie-Lee



Dear Junior Cow Grrl

Firstly, yes, we will. We may bring the weasels with us again this year - depends if my brother's bringing his dog.

Secondly, tell me more about this Cow Grrl training - does it include how to simulate having 3 more stomachs than you do? I'm intrigued.
froggle-rock
Well a mother shaped little bird told me that on the Circus Wurx forum it had be decided the theme would be 'cow boys and Indians'. -Though it's not be announced on the main convention page. So, no, dear Man of Jon, no three stomacheness for me. tongue.gif
Jonman
QUOTE (funked)out_frog @ May 29 2006, 10:18 PM) *
Well a mother shaped little bird told me that on the Circus Wurx forum it had be decided the theme would be 'cow boys and Indians'. -Though it's not be announced on the main convention page. So, no, dear Man of Jon, no three stomacheness for me. tongue.gif


I see. So yee-haw as opposed to arrgh. Right you are. I think I might wear a turban, then look sheepish when I'm informed that I'm the wrong sort of indian.
Phyllis
Dearest Jonman,

Why does the commercial for Lunesta (a sleeping pill) announce that one of the side effects is drowsiness? Shouldn't that be implied by the fact that it is a freaking sleeping pill?

-Cand
Jonman
QUOTE (candice @ Jun 22 2006, 07:11 PM) *
Dearest Jonman,

Why does the commercial for Lunesta (a sleeping pill) announce that one of the side effects is drowsiness? Shouldn't that be implied by the fact that it is a freaking sleeping pill?

-Cand


Presumable because if they didn't announce that, one of your stupid or conniving countrymen would sue the ass off the makers. And no-one wants to be assless, do they? Imagine how difficult sitting down would be, not to mention crimping off a chocolate lizard. It hardly bears thinking about.
Sir Psycho Sexy
Dear Jonman,

Is 7am a reasonable time to have to get up for work in the morning? If so, why? It's cruel and unusual.

Newly Employed Pat
gothictheysay
Dear Jonman:

Pat's comment reminds me: isn't 7:25 a.m. a ridiculous time to start school? How can we change this?

Love, Constantly Tired But Yay For Summer.
I_am_the_best
Dear Jonman,

What is the juice inside of blisters?

Emma
Jonman
QUOTE (Sir_Psycho_Sexy @ Jun 26 2006, 12:25 AM) *
Dear Jonman,

Is 7am a reasonable time to have to get up for work in the morning? If so, why? It's cruel and unusual.

Newly Employed Pat


No it's not reasonable. But you're clearly no longer living the life of a carefree, scrounging student, which is in itself not very reasonable, but mostly necessary. I'm afraid that there's nowt more that can be said - you just have to lump it. Welcome to life.

QUOTE (gothictheysay @ Jun 26 2006, 02:11 AM) *
Dear Jonman:

Pat's comment reminds me: isn't 7:25 a.m. a ridiculous time to start school? How can we change this?

Love, Constantly Tired But Yay For Summer.


Sounds pretty freakin ridiculous to me - do you live in some bonkers part of the world where the sun doesn't set for 9 months of the year, or something?

QUOTE (I_am_the_best @ Jun 28 2006, 10:02 PM) *
Dear Jonman,

What is the juice inside of blisters?

Emma


It's the same stuff you get if you were to wring out baby turtles. Not that I condone turtle-wringing, you understand. Unless it's in the name of science, in which case, wring away.
That_Guy
Dear Jonman,

What makes old basements smell "musty"?

-That Guy
Kitty
Dear Jonman. I have to get up at 5:00 am to be able to acctually wake up enough to get ready to go to school. Then I have to be at the bus stop by 6, only to enjoy an hour long ride around the city before arriving at my school which is a lovely 20 miles away from my house. At which point I'm half an hour early for my first class and get to waste that time wandering halls talking to people that like to tell me that I "look like you got run over by a truck!"

What level of unreasonable would this be?
Greeneyes
Dear Man of Jon,

Is it unreasonable to be intruiged by irrationality?
Jonman
QUOTE (That_Guy @ Jul 13 2006, 06:31 PM) *
Dear Jonman,

What makes old basements smell "musty"?

-That Guy


Musty (n) - to smell of must.

Must (n) - mixture of dust and mice.

*musts hands off*

QUOTE (Kitty @ Jul 14 2006, 10:23 PM) *
Dear Jonman. I have to get up at 5:00 am to be able to acctually wake up enough to get ready to go to school. Then I have to be at the bus stop by 6, only to enjoy an hour long ride around the city before arriving at my school which is a lovely 20 miles away from my house. At which point I'm half an hour early for my first class and get to waste that time wandering halls talking to people that like to tell me that I "look like you got run over by a truck!"

What level of unreasonable would this be?


That's definitely a level 8 unreasonableness, just above 'running over your neighbour's cat and claiming that it was aliens that did it' at level 7, and just below 'my cousin just bit my leg off' at level 9.

Your rosette is in the post.

QUOTE (Greeneyes @ Jul 14 2006, 10:32 PM) *
Dear Man of Jon,

Is it unreasonable to be intruiged by irrationality?


Or, more to the point, is it irreasonable to be untrigued by inunrationality? Hmm? Well?
Ashbless
Dear Jonman,

How can a life that is really that of a homebody sound so very dodgy? I work in a pharmacy and have a married roomate therefor I deal drugs and live with someone else's husband. I had a bunch of meal replacement supplements and so tell people I've taken to drinking lunch. The only new activity I've been doing is playing pool. And yesterday, when asked what I did that day, I could only say I'd spent most of the day with condoms and lubricants.

How do I get the life to match what it sounds like? Or, I suppose I could ask how to make my life sound more like it is. Or should I just enjoy people's confusion?


Yours,
Apparently up to something Dodgy.
Jonman
QUOTE (Ashbless @ Jul 19 2006, 04:25 PM) *
Dear Jonman,

How can a life that is really that of a homebody sound so very dodgy? I work in a pharmacy and have a married roomate therefor I deal drugs and live with someone else's husband. I had a bunch of meal replacement supplements and so tell people I've taken to drinking lunch. The only new activity I've been doing is playing pool. And yesterday, when asked what I did that day, I could only say I'd spent most of the day with condoms and lubricants.

How do I get the life to match what it sounds like? Or, I suppose I could ask how to make my life sound more like it is. Or should I just enjoy people's confusion?


Yours,
Apparently up to something Dodgy.


Frankly, I think there's so much scope for fun here, the only way to do it is to take your above paragraph, write all the verbs on bits of paper and put them in a hat (or simliarly sized suitable container), then write all the verb objects on other bits of paper, and put them in a second hat.

Draw them out, and pair them up. Then you'll have the new version of the life you're to live. It could well lead to you selling other people's husbands, and living in a pharmacy, but that's the chance you take.
froggle-rock
Yo J-Man,
What's up with mozzies deciding it's okay to bite my on my toe? It's really itchy and it hurts to scratch it, but it feels so good. Is there a chance you could negotiate with them. I'm willing to let 'em bite me arm in place of me toes.

Yours,

Bitten Toe Froggie

PS: You and your lady coming to the London picnic meet?
That_Guy
Namnoj Read,

What would be the appropriate time to mow one's lawn on a hot day?
Faerieryn
Dear Jonman,

What can I do with 5 weeks off and virtually no money?
craziness
My brother, who is 14, came out as being gay about a year and a half ago. While I have no qualms about his sexuality, his gayness is driving me absolutely NUTS!!!! ok, its not his 'gayness' per se, its that all he talks about all day long is how horrible it is living for him being gay, how gay people have no rights, and how persecuted he is. I don't know what to do because I frankly am sick of his little victim story when he is in a completely supportive family and he barely even gets picked on in school. he acts like the entire world is out to get him because of it. he thinks he is so discriminated against because there is a black history month and there is no gay history month. the only TV he watches is logo (the gay channel) and his room is plastered with pride flags, stickers, buttons, the whole 9 yards. its one thing to be proud about your identity, but this is crossing the line. He is about to start high school, and i am worried that he is going to be branded "the gay guy" the entire time. i wish he could accept himself as adam, who happens to coincidentally be gay, not righeously GAY adam. its all he thinks and talks about, he is on every mailing list and phone tree for mini-rallies against the gay marriage amendment, he goes and speaks to people every other day about how difficult coming out is. who the **** does he think he is??? cant you just be gay and just be a person????? why the **** does it have to define your ENTIRE life?

i just returned from being a foriegn exchange student for a month, and living in a different culture with a different family where i heard the word 'gay' all of 3 times made me realize how obsessed with it he is and how much it bothers me. i have tried telling him before that i dont think that his sexuality is THAT important of an issue and that we shouldnt have to talk about it constantly, and i understand that he is also an insecure 14 year old, but he continues to act this way. i am at the end of my line and i dont know what to do because its driving me up the wall. please help!!
froggle-rock
Dear Jon

I write with tears in my eays and pain in my heart to tell you that I must end this sorid
Sup with the ferret poi? How does one go about ferret-poing?

Your frog loving, absent and intrigued forumite,
frog
pgrmdave
Dear Jonman,

Do you have the awesome ability to sustain not one, but TWO "Ask Jonman" threads? If so, where does that ability come from?
oobunnie
Oh yeah I forgot that there was a second one made. oops... laugh.gif
Now all you need is for someone to dredge up the insult one and your set for a migraine.

[Jonman has cross-posted your question from the other thread and closed it]

QUOTE (oobunie)
*this is sort of a bump because I've seen you around postin and I happen to love this thread*

On to my problem. In our city we have the CFR (Canadian Finals Rodeo I think. I'm not really the rodeo or what have you type, but I think thats what it is.) At work we are supposed to dress up for the week in support. Not being from a cowboy lineage I'm not really sure how to do this. I'm of the understanding that jeans are part of the outfit which I own plenty of. I even have one of those cute straw-ish cowboy hats. But what shirt do I wear? I was told plaid, but that goes against every fashion sense I have. I don't even know where one could procure a plaid shirt. Walmart? Is there any way to make them look better?

Sincerely, avoids bad fashion like the plague
Jonman
QUOTE (pgrmdave @ Oct 20 2006, 09:29 PM) *
Dear Jonman,

Do you have the awesome ability to sustain not one, but TWO "Ask Jonman" threads? If so, where does that ability come from?


No. No I do not. However, I do have the awesome ability to close the other thread, thereby negating the need to sustain two threads.

I could tell you that I'm the last in a multi-millenial line of custodians of a miffic power, but that would be arse-gravy. Ultimately, Mata (or perhaps Mr Fuzzy) clicks a wee box that lives on the intertron, and away I go.
Jonman
QUOTE (oobunnie @ Oct 20 2006, 09:34 PM) *
*this is sort of a bump because I've seen you around postin and I happen to love this thread*

On to my problem. In our city we have the CFR (Canadian Finals Rodeo I think. I'm not really the rodeo or what have you type, but I think thats what it is.) At work we are supposed to dress up for the week in support. Not being from a cowboy lineage I'm not really sure how to do this. I'm of the understanding that jeans are part of the outfit which I own plenty of. I even have one of those cute straw-ish cowboy hats. But what shirt do I wear? I was told plaid, but that goes against every fashion sense I have. I don't even know where one could procure a plaid shirt. Walmart? Is there any way to make them look better?

Sincerely, avoids bad fashion like the plague


Lucky you asked me. I am descended from a multi-millenial line of cowboys, you know. Some of them might even have been miffic. You can tell by my forum-name, you see. Like the Waltons, as a boy, I was known as Jonboy. Now that my balls have dropped, my hairline receded and my ability to grumble at the behaviour of teenagers has blossomed, that moniker is no longer applicable. Hence, Jonman instead. All you RPG-geeks out there can think of it as levelling up my name, if you like.

Anyway, as a result, I'm eminently qualified to dispense sartorial advice to wannabe-cowboys, despite never having ridden a horse. I've not so much herded cows as walked past them a few times. That's enough for me - they're smelly buggers, and they've always got a bit of an evil gleam in their eyes.

So, sartorial elegance, here we come. I can tell you all the best-dressed cowboys next year won't be wearing plaid. Unless they're Scottish cowboys, of course. Plaid is the pattern used in traditional kilts and tartans. You're thinking of check (translated for the British forumites as chequed). Which of course is a completely different kettle of molluscs.

The good news is that check shirts shouldn't be that hard to find. The discerning buyer-on-a-budget can probably find one in their nearest charidee outlet. I suggest you start there, because Walmart, as we all know, is crystallised from purest evil, and should thus be avoided unless you're the blackest-hearted villain in your vicinity.

Incidentally, it might be worth noting that the entire point of fancy dress is to embrace bad fashion. Otherwise, it would just be dress.

And on a completely different note, feel free to share your best plague-avoidance techniques. Mine include not rubbing diseased rats all over my body, and refusing to make the beast with two backs with folk who have more scab than skin.
Ashbless
Dear Jonman,

How has life been going? How is the lovely Kisah? Is the device of ultimate power almost fully operational?

Yours,
me.
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