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Jonman
QUOTE (WeeJ @ Oct 9 2003, 02:14 PM)
Dear Jonman

I didn't use your suggested boob tactic to gain my 2nd interview tomorrow. I have 25 other wannabe Customer Service Administrators to compete against. Can you suggest any other method of filling this vacancy other than flashing my mammeries?

Yours in boobdome

JeeW

Well, seeing as you didn't use the boobs on the first interview.....


Nah, seriously, as wonderfully magnifigreat as boobs are, there's a time and a place for them (near me and when I'm awake in case you're wondering). Here's a few options:

1 : Surrepticiously spray the other 25 applicants with fart spray. No-one wants to hire someone that smells of poo.

2 : Be charming (but not sycophantic), proffessional (but not arrogant), smart (but not smarmy), efficient (but not cold), keen (but not desperate) and approachable (but not chummy).

3 : offer to be paid in old fruit and pats on the head.
Xandra the Blue
Dear Jonman

I need help. I've got a school prize giving, and I'm going to have to meet people who gavce me a hard time at school over a summer ago, and pretend to be nice to them. BUt I also want revenge, without getting arrested. (this is serious) Is their anything I can do that will make a point, but will also let me stay there for long enough to actually make the point.

(tips - tight, cheap, all girls catholic school, got beaten up by the lesbians who didn't like straights, or in fact anyone who seemed to work too hard. They are mindless townies.)

Any help. please?

(please reply before tuesday, thats when i have to go.

Compleately despirate, Xandra the Blue.
FurryMammal
dear jonman

i have lost faith in the education system, and last friday i went and fed ducks for a good 6hours instead of my usual lessons. the worse bit is, i got away with all this and i probably will again.

is bunking off/slacking as easy in the real world (assuming its an average job) as i am beginning to suspect it may be? or is school actually telling the truth and will i be castrated for even thinking lazy thoughts?

yours lethargically,
the duck feeder of wakefield
Sun Tsu
Dear Monjy,

Why am I suddenly finding Led Zeppelin catchier and catchier?

Yours,

Sun

[rawk!]
WeeJ
Dear Jonman

I just wanted to thank you for the smelly spray idea. They have foolishly hired me and I start on Tuesday.

Thanks again smile.gif

Yours in gratitude

WeeJster
x
Mr Fuzzy
Dear Jonman,

It's cold and there are wolves after me. Can you recommend a reliable wolf repellant, or some other way to avoid being gnawed?

Yours in terrified anticipation,
Chewtoy.
Mata
QUOTE (Xandra the Blue @ Oct 12 2003, 07:31 PM)
Dear Jonman

I need help. I've got a school prize giving, and I'm going to have to meet people who gavce me a hard time at school over a summer ago, and pretend to be nice to them. BUt I also want revenge, without getting arrested. (this is serious) Is their anything I can do that will make a point, but will also let me stay there for long enough to actually make the point.

(tips - tight, cheap, all girls catholic school, got beaten up by the lesbians who didn't like straights, or in fact anyone who seemed to work too hard. They are mindless townies.)

Any help. please?

(please reply before tuesday, thats when i have to go.

Compleately despirate, Xandra the Blue.

Since Monjan may well be travelling I'll field this one.

As dul as this might sound the best method is by building a really strong inner sense of smugness. If these people are as you say then you can be pretty damn sure that they're not going to get anywhere in the world. So what if they're great at the shotput, that's not usually something that's useful in a regular employment situation.

If sitting their contemplating their impending failure in life doesn't make you feel happy then try being a little less subtle, for example limping up to them with their parents around (parents are usually at prize giving things) and cheerfully say how the doctors say your leg will probably heal up after the beating that they gave you last time you met, that it will only take one more operation to fix and that you've no hard feelings about it. That should do the trick.
Polocrunch
Dear Monjan,

How can we get Mata to stop being so damned nice?

Yours,
Polocrunch
Jonman
QUOTE (Mata @ Oct 13 2003, 09:48 AM)
QUOTE (Xandra the Blue @ Oct 12 2003, 07:31 PM)
Dear Jonman

I need help. I've got a school prize giving, and I'm going to have to meet people who gavce me a hard time at school over a summer ago, and pretend to be nice to them. BUt I also want revenge, without getting arrested. (this is serious) Is their anything I can do that will make a point, but will also let me stay there for long enough to actually make the point.

(tips - tight, cheap, all girls catholic school, got beaten up by the lesbians who didn't like straights, or in fact anyone who seemed to work too hard. They are mindless townies.)

Any help. please?

(please reply before tuesday, thats when i have to go.

Compleately despirate, Xandra the Blue.

Since Monjan may well be travelling I'll field this one.

As dul as this might sound the best method is by building a really strong inner sense of smugness. If these people are as you say then you can be pretty damn sure that they're not going to get anywhere in the world. So what if they're great at the shotput, that's not usually something that's useful in a regular employment situation.

If sitting their contemplating their impending failure in life doesn't make you feel happy then try being a little less subtle, for example limping up to them with their parents around (parents are usually at prize giving things) and cheerfully say how the doctors say your leg will probably heal up after the beating that they gave you last time you met, that it will only take one more operation to fix and that you've no hard feelings about it. That should do the trick.

I was going to do a speil about revenge only begetting revenge and all that, but sod it.

See my earlier reply to Weej on using fart spray. Fart spray truly is the great equaliser.

I guess that if you really really really want to be nasty to them, you could try outing them in front of their parents, but that really is a horrible horrible thing to do, with potentially catastrophic repercussions, and I don't recommend it. Perhaps just threatening to out them might be more the level of revenge your looking for.

But, seriously, revenge won't get you anywhere, and will more than likely just lead to further beatings and ill will. Like Mata says, rest assured that the slopey-headed asshats are probably going to have a crappy life riddled with unhappiness and misery.
Jonman
QUOTE (FurryMammal @ Oct 12 2003, 01:06 PM)
dear jonman

i have lost faith in the education system, and last friday i went and fed ducks for a good 6hours instead of my usual lessons. the worse bit is, i got away with all this and i probably will again.

is bunking off/slacking as easy in the real world (assuming its an average job) as i am beginning to suspect it may be? or is school actually telling the truth and will i be castrated for even thinking lazy thoughts?

yours lethargically,
the duck feeder of wakefield

As a rule, slacking off in the real world isn't quite as easy. Depends on the job really. The trick is to be in a job where you don't want to slack off because you enjoy the job. Easier said than done, to be sure, but aim for the sky, and if you hit the ceiling, so be it.

Also, don't waste your time feeding ducks. They're only a step above pigeons, and pigeons are the feathered servants of Evil. Tasty though, both of them. Mmm, roast duck.
Jonman
QUOTE (Sun Tsu @ Oct 12 2003, 01:20 PM)
Dear Monjy,

Why am I suddenly finding Led Zeppelin catchier and catchier?

Yours,

Sun

[rawk!]

We all have a cross to bear. Yours is clearly being destined to play Stairway to Heaven on air guitar, a favourite pastime of balding tubby 30-something men.
Jonman
QUOTE (WeeJ @ Oct 12 2003, 01:26 PM)
Dear Jonman

I just wanted to thank you for the smelly spray idea. They have foolishly hired me and I start on Tuesday.

Thanks again smile.gif

Yours in gratitude

WeeJster
x

See? Told you. A smelly applicant is an unhired applicant. It's a motto I live my life by.

A pleasure as always.
Jonman
QUOTE (Mr Fuzzy @ Oct 13 2003, 03:00 AM)
Dear Jonman,

It's cold and there are wolves after me. Can you recommend a reliable wolf repellant, or some other way to avoid being gnawed?

Yours in terrified anticipation,
Chewtoy.

A bloody great big stick will repel a wolf when you rap it sharply against his testicles.

Actually, if they're like dogs, then their jaws lock around something when they bite it. And if you stick your finger up their bums, they'll release it. Don't ask me how I know this - it's certainly not through trial and error, that's for sure. I'm just a font of useless trivial information.

And, once again, fart spray. No-one likes fart spray, and that's especially true for wolves, what with their enhanced sense of smell.

As for the cold, just grow some more insulating fuzz. I've seen pictures of you - you're not shy of being able to climb inside your own fuzz and use it like a sleeping bag.
Debaser
jonman!

said distillers girl isn't actually interested in me. any ideas how to flog a ticket creatively? or have you got any other ideas?
Jonman
QUOTE (Polocrunch @ Oct 13 2003, 10:02 AM)
Dear Monjan,

How can we get Mata to stop being so damned nice?

Yours,
Polocrunch

Spray him with fart spray. It's a winner.

Or stick a firecracker up his nose. That's bound to make him a bit narky.
Jonman
QUOTE (Debaser @ Oct 13 2003, 10:58 AM)
jonman!

said distillers girl isn't actually interested in me. any ideas how to flog a ticket creatively? or have you got any other ideas?

EEEEEEEEE-BAY!

Or stand outside the gig offerring to sell it to easily led fools.

And I've got loads of other ideas, by the by. The best one involves custard. As all good ideas should.
Polocrunch
Uncie Jonman (can I call you Uncie? It's not like you have a choice, by the way),

Why are you so wise?

Oh, and...

Ummmm....

Why do good people have to die?
Jonman
QUOTE (Polocrunch @ Oct 13 2003, 11:01 AM)
Uncie Jonman (can I call you Uncie? It's not like you have a choice, by the way),

Why are you so wise?

Oh, and...

Ummmm....

Why do good people have to die?

Uncie. Or Your Majesty. Or Sir.

My wisenicity is derived directly from playing videogames. You heard it here first kids. Games make you smart. FACT.

Good people die for the same reasons as bad people. None of us are immortal, buddy. Except Elvis, of course.
Xandra the Blue
Thank you for your advice Jonman, but this is a semi-related but non-revenge related question.

At this thingy, I will get to meet Ann Widdicom. Any ideas for questions? (as you seem to get so many of them)
Jonman
QUOTE (Xandra the Blue @ Oct 13 2003, 11:20 AM)
Thank you for your advice Jonman, but this is a semi-related but non-revenge related question.

At this thingy, I will get to meet Ann Widdicom. Any ideas for questions? (as you seem to get so many of them)

Ask her.....

What is Boing?

I've been wanting to know the answer to that for yonks.

I'm a bit out of touch with UK politics at the moment, otherwise I'd come up with a cutting witty question on the state of the government. Ask her if she think's Dubya is an utter asshat or not.
Pikasyuu
Dear Jonman -
How goes it? =)

And, rubber and breasts are boing. I promise.

- syuu
oobunnie
Dear Jon.

My bestfriend has been dating this guy for about a month and they act like an old married couple. But whenever she hangs out with me she does nothing but blabber on about how she doesnt want to see him so much and how he's so clingy, yet she ditches me to go hang out with him like 15 mins before we're supposed together. It kinda gets me mad-ish because I've already told my guy and other freinds to make plans as I already have plans with her. Oh and I'm tired of listening to her complain about him being clingy as its obviously a farse. What do I do.
Jonman
QUOTE (syuu @ Oct 13 2003, 11:39 AM)
Dear Jonman -
How goes it? =)

And, rubber and breasts are boing. I promise.

- syuu

Ho hum.

My personal life is fantabuous as always. My proffessional life is a little bit shaky - looking for a new job as the old one's coming to a close, and with nothing firm lined up yet. Still, can't complain.

Rubber is boring. Yes. Boobs are not. No.
FACT
Jonman
QUOTE (oobunnie @ Oct 13 2003, 11:42 AM)
Dear Jon.

My bestfriend has been dating this guy for about a month and they act like an old married couple. But whenever she hangs out with me she does nothing but blabber on about how she doesnt want to see him so much and how he's so clingy, yet she ditches me to go hang out with him like 15 mins before we're supposed together. It kinda gets me mad-ish because I've already told my guy and other freinds to make plans as I already have plans with her. Oh and I'm tired of listening to her complain about him being clingy as its obviously a farse. What do I do.

The best thing to do is calmly explain your friend in a non-accusatory fashion that you don't appreciate the fact that she keeps ditching you after you've made plans to hang out with her. Try and avoid badmouthing her fella, as that tends to get people's hackles up, and will likely lead to bad feeling.

As for her bitching about him, why do you think she does that if it's blatently not the case? Perhaps to put you at ease because she doesn't want to boast about him? Or because she is actually annoyed with him? See if you can figure out why she's acting up, and then see if you can broach the subject cautiously.

Hope that helps,
Phyllis
Dear Jonman,

Can you think of any alternate uses for a printer? Mine is a lazy bastard and does not want to print. The Windows troubleshooter says, "You have encountered a problem that the troubleshooter cannot help you with. Please seek help elsewhere." So, that is what I'm doing.

Suggestions involving violence would be preferable.


Yours,
Cand.
Jonman
QUOTE (candice @ Oct 13 2003, 12:47 PM)
Dear Jonman,

Can you think of any alternate uses for a printer? Mine is a lazy bastard and does not want to print. The Windows troubleshooter says, "You have encountered a problem that the troubleshooter cannot help you with. Please seek help elsewhere." So, that is what I'm doing.

Suggestions involving violence would be preferable.


Yours,
Cand.

Right. Cut out a sheet of aluminium foil to the exact same shape and size of a piece of paper. Show it to the printer, and wave it threateningly in front of the printer. If it still fails to print, put the tin foil in the paper tray and print a test page using the buttons on the printer. That'll learn it.

On a more serious note, remove and reinstall the printer, download the latest drivers and install them, and reboot everything ever.
Sun Tsu
Dear Jonman,

My foot itches. I'm too lazy to reach down and scratch it.
What should I do?

Sun
Jonman
QUOTE (Sun Tsu @ Oct 13 2003, 01:06 PM)
Dear Jonman,

My foot itches. I'm too lazy to reach down and scratch it.
What should I do?

Sun

Scratch the itch by throwing something at it. I suggest the mouse, as you can keep hold of the cable, and reel it back in for a second throw if your aim's off.
Polocrunch
Uncie Jonman, I do not know whether I dare ask this, for it shall surely be a most perilous question. I shall sally forth with the request despite my fears, for that is the way of a true knight!

Uncie Jonman, for many years we have dared lay eyes solely upon the rear of your mighty head, for we are assured that to look upon your face would be to witness the wrath of God Himself. But, what Jonman, is your face really like? Pics if possible please.
Jonman
QUOTE (Polocrunch @ Oct 13 2003, 01:50 PM)
Uncie Jonman, I do not know whether I dare ask this, for it shall surely be a most perilous question. I shall sally forth with the request despite my fears, for that is the way of a true knight!

Uncie Jonman, for many years we have dared lay eyes solely upon the rear of your mighty head, for we are assured that to look upon your face would be to witness the wrath of God Himself. But, what Jonman, is your face really like? Pics if possible please.

There are actually pictures of the frontside of my head out there in cyberspace for the intrepid explorer. Some have even been posted. Like this one, which I'm particularly fond of.

Phyllis
Dear Jonman,

My printer laughed in the face of the aluminum foil and refused to work even after I did all that other technical stuff you suggested. Then, as if to further the insult, it behaved like a little lamb for my husband when he got home. He didn't even try to fix it, merely turned the computer on and hit "print" on a test document. This is most unfair, because I restarted the computer many times - to no avail. I don't see how his mouse clicking skills are in some way superior to mine.

Do you think my husband and the printer have some sort of evil plot against me? If so, how should I go about exacting my revenge?

Yours,
Cand.
Jonman
QUOTE (candice @ Oct 13 2003, 09:47 PM)
Dear Jonman,

My printer laughed in the face of the aluminum foil and refused to work even after I did all that other technical stuff you suggested. Then, as if to further the insult, it behaved like a little lamb for my husband when he got home. He didn't even try to fix it, merely turned the computer on and hit "print" on a test document. This is most unfair, because I restarted the computer many times - to no avail. I don't see how his mouse clicking skills are in some way superior to mine.

Do you think my husband and the printer have some sort of evil plot against me? If so, how should I go about exacting my revenge?

Yours,
Cand.

Dear Cand,

One of two things is going on here.

( 1 ): you have been unfortunate enough to procure a thoroughly misogynist printer, which will do it's utmost to frustrate not only you, but any other women that tries to use it. We used to have one of these in my old office. Refused to work for any of the women in the office - worked just fine for the men. Try painting on some fake stubble with an eyebrow pencil, strapping your chest down flat, talking in gruff voice about sports and quaffing beer to fool the printer into thinking that you''re a chap. Should be OK then.

( 2 ); your husband and the printer are having an affair. As hard to accept as this may be, ask yourself some soul searching questions. Next time you wake up in the middle on the night to find an empty space in the bed next to you, listen for soft whispers and the gentle whirr of the paper feeder from the next room.

Hope that helps.
Polocrunch
Dear Jonman,

My computer is going through another phase of self-de-improvement. It is refusing to cooperate more and more often. What blunt instrument do you think would be the most appropriate for destroying this infernal device?
Jonman
QUOTE (Polocrunch @ Oct 14 2003, 10:25 AM)
Dear Jonman,

My computer is going through another phase of self-de-improvement. It is refusing to cooperate more and more often. What blunt instrument do you think would be the most appropriate for destroying this infernal device?

A Spork.

It's blunt AND pointy. Can't beat that.
Debaser
dear jonman,

ICT key skills (i.e. crap computer thing that's compulsory in my college) is the most patronising class ever. when "let's play with clipart!" actually turned into WORK, i have no idea. anyway...any pointers for making it...interesting?

yours,
asleep at keyboard
Sir Psycho Sexy
QUOTE (Debaser @ Oct 14 2003, 05:48 PM)
dear jonman,

ICT key skills (i.e. crap computer thing that's compulsory in my college) is the most patronising class ever. when "let's play with clipart!" actually turned into WORK, i have no idea. anyway...any pointers for making it...interesting?

yours,
asleep at keyboard

You could do what i do and browse the forums when the teacher/lecurer isn't looking....don't look at naughty things though....no


sorry jonman i'm not stealing your thunder, or your Daddies sauce because HP is teh best biggrin.gif
Jonman
QUOTE (Debaser @ Oct 14 2003, 10:48 AM)
dear jonman,

ICT key skills (i.e. crap computer thing that's compulsory in my college) is the most patronising class ever. when "let's play with clipart!" actually turned into WORK, i have no idea. anyway...any pointers for making it...interesting?

yours,
asleep at keyboard

Yes. Clearly, the best way is to bring your GBA in, and play Final Fantasy Tactics. When teacher/lecturer comes over to have a go at you, lazily demonstrate your awesome grasp of clipart, raise an eyebrow and go back to FF:T.

Or, use the time to learn to juggle.

Or, use the time to take care of things that need taking care of and can be done with a computer i.e. banking, email, checking latest movie reviews etc.

Try and refrain from:
- setting fire to stuff
- downloading premium strength filth
- frothing at the mouth with sheer boredom

That kind of stuff can lead to disciplinarary action, which isn't normally good.
oobunnie
QUOTE (Jonman @ Oct 13 2003, 06:59 PM)
The best thing to do is calmly explain your friend in a non-accusatory fashion that you don't appreciate the fact that she keeps ditching you after you've made plans to hang out with her. Try and avoid badmouthing her fella, as that tends to get people's hackles up, and will likely lead to bad feeling.

As for her bitching about him, why do you think she does that if it's blatently not the case? Perhaps to put you at ease because she doesn't want to boast about him? Or because she is actually annoyed with him? See if you can figure out why she's acting up, and then see if you can broach the subject cautiously.

Hope that helps,

I tried talking to her yesterday, and tried to explain that it wasnt all that nice ditching me, and I didnt insult her boy, infact I like him he's pretty nice. (but I do keep my opinion of him to myself, wait no I dont think he's nice, I think he's a liar. Its impossible to get a teaching degree in three years and since he was working at the oil feild for a year that would only give him 2 years to do the 3 years of school that still wouldnt make him a teacher, but enough of my anilizing his bull stories)

But anyways she went off the handle at me saying stuff about how he made her get together with him and it wasnt her fault, and that I shouldnt get made at her for things she cant control. To which I replied (I'm guessing not that smart) Do you have the inability to say the word "No". well to say the least she kinda went crazy and by the end she was crying and all in all I'm not to sure why. I dont remember saying anything rude or nasty or of the sort to her.

yours,

so so confused
Fred
Right!
Ive been asking people this for about a month now, and all i get is 'uh i think its something 2 do with....' which im sick of. i dont care if i dont understand what anything else means, but what, EXACTLY does "Splice The Mainbraces" MEAN?
i undrertook a quest 2 fidn this out, so i hope u understand i have 2 try every way possible and not stop til my quest is completed
Jonman
QUOTE (oobunnie @ Oct 14 2003, 11:44 AM)
I tried talking to her yesterday, and tried to explain that it wasnt all that nice ditching me, and I didnt insult her boy, infact I like him he's pretty nice. (but I do keep my opinion of him to myself, wait no I dont think he's nice, I think he's a liar. Its impossible to get a teaching degree in three years and since he was working at the oil feild for a year that would only give him 2 years to do the 3 years of school that still wouldnt make him a teacher, but enough of my anilizing his bull stories)

But anyways she went off the handle at me saying stuff about how he made her get together with him and it wasnt her fault, and that I shouldnt get made at her for things she cant control. To which I replied (I'm guessing not that smart) Do you have the inability to say the word "No". well to say the least she kinda went crazy and by the end she was crying and all in all I'm not to sure why. I dont remember saying anything rude or nasty or of the sort to her.

yours,

so so confused

OK.

Well, on the one hand, at least your friend now knows that you're not happy with being binned by her.

On the other hand, it sounds like by her response that rather than take the criticism constructively, she went on the defensive, blaming her boyfriend. Now, I could be mistaken, but it's my belief that when someone tries to lay the blame on someone else, especially without particularly good reason, it as a result of (sometimes sub-conscious) acknowledgement of guilt, and transferrance of responsibility to absolve that guilt. The tears could be an escape mechanism to defuse the situation by making you feel bad and drop the subject.

There is another option, that her boyfriend DID make her do it, in which case, it sounds like an unhealthy relationship. That could also explain the tears.

Either way, it seems like there's more going on below the surface, or that your friend has other issues going on. If you care about her, make sure she knows that you're there for her if she needs to talk about whatever it is that's upsetting her.

Alternatively, she could just be a fruit loop wink.gif

DISCLAIMER! Bear in mind that I'm not a relationship councillor, or a therapist. I'm just some random bloke off the internet, so all my advice should be taken with pinch of salt. Make your own mind up about the situation - don't just take my word as gospel. It's advice , based on the tiniest bit of information - contrary to popular belief, I'm not omniscient wink.gif
Succubusalicious
Hey !! I'm absolutely useless at helping my buddies when they come to me with problems. I find it hard enough solving my own, let alone theirs. Ho do you get so good at it ??
Sun Tsu
Dear Jonman,

Methinks this thread is quite popular now. It is like a full time job now? Also, don't you hate pretty much pointless letters like this one?

DaddilyDoodily
Jonman
QUOTE (Fred @ Oct 14 2003, 12:23 PM)
Right!
Ive been asking people this for about a month now, and all i get is 'uh i think its something 2 do with....' which im sick of. i dont care if i dont understand what anything else means, but what, EXACTLY does "Splice The Mainbraces" MEAN?
i undrertook a quest 2 fidn this out, so i hope u understand i have 2 try every way possible and not stop til my quest is completed

Fortunately, in a previous life, I was a pirattical consultant. Pirates and other scurvy sea-scum would come to me and I would educate them in the finer points of a rogue's life on the high seas, such as the correct inflection to put on one's Arrrrr's, ensuring that one's tunic and trous didn't clash with one's parrot, and the correct selection of a wooden leg that wouldn't warp or go mouldy.

As a result, I'm in a unique position to answer your question. The mainbraces were lines (that's nautical talk for ropes) with pulleys that allowed sailors on square-rigged ships (the kind you see in pirate films) to hoist the mainsail. An alternative meaning is the lines that run fore and aft (nautical for foreward and backward) from the main mast that hold the mast upright.

Whichever meaning is correct is irrelevant - the mainbraces were absolutely essential to the correct operation of the ship, and as such, needed to be strong, and hardwearing. The traditional way to achieve this was to splice them. Splicing is basically weaving several ropes together to make a big strong rope or cable. This is one of the most important jobs on a ship, and one of the most physically demanding. As a result, once the crew had finished splicing the mainbrace, the captain would traditionally reward them with grog for doing a good job.

Hence the usage of the term today for having a drink at the end of a good day's work.

Incidentally, in pirattical circles, a well spliced mainbrace is particularly important, as it would often be the target of an enemy group of pirates - ruin the mainbrace, and you've essentially cripppled the ship - it would be unable to hoist it's mainsails, and would thus be a sitting duck in the water. Thus, splicing the mainbrace was even more important to the waterbourne vagabonds of the time. As was the grog afterwards. Arrrrrrr!
Jonman
QUOTE (Succubusalicious @ Oct 14 2003, 12:30 PM)
Hey !! I'm absolutely useless at helping my buddies when they come to me with problems. I find it hard enough solving my own, let alone theirs. Ho do you get so good at it ??

The irony is that while I'm adept at handing out advice left right and centre, I'm often rubbish at dealing with similar situations in my own life.
Jonman
QUOTE (Sun Tsu @ Oct 14 2003, 12:36 PM)
Dear Jonman,

Methinks this thread is quite popular now. It is like a full time job now? Also, don't you hate pretty much pointless letters like this one?

DaddilyDoodily

This thread's like cordouroy, flares and disco. It's crazy popular for a while, then dies a death, then there's a revival etc etc etc. I tend to dip into it as time allows. At the moment, I'm not too busy - hence the plentiful replies.
Fred
QUOTE (Jonman @ Oct 14 2003, 07:47 PM)
Fortunately, in a previous life, I was a pirattical consultant. .. etc

THANK YOU! for now, at least, u r my god. my not last long and is in fact a dubious honour but its yours anyway.
Arrr
Jaq
Dear Monjan:

I have a horrible problem with procrastination. Whenever a deadline comes closer I don't panic and frantically dash out some slapped together assignment like most people I know. I wish. Oh no. My brain in its infinite wisdom (okay, it's wiser than most parts of my body) decided that my coping mechanism will be to get depressed and put off the assignment even longer until the depression passes. I'm usually quite a well balanced individual but when deadlines approach I turn into Depressed Woman who's super power is to sleep alot and stop talking. Help?

Sincerely, Mildly Depressed Woman (The deadline is still far off yet)
monkey_called_narth
Dear Jonman,

why is itthat a 16 and a 18 year old cant date because its considered rape, but its cool for the president to kiss a baby??

matchinthegastank boomboom
Mata
QUOTE (Jonman @ Oct 14 2003, 06:20 PM)
QUOTE (Debaser @ Oct 14 2003, 10:48 AM)
dear jonman,

ICT key skills (i.e. crap computer thing that's compulsory in my college) is the most patronising class ever. when "let's play with clipart!" actually turned into WORK, i have no idea. anyway...any pointers for making it...interesting?

yours,
asleep at keyboard

Yes. Clearly, the best way is to bring your GBA in, and play Final Fantasy Tactics. When teacher/lecturer comes over to have a go at you, lazily demonstrate your awesome grasp of clipart, raise an eyebrow and go back to FF:T.

My personal option was to start teaching the class how to do more advanced things and then finally begin teaching the teacher new stuff about their software. I did this several times duing my degree course and I think it's one of the reasons that I ended up being offered a PhD placement.
CommieBastard
QUOTE (Mata @ Oct 15 2003, 06:38 PM)
My personal option was to start teaching the class how to do more advanced things and then finally begin teaching the teacher new stuff about their software. I did this several times duing my degree course and I think it's one of the reasons that I ended up being offered a PhD placement.

Cheeky bugger.
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