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Jaq
Dear Jonman:

I have this erm... "friend" who has a problem. Anyways, her problem is that whenever she sees binary or hex code, she has an overwhelming urge to translate it and reply back to it in binary or hex. She's otherwise a nice person (bit whiny and self important), but this habit is just driving me bonkers. How can I go about telling her to quit freaking doing it without hurting her ickle feelings at the same time getting her to stop? It really is annoying.

Her Own Best Friend, Jaq

p.s. I can't see your AV either Jonman...
Jonman
QUOTE (Oni Usagi @ Nov 19 2003, 01:23 PM)
Dear Jonman,

Is you're av not working, or is it just me?

- Bored

No, it's just you.

Working just fine for me. Ought to bloody well be - it's hosted on my own space.
Jonman
QUOTE (Jaq @ Nov 19 2003, 01:42 PM)
Dear Jonman:

I have this erm... "friend" who has a problem. Anyways, her problem is that whenever she sees binary or hex code, she has an overwhelming urge to translate it and reply back to it in binary or hex. She's otherwise a nice person (bit whiny and self important), but this habit is just driving me bonkers. How can I go about telling her to quit freaking doing it without hurting her ickle feelings at the same time getting her to stop? It really is annoying.

Her Own Best Friend, Jaq

Tell that I'll, um, I mean, my friend will come round and sew shrimp into the hems of her curtains and sow cress seeds into her carpet is she keeps doing it. That ought to deter her.
CommieBastard
Dear Jonman,

Why in the name of Robert Smith is the manna known as jerky not available here in England? And if it is, where the hell IS it?

Hungrily yours.
cheese is funny
dear man of jon,

im a long time reader, and used to be a frequent mailer, and again, i ask your help. i recently finished "the catcher in the rye" and i realized ive started talking like holden. ive even caught myself typing like him. is it bad to start mimicing a book character randomly? ive never had this before, and im not sure if im going insane... is it sane to randomly mimic a character from a book's pattern of talking?

sincerally,

trying not to mimic books and failing
gerbilfromhell
dear jonman:

where exactly is the middle of nowhere? and how do you find it? what's IN the middle of nowhere? gnomes?

-guy trying to find nothing. or something. that's really nothing. cause it's in nowhere. which makes it something...... and now i have a headache dry.gif
Phyllis
QUOTE (CommieBastard @ Nov 19 2003, 03:13 PM)
Dear Jonman,

Why in the name of Robert Smith is the manna known as jerky not available here in England? And if it is, where the hell IS it?

Hungrily yours.

I was wondering the same thing. That's just barbaric! Poor deprived things. I shall start a charity whose main purpose is to send jerky to the jerky-deprived in the UK. It's also known as pemmican (that's actually the traditional name)...so maybe you know it by that name? It's delicious stuff. If you have a food dehydrator (hey, some people do...my mom does....) you can make it yourself. I have a recipe floating around here somewhere...

Meanwhile...onto what I was going to say...

Dear Jonman,

I saw the following sign in a store today: "20 Inch Ethnic Wood." After viewing this sign, I giggled in an immature fashion during the rest of my shopping. Can you guess what the item advertised was?

Yours,
Cand.

PS: It was not a dirty store. Honestly. It was a pharmacy.
Jonman
QUOTE (CommieBastard @ Nov 19 2003, 04:13 PM)
Dear Jonman,

Why in the name of Robert Smith is the manna known as jerky not available here in England? And if it is, where the hell IS it?

Hungrily yours.

do you know, I've asked myself the same question many many times. I reckon Johnny English would go for it, what with england being the land of roast beef and all that. And it's healthy too! The vegan population may not be so pleased, but hey, you can't make an omlette... etc. Especially if you're vegan.

Anyway, it is available at select retail outlets, most big Whistlestop shops in the big london stations certainly have it (if you happen to be heading out of Victoria on platforms 15-19, the one there has quite a selection). Perhaps some shops that specialise in 'foods of the world' would have it too.

Maybe I'll set up a jerky business in a few years. Never know, it could work...
Jonman
QUOTE (cheese is funny @ Nov 19 2003, 04:26 PM)
dear man of jon,

im a long time reader, and used to be a frequent mailer, and again, i ask your help. i recently finished "the catcher in the rye" and i realized ive started talking like holden. ive even caught myself typing like him. is it bad to start mimicing a book character randomly? ive never had this before, and im not sure if im going insane... is it sane to randomly mimic a character from a book's pattern of talking?

sincerally,

trying not to mimic books and failing

You poor thing. I had to read that when I was at school. What a load of toss it was.

Anyway, onto your question. A bit of mimicry can go down well when used for comedic effect. I like nothing more than to sit in pub, and spontaneously break out in 'club style' singing (complete with moving elbow). Vic'n'Bob would be proud (UK TV reference in case you're wondering - confuses the frick out of the americans that are around me).

However, here are some fictional characters I don't recommend you mimic:

- The bloke from American Psycho
- Pikachu
- Hannibal Lecter
- Any character whatsoever from the works of Tolkein.
- Any character from a religious text - people'll think your a cultist nutbag
- Superheroes

Other than that, have fun. Some people may accuse you of being a pompous windbag, but a cunningly quick-witted verbal barb will teach them a lesson.
Jonman
QUOTE (gerbilfromhell @ Nov 19 2003, 06:22 PM)
dear jonman:

where exactly is the middle of nowhere? and how do you find it? what's IN the middle of nowhere? gnomes?

-guy trying to find nothing. or something. that's really nothing. cause it's in nowhere. which makes it something...... and now i have a headache dry.gif

If you travel about 80 miles south-south-west of Bristol, in SW England, you'll come to a town called Yeovil. Near Yeovil is a place called Shepton Mallet, which is officially the middle of nowhere. Some folk may claim that the Gobi Desert, or the Amazon jungle, or Russian Steppes, or even the Antarctic ice sheets are the middle of nowhere, but no.

Let me tell you, there's an infinitely greater amount of cultural significance to a single grain of sand from the Gobi than there is the Shepton Mallet. A single piece of glitter extraced from the digestive tract of an Antartic penguin bears more relevance to the modern world than the entirety of Shepton Mallet.

All you'll find there is small-town horribleness. I spent a day there, and when I got back to Yeovil (itself a cultural backwater), it felt like a bustling metropolis of poets, artists and other avant-garde folk.

So, don't go there.
Jonman
QUOTE (candice @ Nov 19 2003, 10:27 PM)
It's delicious stuff. If you have a food dehydrator (hey, some people do...my mom does....) you can make it yourself. I have a recipe floating around here somewhere...

Meanwhile...onto what I was going to say...

Dear Jonman,

I saw the following sign in a store today: "20 Inch Ethnic Wood." After viewing this sign, I giggled in an immature fashion during the rest of my shopping. Can you guess what the item advertised was?

Yours,
Cand.

PS: It was not a dirty store. Honestly. It was a pharmacy.

BEEF JERKY RECIPE PAGE

There you go. Get stuck in kids. It's wicked good.

Right, to your question Cand....

I too, would have giggled like a schoolboy. I would have pointed it out to anyone I was with, taken photos of it and posted it online, then told everyone I know. Good work.

However, due to being Captain Capitalism, and knowing many things about shopping, I can deduce that the sign was clearly advertising didgeridoos.

*strikes a pose*

Of course, it helps that I was in Australia 2 weeks ago, looking at didges, and that my girlfriend plays the didge, and has imparted a tiny part of her knowledge on them to me.

P.S. Pharmacies are dirty stores - you can buy condoms and lubricants, and it's all sorts of things to do with microscopic dirt and germs and nastiness. Filth.
Polocrunch
My darling Jonny,

A train departs London Waterloo at 12.05 travelling at 46 kph. A taxi leaves Paris Charles de Gaulle airport at 4.37 the following day travelling at an outrageous 128 ells-per-jiffy. Assuming that the train travels non-stop, ignoring all red lights and breaking a number of safety regulations, and assuming that the taxi follows the least direct route (stopping off in Berhampur in southern India on the way to buy some more raw sugar cane), which giraffe will be the first to give birth to a mobile phone in captivity?

Smugly,

Polocrunch
Jonman
QUOTE (Polocrunch @ Nov 20 2003, 12:58 PM)
My darling Jonny,

A train departs London Waterloo at 12.05 travelling at 46 kph. A taxi leaves Paris Charles de Gaulle airport at 4.37 the following day travelling at an outrageous 128 ells-per-jiffy. Assuming that the train travels non-stop, ignoring all red lights and breaking a number of safety regulations, and assuming that the taxi follows the least direct route (stopping off in Berhampur in southern India on the way to buy some more raw sugar cane), which giraffe will be the first to give birth to a mobile phone in captivity?

Smugly,

Polocrunch

Clearly, the taxi must have a matter/anti-matter engine to be able to achieve such a ludicrous speed. As any world class theoretical exotic-matter physicist (such as myself) would know from watching Star Trek, the stabilty of a magneto-muon containment field such as those used in super-100epj motors becomes unstable under conditions of fluctuating magnetic fields. It is precisely for this reason that taxis normally use regular internal combustion engines, as in the process of travelling form Paris to Berhampur, the delta in atmospheric magnetism due the large southerly component in the journey will undoubtedly disrupt the magflux waveform in the container, and cause the muon field to begin to leak into the matter/anti-matter annihilation nacelle. The result of this would, of course be a cataclysmic release of unfathomable amounts of energy, reducing the best part of the solar system to it's component gluons and quarks. Therefore, any conclusions regarding the condition of giraffes, sugar cane and/or cellphones are moot.

*shakes head*

Tsk. Kids today - don't even know they're born....
Pab
Well, I dont know about you guys, but that was one of the worst miss-uses of muon fields that I have ever been privy to, if this is tha case. Shame on you Jonman. Eek.
gerbilfromhell
dear jonman:
"A single piece of glitter extraced from the digestive tract of an Antartic penguin bears more relevance to the modern world than the entirety of Shepton Mallet."

how exactly would a piece of glitter get into the digestive tract of an antarctic penguin? have you seen one before? does it apply to the modern world?

confusedly yours,
soon-to-go-to-antarctica-guy
Jonman
QUOTE (Pab @ Nov 20 2003, 02:05 PM)
Well, I dont know about you guys, but that was one of the worst miss-uses of muon fields that I have ever been privy to, if this is tha case. Shame on you Jonman. Eek.

Pleased to be of service. I always try and achieve what no-one else has achieved before.
Jonman
QUOTE (gerbilfromhell @ Nov 20 2003, 02:10 PM)
dear jonman:
"A single piece of glitter extraced from the digestive tract of an Antartic penguin bears more relevance to the modern world than the entirety of Shepton Mallet."

how exactly would a piece of glitter get into the digestive tract of an antarctic penguin? have you seen one before? does it apply to the modern world?

confusedly yours,
soon-to-go-to-antarctica-guy

It's a symptom of humanity screwing the environment, innit, when we put indestructable crap in make-up, which gets washed off and ends up in the ocean, being eaten by fishes, which get eaten by penguins.

Tsk. Bad humans. In your bed.
Debaser
Dear Jonman,

You mention that Shepton Mallet is the complete middle of nowhere. Take it you've never been to Belvedere then?

Yours,
Similar experience with crappy village-type-things.

P.S: Think I'll be around that way around Christmas. Might go check the place out, just to see if the rumours are true...
Mata
QUOTE (Jonman @ Nov 20 2003, 09:16 PM)
QUOTE (gerbilfromhell @ Nov 20 2003, 02:10 PM)
dear jonman:
"A single piece of glitter extraced from the digestive tract of an Antartic penguin bears more relevance to the modern world than the entirety of Shepton Mallet."

how exactly would a piece of glitter get into the digestive tract of an antarctic penguin? have you seen one before? does it apply to the modern world?

confusedly yours,
soon-to-go-to-antarctica-guy

It's a symptom of humanity screwing the environment, innit, when we put indestructable crap in make-up, which gets washed off and ends up in the ocean, being eaten by fishes, which get eaten by penguins.

Tsk. Bad humans. In your bed.

Rubbish, it's just left over from the night before when the penguins were getting glammed up for a night on the glaciers. That stuff gets everywhere and so some is bound to end up in your drinks. Simple really.
Jonman
QUOTE (Debaser @ Nov 20 2003, 02:26 PM)
Dear Jonman,

You mention that Shepton Mallet is the complete middle of nowhere. Take it you've never been to Belvedere then?

Yours,
Similar experience with crappy village-type-things.

P.S: Think I'll be around that way around Christmas. Might go check the place out, just to see if the rumours are true...

Slopey headed yokels in kappa shell suits? Yes, I've been there in spirit *shudder*

If your going to be summerrrrrrset, I suggest going to Curry Mallet instead, if only for the comedy name. Then turning around, and fleeing for your life.
Jonman
QUOTE (Mata @ Nov 20 2003, 02:27 PM)
Rubbish, it's just left over from the night before when the penguins were getting glammed up for a night on the glaciers. That stuff gets everywhere and so some is bound to end up in your drinks. Simple really.

Oh please. Wearing glitter is sooo not a penguin thing to do. Glitter and a tux? As if.

Seagulls, on the other hand, now they're a bunch of tarts. Glitter from beak to webbed foot, I'd warrant.
gerbilfromhell
dear jonman

look over there. what do you see?

signed
unsolvable riddle. unless of course you solve it. in which case i'll spontaneously combust. and you don't want to be responsible for someone's death do you? tongue.gif laugh.gif
Jonman
QUOTE (gerbilfromhell @ Nov 20 2003, 02:37 PM)
dear jonman

look over there. what do you see?

signed
unsolvable riddle. unless of course you solve it. in which case i'll spontaneously combust. and you don't want to be responsible for someone's death do you? tongue.gif laugh.gif

As long as you promise not to combust, I'll tell you.


OK?


Good.


I see my boss on the phone, a few empty desks, and out of the window, a few hangars, and in the distance the cranes at the docks, and the space needle just visible through the grey seattle murk.

Remember, no combustion, eh?
Mata
QUOTE (gerbilfromhell @ Nov 20 2003, 09:37 PM)
look over there. what do you see?

Nothing.

...






Aaargh! I'm blind!!!!!!!



...


Ah, no, it's okay, my eyes were closed.

Err... how about 'Your finger you fool?', to give the Douglas Adams answer.

Alternatively 'your nose'. But that's working with the theory that Jonman actually has a nose. That's a very nosist assumption to make. After all, most people here have never seen his face. Why else do you think the photo is of the back of his head? Y'see, it all makes sense when you think about it.
Jonman
QUOTE (Mata @ Nov 20 2003, 02:52 PM)
Err... how about 'Your finger you fool?', to give the Douglas Adams answer.

Isn't that Pratchett?

Anyway, quit it with the nose gags. I'm very self conscious about it - that's why I had the utterly contemptuous haircut you see in my av to distract attention from the gaping hole in the front of my face where my nose used to be.
CommieBastard
QUOTE (Jonman @ Nov 20 2003, 10:15 PM)
QUOTE (Mata @ Nov 20 2003, 02:52 PM)

Err... how about 'Your finger you fool?', to give the Douglas Adams answer.

Isn't that Pratchett?

Indeed it is. In the early pages of The Light Fantastic, it was the transliteration of "Skund", the name of the forest in which the hapless Rincewind had found himself.

Me? Too much Pratchett? Nooo...
Polocrunch
QUOTE (Jonman @ Nov 20 2003, 08:33 PM)
Clearly, the taxi must have a matter/anti-matter engine to be able to achieve... and/or cellphones are moot.

*shakes head*

Tsk. Kids today - don't even know they're born....

Dear Jonman,

Have you been writing for Star Trek again?

Admiringly,
Polocrunch
oobunnie
QUOTE (Jonman @ Nov 20 2003, 10:15 PM)
QUOTE (Mata @ Nov 20 2003, 02:52 PM)

Err... how about 'Your finger you fool?', to give the Douglas Adams answer.

Isn't that Pratchett?

Anyway, quit it with the nose gags. I'm very self conscious about it - that's why I had the utterly contemptuous haircut you see in my av to distract attention from the gaping hole in the front of my face where my nose used to be.

You know they have ways to deal with that now-a-days. You get these bits drilled into your face and a prostect nose that you can snap on. Sort of like Mr. Potato Head i suppose.
Mr Fuzzy
Not a question at all, but for those looking for Jerky in the UK... Larger branches of Sainsbury's stock it, and it can be found near the poncey types of ham.
gerbilfromhell
dear jonman:

how does a creature of pure evil (a.k.a. mosquitos) survive in a late-fall NYC weather, somehow travel up to my apartment, and bite me 6 f*cking times?! why do all mosquitos want to suck my blood? how do i get rid of it?

signed,
gerbil, the guy in the place. who says stuff
monkey_called_narth
dear jonman

ok my dad has a choice of where we should move to...and now hes making me choose

seattle (family)
florida (orlando)
maine (i i already say heck no)
or new mexico

a little help????
Starfish
QUOTE (monkey_called_narth @ Nov 21 2003, 07:14 AM)
dear jonman

ok my dad has a choice of where we should move to...and now hes making me choose

seattle (family)
florida (orlando)
maine (i i already say heck no)
or new mexico

a little help????

If you move to Seattle, you'll be able to visit Jonman himself when you need advice. You could pay him in pie. Perhaps a nice Starry-Gazey (sp) pie. (Yech!)
Starfish
Oh Great and Powerful Jonman,

Why?

--Procrastinating in Portland
LoLo
Dear Jonman,

I think one of my tattoos blinked. Are my shoulders possessed?

Sincerely,
Me
Phyllis
Dear Jonman,

Jaq won't do my homework for me. The big meanie. Will you do my homework? I'm sick and pitiful and I have cookies. Good, yummy cookies...with no germs (cause I'm not contagious). Also, I have a truckload of jerky and various other delightful snacks.

It isn't much homework...you just have to write 5 papers on various films (short papers...and they're good films! Like the Matrix and such) and how they relate to all the crap we've been talking about in Philosophy, compose a 32 measure song, write an analytical paper about the teleological argument, take a Philosophy final, a Music final, aaaand I think that's it! I can handle library studies on my own (a chimp could do that class), and I'm already done with math.

Doesn't that sound like fun?

Hopefully yours,
Cand.

PS: I want A's.
PPS: The "20 inch Ethnic Wood" was a black nutcracker. And you are right...pharmacies are dirty stores. I hadn't thought about all the other things you can buy there aside from ethnic nutcrackers.
acidteardrop
QUOTE (oobunnie @ Nov 20 2003, 11:20 PM)
QUOTE (Jonman @ Nov 20 2003, 10:15 PM)
QUOTE (Mata @ Nov 20 2003, 02:52 PM)

Err... how about 'Your finger you fool?', to give the Douglas Adams answer.

Isn't that Pratchett?

Anyway, quit it with the nose gags. I'm very self conscious about it - that's why I had the utterly contemptuous haircut you see in my av to distract attention from the gaping hole in the front of my face where my nose used to be.

You know they have ways to deal with that now-a-days. You get these bits drilled into your face and a prostect nose that you can snap on. Sort of like Mr. Potato Head i suppose.

a better example than mr.potatohead.
maybe you al havent heard even of it, but in NH theres a big rock caleld the old man in the mountain. it looks like a profile of an old man, some people say (i, personally, have seen and and all i saw was a big rock. meh.) semi-recently his nose fell off. they are now working to put his nose back on, as he is the state symbol of New Hampshire (silly, innit? that them hicks would be so desperate for something unique that theyd fix a big rock. they should just give him a prosthetic arm that waves to passing tourists.)
id say that THAT is more like Jon's problem. you should get a stone nose on your face. glad i could help happy.gif
Jonman
QUOTE (Polocrunch @ Nov 20 2003, 04:13 PM)
QUOTE (Jonman @ Nov 20 2003, 08:33 PM)
Clearly, the taxi must have a matter/anti-matter engine to be able to achieve... and/or cellphones are moot.

*shakes head*

Tsk. Kids today - don't even know they're born....

Dear Jonman,

Have you been writing for Star Trek again?

Admiringly,
Polocrunch

No, they turned me down for that job on account of the englishisms that crept into my writing.....

RIKER: "Captain, we've got a bally load of those pesky Klingons following us 15 parsecs away"

PICARD: "Bugger. What the blinkin 'eck do you reckon we should do?"

DATA: "Don't be a pillock, it's a piece of cake. Just fire a couple of them torpedoe thingies at them. That'll scare the crap out of them"

PICARD: "Right you are geezer. Oi! Riker, you bearded twat, stop chatting up that short psychic bird, and get on with it"

RIKER: "Alright, keep your non-existant hair on, you bald git. *sighs* OK, I'm ready"

PICARD:" Right. Tally-ho, bombs away and fire!"

ENSIGN CRUSHER:"Good shot sir!"

PICARD:"Shut your cakehole, you brown-nosing little wazzock. Go fetch me a cuppa. And make sure you don't forget the Digestives."
Jonman
QUOTE (gerbilfromhell @ Nov 20 2003, 07:24 PM)
dear jonman:

how does a creature of pure evil (a.k.a. mosquitos) survive in a late-fall NYC weather, somehow travel up to my apartment, and bite me 6 f*cking times?! why do all mosquitos want to suck my blood? how do i get rid of it?

signed,
gerbil, the guy in the place. who says stuff

'cos there's lots of warm places in NYC where they can breed. And because they probably travel through the building's AC system. Kind of like secret agents through the ventilation ducts of space stations/evil lairs.
Jonman
QUOTE (monkey_called_narth @ Nov 21 2003, 07:14 AM)
dear jonman

ok my dad has a choice of where we should move to...and now hes making me choose

seattle (family)
florida (orlando)
maine (i i already say heck no)
or new mexico

a little help????

Not going to be too much help Narthy-pops.

As Starfish mentions, I'm currently living in Seattle, and I love it here. It's a beautiful part of the country - you're on the ocean, you're an hour away from the mountains, and Seattle itself is very cool. However, if you're going to be far out from the city, somewhere like Everett or Renton, then they're a bit sucky by all accounts.

I've never been to florida, but plumping for that just for 'didneyland' seems a little silly.
I've never been to maine. All I know about that is lobster and steven king.
I've never been to new mexico, either. And I know nothing about that at all.

If you really hate hot weather, don't do N.M. or Florida. If you really hate cold weather, don't do Maine. Seattle rarely get's extremes of temperatue, which is why I like it so much, it's very temperate, much like England. And it doesn't rain anywhere near as much as folk would have you believe.
Jonman
QUOTE (Starfish @ Nov 21 2003, 07:31 AM)
Oh Great and Powerful Jonman,

Why?

--Procrastinating in Portland

Because I said so.
Jonman
QUOTE (LoLo @ Nov 21 2003, 08:59 AM)
Dear Jonman,

I think one of my tattoos blinked. Are my shoulders possessed?

Sincerely,
Me

Dunno. Wave a crucifix at them and see if they vomit pea soup. If not, then they're probably. Another sure sign is if you wake up in the middle of the night, and you see them standing over you with a knife.

Otherwise, you're probably OK. Might want to lay off the 'herbal' tea a little, know what I mean?
Jonman
QUOTE (candice @ Nov 21 2003, 09:06 AM)
Dear Jonman,

Jaq won't do my homework for me. The big meanie. Will you do my homework? I'm sick and pitiful and I have cookies. Good, yummy cookies...with no germs (cause I'm not contagious). Also, I have a truckload of jerky and various other delightful snacks.

It isn't much homework...you just have to write 5 papers on various films (short papers...and they're good films! Like the Matrix and such) and how they relate to all the crap we've been talking about in Philosophy, compose a 32 measure song, write an analytical paper about the teleological argument, take a Philosophy final, a Music final, aaaand I think that's it! I can handle library studies on my own (a chimp could do that class), and I'm already done with math.

Doesn't that sound like fun?

Hopefully yours,
Cand.

PS: I want A's.
PPS: The "20 inch Ethnic Wood" was a black nutcracker. And you are right...pharmacies are dirty stores. I hadn't thought about all the other things you can buy there aside from ethnic nutcrackers.

I would do your homework, except that I'm lazy, and I'm going to take the rest of the day off to go home, sit around playing videogames, hang out with my girlfriend and the kid she looks after, and attempt to bolt together a website.

I could probably do a quarter-assed (like half-assed, but twice as bad) attempt at your homework. In fact, here's my paper on the Matrix films. You can use that if you like....

http://www.matazone.co.uk/forums/index.php?showtopic=6251
about halfway down the page...

As for teleologicalism, that's easy. Telephones are very logical - you push the buttons, you talk to folk. Easy.

Library studies sounds easy too. "Yup, that's a library. Nope, that's a hippo. That one's a bag of shopping. That one's a library."

Not-particularly-sorry I couldn't be of more help.
the lil' pie fairy
dear bloke of wisdom commonly known as jon,

i have a friend who doesn't like mince pies, pie of any sort (gasp), christmas cake, christmas pudding, most types of chocolate bar, fruit juice, peanut butter, jelly or chocolate cake....

sad.gif and she refuses to even try fried bread...*sob*

what can i do to save her??

anixously yours, a worried pie lover x
acidteardrop
dear jonperson (lets not give gender labels, eh?)

i dont like confectionaries. but thats not what i want to know.

i know the answer is forty-two, but what is the question? what is the question to life, the universe, and everything?

sincerely yours,
marvin
Jonman
QUOTE (the lil' pie fairy @ Nov 21 2003, 01:54 PM)
dear bloke of wisdom commonly known as jon,

i have a friend who doesn't like mince pies, pie of any sort (gasp), christmas cake, christmas pudding, most types of chocolate bar, fruit juice, peanut butter, jelly or chocolate cake....

sad.gif and she refuses to even try fried bread...*sob*

what can i do to save her??

anixously yours, a worried pie lover x

Your friend clearly has a defective set of chromosomes. There's something in the X chromosome that needs chocolate to function. Are you sure that she's not a man in disguise?

Anyway, buy her some beef jerky. That's yum.
Jonman
QUOTE (acidteardrop @ Nov 21 2003, 02:11 PM)
dear jonperson (lets not give gender labels, eh?)

i dont like confectionaries.  but thats not what i want to know.

i know the answer is forty-two, but what is the question? what is the question to life, the universe, and everything?

sincerely yours,
marvin

Well, if you knew your Douglas Adam, who first told us that the answer is 42, you'd know that the question is "what's 7x6?"

However, I don't believe that, and I think that the question is "how many chucks could a wood chuck chuck, if a wood chuck could chuck wood?", the answer being 42, of course.

Alternatively, the question could be "what is the minimum number of naked oily trampolining hula cocktail barmaids that need to be on one trampoline for it to be considered 'proper'?"
CommieBastard
QUOTE (Jonman @ Nov 22 2003, 09:28 PM)
Well, if you knew your Douglas Adam, who first told us that the answer is 42, you'd know that the question is "what's 7x6?"

I thought the question was "What's seven times nine?"

<McBain from The Simpsons> Dat's zer joke. </McBain>
Mr Fuzzy
Dear Jonmad,

Scurvy. Discuss.

Your's,
Worryingly obsessed with scurvy.
gerbilfromhell
QUOTE (Jonman @ Nov 21 2003, 06:35 PM)
QUOTE (gerbilfromhell @ Nov 20 2003, 07:24 PM)
dear jonman:

how does a creature of pure evil (a.k.a. mosquitos) survive in a late-fall NYC weather, somehow travel up to my apartment, and bite me 6 f*cking times?! why do all mosquitos want to suck my blood? how do i get rid of it?

signed,
gerbil, the guy in the place. who says stuff

'cos there's lots of warm places in NYC where they can breed. And because they probably travel through the building's AC system. Kind of like secret agents through the ventilation ducts of space stations/evil lairs.

dear jonman:

thanks for the help.
/me sprays bug repellant under (not on. this may be my stupidest idea ever, but it's not THAT stupid) the A.C.

but anyways, on with the question.
i finally found the mosquito in question (hiding under my bed, little f*cker). and i got the idea to spray bug repellant ON it to make it go away. as soon as i did, it dropped dead. why? huh.gif

signed
scared of bug repellant unsure.gif



edit: "And a more meaningful question - are gerbils rodents?"


.............
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA mad.gif

*me explodes*
how much money do you want to answer that with a 'no'. wink.gif
Pikasyuu
Dear Jonman -

How do you solve all of the world's problems the way only you do?

And a more meaningful question - are gerbils rodents?

- syuukake
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