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Jonman
QUOTE (Zesty @ Dec 1 2003, 10:51 AM)
dear jonman:

How many parakeets is too many parakeets? *if that makes any sense rolleyes.gif *

11.

Unless you're in an aviary, in which case it's 313.

Glad to be of service.
the lil' pie fairy
thanking you muchly for wisdom and giving you pie *gives pie*
the lil' pie fairy
damn my school computers....sorry again, it told me it hadn't sent etc etc....GAH dry.gif
Jonman
QUOTE (WeeJ @ Dec 1 2003, 11:57 AM)
Dear Jonman,

Where'd you get the 'new shades from'?

And I must say, the front of your head is a delight to the eyes.
So, do you actualy have the letter 'J' shaved on the back of your bonce?


Jennie
x

*blush*

Shades are from a local independant opticians here in Seattle that does wicked styling frames. They're prescription, innit, otherwise I'd be blind as a bat, me.

I did actually have the J shaved into my bonce earlier this year, when I was snowboarding in Whistler, up in British Columbia, with a bunch of mates who'd flown over from Blighty. I felt that the occasion demanded some kind of stupidity, and was only too pleased to be able to provide it. Actually, I was rather taken with the look, and it's ony due to he conservative nature of my colleagues that I had to get rid of it, and revert to the standard suedehead.

As an aside on the J-heed, I wore the same haircut to All Tomorrow's Parties, a festival of electronica down in the South Coast when I was back in the U of K after the snowboarding jaunt. Several months later, I was discussing a particular performer (Venetian Snares in case anyone's wondering) with someone on another web forum. They'd been there too, and we were reminiscing about how great it was, and I remarked that I'd been jumping and shuddering around like a mentalist. He noted my forum name (Jonman there too), and said "hold on, were you the bloke with the J in his head?" That made me chuckle.
Jonman
QUOTE (Sir_Psycho_Sexy @ Dec 4 2003, 11:59 AM)
Dear Jonman,
Where are you? i have more electronics type questions for you! namely:
Whats the difference between and open and closed loop gain?
Why do we use the closed loop circuit for amplification?
What are the properties of operational amplifiers?

I swear if they taught us stuff it'd be a much better course >_>

SPS

Ooh, jeez, your taxing me know.

I give no guarantees on the correctness of the following information....

Umm, open loop gain is well, open loop (i.e. no feedback), and closed loop has feedback, which is the bit that closes the loop.

Closed loop gives you much better control over the gain?

The properties? Well, I think that they're differential amplifiers, innit? i.e. They amplify the difference between the two inputs (marked + and - on yer circuit diagram). Can't remember how the gain's specified. Near infinite input impedance (I think). Active device (i.e. requires power supply to operate).

Dunno how much help that is, and it's probably a bit late, but there you go.
Jonman
QUOTE (Starfish @ Dec 4 2003, 01:52 PM)
Dear Jonman,


When you know it's time to go, how do you leave? sad.gif

Usually, I use a doorway. That's what they're there for. I'm not averse to doing forward rolls through it for comedy effect though.
Jonman
QUOTE (LoLo @ Dec 5 2003, 11:00 PM)
Dear Jonman,

I took your advice and started calling everyone Jeff at work. It backfired. Now everyone else is calling everyone else Jeff at work. When someone doesn't get it, they say, "It's a Laura thing," and the other person just nods laughs and starts calling other people Jeff. What now Sir Jon of Man?

Sincerely,
Can't seem to do anything right, or is that can't do anything wrong?

Up the ante, baby. Hopefully, you've been calling all the plants Jeff too. Start calling customers Jeff. In fact, start calling everything Jeff. Here's a sample conversation,

"Laura, where's the catbanana?"
you reply, "oh, it's in the Jeff."
"What?"
"The Jeff. Next to the Jeff. In the Jeffroom"

Next time someone says "oh, it's a Laura thing", scream at them "THE NAME IS JEFF!"

Substitute Jeff partway into ordinary words. Jefftastic, Jefftactular.

If all of that still doesn't work, break down and sob that you're still in mourning for your puppy, Jeff that died when you were 7, and the pain is still raw. Anytime anyone says Jeff, break down into racking sobs.
Pikasyuu
QUOTE (Jonman @ Dec 11 2003, 01:45 AM)
QUOTE (syuu @ Nov 30 2003, 06:43 PM)
Dear Jonman -

People have rituals to cheer them up. Not normal ones like a bath or a movie or an evening out with friends, but some very odd rituals. Have you any of these said rituals? What are they?

- syuukake

PS - You have lovely eyebrows.

Yeah, or course I do Syuukake (dodgy name that, very dodgy)

Dear Jonman -

You may thank Dayan and Missy for it. Not so much Missy as she did it in an accidental sense .. but now, I feel obligated to use it since it always made him giggle. Even if it does make me look extremely dodgy. XD

.. Oh dear.

Anyway. Perhaps you should consider giving eyebrow advice to the poor children without eyebrow advice, or the people who have to pencil their eyebrows on in the morning. Have you ever had to pencil your eyebrows, Jonman?

- syuucake (the original)
Jonman
QUOTE (Polocrunch @ Dec 9 2003, 02:47 PM)
Madam Jonman,

How does one acquire Gaydar?


Yours until the warranty runs out,

Alex

Gaydars'R'Us?

Failing that, Radio Shack ought to stock it, they've got blinkin' everything.

To my knowledge, it comes as standard with regular gayness, and is an optional extra with bisexuality. Installation into hetrosexuality can be tricky, as the gaydar is not perfectly insulated, and small bits of the received gaynicity can leak out. My advice? Keep the receipt.
Jonman
QUOTE (WeeJ @ Dec 9 2003, 02:59 PM)
Jonman,

In all seriousness...if Elmo and the Cookie monster were to have a scrap outside a pub at 11.30 at night, who be the triumphant victor?



Yours with puppet strings,

The wee one.

Ooh, an X vs Y question. Maybe even the first I've had.

Well, there's a few things to consider here. One is whether Cookie Monster (CM) has had his fix of cookies. If he hasn't, he's gonna be pissed, and that'll make him fight harder, but messier. And they tend not to stock cookies in pubs. Now, Elmo may look small, but he's a biter. Rile him up, and he'll take chunks of blue fluff out of CM if he gets in close. It depends as well whether the pub they've been in had a dancefloor. We all know that Elmo's a right little dancefloor diva, and he would have tired himself out busting out some grooves all night.

So, I'd say the smart money's on Elmo. CM will be getting cookie withdrawal, and that'll make him careless. Elmo will rip him to shreds. Unless, the dancefloor factor is in play, in which case bet heavily on CM.
Jonman
QUOTE (syuu @ Dec 10 2003, 07:16 AM)
QUOTE (Jonman @ Dec 11 2003, 01:45 AM)
QUOTE (syuu @ Nov 30 2003, 06:43 PM)
Dear Jonman -

People have rituals to cheer them up. Not normal ones like a bath or a movie or an evening out with friends, but some very odd rituals. Have you any of these said rituals? What are they?

- syuukake

PS - You have lovely eyebrows.

Yeah, or course I do Syuukake (dodgy name that, very dodgy)

Dear Jonman -

You may thank Dayan and Missy for it. Not so much Missy as she did it in an accidental sense .. but now, I feel obligated to use it since it always made him giggle. Even if it does make me look extremely dodgy. XD

.. Oh dear.

Anyway. Perhaps you should consider giving eyebrow advice to the poor children without eyebrow advice, or the people who have to pencil their eyebrows on in the morning. Have you ever had to pencil your eyebrows, Jonman?

- syuucake (the original)

That's the first time I've ever been asked that, I have to say.

Nah, I don't have to pencil them, they that beautiful naturally. However, I get the feeling that they're going to be unruly when I'm and old man. Which will suit my intended image of crazy old geezer nicely.

My best eyebrow pencilling advice is get someone else to do it. Much easier then.

As an aside, my aunt used to work for a cosmetic surgeon, and she used to tattoo eyebrows onto women who'd had facelifts. Crazy beans, eh?
Pikasyuu
QUOTE (Jonman @ Dec 11 2003, 02:26 AM)
QUOTE (syuu @ Dec 10 2003, 07:16 AM)
QUOTE (Jonman @ Dec 11 2003, 01:45 AM)
QUOTE (syuu @ Nov 30 2003, 06:43 PM)
Dear Jonman -

People have rituals to cheer them up. Not normal ones like a bath or a movie or an evening out with friends, but some very odd rituals. Have you any of these said rituals? What are they?

- syuukake

PS - You have lovely eyebrows.

Yeah, or course I do Syuukake (dodgy name that, very dodgy)

Dear Jonman -

You may thank Dayan and Missy for it. Not so much Missy as she did it in an accidental sense .. but now, I feel obligated to use it since it always made him giggle. Even if it does make me look extremely dodgy. XD

.. Oh dear.

Anyway. Perhaps you should consider giving eyebrow advice to the poor children without eyebrow advice, or the people who have to pencil their eyebrows on in the morning. Have you ever had to pencil your eyebrows, Jonman?

- syuucake (the original)

That's the first time I've ever been asked that, I have to say.

Nah, I don't have to pencil them, they that beautiful naturally. However, I get the feeling that they're going to be unruly when I'm and old man. Which will suit my intended image of crazy old geezer nicely.

My best eyebrow pencilling advice is get someone else to do it. Much easier then.

As an aside, my aunt used to work for a cosmetic surgeon, and she used to tattoo eyebrows onto women who'd had facelifts. Crazy beans, eh?

Since you're one backed up man, this will mercifully be my last advice err.. seeking for a bit. But thank you!

Yes, that is crazy beans. My brother's biological mother had her eyebrows and eyeliner tattooed on, and I wonder, wouldn't they sag with one's face upon reaching the appropriate age and look.. terrible?
Jonman
QUOTE (syuu @ Dec 10 2003, 07:28 AM)
Since you're one backed up man, this will mercifully be my last advice err.. seeking for a bit. But thank you!

Yes, that is crazy beans. My brother's biological mother had her eyebrows and eyeliner tattooed on, and I wonder, wouldn't they sag with one's face upon reaching the appropriate age and look.. terrible?

Not to worry, I've cleared me backlog now.

yeah, it's not like you could just touch it up when it goes wonky is it?

My aunt also used to tattoo areolae (sp?) onto women who'd had breast reconstruction surgey as well. It really amused me that my aunt, who's ever so upper-middle class, and terribly proper (in a lovely way) was a part-time tattooist! I used to joke with her about trading my uncle in for a hairy tattoed biker.
the lil' pie fairy
dear jonman jonman dear,

which is better, pasta with cheese sauce and lots of bacon, or spaghetti bolognese with meatballs?

also, what is the weather like where you are as i cannot see out of the window here.

yours curiously (with a craving for pasta), pie xx
Jonman
QUOTE (the lil' pie fairy @ Dec 10 2003, 08:17 AM)
dear jonman jonman dear,

which is better, pasta with cheese sauce and lots of bacon, or spaghetti bolognese with meatballs?

also, what is the weather like where you are as i cannot see out of the window here.

yours curiously (with a craving for pasta), pie xx

My gourmet answer is that it depends totally on the quality of the sauce. Given equal quality of sauces, both are super-tasty. I'd probably lean slightly towards the meatballs.

Weather's wet and gloomy here. At least it was 3 hours ago when I turned up to work, I can't see out of a window either.....
Mr Fuzzy
Dear Jonman,

Slow day at work today?

Yours with the dreaded lurgi, Hairy Bloke.
Jonman
QUOTE (Mr Fuzzy @ Dec 10 2003, 08:55 AM)
Dear Jonman,

Slow day at work today?

Yours with the dreaded lurgi, Hairy Bloke.

whatever gave you that idea, oh yea of ikky furmeistery?
jicama
QUOTE (Jonman @ Dec 10 2003, 02:23 PM)
QUOTE (WeeJ @ Dec 9 2003, 02:59 PM)
Jonman,

In all seriousness...if Elmo and the Cookie monster were to have a scrap outside a pub at 11.30 at night, who be the triumphant victor?



Yours with puppet strings,

The wee one.

Ooh, an X vs Y question. Maybe even the first I've had.

Well, there's a few things to consider here. One is whether Cookie Monster (CM) has had his fix of cookies. If he hasn't, he's gonna be pissed, and that'll make him fight harder, but messier. And they tend not to stock cookies in pubs. Now, Elmo may look small, but he's a biter. Rile him up, and he'll take chunks of blue fluff out of CM if he gets in close. It depends as well whether the pub they've been in had a dancefloor. We all know that Elmo's a right little dancefloor diva, and he would have tired himself out busting out some grooves all night.

So, I'd say the smart money's on Elmo. CM will be getting cookie withdrawal, and that'll make him careless. Elmo will rip him to shreds. Unless, the dancefloor factor is in play, in which case bet heavily on CM.

Cookie monster, definitely Cookie Monster! Let me explain.

CM would be going through cookie withdrawl but he would start hallucinating (like cartoon characters and muppets do) that Elmo was a giant cookie and would therefore do anything to bite Elmos annoying red head off. Elmo may be fiesty, but nothing compares with the might of an enraged CM.

I hope that cleared things up a bit.
Pab
Oh jon .. oh man,

that skycar (link on previous page - in a hurry - sorry) ... Damnfine piece of machinery ,V.3.1 could be really cool ...

BUT

... today any qualified individual can be allowed to have control of 8sqr meters of metal. They then go out and try very hard to care for the over-population issue by killing themselves and anybody else who's up for it.

And yet and at the same time, control towers the world over are staffed by bitter navigators thrown out during the computer revolution of hard-ass jet-flight.

HOW THE MONKEYS are we gonna let individuals pilot 1.5 tons of metal and fibreglass (and furry dice) in 3 dimensions, when a simple stack of airbusses over Paris can take up to 3 months of negotiations to solve .... and can you buy me one, please .... you can have a limerick ...(good eh?)

yours in expectation(of mine in metallic turquoise)

fly-to-mcdonalds and back
Jonman
QUOTE (Pab @ Dec 10 2003, 11:14 AM)
HOW THE MONKEYS are we gonna let individuals pilot 1.5 tons of metal and fibreglass (and furry dice) in 3 dimensions, when a simple stack of airbusses over Paris can take up to 3 months of negotiations to solve .... and can you buy me one, please .... you can have a limerick ...(good eh?)

According to Moller's website, you'll need a 'powered lift pilot's licence' which according to the quick bit of research I've done on the FAA site turns out to be either a similar kind of licence as you'd need for a helicopter, or a special class of licence for powered lift aircraft (e.g. VTOL aircraft that aren't rotorcraft).

Either way, you'll need to get certified by the FAA/JAA.

Once you're airborne, I expect that you'll be goverened by the same flight rules as light aircraft - i.e. you pretty much fly where you want under 10,000ft, and keep a bloody good eye out for other aircraft (known as Visual Flight Rules, or VFR). It's only larger aircraft and/or higher-flying aircraft that need to be constantly guided by ATC. You'll only need to contact ATC to fly into restricted airspace e.g. around an airfield on the approach to landing. Mind you, seeing as the Skycar can land anywhere, you won't need an airfield, will you? smile.gif
Phyllis
Dear Jonman,

It appears that I will be granted an extension on my coursework for fall semester till around February 15th because of the whole hospitalization thing.

My question for you is this: Since I have winter term classes to worry about as well, should I be a good student and do this work during Christmas break, or should I put it off until January since it really isn't that much and I should enjoy my break anyway?

Also of importance -- what do you suppose is the longest one should wait before finishing their Christmas shopping if they hope to get the person a halfway decent gift?

Yours,
Cand.
Jonman
QUOTE (candice @ Dec 10 2003, 11:54 AM)
Dear Jonman,

It appears that I will be granted an extension on my coursework for fall semester till around February 15th because of the whole hospitalization thing.

My question for you is this: Since I have winter term classes to worry about as well, should I be a good student and do this work during Christmas break, or should I put it off until January since it really isn't that much and I should enjoy my break anyway?

Also of importance -- what do you suppose is the longest one should wait before finishing their Christmas shopping if they hope to get the person a halfway decent gift?

Yours,
Cand.

Oooh, those are some tasty chunky questions Cand. Nice work on the extension though, that's a touch.

As for the work, you'll got to weigh up all the odds. Ask yourself the following questions

1 : Can you afford (time-wise) not to do it over Chrimble?
If the answer is no, then I'm afraid you're going to have to buckle down get to it. Try and get it done before Chrimble itself, as then you can relax and enjoy the face-stuffings..ermm...I mean festivities without self-recrimination.

If the answer is yes, ask yourself.....

2 : Can you really be bothered to do it over Christmas?
If the answer is no, not really, then don't force yourself. You'll only end up making a half-assed attempt at it, and you'll mope all the while you do it. Can you afford (time-wise) not to do it over Chrimble?
If the answer is yes, then set yourself a minimum target of how much you need to get done. Get organised, schedule your time (remembering to include shopping time), and STICK TO IT! And whatever you do, STAY OFF THE FORUM WHEN YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE WORKING.


As for the presents, I've done all my shopping on Chrimbo Eve before, and scored some wicked pressies for my folks. It was rather stressful, although the beer I had afterwards in the pub with a few mates who were in the same position was sweet nectar indeed. Relieved? I should say so. Anyway, I'm in the same boat - haven't got anything for my girlfriend yet, and don't really have much of an idea of what to get. Daglammit.
jicama
do i need a new toque?
Polocrunch
QUOTE (Jonman @ Dec 10 2003, 02:18 PM)
QUOTE (Polocrunch @ Dec 9 2003, 02:47 PM)
Madam Jonman,

How does one acquire Gaydar?


Yours until the warranty runs out,

Alex

Gaydars'R'Us?

Failing that, Radio Shack ought to stock it, they've got blinkin' everything.

To my knowledge, it comes as standard with regular gayness, and is an optional extra with bisexuality. Installation into hetrosexuality can be tricky, as the gaydar is not perfectly insulated, and small bits of the received gaynicity can leak out. My advice? Keep the receipt.

Jonman,

My Gaydar seems to have come with a faulty initial installation. I'll be popping down to Radio Shack to see if it's something to do with the SCART cable (and it's ALWAYS to do with the SCART cable). Failing this, I may just have to buy a new version.

No longer yours, unless you wish to renew the purchase at 5% interest repayment,

Polocrunch
Pab
QUOTE (Jonman @ Dec 10 2003, 07:28 PM)
QUOTE (Pab @ Dec 10 2003, 11:14 AM)

HOW THE MONKEYS are we gonna let individuals pilot 1.5 tons of metal and fibreglass (and furry dice) in 3 dimensions, when a simple stack of airbusses over Paris can take up to 3 months of negotiations to solve .... and can you buy me one, please .... you can have a limerick ...(good eh?)

According to Moller's website, you'll need a 'powered lift pilot's licence' which according to the quick bit of research I've done on the FAA site turns out to be either a similar kind of licence as you'd need for a helicopter, or a special class of licence for powered lift aircraft (e.g. VTOL aircraft that aren't rotorcraft).

Either way, you'll need to get certified by the FAA/JAA.

Once you're airborne, I expect that you'll be goverened by the same flight rules as light aircraft - i.e. you pretty much fly where you want under 10,000ft, and keep a bloody good eye out for other aircraft (known as Visual Flight Rules, or VFR). It's only larger aircraft and/or higher-flying aircraft that need to be constantly guided by ATC. You'll only need to contact ATC to fly into restricted airspace e.g. around an airfield on the approach to landing. Mind you, seeing as the Skycar can land anywhere, you won't need an airfield, will you? smile.gif


Dear jonman,

Yeah right. As much as I would (with your help) definitely have gotten myself a VTOL craft, your palming the whole thing off to some antiquated rule-of-thumb seems a wee bit too hazardous ... to just go out and buy one right now.

The 10.000 feet rule is fine when NOBODY does it ... but give me and and my mates a few Sky-cars and you'll see what the 32 day week has done to France, as just one country I'd be able to fly to/from .... Jonman ... Its TOO MUCH to handle, jonman. Admit it.

pab
Fluffy
QUOTE (Jonman @ Jun 3 2003, 06:34 PM)
QUOTE (MistressAlti @ Jun 4 2003, 01:20 AM)
Dear Jonman,

What is the meaning of life?

signed, Me.

Hello me.

There ain't one. In days of yore, when men and women were as hairy as each other, the meaning of life was to shag as much as possible and ensure the continuation of the species. However, a few thousand years of civilisation has slung that out of the window, and now there is no meaning of life. I suggest not worrying about it and ensuring that you and your loved ones have as much fun as possible.

Works for me.

Dear Jonman,

I believe that you are mistaken. According to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy the meaning of life is 42.
Pab
WRONG. 42 is the answer to the great question of life, the universe and everything. NOT the meaning of life. For the meaning of life, see jonman (for one).
acidteardrop
QUOTE (Fluffy @ Dec 10 2003, 10:32 PM)
QUOTE (Jonman @ Jun 3 2003, 06:34 PM)
QUOTE (MistressAlti @ Jun 4 2003, 01:20 AM)
Dear Jonman,

What is the meaning of life?

signed, Me.

Hello me.

There ain't one. In days of yore, when men and women were as hairy as each other, the meaning of life was to shag as much as possible and ensure the continuation of the species. However, a few thousand years of civilisation has slung that out of the window, and now there is no meaning of life. I suggest not worrying about it and ensuring that you and your loved ones have as much fun as possible.

Works for me.

Dear Jonman,

I believe that you are mistaken. According to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy the meaning of life is 42.

im sorry fluffy, but im afraid your wrong. you see, 42 is the answer to life, the universe, and everything. it is NOT the meaning of life.

HOWEVER! if youd give me a moment ill remember the meaning of life according to monty python.

well, its nothing very special, try and be bice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book now and then, get some walking in, and try and live in harmony with people of all creeds and nations.
and finally here are some completely gratuitous pictures of penises to annoy the censors and hopefully spark some sort of controvative....

um...you get the idea.
FurryMammal
Dear Jonman,

Many people, in both real life and on t'internet, are telling me and other people around me porkie pies and its getting to me now, because they seem to be lying for the sake of lying.

What should i do? Confront them and their fibbing, or plot an elaborate revenge involving pineapples and straws?

Cheers,
Finn. Honestly, thats my name. Really. Ask anyone. It's true.
Oni Usagi
Actually he's already answered the question "What is the meaning of life?"
It's on this page
Jonman
QUOTE (jicama @ Dec 10 2003, 01:40 PM)
do i need a new toque?

Definitely. You should never have a toque older than twice your height in inches.

Tell you what, while you're there, can you pick me up a new snagglybanjle? The wheels've fallen off my one.
Jonman
QUOTE (Pab @ Dec 10 2003, 03:16 PM)
Dear jonman,

Yeah right. As much as I would (with your help) definitely have gotten myself a VTOL craft, your palming the whole thing off to some antiquated rule-of-thumb seems a wee bit too hazardous ... to just go out and buy one right now.

The 10.000 feet rule is fine when NOBODY does it ... but give me and and my mates a few Sky-cars and you'll see what the 32 day week has done to France, as just one country I'd be able to fly to/from .... Jonman ... Its TOO MUCH to handle, jonman. Admit it.

pab

What's too much to handle? Actually, on further inspection, the Skycar's ceiling is 29k, which I believe means that it'll have to be equipped with a secondary radar transponder which will sqauwk to ATC, not to mention radios to talk to the controllers themselves. Which means that you'll have to have the pilot's licence.

Trust me, you don't want to be fannying around in airspace where you're not supposed/authorised to be. Goverment agencies take a very dim view of it, especially in today's post-9/11 environment.

I guess that unless you're sitting on 325,000 which you'd not planned to spend on other frivolous accessories, it's all a bit moot anyway. If you can't stretch to that, you can pick up a 1-man helicopter jetpack for around 60,000. Bargain.
Jonman
QUOTE (FurryMammal @ Dec 10 2003, 03:47 PM)
Dear Jonman,

Many people, in both real life and on t'internet, are telling me and other people around me porkie pies and its getting to me now, because they seem to be lying for the sake of lying.

What should i do? Confront them and their fibbing, or plot an elaborate revenge involving pineapples and straws?

Cheers,
Finn. Honestly, thats my name. Really. Ask anyone. It's true.

Dear so-called-Finn

Some folk just seem to have a plain old problem with the T word (truth, in case you were wondering). I think that the decision whether to confront them or not is far too dependant on the context of your relationship with that person, and the lies that they're telling you. For instance, "no, go ahead, eating washing powder really does make your teeth whiter" is a bluff that needs to be called. However, "sorry I'm late, the traffic was murders" is the kind of daily 'acceptable' lie we all tell.

Clearly though, there's a problem here, and it needs to be tacked one way or another. While the pinapple and straws approach sounds like a lot of fun, it won't really solve the root causes of the problem. The danger is of course that in addressing the problem, you cause mass offense to the lying parties (no likes being told they're a deceiving, two-faced backstabbing snake-in-the-grass), who will probably deny it anyway. If you are doing to confront folk with their mistruths, try and ensure that you do in as non-confrontational and non-judgemental way as you can, rationally explaining your feelings on the subject.

And that's the best I can do.

Jonman the six-tentacled spanner-monster from Mars.
WeeJ
Dear Jonman,

I need inspiration. I write a clolumn called 'WeeJ's Words' for a rock type magazine called Satans Fish Tank'
I'm looking to change my style of writing from informative (I've recently written about rivalry in the music business and internet pircary among other things) to something a bit lighter. I like Corey Taylor's (ugly bloke out of Slipknot) style of column writing in 'Rock Sound' but I don't think I've been on this earth long enough to enthrall my audience with tales of my life so far.

Any idea's as to what I can write about?

Yours in adoration.

Jennie
x
Jonman
QUOTE (WeeJ @ Dec 11 2003, 08:55 AM)
Dear Jonman,

I need inspiration. I write a clolumn called 'WeeJ's Words' for a rock type magazine called Satans Fish Tank'
I'm looking to change my style of writing from informative (I've recently written about rivalry in the music business and internet pircary among other things) to something a bit lighter. I like Corey Taylor's (ugly bloke out of Slipknot) style of column writing in 'Rock Sound' but I don't think I've been on this earth long enough to enthrall my audience with tales of my life so far.

Any idea's as to what I can write about?

Yours in adoration.

Jennie
x

Coo-ee Weej.

I dunno. I haven't been listening to rock and metal since I cut me ponytail off circa '96. So I'm utterly out of touch with what's currently going on in the world of rock. Wow. Typing 'world of rock' made me feel like a bad DJ. Cool.

BTW, defining a fella as the ugly one out of Slipknot is like describing a girl as the not-too-bright one out of the Spice Girls.

But if you're looking for inspiration for some light-hearted topics to write about, here's a few that spring to mind....

A comparative history of rock hairstyles,
A beginners guide to correct gig ettiquette.
Crowd Surfing - will it ever go out of fashion?
Rock star's party planning tips.
World' worst rock gaffes.
A tribute to Rick Allen, rock's only one-armed drummer.

That'll do for now....

Hope that's the kind of nonsense you're after - feel free to send me a copy of the finished column, I'd be interested to have a perusal....
WeeJ
QUOTE (Jonman @ Dec 11 2003, 04:05 PM)
A tribute to Rick Allen, rock's only one-armed drummer.

Is that for real?!?

/me reaches for the Google smile.gif
Jonman
QUOTE (WeeJ @ Dec 11 2003, 09:07 AM)
QUOTE (Jonman @ Dec 11 2003, 04:05 PM)
A tribute to Rick Allen, rock's only one-armed drummer.

Is that for real?!?

/me reaches for the Google smile.gif

Yeah, it's true - Def Leppard's drummer lost an arm in a car crash, but continued to play drums for the Leppard for years. Mental innit?
Mr Fuzzy
There's a Bloodhound Gang tune that mentions it...
ravein
you know.. I really think he was a better drummer after he lost his arm... I saw them in concert once, he really was amazing... most of his drumming work was done with foot peddles...
leopold
QUOTE (Mr Fuzzy @ Dec 11 2003, 04:26 PM)
There's a Bloodhound Gang tune that mentions it...

There is? You mean the Bloodhound Gang actually dropped a name??

ohmy.gif O ohmy.gif M ohmy.gif G ohmy.gif











Yes, I'm being sarcastic... tongue.gif
Mr Fuzzy
Bad Leo! Go sit in the corner! biggrin.gif
Pab
QUOTE (Jonman @ Dec 11 2003, 03:48 PM)
QUOTE (Pab @ Dec 10 2003, 03:16 PM)
Dear jonman,

Yeah right. As much as I would (with your help) definitely have gotten myself a VTOL craft, your palming the whole thing off to some antiquated rule-of-thumb seems a wee bit too hazardous ...  to just go out and buy one right now.

The 10.000 feet rule is fine when NOBODY does it ... but give me and and my mates a few Sky-cars and you'll see what the 32 day week has done to France, as just one country I'd be able to fly to/from .... Jonman ... Its TOO MUCH to handle, jonman. Admit it.

pab

What's too much to handle? Actually, on further inspection, the Skycar's ceiling is 29k, which I believe means that it'll have to be equipped with a secondary radar transponder which will sqauwk to ATC, not to mention radios to talk to the controllers themselves. Which means that you'll have to have the pilot's licence.

Trust me, you don't want to be fannying around in airspace where you're not supposed/authorised to be. Goverment agencies take a very dim view of it, especially in today's post-9/11 environment.

I guess that unless you're sitting on 325,000 which you'd not planned to spend on other frivolous accessories, it's all a bit moot anyway. If you can't stretch to that, you can pick up a 1-man helicopter jetpack for around 60,000. Bargain.



29K? I wonder if they remembered to include heating and oxygen tanks .... wouldnt want to open the window in a hurry ....

Anyway ... that is pretty much my point. A few skycars may be manageable, but if everybody and their dog go out and buy one, the skys will be packed, PACKED i tells ya ... Can the human being, snivelling little oik that he is, actually manage such a 3 dimensional preliferation of air-borne furry-dice carriers?

I'd like to see that 1-man helicopter backpack thing though ...
CommieBastard
QUOTE (Pab @ Dec 11 2003, 08:43 PM)
Anyway ... that is pretty much my point. A few skycars may be manageable, but if everybody and their dog go out and buy one, the skys will be packed, PACKED i tells ya ... Can the human being, snivelling little oik that he is, actually manage such a 3 dimensional preliferation of air-borne furry-dice carriers?

But think of the TV shows! When Skycars Collide......it'd write itself!
Jonman
QUOTE (Pab @ Dec 11 2003, 01:43 PM)
29K? I wonder if they remembered to include heating and oxygen tanks .... wouldnt want to open the window in a hurry ....

Anyway ... that is pretty much my point. A few skycars may be manageable, but if everybody and their dog go out and buy one, the skys will be packed, PACKED i tells ya ... Can the human being, snivelling little oik that he is, actually manage such a 3 dimensional preliferation of air-borne furry-dice carriers?

I'd like to see that 1-man helicopter backpack thing though ...

I'd imagine that a pressurised cabin, and heating would indeed be necessary, especially considering that hypoxia starts to set in around 15k, and the temperature up at 30k is gonna be somewhat chilly (-30 C or thereabouts??)

Ahh, I see your point now. About the traffic problem. However, by the time everyone's got their own sky car (very Jetsons, eh?), the next generation TCAS (Traffic Collision Avoidance System) ought to be up and running, where you don't have any ATC controllers; the TCAS box in every aircraft talks to the other TCAS boxes in the other aircraft, and they figure out where to send themselves so they're not going to crash into each other.

So there you go.


Personal Helicopter on BBC News

SoloTrek homepage

Nice!
LoLo
Dear Jonman,

I think I've sunk to a new low. I had the number ready to send to call the local radio station I listen to and try to have them hook me up on a date on their morning show. They're doing hook-ups over the next couple weeks by doing dating games. I never thought I would get this lonely and that Mr. Vibey just wouldn't do it for me anymore.

Any thoughts/tips/words of encouragement?

Sincerely,
LoLoLonely
the lil' pie fairy
cher jon

i'm ill. don't like it. what can i do to get rid of my general feeling of horribleness??

also, why do my hamsters keep fighting and squeaking? is it some kind of elaborate mating ritual or bitchiness? bearing in my mind they're russian dwarfs...evil buggers.

and finally, why don't i feel christmassy yet? sad.gif

yours snuffily,
from a very small duvet wrapped person xxx
Jonman
QUOTE (LoLo @ Dec 11 2003, 10:07 PM)
Dear Jonman,

I think I've sunk to a new low. I had the number ready to send to call the local radio station I listen to and try to have them hook me up on a date on their morning show. They're doing hook-ups over the next couple weeks by doing dating games. I never thought I would get this lonely and that Mr. Vibey just wouldn't do it for me anymore.

Any thoughts/tips/words of encouragement?

Sincerely,
LoLoLonely

I have a strange sense of deja-vu telling you this, I seem to remember you telling me horror stories of internet dating, but hey. Here goes anyway.

Hows about a personals ad, either online or in the local paper? I've had a resounding success doing this when I first moved to Seattle at the start of the year - I met a bunch of cool people that way, and had a few dates which culminated in meeting my girlfriend. A couple of bits of advice if you're going to try this - don't be afraid of being selective - there's no point meeting some bloke if his profile indicates that he's a mentalist/nazi/murderer/weirdo/boring sod. Also, DO put a picture on your profile, seriously. There's no way in the world I'd have responded to any personal ad that didn't have a picture.

Failing that, why the hell not call the radio station? At the very worst, you'll end up going on a date with a guy who you won't get on with, and you're no worse off than you were to begin with.

If you really are gagging to dive into the dating pool, it's easy. You just need an in, and I've given you two. Just remember, don't get discouraged if the first couple of attempts are a disaster. Keep on plugging at it.
Jonman
QUOTE (the lil' pie fairy @ Dec 12 2003, 05:42 AM)
cher jon

i'm ill. don't like it. what can i do to get rid of my general feeling of horribleness??

also, why do my hamsters keep fighting and squeaking? is it some kind of elaborate mating ritual or bitchiness? bearing in my mind they're russian dwarfs...evil buggers.

and finally, why don't i feel christmassy yet? sad.gif

yours snuffily,
from a very small duvet wrapped person xxx

Bonjour mon ami, voulez-vous un croque-monsieur? J'regret d'etre en retard, mais je jouer au basket.

Seriously now. Being ill is a big old bag of soiled pants. Here's what Dr. Jonman prescribes.
1 : Get your vitamins! Eat well, and you'll get better sooner. Citrus fruit is a must for vitamin C boosts to your immune system. As much fruit and veg as you can handle is a good idea. Even though all you may want to eat is ice-cream and toast, that'll do you no favours for healing.
2 : Rest up! Don't force yourself to get on with life if you're really ill. Spend a day catching up on sleep, and resting. It'll really help.
3 : Use meds to relieve your symptoms. Things like hot lemon sachet mixes (can't remember the US brand name - Lemsip in the UK) are good for sniffly sore throats, and something like NightNurse (UK) or Nyquil (US) are excellant if your symptoms are interrupting your sleep. READ THE LABELS BEFORE YOU TAKE THEM! Make sure you're not allergic to anything in them, and if in doubt, DON'T TAKE THEM! And 'do not exceed the stated dose'!
4 : Videogames always make me feel better. Mmm, games.

*signs prescription in squiggly illegible writing*

*Removes doctor's hat and puts on vet's hat*

Your hamsters clearly don't like each other. Maybe they should go to couple's therapy? Either that, or they really like each other, know what I mean *nudge*. In which case, they need clean sheets, and some privacy. Maybe some mood lighting and some Barry White on the hi-fi too. Probably best to skip the sensual massage oils, it'll just clog in their fur.

*Removes vet's hat and puts on Santa costume*

Ho ho ho!

You know, I stopped feeling Christmassy at some point in my life. Probably around the age of 16, if memory serves. It just happens at some point, when you've gained enough maturity to not be driven into a rabid state of anticipatory overdrive for all the goodies that you know are coming your way. The main reason I look forward to Christmas these days is just for the time off. Don't worry about it. Being ill won't help that festive feeling, of course.
Tigersong
QUOTE (Jonman @ Dec 12 2003, 09:00 AM)
A couple of bits of advice if you're going to try this - don't be afraid of being selective - there's no point meeting some bloke if his profile indicates that he's a mentalist/nazi/murderer/weirdo/boring sod.

Jonman, Jonman, what can I say?

You're making value judgments on the mentalist/nazi/murderer/weirdo/boring crowd.

What if poor LoLo wants to meet a mentalist/nazi/murderer/weirdo/boring sod? It could make for much more interesting dates!
Pikasyuu
Dear Jonman -

Happy Holidays!

I was just having a conversation with Missy about girls and a certain envy, but she reassured me that there's a lot going down in the way of laser penii, and that women will soon be able to do a whole lot more with said laser penii. Apparently the technology is booming.

Do you think perhaps they would one day talk?

Sincerely,
I make no sense
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