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WeeJ
Well, should I be able to create an exact sample of the noises going on in my head, I'll give it a go smile.gif Thanks.
the lil' pie fairy
dear jonman

i'm giving up dr.pepper for lent. any tips on how to avoid going mad?!

yours, crazy caffeine girl xx
Jonman
QUOTE (the lil' pie fairy @ Feb 24 2004, 05:07 AM)
dear jonman

i'm giving up dr.pepper for lent. any tips on how to avoid going mad?!

yours, crazy caffeine girl xx

Drink Coke? Or Mr. Pibb if you can get your hands on it - it's just Dr. P by the other cola company.

Or coffee. Or tea. Or Red Bull. Or take Pro Plus. Or snort Nescafe.

Or all of the above, if you never ever ever want to sleep again, and would rather gnaw your own hands off.
Dreams On Hiatus
Dear Jonman,

Is there any possible way I could get rid of the loud, obnoxious morons that surround me on the school bus, without being suspected of...anything?

sincerely-

the annoyed one
LoLo
Dear Jonman,

I just got a check for 260 dollars from a medical center that saw me a few times about 4 years ago. There was no explenation as to why I got this money. Should I be worried that I have something left inside of me somewhere and this is hush money? What ideas do you have for me to spend this?

Sincerely,
LoLo
Jonman
QUOTE (Dreams On Hiatus @ Feb 24 2004, 08:23 AM)
Dear Jonman,

Is there any possible way I could get rid of the loud, obnoxious morons that surround me on the school bus, without being suspected of...anything?

sincerely-

the annoyed one

There are ways, yes.

Here is one of them....

Bose Noise-cancelling headphones

However, it goes against my morals as a snobby audiophile to recommend Bose stuff, seeing as it's always overpriced, and massively hyped, so here's a more affordable alternative...

More sensible noise-cancelling cans

Noice cancelling headphones would be a great start to cut out the imbeciles. Stick them with a walkman/discman/iPod or whatever, and you're set.

That's the easiest way and least likely to get you in trouble with the law. There are a multitude of other ways, involving alligators, hitmen, spies, planted evidence and grieving parents, but we'll avoid those for the time being.
snooodlysnoosnoosnoodle
QUOTE (WeeJ @ Feb 18 2004, 06:25 PM)
Well, should I be able to create an exact sample of the noises going on in my head, I'll give it a go smile.gif Thanks.

white noise generators.

they generate white noise so you have something to listen to other than your tinitus...ahh the genious of it all, listening to an untunded tv noise instead of the noises your head makes...what fun!

Tinitus is evil evil.gif grr at it! mad.gif
snooodlysnoosnoosnoodle
Dear Jonman,

I've been at uni for about 5 months now and I haven't made any friends. I think it is for the following three reasons:

1) all the other people on my course are slightly pikeyfied.
2) I don't live with them, they all chose some privately owned halls on the other side of Nottingham to live in whereas my parents decided to buy me a house where I could live
3) I get really bad urges to snap one of two of their necks at random intervals.

Seeing as I'm uberly paranoid and anti-social I don't feel sitting in starbucks reading is for me, I'm scared of starbucks!
Since I came here I haven't been out, other than for the "Christmas meal" I was made to go to (they paid my £10 deposit for me and I felt guilty about it).
Basically I just want to know how to make friends without having to worry about anything ie) are they just a weirdo who is going to befriend me just so they can steal my kidneys when I least expect it etc

Also I have trouble working, I can't do it! Well I can do the work, but I just can't get off my arse to actually physically do it. I hate it, whenever I don't have any work due in (like now) I really feel like doing work but then when I get some I lose all motivation.

What should I do?

your friendly neightbourhood spanner,

Snoo
Jonman
QUOTE (snoo @ Feb 24 2004, 09:28 AM)
Dear Jonman,

I've been at uni for about 5 months now and I haven't made any friends. I think it is for the following three reasons:

1) all the other people on my course are slightly pikeyfied.
2) I don't live with them, they all chose some privately owned halls on the other side of Nottingham to live in whereas my parents decided to buy me a house where I could live
3) I get really bad urges to snap one of two of their necks at random intervals.

Seeing as I'm uberly paranoid and anti-social I don't feel sitting in starbucks reading is for me, I'm scared of starbucks!
Since I came here I haven't been out, other than for the "Christmas meal" I was made to go to (they paid my £10 deposit for me and I felt guilty about it).
Basically I just want to know how to make friends without having to worry about anything ie) are they just a weirdo who is going to befriend me just so they can steal my kidneys when I least expect it etc

Also I have trouble working, I can't do it! Well I can do the work, but I just can't get off my arse to actually physically do it. I hate it, whenever I don't have any work due in (like now) I really feel like doing work but then when I get some I lose all motivation.

What should I do?

your friendly neightbourhood spanner,

Snoo

Dear neighbourhood spanner,

I answered a similar question from Sir Psycho Sexy only last week - see the previous page of this thread for info

Direct Link here

The gist of it is to spread your social net wider through joining some societies you're intested in, whether they're sports, academic, or fun societies. With a few thousand people at your uni, it can be a bit daunting to find someone you'll get on with, but the flip side of that coin is that with that many people there, there's bound to be some folk you'll have a riot with. Joining some soc's can be a great start, as you'll instantly be finding some folk with shared and common interests.

In my opinion, it's part and parcel of the whole uni experience to befriend weirdos. I know I did. Some right proper f***ed-up people. The thing is, looking back on it now, it totally was a learning experience - I learnt a lot about myself, how to be a much better judge of character, and a lot about other people. At the end of the day, that's what getting older is all about, and university is a particulary intense series of character-building adventures.

The main thing is to not be afraid, and throw yourself into it. Get stuck in - you'll meet a bunch of freaks, and a few especially sound people. Don't be put off by the freaks. That's important. Because the sound people are worth it. 5 years on from graduating, I'm still in regular contact with my good friends from uni, and I suspect that we'll remain friends for the best part of our lives. The freaks I met? They're long forgotten and disappeared.

As for the lack of work ethic, that's one that you're going to have to work on your own a little more. Here's some things you may want to toss around in your head.

: Remember that your first year at uni (I'm assuming you're at a UK uni, by your spelling of the word 'arse') is usually worth a minor portion of your final degree mark. So don't go spare about working yourself into the ground. The flip side of this coin is that you need to make sure you don't balls it up so badly that you end up flunking out.

: Ask yourself what kind of degree you want. Would you distraught if you didn't get a First Class degree? If that's so, you need to get your arse in gear. If you're not too fussed, and would be quite happy with a Third, then you can rightly spend three years dicking about and using your textbooks as doorstops.

: If you do want to encourage yourself to work, you need to be disciplined. Set aside time for work, and stick to it. Use a carrot and stick approach. Treat yourself when you stick to your schedule, however you see fit (piece of cake, a few beers, a trip home, a new CD every month you achieve you goal - whatever works for you. Work yourself out a timetable, and that'll provide structure to your work periods. Don't be afriad to modify that timetable to suit your workload and personal work style (i.e. personally, I work much better in the morning than I do in the evening).

Lecture over. Move along, there's nothing to see here....
snooodlysnoosnoosnoodle
QUOTE (Jonman @ Feb 24 2004, 06:42 PM)
I answered a similar question from Sir Psycho Sexy only last week - see the previous page of this thread for info

Direct Link here

The gist of it is to spread your social net wider through joining some societies you're intested in, whether they're sports, academic, or fun societies. With a few thousand people at your uni, it can be a bit daunting to find someone you'll get on with, but the flip side of that coin is that with that many people there, there's bound to be some folk you'll have a riot with. Joining some soc's can be a great start, as you'll instantly be finding some folk with shared and common interests.

ahh, sorry.

I've read your reply to SPS now and I see the reasoning and everything but within my ramblings I failed to mention what I intended to put and it's a pretty big problem.

My Student Union is 40 miles away. I go to De Montfort in Leicester, technically anyway, but I live, love and study in Nottingham because the Nottingham school of Audiology is here and we have time at a HE college for the basic science lectures as well. This is why I'm not in halls and living alone.

I want to be in halls, problem is that the private halls everyone else is in are a dump in the red light district that are a rip off (you get a box for £85 a week). My brother hates me because I make friends with his friends because I can't make my own, I don't go out of my way to do it but I get on better with guys and I always seem to click with his friends.

I'm jibbering again, sorry.

snoo
Jonman
QUOTE (snoo @ Feb 24 2004, 12:11 PM)
QUOTE (Jonman @ Feb 24 2004, 06:42 PM)
I answered a similar question from Sir Psycho Sexy only last week - see the previous page of this thread for info

Direct Link here

The gist of it is to spread your social net wider through joining some societies you're intested in, whether they're sports, academic, or fun societies. With a few thousand people at your uni, it can be a bit daunting to find someone you'll get on with, but the flip side of that coin is that with that many people there, there's bound to be some folk you'll have a riot with. Joining some soc's can be a great start, as you'll instantly be finding some folk with shared and common interests.

ahh, sorry.

I've read your reply to SPS now and I see the reasoning and everything but within my ramblings I failed to mention what I intended to put and it's a pretty big problem.

My Student Union is 40 miles away. I go to De Montfort in Leicester, technically anyway, but I live, love and study in Nottingham because the Nottingham school of Audiology is here and we have time at a HE college for the basic science lectures as well. This is why I'm not in halls and living alone.

I want to be in halls, problem is that the private halls everyone else is in are a dump in the red light district that are a rip off (you get a box for £85 a week). My brother hates me because I make friends with his friends because I can't make my own, I don't go out of my way to do it but I get on better with guys and I always seem to click with his friends.

I'm jibbering again, sorry.

snoo

OK, so balls to student societies then. There's buttloads of groups doing ker-azy stuff that you could enjoy locally. Especially sports clubs (if you've got a particular sport). There'll be martial arts clubs (usually late-teens to early twenties too) - something not too stupid hard like judo or aikido wouldn't be populated by hardnut psychos. There'll be canoeing, hangliding, pool, snooker, running, cycling, and many many more. There'll be knitting, dog breeding, chess, bridge, crochet and many more bizarre things to try. Trick is to think of something that you either used to enjoy, still enjoy or want to try, and get into it locally. That'll open you up to a circle of people. F'rinstnace, my wife plays african drums. We're moving to a different country in a few weeks, and she's going to see if she can find a drumming class or group (a) because she enjoys it, and (cool.gif because it'll open us up to a whole circle of people....

Another option you may want to try (and I know I've bleated on about this before on here too), is to stick a personals ad in a local paper (or on their website). Make it clear you're just looking for folks to be friends with, and you're not looking for sex (unless you are of course), and that'll deter most of the pervs. Actually, you'll probably find that there's not that many pervs that use that kind of thing, just regular folks looking to meet new people. Having said that, here's the usual disclaimer - if you do do the personals thing, be safe - meet in a public place, tell someone where you're going and who you're meeting - there'll probably be hints on dos and don'ts available wherever you place a personal. You never know, you might just meet someone special that way. I did it less than a year ago, and now I'm married to her!

As I said - "The main thing is to not be afraid, and throw yourself into it. Get stuck in "

Another thought that occurs to me is why not try looking to get into a shared house? If Nottingham is anything like my old uni, there'll be a huge number of students who don't live in halls, but share a house. That's certainly a way to meet new folk. Nip into the Nottingham uni SU and see if they've got a list or noticeboard with rooms to let. Actually, my earlier advice about uni clubs could probably apply there - why don't you see if you can't join some of the Nottingham uni's soc's?
snooodlysnoosnoosnoodle
cheers...I'll have a looksie! I kinda got put off personals tho cos I sometimes get the local news paper and it's ALL really dodgy personals.

And I can't move out of my house, I own it! I'm trying to get it done up so I can get people in next year but my mum and dad want me to do it all, which is fair enough but I have bucket loads of work to try and get on with and I really don't need another distraction!

Cheers, you rawk many advice giving socks smile.gif
Jonman
QUOTE (snoo @ Feb 24 2004, 01:09 PM)
cheers...I'll have a looksie! I kinda got put off personals tho cos I sometimes get the local news paper and it's ALL really dodgy personals.

And I can't move out of my house, I own it! I'm trying to get it done up so I can get people in next year but my mum and dad want me to do it all, which is fair enough but I have bucket loads of work to try and get on with and I really don't need another distraction!

Cheers, you rawk many advice giving socks smile.gif

OK, you could try googling for something like Nottingham Personals Adverts - there was one site that came up that my work firewall blocked (it blocks all dating sites). Might be OK. There was a whole load of swingers sites that I'm suspecting that you'll want to dodge. Be aware...
the lil' pie fairy
cher jonman,

en reponse a ta lettre, j'ai une question pour toi. tu voudrais un petit fromage??

mme. pie xxx
Jonman
QUOTE (the lil' pie fairy @ Feb 24 2004, 01:36 PM)
cher jonman,

en reponse a ta lettre, j'ai une question pour toi. tu voudrais un petit fromage??

mme. pie xxx

Oiu oui, mon Petit Filous. J'adore le fromage, petit ou grande. Roquefort est mon favourite, parce que c'est tres smelly. Fromage est tres bien avec tartes.

mmm, tarte.
the lil' pie fairy
vraiment. tu es splendide jonman *je donne une tarte au fromage a jonman*
Jonman
QUOTE (the lil' pie fairy @ Feb 25 2004, 08:27 AM)
vraiment. tu es splendide jonman *je donne une tarte au fromage a jonman*

le woo-hoo!!
the lil' pie fairy
la teehee tongue.gif
Pixelgoth
Jonman,

Is there a quick and easy way to learn French so I can understand what you two are on about? Cheese I think? unsure.gif

Pixie
Jonman
QUOTE (Pixiegoth @ Feb 25 2004, 09:06 AM)
Jonman,

Is there a quick and easy way to learn French so I can understand what you two are on about? Cheese I think? unsure.gif

Pixie

Well, there's always Babelfish. However, given that I tend to speak Franglish (Englench?), it probably not so much help.

It's amazing how much GCSE French I can still remember, being that it was a good 12 years ago.

Incidentally, here's an amusing Frenchman anecdote. There was a French guy on my team at work for the last year. He spoke really good English, albeit with a thick French accent. Living in America, of course, he started to pick up a few Americanism. Like calling people 'man'. As in 'hey, man, how you doing?'. But he'd slightly missed the point, as he stroll into the office in the morning and pluralise it.

"Hi Men!"

Me and my buddy Al would piss ourselves at the him shouting 'Hymen' when walked in in the morning....
WeeJ
Dear Jonman,

Is it possible to change your eye site ability within a year? Last year, I was prescribed some glasses for reading stuff but I feel I don't need them. I can read fine without them. In fact, I can see better without them.
I seem to have a problem reading signs on the road, other car registrations and other general far away things...
Think its all in my head or do I need some new bins?

Ta

WeeJ
x
Jonman
QUOTE (WeeJ @ Feb 25 2004, 12:40 PM)
Dear Jonman,

Is it possible to change your eye site ability within a year? Last year, I was prescribed some glasses for reading stuff but I feel I don't need them. I can read fine without them. In fact, I can see better without them.
I seem to have a problem reading signs on the road, other car registrations and other general far away things...
Think its all in my head or do I need some new bins?

Ta

WeeJ
x

As far as I know, it's very very unusual for short sightedness to improve over time, if not impossible. Short sightedness is not being able to see things at a distance, just in case your confused as to which one you are.

If you were prescribed gogs for long-sightedness, which is when you have trouble seeing things close up, like reading a book or something, then I believe it is feasible for it to clear itself up, although it's more likely to happen in early-to-mid teens.

Either way, get thee to an optician. Have an eye test, and see. Shouldn't set you back a vast amount of dosh (although new bins might). Once you're wearing gogs, you ought to have your peepers checked out every year or so anyway. They can change drastically (and usually for the worse) in the course of a year. I've had it both ways, where I was certain that my eyes had changed drastically, when they hadn't at all, and also that I thought they were about the same, but I'd gone substantially blinder.
Jonman
QUOTE (LoLo @ Feb 24 2004, 08:32 AM)
Dear Jonman,

I just got a check for 260 dollars from a medical center that saw me a few times about 4 years ago. There was no explenation as to why I got this money. Should I be worried that I have something left inside of me somewhere and this is hush money? What ideas do you have for me to spend this?

Sincerely,
LoLo

Ooops, missed this one Lo, sorry....

Anyway.

What you should do is go down to the butchers, buy some offal (a cow kidney, some intestines, maybe a bit of brain), and send them back to the medical center with a letter explaining that you appreciate their refund, but you now feel that owe them some of the work they performed back.
WeeJ
QUOTE (Jonman @ Feb 25 2004, 08:06 PM)
Either way, get thee to an optician. Have an eye test, and see. Shouldn't set you back a vast amount of dosh (although new bins might). Once you're wearing gogs, you ought to have your peepers checked out every year or so anyway. They can change drastically (and usually for the worse) in the course of a year. I've had it both ways, where I was certain that my eyes had changed drastically, when they hadn't at all, and also that I thought they were about the same, but I'd gone substantially blinder.

Arrr. I'll pop in Specsavers this weekend. If I need new lenses, I'll ask if I can just keep the same frames (they're purpley laugh.gif )
I'm hoping I won't need them as I have such a small face, I look like Dame Edna no metter what frames I get dry.gif
snooodlysnoosnoosnoodle
sorry to be a pain again but I have a strange question

you know some people get growing pains as they grow, can you get shrinking pains? I appear to be losing weight and I've just been constantly itchy for the last two days, I haven't changed washing powder or anything (as far as I'm aware) and I even itch in the shower!

It's getting annoying, any suggestions?

spanner xx
Jonman
QUOTE (snoo @ Feb 25 2004, 04:15 PM)
sorry to be a pain again but I have a strange question

you know some people get growing pains as they grow, can you get shrinking pains? I appear to be losing weight and I've just been constantly itchy for the last two days, I haven't changed washing powder or anything (as far as I'm aware) and I even itch in the shower!

It's getting annoying, any suggestions?

spanner xx

Could be any number of things. Could be eczema, could be some kind of nasty skin parasite, like scabies (which I picked up in uni halls - itchy as all hell for weeks, that was), could be weather related, stress related, a change in the water treatment procedures.

The wise things to do are: if it's localised itching in a small ares, nip into Boots and ask the pharmacist if they have anything to relieve minor itching, some kind of camomile lotion. If it keeps going for more than a few days, though go see your GP. Likewise, if it's itching all over, best get your butt to your GP. They'll be able to give you somthing that'll sort you out, I should think.

And I've never heard of shrinking pains - I was under the impression that growing pains are more to do with bones growing, and if you're shrinking weight rather than height, your bones wouldn't be shrinking, would they. Still, whaddo I know? Mention it while your at the quack's for your itchy bits.
snooodlysnoosnoosnoodle
yeah I was just wondering cos it seems to be where there are stretch marks (grrrr) like on my hips and thighs and top of my arms sad.gif

anyway, I'm not a doctor person (even tho I'm kinda a hypochondriac - if that's the word?) so unless it gets worse i'll live with it smile.gif

thanks
the lil' pie fairy
QUOTE (Jonman @ Feb 25 2004, 04:41 PM)
Incidentally, here's an amusing Frenchman anecdote. There was a French guy on my team at work for the last year. He spoke really good English, albeit with a thick French accent. Living in America, of course, he started to pick up a few Americanism. Like calling people 'man'. As in 'hey, man, how you doing?'. But he'd slightly missed the point, as he stroll into the office in the morning and pluralise it.

"Hi Men!"

Me and my buddy Al would piss ourselves at the him shouting 'Hymen' when walked in in the morning....

*collapses*

laugh.gif

poor snoo, if it does turn out to be eczema, come talk to me about it. i'm gonna go out on a limb here and blaspheme...i probably know more about it than jonman does! ph34r.gif
snooodlysnoosnoosnoodle
QUOTE (the lil' pie fairy @ Feb 26 2004, 08:45 PM)
poor snoo, if it does turn out to be eczema, come talk to me about it. i'm gonna go out on a limb here and blaspheme...i probably know more about it than jonman does! ph34r.gif

I did have eczema when I was little so I guess it's possible.

It's just that it doesn't look like eczema, it's not dry or flaky, it looks normal just itches like hell!
Jaq
Dear Jonman:

I need help. Today I went to the pet store and I met the sweetest most intelligent calmest cool looking, 6 month old lab blue heeler cross. She was a bueaty. She has all of her shots, except for her second rabies shot, she's nuetered and she's only $102, and with that you get a collar, leash, dog bowl, and a bag of dog food. She's the best dog EVER. I can't have a dog. Talk me out of doing something stupid. Please. I'll sacrafice beef jerky on the altar of MonJan forever if you do.

Signed, Oh, can I Have the Puppy, Please?
Starfish
Dear Great and All-Knowing Jonman,

I have a friend coming from the UK to visit me in April. He wants to go to Seattle, but even though I've lived three hours from Seattle my entire life, I've only been there once. Besides the Spaceneedle and the Pike Street Market, what should I take him to do? If you were going to be in Seattle for a couple days, what would you absolutely have to do?

Another thing, he is making noises about feeding me bizzare things like tuna and corn sandwhiches blink.gif what weird American foods should I retaliate with? What should I feed him that he can't get/won't likely have had in jolly ol' England?

Thank you, O Mighty English Dude, for any insight you may be able to provide on this ever so pressing matter.

-Star
CommieBastard
QUOTE (Starfish @ Mar 2 2004, 08:56 PM)
Another thing, he is making noises about feeding me bizzare things like tuna and corn sandwhiches blink.gif

You don't combine tuna and sweetcorn in America? Strange...
Starfish
QUOTE (CommieBastard @ Mar 2 2004, 01:58 PM)
QUOTE (Starfish @ Mar 2 2004, 08:56 PM)
Another thing, he is making noises about feeding me bizzare things like tuna and corn sandwhiches blink.gif

You don't combine tuna and sweetcorn in America? Strange...

He told me you put in on. . .pizza too. unsure.gif
CommieBastard
...no, that's just wrong. It goes will with pasta.
Starfish
QUOTE (CommieBastard @ Mar 2 2004, 02:15 PM)
...no, that's just wrong. It goes will with pasta.

No, you've go it wrong, silly Brit, it's tuna and peas that goes in pasta. rolleyes.gif
Pikasyuu
Dearest Jonman [and anyone else that cares to add] -
I have tortilla chips. What, pray tell, would be the best thing to dip them in? We're going for most appeasing flavour, here.

- chips, no dip.
Phyllis
QUOTE (syuu @ Mar 2 2004, 03:45 PM)
Dearest Jonman [and anyone else that cares to add] -
I have tortilla chips. What, pray tell, would be the best thing to dip them in? We're going for most appeasing flavour, here.

- chips, no dip.

Guacamole. Fresh guacamole, that is. Not that pre-packaged crap some people try to pawn off as guacamole. Just mush up some avocados and add some....yummy things. Or find a recipe somewhere...but one that doesn't involve yogurt or sour cream...those just ruin it. *nod*

Love,
Not Jonman.



Meanwhile, I have a question of my own.

Dear Jonman or whoever else since Jonman is away for a bit I think,

Why do health insurance companies employ such funny, funny people? See, apparently my husband makes too much money for us to qualify for the Oregon Health Plan, so we decided to look elsewhere. The quotes they're giving us are more than our rent. This makes me laugh, because they must be crazy if they think I'm going to pay that. My husband's employer also offers him medical insurance, but they're just as hilarious as the rest of these people. Do you suppose that struggling stand up comedians all get part-time jobs in health insurance? These people are a riot.

Sincerely,
Moving to Canada.
the lil' pie fairy
dear candice,

yes, they're stand up comedians. almost as funny as the insurance people over here who insist that to insure me on my parents car will cost me over a grand a year dry.gif
ha ha.
i'd suggest telling them that they smell like turnips and continuing on a search for more sane people. failing that, go with the move to canada blink.gif

yours, also not jonman.


dear next unjonman,

is it ok to stop doing a-level french if i'm looking at a career in science anyway, i'm doing a uni degree to do with science and i've already got my a* at gcse for french??

from just wondering xxx
Jaq
Dear ickle Pie

Yeah. what do you need french for anyways? The only good thing about French is that you can talk to French people, and who really wants to talk to French people anyways? They've only got... french things to say. psh. I quit french in grade 8 and frankly I'm a better person for it. It was taking up too much room in my brain and now that I've forgotten most of it I have rom for important things, like the entire series of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and its spinoff Angel. Probably wouldn't have enough room in my brain for all of that nifty stuff if I hadn't bothered to forget French. However, there is a down side to it. Sometimes when people insult you they insult you in French. I'm sure it would be handy to be able to understand what they were calling your mother and to be able to question their geneaology as well. Think about it. It's really up to you in the long run.

Sincerely Also also not Jonman
Pab
Chères petites Fée des tartes et Jaques,

Moi je veux bien que vous flunquez en Français à l'ecole ... pourquoi pas, c'est un peu comme les Études Doméstiques ou la Philologie Maya ... Une vrai waste de temps ... mais même Jaques, qui a du saurkraut dans ses leiderhosen, et qui pu les myrtilles et la caca de rène, sait que le plus imortant n'est pas de faire le French à l'école, mais de passer des A-levels, n'importe les quelles, pourvu que ça te permette d'entrer en Uni plus tard ... Pour le reste, tu n'en as rien à foutre. Aussi, le fait du chuck est un peu défaitiste, quelque part, d'autant plus qu'il doit te manquer trés peu pour fiir tes A-levels ... Et n'oublis pas que c'est le fait que les Français ont publiquement montré leur désaccord avec ce gros con de George Buisson qui à permit au reste de l'humanité de montrer leur grand désaccord avec le massacre et la tuerie qui ont suivis ... Depuis, je ne vais plus chez Burger King, c'est sûr ... Quoique, tu fais ce que tu veux, ein?

Sincèrement,

encore moins Jonman
Sir Psycho Sexy
Before anyone asks, that roughly translates to:

"I'm a tool"
the lil' pie fairy
huh.gif que?

it'd be easier to understand in spanish. like in red vs.blue:

simmons: son of a b*tch!
griff: son of a b*tch!
lopez (possessed by church): MADRE DE BIOS!!

he laugh.gif
Jaq
Also I have saurkraut in my lederhosen. tongue.gif

and yes, Pab is right, it doesn't matter what you learn, it just matters that you pass the damn A levels.

At least that's what I think he was saying...
darkx
dear jonman,
whats the cure for cancer? and why can't my girlfriend be ungrounded? sad.gif

j.
Polocrunch
Dear Jonman,

Why is the beauty of scurvy so under-appreciated?

Yours bruisingly,

DOWN WITH VITAMIN C
The Tortured Soul
(for more background story go 2 my thread "shock horror")

dear jonman

i have recently removed my dreads which i loved dearly, for reasons i wish not 2 go into, and ppl telling me my new hair really looks good and really "suits" me is kinda getting to me... i know i can just grin and bare it but i thought you might, in your infinte wisdom, a better way of dealing with it... this is not it alone i have recently given up weed (about 2 months ago) just before alot of stressful and depressing things happend e.g. my band splitting up, concerts for my course, deadlines comming up, etc, etc...

i will be most grateful for your help
yours stressfully

dreadless
Jonman
Bloody 'ell, you people. I go away for a couple of weeks, and all heck breaks loose in MataWorld, from cute puppies to plastic Frenchmen, health insurance and chip-dipping tactical advice.

Bear with me folks - normal service will be resumed shortly, but it'll take me a while to catch up with the backlog, and won't proceed with anything approaching the normal hypersonic rapidity until (and if) my broadband get's connected at The All New Castle Jonman.
Jonman
QUOTE (Jaq @ Feb 29 2004, 08:46 PM)
Dear Jonman:

I need help. Today I went to the pet store and I met the sweetest most intelligent calmest cool looking, 6 month old lab blue heeler cross. She was a bueaty. She has all of her shots, except for her second rabies shot, she's nuetered and she's only $102, and with that you get a collar, leash, dog bowl, and a bag of dog food. She's the best dog EVER. I can't have a dog. Talk me out of doing something stupid. Please. I'll sacrafice beef jerky on the altar of MonJan forever if you do.

Signed, Oh, can I Have the Puppy, Please?

Pay 102 bucks for a dog? Bah. Have a kid. Costs you nothing to get one (and can be fun too), and they'll wipe your bum for you when you're too old to. Show me a dog that'll do that, and I'll be next in line behind you to get one.

Don't bother sacrificing the jerky, send it to my mate Pete the Bastard instead - he's narky with me for not bringing him any home from the States.
WeeJ
QUOTE (Jonman @ Mar 16 2004, 08:19 PM)
Don't bother sacrificing the jerky, send it to my mate Pete the Bastard instead - he's narky with me for not bringing him any home from the States.

Does this mean you're back then? biggrin.gif
Jonman
QUOTE (Starfish @ Mar 2 2004, 01:56 PM)
Dear Great and All-Knowing Jonman,

I have a friend coming from the UK to visit me in April.  He wants to go to Seattle, but even though I've lived three hours from Seattle my entire life, I've only been there once.  Besides the Spaceneedle and the Pike Street Market, what should I take him to do?  If you were going to be in Seattle for a couple days, what would you absolutely have to do?

Another thing, he is making noises about feeding me bizzare things like tuna and corn sandwhiches blink.gif  what weird American foods should I retaliate with?  What should I feed him that he can't get/won't likely have had in jolly ol' England?

Thank you, O Mighty English Dude, for any insight you may be able to provide on this ever so pressing matter.

-Star

Ahahaha!

I miss Seattle already actually.

Well, I'm told that the EMP (Experience Music Project) is really good (and right under the Space Needle, too, so it's easy to find. It's the building that looks like Godzilla's turd after a particularly virulent curry. Pacific Science Centre is also good, and that's right by the Space Needle.

There's also a walking tour that takes you under Pioneer Square, which sounds really fun. Pioneer Square was basically bricked over and started again after a really bad fire/flood/plauge (I forget which), so there's the old streets 10 feet [i]under[i] the new ones. Ker-azy stuff. I never got around to doing that either.

You can go see my old apartment building, which is where they filmed The Ring (the US version, not the original Japanese one, in fact). The main character lived there. It's on 1st and University, called Harbor Steps, opposite the Art Museum, and has a top sushi bar on the steps. Incidentally, the Art Museum's good if that's your bag.

Take a trip around the International District - Seattle's answer to Chinatown, and take a walk down Broadway, up on Capitol Hill, which is Seattle's main gay district. Some good shopping to be had up there.

The Pike Street Market is overrated, to be honest, although you can go have Starbucks at the first ever Starbucks (which used to be my local Starbucks).

Jitterbug Cafe is fantastic for breakfast - it's on 45th in Wallingford (one of the suburbs).

Go see the Freemont Troll - ask anyone in Freemont where it is, and they'll direct you. Freemont itself is quite cool to wander around anyway.

Take a walk along the seafront (Alaskan Way is nice), and go to the Aquarium.

Discovery Park is cool too.

Good eating to be had all over the place - if you're rich as all hell, go to the Metropolitan Grill. Best steak you'll ever have, bar none. Probably one of the most expensive too. Cheaper eats can be found at SushiLand (there's 3 or 4 of them around), Fado's Irish Pub on 1st near Pioneer Square. Loads and loads and loads of good eating to be had in Seattle. Seafood (obviously) is brilliant.

If you're old enough to be going out on the razz, the Belltown neighbourhood is pumping on a weekend night (just north of Downtown on 1st and 2nd). Check out Belltown Billiards for a pool hall which turns into a club later on. If you happen to see a drop-dead gorgeous barmaid called Donna there, tell her Jon from Purley says hi. There's a Hawaiin bar just around the corner from it which is fun too - their Long Island Ice Tea's are very very dangerous though. From there, head up to 2nd and hit the place with the red flashing lights outside, it's not a strip show (although I can tell you where they are too if you want), it's a dive bar with loads of retro arcade and pinball machines.
If you want a more downbeat night out, head up to Broadway again, so decent bars up there. Have dinner at The Broadway Grill, which is where I first met my wife.

Also, Chop Sueyis the best club in town for live acts. Also worth checking out the Showbox on first.

Good site to search stuff for is: Seattle CitySearch. Also, pick up a copy of The Stranger- the local indie paper that will be packed full of the cool stuff going on.

To be honest - the best thing about Seattle is the people. Lovely lovely bunch as a rule.


That should be just about enough info then. I'm off home now.
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