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woozle
personality disorder test
my friend randomly gave me this link... not sure why.... I mean Im like the normalist person I know!! .... ish... unsure.gif tongue.gif wink.gif
MistressAlti
QUOTE (wolfbane @ Jun 27 2003, 05:30 PM)
I'm with MissyA on the not wanting to really do anything like take meds because it would alter the way that I think, and I don't want that. My mind is the most important thing I have, and without it I don't know what I'd do. Therefore it stands to reason that I'm not going to do anything to jeopardise it.

Finally, an echo to my philosophies on the human mind.

/me hugs wolfy

We'll just be mildly unstable and completely unmedicated together, okay?
wolfbane
QUOTE
We'll just be mildly unstable and completely unmedicated together, okay?


YAY!! Finally, someone to be unstable and unmedicated with. Me so happy! lol

*hugs MissyA*
Phyllis
my husband has told me that i'm afraid of everything. i dunno, maybe it's true..lol. i am severely afraid of moths *shudder*, fish (i can't take a fish off the hook, and i can't cook a fish if it still has the head on..too freaky), going upside down, heights, looking up outside (makes me feel dizzy..is related to my fear of heights), speaking in public, talking to ppl i don't know really well (i always sound so stupid).......and yeah....those are the major ones.

i've also been bulemic since i was about 13, though that is under control now. but yeah now i have to work to get down to a healthy weight in a healthy manner. very difficult....for me, anyway (and i am not a healthy weight right now....the pic of me on the family album at this point is four years old).

i also cry quite a lot. i have quite a bit of trouble controlling my emotions. that's why i like the internet so much...gives me time to compose myself before responding to anything..lol.

i don't want any help for my problems either....i sometimes talk to friends about it, and that's all the help i need. smile.gif
Alanity
"Give me life, give me pain
Give me myself again

Oh these little earthquakes
Here we go again
Oh these little earthquakes
Doesn't take much to rip us into pieces"
Just happen to be listening to this... *hugs Tori Amos*

I can't remember not having depression or getting panic attacks when I try to go out the front door (sometimes I can cope ok but most of the time I just can't do it. I'll spend months at a time indoors...)
I was on peroxatine for a while but it kind of suppressed my feelings and they seemed to emerge in dreams and I didn't get very good sleep, then I did a really stupid thing and stopped taking them cold turkey which screwed me up for a while...
I was in a psychiatric unity place for teenagers for a while which was a complete joke (not the place, I'm sure it helps a lot of people, I mean me being there.) That kind of thing can only work if you're ready, and I definately wasn't, I just spent the whole time doing very little indeed and never really talking to anyone.
And before that I was in a hospital education place that was partly there for people who just can't cope in mainstream school, which was almost as bad, these places have such a fucked up atmosphere, no matter how much I hated school, clinging on to people I hated just to avoid being labelled a loner and getting no peace from anyone and being thought of as a complete joke, I hated that place even more. Now I've finished school with no GCSEs because I find it so hard to concentrate and I have no idea what comes next.
Until recently I wouldn't even post on forums because of shyness... Although at the same time in real life as long as it's someone who I have quite a bit in common with I'm completely fine talking to people. The only reason I shut off now is if I just plain don't like the people in the room.
Talking about phobias, I have a really weird fear of quicksand, I have dreams about me or my friends sinking in it quite a bit if I'm feeling down.
porcelainwarrior
ive also been kinda avoiding this though i noticed it right away cos appeared on the day i was refered back to my old therapist by the bedamned school nurse.

i have chronic insomnia, anxiety attacks (i havent slept since monday due to these together), i self harm, i get extremely depressed, i cant cope with crowds, terrified of needles and all bugs and i have pretty bad OCD but thats been around for years so ive learned to cope with it better now. i went through a time of having really bad hallucinations too but theyre easing a little, i think its them that led to the panic attacks, i freak if something startles me or i see it just out the corner of my eye

my family are kind of uptight about mental illness even though we have a history of it (mostly bipolar disorder/schitzophrenia)

last time i was seeing a therapist i lied to him so i could get away but this time i want to stop cutting myself for real but i dont know yet ...

i havent been on any medication except sleeping tablets from my gp (zopiclone and diazepam)
wolfbane
Trying to stop cutting can be a real bitch... I've got friends who've been SI free for over two years and they still get urges. I'm not saying that it can't be done, because it can, just that you really have to want to stop I think. I'm nowhere near wanting to stop yet so I'm giving up before I even try on that count!
Rattgirl
:meep?:

I fear pain so I can't even wrap my mind around the concept of willingly causing it to myself for any reason....

I've had no official reports 'cuz therapists are 'spensive and I gots no $$$ but I know my brother was diagnosed bipolar and I know I'm a helluva lot worse than him....also a complete arachnaphobe, and have a distinct fear of being alone. Right now I'm the only one in the house and I'm trying to come up with reasons to leave. I also fear confrontation.

Syuu, are you a Leo?
wolfbane
QUOTE (Goddess of Wheee @ Jun 28 2003, 07:13 PM)
I fear pain so I can't even wrap my mind around the concept of willingly causing it to myself for any reason....

That's the reaction a lot of people give when dealing with SI - they don't realise that physical pain can ease emotional/mental pain...but it can and it does, and it works very well, which is why it's so addictive.
porcelainwarrior
also - medically speaking - i read in several places that it releases endorphins so your body can cope with the pain better

only like with every other drug your body eventually becomes immune to the endorphins so you have to cut more and more to feel the same relief
wolfbane
That is very true... :/
porcelainwarrior
yeah - i think so anyways - hence why i want to stop again before it gets to the evry single day type thing it was before
wolfbane
Yeah that's understandable. I wish you luck with it...I hope that it works.
porcelainwarrior
thanks, i do too and i hope that one day you can too, cos i know how s**tty it is and you seem really nice smile.gif
leopold
This is all very un-nice...

From what I've seen here, SI is much like bein an alcoholic or drug addict; yer doin summat to yerself as a release from whatever mental and/or physical pain yer sufferin from. But I also think that SI is a cry fer help.

I dun believe in usin meds, as they only cure the symptoms an not the underlyin problem. But as with any addiction, it's summat ya hafta want to face first.

Wolf, I'm very worried about ya. I dunno how I can possibly help, but I do know ya hafta do summat about this, before it goes too far.
wolfbane
*smiles at leo*

Thanks for the concern hun, but there's no need to worry. I've been like this for a looong time! lol I'm not prepared to go and get help yet - I'm on a messageboard which is a great system of support, and though I've looked at counselling services, etc. I'm not ready enough to go to them just yet.

Comparing SI to any addiction is a fair one - it is an addiction, as most of the people I know will agree with. The trouble is that it works the first time so then you try it again, and again, and then it gets to the point where you need it just to get through the day. I've been like that before now, and I was lucky in that I managed to back off for a bit, but it's still a struggle sometimes.
leopold
Ah, but it's me nature to worry!

Well, obviously I can't force ya to do anythin, an there's no point in me goin off on one about it. All I can do is offer me support if ya ever need it.

/me hugs wolfbane

Oh, an give ya those too! biggrin.gif
wolfbane
YAY! I got a hug (that's my secret plan you know - getting hugs off you! *evil cackle*)

But thanks leo, and if I do need your support then I will come get it.

*me huggles ya tight, licks your nose and scampers off*
Rattgirl
QUOTE (leopold @ Jun 29 2003, 06:21 PM)
But I also think that SI is a cry fer help.

I dun believe in usin meds, as they only cure the symptoms an not the underlyin problem.

I'd have to agree, I do think SI is an addiction as well as a cry for help...kindof like those who keep telling people they're contemplating suicide sad.gif *sigh*...but I also understand what you say about the pain releasing endorphins. That's been studied, it's true. But there are a lot more healthy ways to release those endorphins...do you like to dance? huh.gif That works too (hence my love of going to raves...dance dance dance dance allll night)

Leo - depending on the problem, some meds actually do help combat the underlying problem, especially those meds that supply the brain/body (but in the case of mental disorders, solely the brain) with those chemicals that it's lacking. (People with cases of high depression are usually very low in dopamine, for example) Sometimes meds help....

but I still want to be a psychologist 'cuz I think psychiatrists prescribe too damn many meds.
wolfbane
QUOTE
But there are a lot more healthy ways to release those endorphins


lol I know, I know! As for dancing, yeah I like it, but I don't get the chance to do it that often. I work late hours and don't get in until 10.30 by which time I'm usually knacekred. Writing can help though - wokring on one of my plays or stories or films keeps me occupied!
nordelen
Disorder | Rating
Paranoid: Moderate
Schizoid: Moderate
Schizotypal: High
Avoidant: High
Dependent: Moderate

these are the results i got from that test Woozle posted. heres something further for the two high ones:

Schizotypal
Many believe that schizotypal personality disorder represents mild schizophrenia. The disorder is characterized by odd forms of thinking and perceiving, and individuals with this disorder often seek isolation from others. They sometimes believe to have extra sensory ability or that unrelated events relate to them in some important way. They generally engage in eccentric behavior and have difficulty concentrating for long periods of time. Their speech is often over elaborate and difficult to follow.

Avoidant
Avoidant personality disorder is characterized by extreme social anxiety. People with this disorder often feel inadequate, avoid social situations, and seek out jobs with little contact with others. They are fearful of being rejected and worry about embarassing themselves in front of others. They exaggerate the potential difficulties of new situations to rationalize avoiding them. Often, they will create fantasy worlds to substitute for the real one. Unlike schizoid personality disorder, avoidant people yearn for social relations yet feel they are unable to obtain them. They are frequently depressed and have low self-confidence.


Well, the avoidant thing isnt a surprise. or at least it wouldnt be if i beleived that the test which generated these result were accurate. mad.gif
porcelainwarrior
QUOTE (nordelen @ Jun 30 2003, 01:32 PM)
Avoidant
Avoidant personality disorder is characterized by extreme social anxiety. People with this disorder often feel inadequate, avoid social situations, and seek out jobs with little contact with others. They are fearful of being rejected and worry about embarassing themselves in front of others. They exaggerate the potential difficulties of new situations to rationalize avoiding them. Often, they will create fantasy worlds to substitute for the real one. Unlike schizoid personality disorder, avoidant people yearn for social relations yet feel they are unable to obtain them. They are frequently depressed and have low self-confidence.

erk - i never heard of that before but that is so me. /me gets all paranoid and decides to stop relating to things so much ...

but fantasy worlds are better really they are and im not kidding cos doesnt anyone else think that? they are safer and people cant be mean, and you get to go back and fix out all the mistakes you made ... and i'll hush now
LindyLouWho
yep that is what I have, its sucky, fantasy worlds rock in a major way but... real life is better.. I mean it has to be right??
porcelainwarrior
why? i dont see that real life is better, real life sucks and i think its all just an illusion anyway, we all percieve things differently so no one lives in the same world as anyone else we all kinda overlap with similarities, so why not have fantasy worlds? at least there you have some control
Phyllis
QUOTE (porcelainwarrior @ Jun 30 2003, 08:15 AM)
QUOTE (nordelen @ Jun 30 2003, 01:32 PM)
Avoidant
Avoidant personality disorder is characterized by extreme social anxiety. People with this disorder often feel inadequate, avoid social situations, and seek out jobs with little contact with others. They are fearful of being rejected and worry about embarassing themselves in front of others. They exaggerate the potential difficulties of new situations to rationalize avoiding them. Often, they will create fantasy worlds to substitute for the real one. Unlike schizoid personality disorder, avoidant people yearn for social relations yet feel they are unable to obtain them. They are frequently depressed and have low self-confidence.

erk - i never heard of that before but that is so me. /me gets all paranoid and decides to stop relating to things so much ...

but fantasy worlds are better really they are and im not kidding cos doesnt anyone else think that? they are safer and people cant be mean, and you get to go back and fix out all the mistakes you made ... and i'll hush now

i know how ya feel on that one. it's completely me as well...which is why i spend so much time on this computer. but, i'm getting better...going out more and such. i was a regular social butterfly in nyc..lol. i'm always more social in towns that aren't my own..is that weird? maybe because of the anonymity..no one knows who i am.

anyway, i don't think fantasy worlds are better than reality. more fun a lot of the time, yes...but people need reality. there's no point to living your entire life in a dream world...which is why i'm doing my best not to.

hrm...am i the only one here w/ an eating disorder? seen quite a few people who self-mutilate, which i thought was less common than eating disorders. interesting.
porcelainwarrior
QUOTE (candice @ Jun 30 2003, 08:47 PM)
hrm...am i the only one here w/ an eating disorder? seen quite a few people who self-mutilate, which i thought was less common than eating disorders. interesting.

i wouldnt say i had an eating disorder cos im not underwieght or anything hence why i didnt mention it but i hate to eat, i cant swallow a lot of the time but i still eat a meal a day cause we do the family dinner thing so ive got to - i cant make myself sick, otherwise i would.
leopold
QUOTE (LindyLouWho @ Jun 30 2003, 08:02 PM)
yep that is what I have, its sucky, fantasy worlds rock in a major way but... real life is better.. I mean it has to be right??

It should be, yes... I know escapism is good sometimes, but if ya feel the need to escape all the time then there's summat wrong...

I escape too much, especially to here. However, that said, I still crave real human interaction (ie bein able to see, talk, touch, that kinda thing) so RL still has the edge...
Phyllis
QUOTE (porcelainwarrior @ Jun 30 2003, 12:50 PM)
i wouldnt say i had an eating disorder cos im not underwieght or anything hence why i didnt mention it but i hate to eat, i cant swallow a lot of the time but i still eat a meal a day cause we do the family dinner thing so ive got to - i cant make myself sick, otherwise i would.

i'm not underweight either. i was, at one time..bout oh 6 years ago was the point where i turned it around...but now i've progressed wayyy too far in the other direction..lol (but at least i'm doing better than before in getting my eating under control). i've never heard of anyone who honestly hated to eat. that's interesting. i've known a few anorexics, and they all were sort of obsessed w/ food. they loved preparing it, could tell you exactly how many calories were in what you were eating without looking at a label...they just didn't eat much of it cause they wanted to be thin.
porcelainwarrior
bleah, eating is gross i really dont like it - when i can get away with it i just eat cheese sandwiches cos cooked food is icky. i dont eat in front of people either, only my family and one very close friend of mine,

i think humans should be more efficient in the way we take in evergy, food is messy and timeconsuming
Phyllis
wow....i gotta say, you are the first person i've ever met w/ those opinions. and lol i've met a LOT of ppl w/ strong opinions on food, as i was once in an online support group thingy.

i LOVE eating. entirely too much. that's why i turned to bulemia when i was younger...could eat all i wanted and not gain weight. but now i'm in a good enough state of mind to realize that isn't exactly the best thing for me to do to myself. am not healthy now either...but am doing my best to get healthy..the correct way.
leopold
I love eatin biggrin.gif

My problem sometimes is that I comfort eat. It depends on a lot of factors, but it's mainly when I feel me optimism desert me an I'm left wonderin why the hell I bother... Lucky fer me, then, that I found this place! I spend too much time typin to be able to eat, an I find I drink water cos it's quicker than makin summat else... so I've actually lost weight as a result!!

I've found a healthy addiction!! Woooo, go team me!! laugh.gif laugh.gif
porcelainwarrior
ah water is nice, this is gona sound funny but its clean you know? and cherry pie is permissible ... smile.gif

all should ignore my warped views on eating and sleeping, i think both are a waste of time and make the human body less eficient, its a whole big thing
wolfbane
I'm not underweight, but I don't eat. For the past...ages I've been living on a sandwich or a chocolate bar a day. Granted sometimes I'll eat more, but never more than two 'meals' a day...I just consider it a form of SI - I subconsciously substitute the one for the other sometimes...
MistressAlti
I don't eat either. Call it an outgrowth of my rapid decline in self-esteem. I'm a fat girl - it can't really hurt me that much. I've been doing it so long that the habit's been broken. I can't even eat without feeling annoyed by it anymore. It's such a bother... why must I ever get hungry...
Sarah the Spider
I actually don't have many mental problems, I don't think. I've never been tested for them or anything though, so I really don't know.

Let's see...

Spheksophobia. Quite bad. unsure.gif (But is probably really common, so I am not concerned.)

My parents and I believe I had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder a couple years ago. It could have just been me really weirding out over being super-perfect, I don't know for sure. At the time I didn't think I had anything. I would close doors three times and knock on walls and not touch a lot of things...peculiar habits like that. It was really creepy, but I have gotten over most of it. I still won't touch feet though. That was my main thing. Icky...
wolfbane
QUOTE
Call it an outgrowth of my rapid decline in self-esteem.


Good lord Missy you sound like me! I think I'm just slgithy fecked up in more ways than one! lol

And feet are just...weird! Mine have been broken so many times they're just horrible... *shudders* Eurgh!!
MistressAlti
QUOTE (wolfbane @ Jun 30 2003, 05:07 PM)
QUOTE
Call it an outgrowth of my rapid decline in self-esteem.


Good lord Missy you sound like me! I think I'm just slgithy fecked up in more ways than one! lol

Maybe so, but there tends to be a hint of strength in knowing that you're not alone...
porcelainwarrior
ew feet - gross

*shivers* i hate feet
Rattgirl
on the whole line on eating (which was earlier but I missed it so there! tongue.gif)....

I know this probably sounds pretty f**ked up, but I've always wished I could develop an eating disorder...I'm overweight, but I didn't used to be, but I always thought I was (but that's mostly b/c my mom would tell me all the time how 'fat' I was and was always putting me on diets)..I was a size 12/14 when I graduated HS, which I realize now is PERFECTLY F**KING NORMAL, but back then I thought I was huge and ugly and so I had horrifically low self-esteem which led to a crappy marriage but that's another matter...*deep breath* ...anyway. It led to me eating A LOT and becoming a size 22/24. I've been trying to get down from that, and I'm finally hitting an 18/20 after 4 years of trying (ever notice that it's a lot easier to gain weight than to lose it??)....and even though I'm finally, FINALLY starting to be more content with my body at whatever size (as long as I'm in decent shape), I still have this irrational wish that I could have the conviction to become anorexic....huh.gif

yeah, I know....I'm crazy.
Phyllis
no, you're not crazy.

my mom always was putting me on diets too. and making me go to exercise classes w/ her..and a whole bunch of other things. she was obsessed w/ weight. she actually said to me once "you'd be so pretty if you just lost weight" i will never forget that...though she has. she denies ever saying it to me. i was 10 years old.

this all led me to thinking "i should just start throwing up. that way i can eat as much as i want to." i had originally tried starving myself, but erm yeah..i like eating too much for that.

bulemia always seemed a lot easier than anorexia to me. i could probably still throw up on cue if need be (though why would i ever need to? that's one craptastic skill to have).

i've known quite a few girls who are COs (compulsive overeaters...it's an eating disorder as well) who said "i wish i could be bulemic" or "i wish i could be anorexic" trust me, it's no better...no matter how small you get, you still see yourself as fat. but i can definitely understand where that wish would come from. i'm still tempted to go back to my old ways...cause it was just so much easier. but then i remember how unhappy i was then, and i remember that it's just not worth it.
wolfbane
QUOTE
Maybe so, but there tends to be a hint of strength in knowing that you're not alone...


That's true, though kind of sasd when you realise that you're not the only one who's going through whatever it is that you're going through. Kinda makes me wish I was the only one so then at least no one else would feel as bad...
nordelen
QUOTE (leopold @ Jun 30 2003, 09:21 PM)
My problem sometimes is that I comfort eat. It depends on a lot of factors, but it's mainly when I feel me optimism desert me an I'm left wonderin why the hell I bother...

i know this only too well! laugh.gif i find that when i get a little depressed i tend to reach for the biccies, the cheese slices, the chocolate substances. im slowly becoming a bit worried by it. being 22 and having a "beer gut" does'nt attract the opposite sex. having no personallity or social skills does'nt help either! but at least i dont have more serious problems involving self harm (thank heavens).
MistressAlti
QUOTE (wolfbane @ Jul 1 2003, 04:29 AM)
That's true, though kind of sasd when you realise that you're not the only one who's going through whatever it is that you're going through. Kinda makes me wish I was the only one so then at least no one else would feel as bad...

I wish no one had to suffer at all, for that matter... but seeing as that's not too reasonable.... I can be (relatively) content in knowing that maybe I'm not the only one that's f**ked up. There's a hope in that.
leopold
QUOTE (candice @ Jul 1 2003, 03:11 AM)
"you'd be so pretty if you just lost weight"

Gah!!! Why do mothers insist on sayin such crap??

Prettiness has nowt to do wi weight... I've met some girls who are on the large side an are gorgeous; similarly I've met some thin girls who are right mingers...

But looks aside, it's the person that counts. Cand, from what I've seen of ya so far, yer a beautiful person, an what ya look like is of no consequence. Tell yer mum I said that!
Rattgirl
QUOTE (leopold @ Jul 1 2003, 12:54 PM)
QUOTE (candice @ Jul 1 2003, 03:11 AM)
"you'd be so pretty if you just lost weight"

Gah!!! Why do mothers insist on sayin such crap??

Wish I knew.....well, in my mom's case, she didn't say those exact words, but she did insist on telling me all the time that "you're getting a little chunky there, dear. Do you want to look like a fat slob?".....but mostly that's 'cuz my mom is a control freak, and for her, everything was about making sure she had ultimate control over everything I did, said, and thought. Also, she's a little 'overweight' in her opinion, and I'm sure she decided that since it made her unhappy to be 'overweight', she'd do 'the best thing' for me and make sure it never happened to me.

yeah right, mom.
Jaq
Mine too. I remember her threatening me telling me if I didn't stop eating I'd be a "200 pound Tessy"
Jaq
QUOTE (leopold @ Jun 30 2003, 12:21 AM)
But I also think that SI is a cry fer help.

I don't think it is. At least for me it's a way of coping with problems that I just don't want to talk about with people. I'd much rather be flippant and silly with people than have to talk about my insecurities and crap.
Phyllis
QUOTE (leopold @ Jul 1 2003, 10:54 AM)
Gah!!! Why do mothers insist on sayin such crap??

Prettiness has nowt to do wi weight... I've met some girls who are on the large side an are gorgeous; similarly I've met some thin girls who are right mingers...

But looks aside, it's the person that counts. Cand, from what I've seen of ya so far, yer a beautiful person, an what ya look like is of no consequence. Tell yer mum I said that!

i dunno why they insist on sayin such crap!

myself, i'll try to feed my kids healthy foods so they don't have that problem in the first place (i only ate what she GAVE me, after all...and i lost 50 lbs when i was eating someone's cooking that wasn't hers..so what's that tell ya..lol. but i learned to cook from her..so gah!)....but if they have weight problems, i won't pressure em. i'll help them if they want help, but i'll also tell em they're just fine the way they are! so nyah!

and tyvm leo. smile.gif i would be happy to tell her that, but she honestly doesn't remember tellin me all the crap she did. i was so shocked when she said "i never said that!" cause it is one of the moments that stands out most to me as a very hurtful thing that happened in my childhood.
MistressAlti
QUOTE (candice @ Jun 30 2003, 09:11 PM)
"you'd be so pretty if you just lost weight"

My mother insinuates this to me, but never says it outright.

My father told me I'll never attract a man at my current weight.

Such loving support sometimes... oi.

I understand the feeling.
racingaway13
on the subject of weight, i used to be rather... well.... fat, i knew i was fat and i knew just hot bad it was. i didnt do much, but then around last year i started not eating so damn much and i was fine. and now that im vegitarian i have also been losing weight. my other secret to looking good was... growing... hahaha.... i know ill write the next diet fad book that tells people to grow....
anyhoot, i have no issues, i wouldnt mind being thinner but oh well.
and also missyA, your beautiful the way you are and you dont need to change!
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