Help - Search - Members - Calendar
Full Version: Self Mutilation
The Other Side forums - suitable for mature readers! > The Other Side forums > The Issues Forum
Pages: 1, 2, 3
Sir Maxerpopple
Also, please be honest, this is a question I have long been interested in from a sociological standpoint and arises from the cutting thread.

If it is other, please, please, PLEASE specify, I couldnt think of any other reasons at the time.

I hope you can enlighten me.

And no, I will not try to discourgae you here, i just want to know why.
saucy_tara
When you say "Self mutilation" what exactly do you mean by that? This term could feasibly cover cutting, body piercing, scarification and other more extreme forms of body modification. Care to explain?? smile.gif
Sir Maxerpopple
Burning, cutting, starving, etc.

Anything inflicting self-physical-harm on the body.

No drugs don't count.
Phyllis
But starving does?

That one has a very simple explanation. "If I starve myself, I can be thin." Same thing with purging. One doesn't really think about the medical consequences while doing this...they think "I'll stop once I get thin, then I'll just eat really well. I just need to get to that point...."

It's hard to describe the obsessiveness that just...overcomes you. It becomes an addiction of sorts...which is why I don't see why starving counts and drugs don't.
spiffilicious05
QUOTE
It's hard to describe the obsessiveness that just...overcomes you. It becomes an addiction of sorts...which is why I don't see why starving counts and drugs don't.


Agreed, you can't just limit self mutulation to one category. There are so many ways to cause harm to yourself, physically and mentally. So you can't put limits on it, sometimes a person likes pain, others they like the high that drugs give them. Sometimes they crave to be left alone, yet have attention at the same time. They look infront of the mirror and see some horrible monster, whether it be because they're overweight or because of things they've done so they think that they deserve to be punished. There are so many many ways to inflict pain upon yourself that you can't count them all, and personally, I think that inflicting mental anguish on yourself is just as bad as physically harming yourself.
Sir Maxerpopple
Fiorst of all, I meant starving int he sense of causing yourself to feel hunger, not for the cosmetic reasons.

However I wil make an edit, ALL forms of inflicting mental, physical, emotional, and psychological pain are self-mutulation.

Hopefully that will clear up matters.
Polocrunch
Sometimes I run my hands through my hair and randomly pluck out hairs. There's no reason for it, and I don't like the pain (which numbs after a while), but for some reason I find it totally addictive. I can sit there for half an hour and build up quite a pile of hair. I can't explain it - and I won't stop, because I see no need to. It does me no medical harm, but I can now understand how easy it must be to fall into the pit that is self-harm.
MistressAlti
I've been known to sit in class, take safety pins, and poke the tips of my fingers just to watch them bleed. Blood red really is a pretty color... but I don't do it for any real reason, other than... well, I guess it entertains me, and I don't mind the pain of it.
magikeyes14
it helps me show how i feel inside.. and i like the pain.... its fufilling (sp?) and it helps me feel.... sumtimes i feel numb.. sorta broken? but the pain brings me back to reality.....
Righteous
I don't know why I started doing it at first. I thin it was a way of punishing myself for the thing I did wrong. Right before I quit the reason was similar, but I also got this amazing high off of it. The combination of adrenaline in my body and whatever other chemicals my body released when I cut myself gave me this high feeling which was better that any drug I've ever been on. I would get kind of and just lie there with a razorblade and a rag on my arm or face. Sometimes I went more for the feel of blood on my body particularly when I would cut my face. Other times I'd cut just to see how much I could cut (mind you, this was all done while in the midst highest amout of anger/depression my brain could muster). When I wrecked my car, I carved "HATE" into my right arm. When I lost my jobs, I carved. When I was power mad/depressed for any other reason, I'd carve. I'm really happy I stopped though. I still keep the razor around. I'm not sure why, but it's really handy for opening packages. I'll ad mit, I still get cravings (if you will), but I have enough willpower to keep myself from cutting.
WeeJ
Cutting is never a release...its a problem...a problem that should be addressed and not encouraged.
Sir Maxerpopple
However while I agree with you WeeJ, this is merely a study.

One cannot help until he knows the entire situation.

Often telling other people why you do it helps you understand, maybe that will be the greatest triumph.
WeeJ
Your poll is directed at people who cut and thats assuming we all do. I know for a fact that isn't true.

I dunno...it just seems very assuming. I once again point out that cutting isn't a good thing. Its a huge problem and people should seek help if they find themselves in this position.


Thats my two cents anyway.
Pikasyuu
Because it makes me feel better. Not quite sure why, but I think bleeding and tending to the new wounds gives me something to do other than lament whatever's making me feel bad. It also makes a nice buzzy numbing sensation which I've become quite fond of.
Sir Maxerpopple
QUOTE
Your poll is directed at people who cut and thats assuming we all do. I know for a fact that isn't true.

Quite recognized, I was aware of it beforehand. However I thought saying "only for those who self-mutulate is kind of stupid, since if you don't do it, you wouldn't participate in the poll.
WeeJ
My point is, to make a poll, you're generally expecting more than two or three people to participate in the voting and the fact that my friends feel the need to cut saddens me.
I just wish there was a better way for people to vent. Cutting really, really isn't the solution to anyone's problems.
Sir Maxerpopple
I decided poll over thread because a poll is more organized, makes results easier to read. Even if it is only a few people, it is easier for me this way.
antagony
I used to do it because it was nice to feel anything at all... then because it numbed emotional pain and the endorphins were nice as well. Now I haven't done it in over six months and I feel pretty good about myself for that (particularly since I've been off medication for some of that time). I want to sometimes, though. Just to feel it... but at the same time I get this sinking feeling whenever I think about it. It's humiliating to have to explain my scars to people and to think about why I did that. If it weren't for that, I might do it again so maybe it's just as well.
acidteardrop
if i did do it, it would be for no other reason than amusement.

i tried it once, i tried everything to ease the pain. masochism, suicide, ODing on whatever was handy. nothing worked. for me nothing quelled the emotional pain, it just added physical pain. i dont know why it didnt work for me, maybe it was a guilty concience(sp?).


though when...HE moved in i didnt need to do it anymore (i think i was 5 when i started, 7 when HE came and i stopped). he did it for me. sometimes i think back and miss the pain. but ah well, it wont come anymore, its gone now.

QUOTE
it helps me show how i feel inside.. and i like the pain.... its fufilling (sp?) and it helps me feel.... sumtimes i feel numb.. sorta broken? but the pain brings me back to reality.....

you speak in the present? i thought you said you didnt do it anymore. *sigh* i wish you wouldnt feel this way or say things like this. it makes me feel even more worthless b/c im not helping ease your pain like i should be, like i try to. i feel insufficient for you. but w/e, dont worry about me. express yourself in your own ways i guess, but it feels that every time you do something like that..you slay a part of me. maybe soon there will be nothing left.

i wish none of you did anything masochistic. its self destructive, now matter what releif it gives you. though i cant stop you, and you may hate me for saying this, but out of the love in my heart i wish you to stop with any self-mutilation.
Jaq
I do it because I can't express my emotions and I end up getting very frustrated, angry or depressed. It's a good release and a 'fake pain' to distract me from the real pain.
Jaq
QUOTE (acidteardrop @ Dec 23 2003, 06:15 PM)
i wish none of you did anything masochistic. its self destructive, now matter what releif it gives you. though i cant stop you, and you may hate me for saying this, but out of the love in my heart i wish you to stop with any self-mutilation.

good lord. Just because someone says "Don't do it it's bad" doesn't mean that people are automatically going to stop. It's not like every single person who's SI'd doesn't realize that it's wrong/stupid/shameful/self defeating but they still do it because it helps them. People don't do things just to be weird or because they like pain (although for some people it might be part of it) they do it because it is a coping mechanism for things that they can't handle any other way. People who stop cutting without learning better ways to cope will often find some other way to deal with their pain like drugs, alcohol, obsessive eating or taking stupid risks.


Although your intentions are good you're not helping. You're just heaping on more guilt and shame, things that no person needs, especially people who can't deal with their emotions very well.
Sir Maxerpopple
Once again, this is only a study.

Don't turn it into an intervention.
FurryMammal
I'm staying away from this thread. I'm bitterly cynical about self-harmers. So why do i post here? Post apocalyptic/christmas drunkeness wooo!
elf
I DON'T KNOW I JUST DO IT BECAUSE I CAN

It's true. I do it because I can, because it helps me relax and deal with the motherf--king stress in my life. There's not many other reasons.
Marsyas
I only really did it once, and it was in a fit of stupid rage. I was pretty messed up then, but fortunately it hasn't happened since. I've changed so much in the past three years.
Actually doing it was pretty rough on my relationship with my boyfriend. He's been so incredibly awesome with me in the past four years, but he took it rather hard when he figured out that they weren't scratches from working with dogs (as I did). I don't really regret doing it because I think that in a lot of ways it made me stronger. Soon after, I realized that no matter what shit happened, I would still be here, and that cutting myself for punishment wouldn't really help me either way. It was a punishment one time only. Now it's nothing. I'm much more balanced now, I guess...
hinsley
but i do it to handle my stress more than anything. no one i know in real life actually knows i cut cept for my twin and i havnt showed her my arms since the first time cause she said it was horrible and blah blah blah. but yeah, ive got like nearly over 200 hundred really noticasble ones on my forearms and still no ones noticed them. maybe im jsut good at hiding them or summat.

but i do get so bad stress. its kind of got worse since i stopped going out and completly lost everyone who might of cared, but in short i used to do it for the pain, then it kindof was so i could handle my emotions and now i dont really now why i do it, its kind of addictive.

tho it does fuck up your life a bit, like you cant go swimming or anything, and have to wear long sleeved tops all year round, and stuff.

wow im going on again. oh well. wont get read anyway. as per usual. or it will get delelted.

BOTHERED.
CommandeerOfSouls
I don't.
Dark Storm 13
I do it because it helps me deal with all my emotions. I have a lot of stress in my life. Hell, I'm only 14. So far, I've gone to online phsciatrists (did you even know they had those) and was diagnosed with ADD, multiple personalities, severe depression, drug abuse, and other things.

When I cut myself, it helps me deal with emotions. i mean, I've got all these things going on in my head that no one in my life knows about and they can't see any of it. No one can notice it, right? So, I cut myself so it is noticable. Still no one notices, but when I make marks on the outside, I feel like I'm letting it all out, you know. It makes me in control of my life when I have no choices to make really.

It might also be a cry for attention. I mean, like I said before, no one notices all these scars on my arms and hands. i'm a model student with straight A's so I couldn't be depressed or anything, but that's all wrong. I'm a model student because it keps my mind off stress.

If you cut yourself, try doing something and putting everything you have into it. That way, when you feel so bad, and won't cut yourself. Most of the time it's avoidable. If you do feel the need to cut, you should try to do it lightly, so it doesn't bleed to much or scar. You know those nifty little disposable razors? If you take one of the blades froom the cheap-o ones and cut yourself lightly then pull it apart a bit, it stings and stuff but you don't scar or bleed. This way you're still cutting (for those of you who feel the need) but your not causing as much harm.
Alaric
I don't do it, but i have a friend that does... he likes the pain thats why he does it.
BaldricksGherkinator
OK big truth time. I chose other. This is because when I do I have absolutely no control over myself. The doctor is undecided whether I have plain old depression or manic depression, all i know is I am prone to volatile mood swings. I can be happy, and hyper, and smiley, or null, emotionless and void. or I can be in the throws of the worst feelings in my life. Living everything bad all over again. After going on 3 brands of anti depressants (which all had nasty side effects) it has got worse.

Sometimes I get a bit bulemic. I don't want to be thin, but I get this feeling like "if i throw up, everything will be ok" which is completely irrational and very hard to understand unless you've been there. hell, i find it hard to understand when i'm happy and don't feel like it, but it's just this uncontrollable feeling. I don't want to be thin, I think people that do things like that to be thin are worryingly silly.

Other than that, sometimes I reach a total rock bottom, that's so low, I can't even think straight. there's only one thought left which is "i don't want to be like this anymore" which will spark off self destruction. basically, I'll wake up the next day, be pissed off that I actually woke up, and find a load of cuts, or another slash on my wrist, and sometimes I only have a vague memory of doing it. Sometimes I can remember everything I did. Now, I may hate feeling like that but I have something to live for *looks at david* so as soon as i start to feel that way i get these herbal tranquilisers (which have no OD bad effects) and take a load and pass out for 12hours. Which is quite nice seeing as I lack sleep a lot.

So basically, it's not about "i like pain" or "all my mates do it", it's about not being in control of my own mind when I reach the bottom, when the worst feelings in my life crush me like a bug.
Sir Maxerpopple
We appreciate the honesty, I'm sure that wasn't easy for you to tell us.
simply,I'm a spastic
when i found out that my boyfriend (and father of my unborn child) had been cheating on me for 7months and then dumped me for some rreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally ugly girl,i just snapped.i cried so hard it stung to open my eyes,and i just walked to the cookery room at school in a sort of trance,and asked where they kept the knives.i took one and made my way to the nearest toilet,and i just slashed a cut in my arm.it's weird,i didn't feel it,even though i could see blood dripping down.then someone walked in and i realised what i'd done,and i went nuts.i couldn't believe what i'd done,and i feared for my life.i ran to my college common room,and fainted just outside the door.according to my friends,they found me slumped at the door with a pool of blood,and they flipped.they dragged me to the first and they sent me to Addenbrooks.its weird,i never felt anything until now-i still have a huge scar across my wrist,and it seems to itch sometimes,almost like a burn.i really have no clue why i did it,i was so upset i just went into a trance.i do really regret it,but the first person i saw when i woke up in hospital was my ex,which meant a lot to me.we're still good friends which is great,and to anyone out there contemplating suicide or wrist-slitting,(this is talking from a near-death experience here) don't.you think its ok at the time,you don't feel anything,but when you realise what could happen my GOD do you get scared.just please don't do it.i regret every minute of that rdeal,and i don't want to see anyone suffer the same thing.
Ocean!
I have a friend who did it for attention, she has issues...

It helps to know where the pain is coming from, to know that you're not in pain for no reason. I don't cut.. I did a couple times, but not enough for it to really bleed a lot... I like pain in small amounts... I'm odd..
simply,I'm a spastic
true its hard to tell when people do it for attention or if its serious.i think that when people parade it around like LOOK AT MY ARSM,LOOK AT MY ARMS then its attention seeking,but saying that,they might just be looking for help.i think that when peope hide it and are ahsamed then its serious.but hey,what do i know?lol huh.gif
BaldricksGherkinator
I do my best to hide shit, but sometimes you really can't be arsed. you don't always want to go around in long sleeves and gloves. You just don't draw attention to it...and at least cover fresh ones. I'm not proud of it and I'm still waiting to see a psychologist and a psychiatrist to try and get better.

I know a group of kids that self harm in groups, and at school. they show off the wounds like trophies. It really diusgusts me. They are supposed to be our little midgety friends, so a mate and I do our best to confiscate sharp objects and teach them that it's wrong. One line that made one kid stop was in the following conversation.

"Dude, you really shouldn't self harm."
"well I like it."
"why?"
"it's fun."
"well there's a lot of better things youy could do. so just give it up, please."
"why not? you do it." (he pointed at my arm...i'd had to roll up my sleeves to cool down, it was too damned hot and i was, to be fair, crossing my arms)
"But you have a choice. If I had a choice I'd never have done that."

which is now my message to people who like doing it and point the finger at me. I don't have a choice. You all have the choice and free will to stop it. You are very lucky, don't abuse your choice and luck. Use your noggin and hit a pillow instead. sad.gif

oh and for those who like pain, pinch yourself on the back of you hand, or get a fine pin and prick your foot.
lygophilia
I did kind of did what polocrunch did. I started out just pulling out the eyelashes that I slept on weird, and in turn, felt weird. So I plucked a couple, then more and more b/c they all seemed to feel that way. It took me a lot of plucking to realize the "weirdness" of most of them was the pain from plucking the first couple. happy.gif Oops. And they don't grow back. So I have on a few lower eyelashes left, and some of my gorgeously long top eyelshes were gone (people always complemented me on them). I had plucked the top ones that were "annoyingly close" to the outer sides of my eyes...yep, I went too far.

I also got into a worse habit with my eyebrows. I pulled out my already-plucked-kind-of-thin eybrows. I'll tug them and rub them (which got them (ickily greasy). When I was doing my eyelashes I made one of my psychotic logic rules: if they can come out, they *should* com out. So I did that with my eyebrows. Oops. With my long nails, I can get just about any of them out, except for ones that are too short. Some of those dont come back either. So now I have the annoyance of *having* to fill in the half that are there and draw on the other half, and put on black eyeliner underneath my eyes. Before I didn't *need* to, but now I look weird w/o it. Speaking of weird, about a month ago, I ended up plucking every single one of my eyebrows out (I should really keep a mirror by me when I do it. I didn't realize how much they were, til I looked at myself, then I just did the last few of them.) I think I did it for boredom in class or while doing homework. In the hospital (for depression) 3 years ago, I think I heard that the "rubbing eyebrows" thing was a stress sign. I didn't do it at the time.

I used to cut my wrists. Half the time, I realized I was purposefully, letting my couselor get glances at it. That was for attention (sorry to say), my way of saying "Help me! This is serious!" My friend said the kids in the middle school afterr we graduated, were threatening their life and stuff for attention. Aside, from doing it for getting help, like I did, I can't imagine faking that stuff. That was right after one of the suicides at the high school (three total last year, I think). A couple kids at the jr. high wore a rope tied around their necks to school to make fun of the kid. Little jerks. Other times, I cut my wrists in anger. When I got upset or depressed, I'd do it. I didn't like the pain though, and I never did it deep. I liked to destroy things when I was angry. I tried to stick to unimportant things: at school, I tore apart my binder. Then I remember them telling that to my parents. Hey, better my binder than my wrists, right?

Then there are some people who do it b/c it looks cool, like a tattoo or something. I kind of like the look of it, a little blood, the cuts...it's kinda sexy in a way. My friend doesn't look muscle-y, but he showed me his arm, which were full of heeled cuts and he flexed, damn. that was sexy.
sadistickitty
i chose other in a not-completely-sure way. i started out in a rather bad way, im afraid. i had a friend way cooler than me, and i wanted to be like her, and it was one of the things she did (later i realized she wasnt cool, but an attention seeker) but i was attatched to it in that sad part of my life. i decided to grow up over last summer and stop. although it went better then i hoped, it wasnt enough. i have ocd and i began paying blood rituals to trees. i then found out that i liked the taste of my blood more than anything, mixed with the flavour of pain. i had a hard change in schools later which caused me to inscribe things upon my arm again, but for now im sticking to thorns.
Righteous
I'm visiting my uncle, aunt and cousins in Georgia. My one cousin was released from a mental hospital for abusing himself. He broke his nose, cut himself and collected his own blood in a vial so that he'd be remembered after killing himself. He's a good guy. He's twelve. He has bipolar and OCD. To this day, his folks keep the cutlary locked up. He seems like a decent guy. I'm trying to be a mentor to him because I dodn't have anyone when I was a twelve-year-old bipolar kid. He hasn't hurt himself in a long time. I'm really proud of him.
spiffilicious05
Self mutulation huh....
acidteardrop
dont you get any ideas!
Sir Maxerpopple
I want to state now, before this continues, that this study has been very insightful, thank you all for helping me out.

I also feel quite dismayed and upset to hear that you feel the need to do such things. I am so sorry to hear the unfortunate things that have occured in your lives that prompt you to do these things.

While I may not be a help, there are people on this board who sincerely care for you, and remember, those are the ones who matter most. You will always have a small light at the end of your tunnel, I hope that you can reach it, just remember there are people along the way who can help you. Don't shun them.

I am not going to beg you to stop, as that clearly falls upon deaf ears. I simply beg of you this.

Don't kill yourselves.

You will get through what you are going through, and even if it takes your entire life, you will eventually get through it. Yet however dark it may seem, your life is too precious to end if you have a glimmer of recovery. And you all do.

And if you do not do it for yourselves, don't do it for those around you who care about you. I remember how you all felt after Debaser's suicide, and though i did not know him, I saw the reactions. Your deaths would only produce more of the same. Don't hurt those who love you.

I would like to spread this message particularly to edward_lover and Acidteardrop, whose cases seem to be the worst here. Your lives may seem hopeless, but you must have faith in yourself that you will heal. The worst thing you can do is revel in the pain you inflict upon yourselves. You both along with everyone else has too much to live for. Don't end it all when you can heal yourselves.

I hope I said something here that doesn't sound too corny, but i hate to see such a worthless end of life. Life is the most precious thing we have, and although I am for ending life when all hope is lost (incurable diseases, etc.), I am not in support of it here. You all can heal yourselves, even if it takes all your lives. Have faith in yourselves, and dont push those who love you away.

Although I know nobody on this forum personally, I would hate to see an end of life, please, don't do it.
simply,I'm a spastic
dude-we need help!we are all pretty depressed!

thats it-we all need to go out,get drunk,and wake up in a puddle of your own vomit next to a random drunken loser with back hair-thats the way to do it tongue.gif
Sir Maxerpopple
Err...no it isn't.

You all need counseling from those who love you and faith in yourselves.
acidteardrop
counsel me? *hops on lap* </spam>

QUOTE
Don't kill yourselves.

this is especially true. as we all have an example, suicide is NOT the answer. there are other ways to deal with your problems. we are here if you need to talk to someoen who understands.
Sir Maxerpopple
QUOTE
counsel me? *hops on lap* </spam>

I've come to learn my advice is really bad when a friend gave me the advice I gave her when she was in the position I was in last night.

Don't jump on me, you will hurt my back!
padonae
Uh... The closest I've come to doing that is way back in the 4th grade, I got a bad cut on a brick and kept cutting it back open when it would start to heal so I'd get a "cool" scar. I was an idiot back then, and I still have the scar to prove my stupidity. I do cut myself occasionally now, but it's just a prick so I can look at blood in my microscope, nothing really psychologically wrong with that.
acidteardrop
unless your some sort of deranged angry scientist ph34r.gif
Phyllis
Spam causes cancer.

This public service announcement brought to you by: me.

Meanwhile. Back on topic. I've never self-mutilated, but I seem to have a lot of friends who do. I never knew that people did such things (very naieve) until I was around 17 and saw some scars on a friend of mine and asked him if he'd been falling into thorny bushes. He got quiet for awhile, then explained what he did and why he did it. His response was the same as a lot of people here have said...and the same as a lot of my friends have said -- that it just helps him deal with emotional pain and things going on in his life that he can't handle in other ways.

In my very limited experience on the subject, it seems that most people who do this tend to hide it a lot...so a place like this to talk about it anonymously always seems good to me. I can't remember who it was, but I think someone mentioned something about a thread like this encouraging this behavior. I think that's complete and utter nonsense. It's good to be able to get these things out...and the Internet can be especially good for this since, as I said, it's mostly anonymous.
miss_spunk
can I ask, what's this study for? And can we see what you've done, if that's ok with you that is...
Sir Maxerpopple
I find the human psyche fascinating, and I am curious to know why people would self harm. These people can only be helped if we know why they do it.

The results are in the poll it would seem, although one of the questions that has to be interpeted by the posts, not by the poll.
This is a "lo-fi" version of our main content. To view the full version with more information, formatting and images, please click here.