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Tenacious C
We lived separate lives during the day. I passed the hours laboring hard in my scholastic achievements, and he stayed home. A bunny bum, I used to call him teasingly.



I don’t recall how we exactly met. There was a Christmas party at our friend Katie’s house, and he arrived late, with a bow around his neck and a grin that seemed to never fade. I instantly fell in love with him. I took him home with me that very night.

Who is this “he”? Well I don’t know what his real name is, but I settled on calling him “Mister Happyfluff”. I mean, Jesus! He had more fluff than I could ever have, and that grin never went away; even when he ate, slept, rode me ‘til dawn…that smirk was there to stay plastered on his fuzzy face. His long ears were so….long….and…….damn, were they LONG! He was also fat as a bloated whale, but that never slowed HIM down.



The mister and I didn’t plan on any kind of marriage relationship. It was hard enough trying to snatch a quickie right after I got home from school everyday, with homework and all, let alone time for love. But when there was time, we made sure our snuggle-time was extra special.



I had this roommate. Her name was Rhonda. As ugly as a name that was, she has been around the block a few times. No, seriously, I can’t think of any man in this neighborhood hasn’t slept with her. It disturbs me that none of the wives have come pounding on the door with an attorney at her heels, but Rhonda tended to be subtle in her ways…if you call being the girl next door a subtle façade for her true motives.

I was overly concerned that Rhonda might want to take my hunny bunny down like she did with every man that came into view, but she kept her distance. After all, this was my first steady relationship in a long time, and she respected that. However, once a man got the boot from me, she would pounce on him like fresh kill.

As great as a guy Mister. Happyfluff was, I had to break the bond apart. I just couldn’t see myself spending the rest of my non-marital life with a bunny rabbit. Let alone a purple one. Even my parents were worried about me. “Do you get enough sleep? Do you have enough room on the bed? Is his penis even BIG enough? I mean, come on! He’s a ****ing bunny! It’s probably no bigger than your pinkie! What kind of sex is that???” As much as I hate to listen to my parents, they were right. God, he got lousier by the minute! I’ve often found myself staring at the remains of a spider I killed last summer smushed on my ceiling, asking, “Are you done yet?”


One night, I came home late from school. I went upstairs to my room as soon as I got inside and slammed my bookbag on the floor. That thing was heavy as a mother. I heard someone gasp in surprise. I flashed my eyes to the source.



That mofo was ****ing the mofo-ed. What the ****. What the ****? WHAT THE ****?

WTF!!!!!!11


I knew this day had to eventually come. I loved Rhonda, as much as a whore she was, but Mister had crossed the line. I grabbed him by one of those extra-long ears and threw him on the floor.



“YOU JACKASS! YOU MANWHORE! SHITBAG FULL OF BILE! GET OUT OF MY CRIB!”



He ran around the room, scurrying for the few items that he owned and shoved them in his backpack. And even in such a hurried moment, he put on his headphones. His annoying Princess Leia Cinnabon headphones. I could hear the screeching of Good but really ****ed-up Charlotte through them.



“OUT, BITCH….OUT!!!”



Mister waddled to his car and hopped in.

“Baby…no matter what damage I have caused….I will always love you….”



I stared at him for a moment, then I turned away.



“Love. It never existed between us.”

And that night, Mister Happyfluff drove out of my life. Forever.














Fin.
gothictheysay
*tears to eyes* But he was Mr. HAPPYFLUFF! I wouldn't be able to let him go entirely. I'd need to have him as a friend. I sympathize with the hard times you went through, though.

(I laughed pretty hard with the bunny and Rhonda scene. laugh.gif)
Tenacious C
Heh. Took me a long time to formulate this story. Just one night I thought, "Gotta make this..." so I did!

In reality he's still in my room; but when it comes time to go to sleep, I toss him on the floor. ; )
The Lorax
That---was beautiful! happy.gif The story of a woman and her fluffy purple bunny.

That kind of story trancends through time my friend.

Good job on the story! happy.gif

(I know some guys that can uhhh---take care of Rhonda for you.... ph34r.gif )
Thus Spoke Zarathustra
wow thats a headf**ck
mooooooooooopo
Always the cute fluffy purple ones that turn out to be evil...tis a fact of life im afraid
Sir Maxerpopple
That was very good, rather funny.

Make a small book out of it, it was very impressive. I'm sure Kinko's would be most obliging.
Tenacious C
QUOTE (Sir Maxerpopple @ Apr 10 2004, 10:05 PM)
I'm sure Kinko's would be most obliging.

Yes. And they also would be rather overjoyed to charge me $50 plus a $20 tax on using white paper.


I tried getting cows to put a story together, but they don't cooperate very well.
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