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{Gothic Angel}
So... I wrote a song... It has music but my piano has no midi thingy atm so I cant get it on here... Sorry for the musical Jargon, I need it on there to remember how to play the damn thing >.<... Its kinda mixed feelings, cos i write when im all emotional which gets confuddling... anyway... Song...

My bleeding heart

(Instrumental)

(Verse 1)
I thought I saw an angel who was smiling down on me
In my mind that face so beautiful, just kissed me tenderly
Then the image fades and leaves behind an image of your face
And I ache again
And im alone again
Theres a blessing on me cos I know that you are mine
But the lonely miles between us mean im hurting all the time
My days spent looking forward to when I next hear your voice
Held in rapture by your eyes
My heart captured by your smile

(Bridge)
And my soul’s on fire
And my mind’s aflame
And you gotta come back and be close to me again

(Chorus)
And im staring at the ceiling when im lying in my room
Your name’s engraved upon my mind a permanent tattoo
And you know that my heart bleeds to be so far away from you

But my bleeding heart will love you…

Until the end of time

(Verse 2)
When the blackened threads of nightmare dreams are flowing through my head
And I wake in desperation layed beside you in our bed
The feelings deep within me when you tell me its OK
Chase the fear away
I know you’ll keep me safe

(Bridge)
And my soul’s on fire
And my mind’s aflame
And you gotta come back and be close to me again

(Chorus)
And im staring at the ceiling when im lying in my room
Your name’s engraved upon my mind a permanent tattoo
And you know that my heart bleeds to be so far away from you

But my bleeding heart will love you…

Until the end of time

(Middle 8)
And to you ill always be beautiful
And with you ill always feel fine
Did you know that you are my hero?
I will love you forever, thankyou for making me shine

(Instrumental)

And you know that my heart bleeds to be so far away from you
But my bleeding heart will love you…

(Modulation up 1 Semitone)

And all these thoughts about you running round and through my mind
I just need to be with you now more than I really need my life
And you know my heart is burning now cause im not by your side
But my burning heart

My bleeding heart

And im staring at the ceiling as I lay here in my room
Your name’s engraved upon my mind a permanent tattoo
And you know that my heart bleeds to be so far away from you

But my bleeding heart will love you…
Like your bleeding heart will love me…
My bleeding heart will love you…

Until the end of time

(Outro, Instrumental, ends on imperfect cadence)
Greeneyes
*imagines music*
*sings along*
*hopes someone else will say something to make elfy feel better*
PsychWardMike
...This song reeks of bland teen angst as it says what infinite poems before hand have already bitched about. Seriously, it's boring. The lack of inovation is really troubling here, as I have seen many of those metaphors and such before in other poetry (NOTE: that was not saying you plagarized, simply that you are using tired content.) Really... "my bleeding heart?"

On the plus side, however, I can totally imagine Evanescence and Linkin Park covering this song. Wouldn't that be super duper?

<sarcasm/>
{Gothic Angel}
QUOTE (PsychWardMike @ May 7 2004, 02:49 AM)
...This song reeks of bland teen angst as it says that infinite poems before hand have said. Seriously, it's boring. The lack of inovation is really troubling here, as I have seen many of those metaphors and such before in other poetry (NOTE: that was not saying you plagarized, simply that you are using tired content.) Really... "my bleeding heart?"

On the plus side, however, I can totally imagine Evanescence and Linkin Park covering this song. Wouldn't that be super duper?

<sarcasm/>

Hmmm.. thats quite some inferiority complex you have there... ever thought about seeint a psychiatrist? Also, i would very much like to see your suggestions for a better song, as one artist to another... oh no wait, my bad, the only thing you ever seem to live for is having a go at others, i dnt think iv ever seen you make a contrictive post.

Besides, if the metaphors keep getin used, theyre obviously working tongue.gif
PsychWardMike
That post almost burns my eyes. Seriously.

And never try to psycho-analyze someone again. Good god, that was the worst analysis I've ever seen.

As for your metaphor comment, they don't keep getting used due to there effectiveness, but because douche goth kids don't have any more creativity in their pitifully small minds than to spew out what their favorite "bands" (a term I use with contempt) who had only, in turn, just raped the words of Edgar Allan Poe in the first place.

So, I'll tell you what. Get smarter, and come back to debate me when you're words won't make me spew blood from EVERY F--KING orifice on my body.

Watch your mouth -Commie
Sir Maxerpopple
QUOTE
So, I'll tell you what. Get smarter, and come back to debate me when you're words won't make me spew blood from EVERY F--KING orifice on my body.
At least that way you wouldn't be able to speak, a relief I'm sure to those in your actual life.

Really, do you just get your kicks out of being such an ass all the time? It's not like you're being a minor annoyance, you're just being degrading. If you're not careful, you'll get banned. And don't even say "what do I care if I do this forum sucks anyway". I've heard it all before.
PsychWardMike
Actually, I like this board. If I got banned, yeah, I'd probably bum a little bit.
Sir Maxerpopple
Then stop being an ass, an apology to all the people you've yelled at is a good place to start. You'll find this forum to be generally accepting, but only if you get off your high horse.
PsychWardMike
Ah, that'd be where you're wrong. I like these boards, but I do not by any means feel that I have anything to apologize for. If people like me or not, that's too bad. I don't really have a high horse... hate horses, for the record.

*shrug* If you guys don't really like my comments, that's too bad. I don't like your poetry. Things work out in the end, and if not... then cry about it.
Sir Maxerpopple
I've had my fill, this is one troll too many.
Greeneyes
QUOTE (PsychWardMike @ May 10 2004, 02:02 AM)
*shrug* If you guys don't really like my comments, that's too bad. I don't like your poetry. Things work out in the end, and if not... then cry about it.

I didn't particularly find your story to my liking, but i didn't go and slag it off now did i? And how can you stereotype every 'goth kid'? Have you met all of them? Didn't think so. I also think it's kind of ironic that you told {Gothic Angel} to get smarter, as she's the one who can control herself and is not so stupid as to insult everyone else's work after putting up their own. And i believe swearing is against the rules, so you might want to stop that too.
PsychWardMike
Everyone always assumes that I'd be hurt if I get negative, even really harsh criticism on my story. I actually encourage it; tell me you hate my stuff, but give a valid reason for it... fine by me - at least its reponse.

So... happy slagging.
Greeneyes
QUOTE (PsychWardMike @ May 10 2004, 07:18 PM)
tell me you hate my stuff, but give a valid reason for it...

Oh, the hypocracy...
PsychWardMike
No... you'll realize that as a matter of fact, I did give reason for the anger. Note the mentioning of tired metaphors and poor language. I gave perfectly valid reasons for my rant and I'm sticking to it.
Greeneyes
Ok fine. I'll back off. This thread isn't about an arguement, so i'll stop having one. I just think it would be nicer for everyone else, if you didn't fully express your views if they are negative, and try to say something helpful and constructive.
Sorry {Gothic Angel}.
{Gothic Angel}
QUOTE (PsychWardMike @ May 9 2004, 10:50 PM)
That post almost burns my eyes. Seriously.

And never try to psycho-analyze someone again. Good god, that was the worst analysis I've ever seen.

As for your metaphor comment, they don't keep getting used due to there effectiveness, but because douche goth kids don't have any more creativity in their pitifully small minds than to spew out what their favorite "bands" (a term I use with contempt) who had only, in turn, just raped the words of Edgar Allan Poe in the first place.

So, I'll tell you what. Get smarter, and come back to debate me when you're words won't make me spew blood from EVERY FUCKING orifice on my body.

Sweetie, rule number one of debate is not to show that somethings upset you. and FYI im not, strictly speaking, a goth and i certainly dont listen to a lot of the most common bands on this board. And i didnt get thoes lyrics from the bands i do listen to. You might wanna try checking the facts in your arguments rather than resorting to insults, cos it makes u look stupid.
{Gothic Angel}
Btw, i dnt know if youre in a relationship or whatever or have been, but if you are or have been imagine what its like to be close to that person, and feel them holding you, and literally knowing (no cliche or metaphor, really knowing) that everything will work out because they love you. Whenever Im with Dan, i feel amazing. He makes me so happy, I seriously cant imagine life without that feeling, and there should be more of it for people to experience. That, my friend, justifies any amount of bad songs.

This wasnt supposed to be a masterpiece, just an expression of emotion, which you have degraded sad.gif
PsychWardMike
*sigh* Generalities are used for effect, not to be taken and used as a Bible. Either way, however, you should get the point. I never claimed to know your personal life and interests, or even to care. All I know is that you've written poetry that I don't like because everything in it is tired and trite. Let those words die with their last shreds of dignity. Please.
CommieBastard
All right, calm down a little, shall we?
{Gothic Angel}
Sorry. Rough day. Shutting up.
PsychWardMike
Civil enough. I'm out.
leopold
Crikey, looks like we have our very own Simon Cowell! Or "had", maybe, I think we scared him off... laugh.gif

QUOTE ({Gothic Angel} @ May 10 2004, 07:43 PM)
Whenever Im with Dan, i feel amazing. He makes me so happy, I seriously cant imagine life without that feeling, and there should be more of it for people to experience. That, my friend, justifies any amount of bad songs.


[Rant]

Actually, no, it doesn't. Well, maybe it does, if they're kept in a private collection for one's own eyes. Or at a pinch, on here. But when bad songs get recorded and sold in the shops, then I'd say we've wandered out of the justification zone.

Seriously, we've had enough bad love songs in the charts to last several lifetimes. Anyone who's heard Andy Gibb's wrongheaded move to duet with Victoria Principal butchering "All I Have to do is Dream" (and thus retiring another classic song to the drawer marked "Badly Covered"). How did this happen? She was his girlfriend at the time... and not for that long, either.

Or Elton John and Kiki Dee's "Don't go breaking my heart". Yes, it's a nice, jolly song performed by two capable singists - but have you heard the lyrics?? A number 1 song on both sides of the pond, that wouldn't have done anything if it was performed by Reg Dwight and Pauline Matthews...

Or that godawful "Everlasting Love". So bad I can't even be arsed remembering who it was by.

Do I need to mention Kylie and Jason? God, I hope not...

Eurgh... I feel sick already, and I've only mentioned four songs

I've developed an in-built filter for lovey-dovey duets. They all use trite homilies and hackneyed cliches to put over a simple message. All very laudably declaring the state of love to be a wonderful thing (and one I subscribe to wholeheartedly), but all way too twee and vom-inducing.

[/rant]

That said, Gothic, I'm not including your song in my rant. You're in love, you feel happy and giddy and you want to express your emotions somehow, so you write something. Being in love entitles you to be as trite as you want, so you go for it! Just don't go singing any duets on MTV, okay? wink.gif
{Gothic Angel}
Hey, i just said it justifies them i didnt say it justified forcing people to listen to them every hour of the day and night. wink.gif

And rest assured this isnt another one of the songs you mentioned, its way more rock/metal-ly. Tbh neither me nor my bf are a big fan of slushy songs either
.
PsychWardMike
... I meant I'd stop arguing.

I don't scare easily, leopold.
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