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dcmbrnite
I need some help.. I am hoping someone here can.

My fiance started using heroin... he had been clean, before and during the time I meet him, for well over a year. It started with him smoking weed.. a blunt a day... now, since about two weeks ago he told me about his use with heroin. He says he intends to get help, even called about getting into detox, yet he feels he needs a "fix" to get rid of the sick feelings. When I suggest going into the hospitol he gets aggitated and says he's going into detox next week and one bag a day isn't going to kill him.

For the past two mornings he wakes up very ill and has me choosing the worser of two evils... either letting him drive to his dealer to get his "fix" or making me feel responsible for him feeling sick.

Every time he uses, he tells me, so far he has not yet lied to me... but I feel as though he is trying to justify his use of heroin. I don't know what to do...how to help him... everytime the topic comes up with both get upset and sometimes we argue... and everytime he says he doesn't understand why i get so upset about it, because he thinks he is only trying to "get by" till he goes into detox.

Please, if you can , suggest something I can do... help me to understand and tell me what more I can expect.

Your responses are greatly appreciated
The Lorax
My only suggestion would be to cut him off from it. Better yet send him to rehab. It would be the best for him, but not for the realationship, and if you really love him then it would be better to see him better, then as a druggee till he goes through his "detox"*
Sir Psycho Sexy
I don't think many people here have experience with anything harder than weed, esspecially considering the average age is between 14-16 on the forums. I personally wouldn't touch the stuff, but thats the first example of the "gateway" drug I've seen. I remember a friend of mine telling me one of his mates lost his job, family, house and all his worldly possesions to a heroin addiction, it wasn't until a group of them, litereally kidnapped him, locked him in a room (in a slightly trainspotting-esque fashion) and didn't let him out. After that whenever they took him out anywhere they had to sign an agreement not to let him disappear in fear of him relapsing. Not sure how the story ended, but I think he's clean now and whatever he said (there was lots of bad things said) he's thankful for what they did.

Moral of the story? Get him into a detox clinic....well thats my advice anyway, before it gets too out of hand
ravein
the withdraw from Heroin will make him very, very sick.. and sometimes violent.. I personally believe that it is best to experience the detox so you will remember it forever... hopefully keeping him from ever doing it again. This is a very fragile state he is in right now.. the best you can do is stay way from him till he gets in to rehab next week. The choice to do it is his.. yes it will prevent him from going into withdraw.. but he is making it harder on himself once he gets into detox. This is a extremely tough place you are in. I guess if it was me, I would see if I could at least get him to cut down on it till he makes it to rehab.. if he does not go to detox next week.. I highly suggest you leave him.. for your safety and his.. leave.
A good website is http://www.detox911.com/history_of_heroin_overture.html
Good Luck..
If you talk PM me.. I lost one of my best friends to this stuff.
Righteous
I had a friend, who by the way is a day younger than my youngest brother, used to inject herself with heroin like a diabetic does insulin. I eventually couldn't take it and ended our friendship. It's a little more complicated in your position considering you, apparently, want to spend the rest of your life with this man. I say to get him really thinking about detox instead of just procrastinating, give him an ultimatum: You or heroin. Hopefully he loves you more than heroin (and if not, he's not even worth your time) and will then more actively pursue sobriety. I know it hurts, but be strong. I'll say a prayer for you.
Juiceisgood
Well, simply cutting him off from his connection could be considered incredibly cruel considering there are other avenues that offer a better chance of him getting of it are are altogether more pleasant... or perhaps the word is less unpleasant...


How long has he been using? How many grains a day? If he has a big habit detox is your answer... if it's small, what about trying a reduction cure? Either way, if you're going to make him go cold turkey, make sure you have plenty of valliums and if possible a few jellies.... Cold Turkey means no smack, other drugs are appropriate.... might need some weed as well, the period after smack addiction is a very boring state... it's the psychological sickness, and it may take a long time to get over, months. Also, you'll need plenty of good food... after the worst of the sickness is over, he's get the chunks... and eat everything in sight.... if he's got a big habit that is....

Just don't underestimate how hard this is going to be for him. Obviously, if he is showing no signs of actually trying to get off it, and is trying to justify his abuse... you might have to intervene... but if he's got a light habit and he's willing to try, let him kick it himself... set him a reasonable but short time limit to start getting off the stuff, then help him in any way you can. I've never been addicted to heroin, but I've done opiates a little and I have friends who've had them.... most importantly I've read a heap of William Burroughs books... longest standing heroin addict ever...

Yeah, the weed and the vallies are going to be nessisary if he's kicking it cold turkey... I don't suggest it for a big habit... the only problem with detox is that everywhere uses a different cure... methadone can work, but essentially you are just transfering the addiction from one opiate to another.... which is still a hard way to quit.

I'm a big advocate of the reduction cure... just using less... over a large or small period of time... but that's what I'd do if I had a habit, advising someone else to do the same is a little different. Whatever you do, act soon, the quicker he can put a stop to it the easier it will be. In the end, regular use will lead to a heavier habit, it's pretty much inevitable.

No matter what he tries though, heroin is a bad drug to be addicted to, so don't underestimate his pain... but at the same time, you can hardly let him shoot smack... I really hope everything turns out and that some of this information is useful.
dcmbrnite
Thanx so much for all your comments... my fiance sat here reading them with me and would like to answer some of the questions that have been asked.


I am the fiancÚ of DcMbrNite. I know she has good reason to be concerned about my heroin use. To answer some of your questions; I'm 23, I used smack for the first time when I was 17, I was abstinent from all drugs for over a year due to incarceration and being in a Christian transition home. I recently relapsed about 3 weeks ago. I've been using moderately but I'm scared that it will progress. I see myself falling back into familiar patterns like stealing and lying. The fact is, yes, I really do want help, I love my woman, and my son and I know I can't be a good father/husband if I continue to abuse drugs. I am going into a detox this week, but it feels IMPOSSIBLE not to use until then. I feel like I am jeopardizing my relationship now, until I get into rehab. I pray that this will not scar her to the point that she won't ever trust me. I want our relationship back the way it used to be. The drug has changed me a bit, I'm moody and more pessimistic since my relapse. She knows that I love her and I don't want to hurt her but I feel torn. I'd love to just be able to put it down all together on my own and spend the rest of our lives together, but every morning I wake up to withdrawal symptoms that feel bad enough to make me wish I was dead. I know my boo feels like she comes second to my drug, but she means way more than any substance ever could, I'm just in this bondage right now that I'm desperately trying to break free from its dreadful chains. Sometimes I feel like like leaving her, and coming back when I have my life together, if she hasn't started over with someone new, but if I leave it might hurt her worse. I don't see any 100% practical solution. Any insight you could shed on this dillema would be greatly appreciated. PLEASE PRAY FOR US?
-Ken
Enslaved
Ken - Firstly I am not religious so I will not pray for you, however, I do have a great deal of hope for you, and I consider hope, just as effective as prayer. I am glad to hear you want help, if not, I wouldn't bother myself, giving this advice.

I too am/was addicted to drugs. So I can understand what you are going through. I know it FEELS impossible to not use, but you have to fight that feeling. If we acted purely on our feelings, imagine what the world would be like. Not good. I have spoken to your fiance and I believe that she is strong enough to forgive you, provided you let her help you, and you DO go to detox. You say she doesn't come second to drugs, but in fact, as long as u are using, she is second to them. You need to be more honest with yourself if you really want your relationship back to how it used to be and to kick the habit. I understand that you can't see any practical solution, but that's because you are torn between taking drugs. How can there be a practical solution for wanting to take drugs and have everything be ok. There isnt. The solution is that you go to detox and quit using altogether. It may not seem like the solution now, but when u are clean, u will realise that what u have done, was the best thing. I'm sure you know this already, as you have been in this situation in the past.

Can I ask why u are waiting until next week to go into rehab? Have you already spoken to them / booked in? I suggest you do this as soon as possible, and STICK TO IT! Remember, your life will only get worse on drugs, so change it before gets harder to quit. Prolonging it is only going to make it harder. You have a great reason to live, a child and an fiance that is incredibly loving and supportive, so don't throw it all away because of smack.

You are strong enough to kick it Ken, and I hope for you, your fiance and your child that you do kick it. Its not just your life your habit is destroying.

Goodluck! I want to hear how things are going, and I am here if you need to talk. *hugs*

Natalie.
Righteous
I, on the other hand, am very spiritual (hence my avatar) and I will pray for you guys. I'll pray that you have the strength you guys need to do what is needed. I'm a recovering alcoholic and I know what it's like to try to fight back addiction (plus cigarettes and pot didn't help either dry.gif ). I just hope and pray you two can get through this. God bless.

PS- If you guys need someone to talk to, you can AIM me at XiNine or YIM me at MyNameIsRighteous. I'm almost always on, so I'll be available for support and advice and what-not (it's my specialty biggrin.gif ).
Snugglebum the Destroyer
Hi. Ken. I'm not a drug abuser but I believe that I may be an alocohol abuser. I think the main thing is that you must actually WANT to give it up. Without that, I'm not sure you'll get anywhere. However, I think that anyone who is in this position does get to the point that they desire to give it all up. At this point, do it. Believe me when I tell you that life will become different.

You have an amazing fiance, trust her to lead you through. She is willing to be your anchor - take her up on it and get your life back.
MistressAlti
I have no words of advice to speak of... I've seen a few friends head down similar tracks in drug abuse before, and the outcomes are never pretty. But I will pray for you, as I will trust God to lead you in ways that my words never could.
dcmbrnite
Hey, I just wanted to thank you all for the comments. I know you think they may not have helped, but they have. Ken is going into detox tomorrow morning. I think him reading this thread opened his eyes some, though he still doesn't quit understand why I feel the way I do about it... maybe after he gets done with detox he will.

Anyway, thanks again. Hopefully I can repay the help you have given soon
Righteous
QUOTE (dcmbrnite @ May 17 2004, 03:21 PM)
Hey, I just wanted to thank you all for the comments. I know you think they may not have helped, but they have. Ken is going into detox tomorrow morning. I think him reading this thread opened his eyes some, though he still doesn't quit understand why I feel the way I do about it... maybe after he gets done with detox he will.

(hug)

Good to hear. We in the Matazone family are always here for love, help and support whenever you need. Don't be afraid to ask. biggrin.gif
Pixelgoth
I guess Ken went into rehab his morning? So how's it all going?

My Uncles are very much into weed. I wouldn't consider this a gateway drug for them as one Uncle is so hooked on it that he gets psychotically agressive if he doesn't have any, he risked putting my gran in jail by growing hundreds of plants at her house while he lived there and he has schizo tendancies. It's just as bad as all the other drugs you just need to have more of it IMHO.

I occasionally have a toke but as I am giving up smoking that will also be stopping now. I do drink and sometimes to excess but I wouldn't consider myself addicted to it. Smoking yet. It's a drug and it's addictive.

I hope things work out for you and Ken.
Righteous
QUOTE (Pixiegoth @ May 18 2004, 10:04 AM)
I hope things work out for you and Ken.

Likewise. Let us hope that your relationship survives this. If so, it'll be unbelievably strong.
Silver Star Angel of Da Towers
Wow. I'm late. But make sure you attempt to get professional help, or try to wean him off of it. Yall will be fine, trust me. *hugs and hands you cakes (one for your fiance)*
numlock
my sister just died as a result of this...
jenofthejen
Herion is a dirty gross and scary drug. I have seen a person purposly shoot another person up with way too much in the rig, and the person immediatly flopped on the floor and started doing the fish.
The person who shot him up was digging through the pockets of the guy having a siezure and at the same time was yelling for someone to call the police. I think that methodone isn't an answer for the addiction, but they sure like to enroll people in the program.
gothictheysay
I'm terribly, terribly sorry to hear that, numlock. sad.gif sad.gif sad.gif

If you need any support we can help you.

There's a book I quite like called The Gospel According to Gracey about the dangers of heroin use. It is such a horrible thing.
katie
i am a user just starting my detox i know from experience that he will only come off it if he really wants 2 he can only do it 4 his self 4 it 2 work it will be hard work 4 u as users will lie and cheat 2 get there drugs please be careful as the drug makes u a diffrent person 2 when he was clean he will all ways have excuses if you let him. Even if he gets clean it will be on his mind 4 the rest of his life but he has 2 be strong and change his life make new friends change his whole life style.
hope everything turns out ok 4 u and the very best of luck cause its a evil drug as i know from experience.









QUOTE (dcmbrnite @ May 14 2004, 03:50 PM)
I need some help.. I am hoping someone here can.

My fiance started using heroin... he had been clean, before and during the time I meet him, for well over a year. It started with him smoking weed.. a blunt a day... now, since about two weeks ago he told me about his use with heroin. He says he intends to get help, even called about getting into detox, yet he feels he needs  a "fix" to get rid of the sick feelings. When I suggest going into the hospitol he gets aggitated and says he's going into detox next week and one bag a day isn't going to kill him.

For the past two mornings he wakes up very ill and has me choosing the worser of two evils... either letting him drive to his dealer to get his "fix" or making me feel responsible for him feeling sick. 

Every time he uses, he tells me, so far he has not yet lied to me... but I feel as though he is trying to justify his use of heroin. I don't know what to do...how to help him... everytime the topic comes up with both get upset and sometimes we argue... and everytime he says he doesn't understand why i get so upset about it, because he thinks he is only trying to "get by" till he goes into detox.

Please, if you can , suggest something I can do... help me to understand and tell me what more I can expect.

Your responses are greatly appreciated
*
Mata
All the best to you Katie, for all the obvious reasons. Hopefully the person who started this thread is now living a life outside of the influence of heroin: the first post was made nearly two years ago!
Ashbless
Stick with it Katie. It's hard but you can do it and have your life back.
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