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Sir Maxerpopple
Here's a story I've been working on for a while. Critique is encouraged.
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The Monkeys

In a peaceful forest a long time ago, there lived two breeds of monkeys, green and blue. The monkeys thrived in the forest, inhabiting all its corners, but they never got along, always finding the other in distaste. To make sure they would have as little interaction as possible between each other, they drew a line down the center of the forest, and gave the blue monkeys one side and the green another.

Right on the border line, of trees the same height lived a group of blue monkeys on one side and green monkeys on the other. They never spoke to each other, and disliked having each other as neighbors, but the berries there were always ripe, and a good tree is so hard to find. Plus, neither side wanted to admit defeat to the other.

One day, as a blue monkey was reaching for a branch to grab some berries high in the tree, the branch snapped. The blue monkey hit another branch with the branch in his hand to regain his balance, and noticed that when he hit the high parts of a branch with his stick, the berries could fall into his lap. These were berries the monkey would not have been able to reach normally, as the branches were too thin to support his weight. After thinking for a bit, he realized he could double the amount of berries for his group just by using the branch. He shared his knowledge with the others in his tree.

A few days later, a green monkey from the other tree happened to see the blue monkeys with their sticks, reaching branches that he could not reach. Not willing to let the blue monkeys best him, he got his own stick, but also put a small flint on the end to give it an axe-like blade, so he could chop off the branches, not just beat them. This device worked much better than the blue monkey model, and he shared it with the rest of his group.

The next day a blue monkey heard the chopping sound of the green monkeys chopping off branches, and realized that they were getting more berries than his group. Not to be bested by the green monkeys, he got a much larger branch and a much larger flint to reach even higher up into the tree. He shared this information with his comrades, and they all fashioned larger sticks and blades. Unfortunately, the sticks were too heavy to be held, and as the blue monkeys reached up high into the branches, lost their balance and fell out of their tree, their blades slashing them on the way down. They died a few hours later on the ground.

A few days later, a wandering blue monkey group looking for a new tree saw the mangled corpses of the blue monkeys, and although they never saw the sticks before, they realized that the sticks could be deadly. They looked up and saw the group of green monkeys dancing in their tree, waving their sticks, and gorging on berries because they were finally rid of the blue monkey eyesore. The wandering blue monkeys would not tolerate this injustice without vengeance, and proceeded to cross the line into green monkey territory. They climbed the green monkey tree and brutally slaughtered them with the sticks of their fallen comrades. Then they pushed them out of the tree and started eating the berries of the green monkeys.

An hour or so later, a group of green monkeys came to investigate the noise that turned out to be the blue monkeys partying at the deaths of the green monkeys they killed. The investigating monkeys found the green monkey corpses, and came to the same conclusion that the wandering blue monkeys did. The green monkeys could not tolerate this, but instead of just killing this group of blue monkeys, they asked why not kill all blue monkeys? They always seemed to have more fruit and better trees, they were an inferior breed of monkey taking up land, and they resort to murder without reason. To do this, the green monkeys had to organize, and formed a grand army over the next few months, arming themselves with the bladed sticks that were formerly used for harvesting berries. They were ready for war.

One blue monkey happened to see the green monkey army, and realized that his breedís survival was at stake, and they would lose this war unless they created their own army. And for the next few months, the blue monkeys proceeded to do just that. They armed themselves with sticks similar to what the green monkeys had. A war was imminent.

It began one morning without warning; a group of green monkeys out of nowhere attacked a blue monkey tree. Soon afterward hundreds of other bouts started out all through the forest, with monkeys everywhere falling beside their enemies. Screams echoed for miles, and the fighting went on for days.

Eventually monkeys on both sides realized they would need a new weapon to end the war and eliminate the opposing breed, and they created a weapon of immense power, that by man would be later called fire.

On the day of the end of the world, monkeys on both sides set fire to each others trees, and with fire everywhere, there was no escape. The entire forest burned to the ground, with all of its inhabitants. A blue or green monkey would never walk the earth again. Piles of corpses, green and blue all swam in a pool of ash and blood.
Greeneyes
A view on human life maybe? I think it's a good metaphor to explain the state of human relations. Where are we now?
Sir Maxerpopple
It's a commentary on human nature, and how quickly technology can be used for evil with catastrophic results. As for where we are now, that's hard to say. I personally theorize we are in an age of peace, however when an age of war comes around, get ready for some serious problems.
acid_rain_child
That was beautiful man. It wasn't boring or anything... I actually wanted to keep reading, even though I knew what would happen. Poor silly monkeys. I like to think of myself as the tucan looking down at the monkeys and shaking her head.

I thought it was very well written for a short, simplistic story like that. I usually don't give out such high criticism, not to say I know what I'm talk about or anything.
Greeneyes
I think it would be interesting to send that to some of the attacking monkeys in our world. Like the ones sitting in Downing Street and The White House.
Sir Maxerpopple
Thank you for the responses. smile.gif

QUOTE
I think it would be interesting to send that to some of the attacking monkeys in our world. Like the ones sitting in Downing Street and The White House.
Sounds like a plan.
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