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Note: Do not read if you happen to be nature, and therefore, hate vaccums, because this, more than likely, sucks.

Two rose bush seeds were sown next to each other a long time ago,
One grew a bush of thorns and few roses, another a bush of roses and few thorns.
These bushes struggle day by day for the land which they were sown upon.
However eventually one must overwhelm the other.
Their caretaker tries to grow the roses and kill the thorns, which almost were the victor before he cared, however,
Sometimes, it rains.

When it rains they grow equal, and the struggle starts over again.
So the caretaker, taking the herbalist's advice.
He stomps the thorns with large boots when they begin to grow.

So, little by little,
The thorns shrink smaller and the roses grow larger.
And the caretaker patiently awaits the day that the roses greatly outnumber the thorns.

Yeah, I know, it probably sounds whiney. In fact, now that I think about it, I don't really know why I'm posting it here. Oh well, might as well keep going. Anyway this poem deals with my recent problems sticking to the philosophy of Love and Peace that I try as hard as I can to follow. And, as explanation because I doubt this mockery of poetry makes sense to anyone but me, I'm the caretaker, the roses represent Love, Peace, and all that good stuff, the thorns, represent hate, cynicism, bitterness, and the other worse emotions. The advice-giving herbalist is Silver, and the large boot stompingness is me pinching myself. So, um- thanks for reading, and sorry I wasted your time on this little writing.

P.S. Constructive criticism welcome, I suck at writing usually, but I've written good stuff once or twice, hey, I mean, I am the Evil Pixie, eh?

[/problematic Fluffy]

We now return to your regularly scheduled, normal Fluffy. It will remain this way until he snaps under a combination of pressure, anger, and annoyance again.

[normal Fluffy]

Hey, these are a pretty good way to rid yourself of worries.
Iiiii like it! I think it sounds more like prose instead of poetry though. But I've written a few poems that turned out that way too! I turned a conversation with someone (acctually it was just myself helping someone out, but it was poetic! So I turned it into a poem)

But back to you. I really like the concept of the poem, the comparing and metaphorisiom-ing (its not a word.... I know, but its two something in the morning) and the two rose bushes and the thorns and stuff. Really great stuff. I hate writing stuff like that! I love reading it and having someone explain after though, thanks tongue.gif
A lot of it's awkward... needs more flow. It also sounds like more prose than poetry.

That, however, is not the focus of my post. My thing is is that I am so bloody sick of people constantly saying "Duur! This sucks, but read anyway." If you bloody hate your poetry so much, then don't post it. Otherwise, just post it and talk about the poem as it comes up.
Amen to the whole whiney thing. Al beit, the poem I posted didn't have a meaning, and I made that clear, but I don't believe I said, "Uh, now this sucks, I know, but bear with me." If you wrote the poem, and it means something to you, then it's a good poem to at least one person. Besides, you shouldn't care what we THINK of the poem, just our constructive criticism.

My criticism? The joy of poems is that you don't have to follow traditional sentence structures. Novels and poems are obviously written differently. Observe:

Novel could say:

The flower outside my window is blue. It is wilted and hangs in its pot under the gray sky, waiting for the rain. *Now, those could be lines of a poem, but you could also do it like so*

Poem could say:

Blue is the flower outside my window,
Who hangs its head under the heavy sky,
Longing for the rain.

The poem version gives the flower personality, which might be what you want if say the flower represents your feelings. Are you sad? Are you patiently waiting for relief? Is the period before the relief harsh, tedious, and gloomy? Yes-indeedy. But you would've never known that from the first version. *Let it be known that I pulled those lines out of my ass and so they're not the best example*
Silver Star Angel of Da Towers
wow. I like that.

Now I'll never look at roses the same again.
hehe look at me
What do you mean "ew?" I don't like spam!

As is, I'd be willing to take another look at this if you were to rework it.
QUOTE (numlock @ Aug 1 2004, 08:57 AM)
hehe look at me

I'd rather not.
thats really cool!

Flourish Power!

jump llama jump!
. . . how awesome! You really put emotions and descriptivetiveanessess into you poem.

Have a hangovah!

. . . sorry, I had two cans of mountain dew and a Mocha today. . .
...That's nothing. Just yesterday, I brewed an ENTIRE POT of espresso and downed it. Then I had two iced coffees and three Mountain Dews.

Yes, seizures did, in fact ensue.
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