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ravein
This is a new poetry style I am trying out.. it is based on Maya Angelou's style.. basically the even lines rhyme.. I am still working on the meter.. but here it goes..

summer times

blades of green disrupted my image
on our backs between cold earth and sky
our cheeks rest in the bed of grass and dirt
transfixed on the blues in our eyes
two girls with breath ragged and torn
our hands at our side slip
fingers digging in the ground
trying to find a little bit of grip
while the world slides away from us
the first taste of jug wine
the knowing it is wrong but very right
feeling your fingers slide between mine
your eyes never leaving my eyes
except to watch my lips divide
overhead the sun beats down on us
but that is not what is warming my inside
that belongs to the fingers that trace my curves
up my arms and mark the outline of my lips
the taste of copper and earth lingers there
my fingers find the rough denim that covers your hips
no longer thinking but now only acting
our lips soft and innocent obey
only for a second but it was enough
the feeling of forever and a day
Fallen Element
Hey! And wow! I love it. It slipped over me and numbed my senses for a moment. You wrote in a way that transported me there. I felt so voyeuristic! Having read a fair amount of Maya Angleou I do have to say you are inkeeping with her style, and a bloody good style it is too!

I like the alternate rhyming, it lets you keep the tenet going whilst giving us more obscure information that lets be honest, would be difficult to fit into a typical ABAB rhyme-scheme!

Keep up the good, nay, excellent work m'dear!

Fal xXx
ravein
thanks fall, that means a lot to me... smile.gif
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