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Jaq
I figured since Jonman is partially gone that someone should pick up his slack. And then I thought, well if no one else is going to do it, I might as well. So. Write to me and I'll either help you or mock you, depending on the situation.
LoLo
Dear Jaq,

Is it odd that my best friend and I are having an anniversary party to celebrate meeting in August 10 years ago?

Sincerely,

LoLo
Free Psycho
Dear Aunt Jaq,

Why don't dogs feel ashamed to hump in front of people? And how is it they have such great balance with two little feet and people do not?

Sincerely,

Grossed out
Jaq
QUOTE (LoLo @ Apr 25 2003, 01:24 AM)
Dear Jaq,

Is it odd that my best friend and I are having an anniversary party to celebrate meeting in August 10 years ago?

Sincerely,

LoLo

LoLo:

Do you think it's odd? It you and your friemd have a lovely friendship and you both think it's cool to have an anniversary party, then why not? A ten year friendship is longer than alot of marriages I know of. Go for it. Have fun, get drunk and take pictures. Then look at them the next day and be embarrased.

Jaq
Free Psycho
QUOTE (LoLo @ Apr 24 2003, 08:24 PM)
Dear Jaq,

Is it odd that my best friend and I are having an anniversary party to celebrate meeting in August 10 years ago?

Sincerely,

LoLo

(LOL-my friend in 4th grade used to do that every month...I thought it was odd and cumbersome. But not if you knew the person 10 years biggrin.gif )
gerbilfromhell
Dear jaq,
help. i love the forum, but i feel that if i stay here for one more minute, my computer will explode and i will start halucinating and get eaten by a flying gorrila. i am also glued to my chair what should i do?
Industrial Kybosh
Dear Auntie Jaqster,

I want to support your new thread venture, but cannot think of a damn thing to post.

What should I do, short of spamming like a fool?

Yours majestically,

Drunk And Uninspired
racingaway13
dear auntie jaq
i have no school spirit whatsoever... is this even a problem?
sincerely
indifferent
Jaq
QUOTE (Free Psycho @ Apr 25 2003, 01:25 AM)
Dear Aunt Jaq,

Why don't dogs feel ashamed to hump in front of people? And how is it they have such great balance with two little feet and people do not?

Sincerely,

Grossed out

Dear Grossed Out:

Dogs have something that I would be happy to have. No sense of shame. I think everyone would be alot happier if they didn't have any shame. I know I would. But if the doggy lurve is getting on your nerves just leave the room and let your four legged "friends" have their privacy. On a more serious note, dogs often hump when they're bored. Play ball with them or at least lock them in their crates. Everyone will be happier.

Yours Jaq
Smallsam
Dear Jaq:

My brother keeps downloading porn, and it slows down my computer and it creeps me out hardcore. Soon I'll just be sitting in a corner rocking back and forth at the thought of my brother doing *things* and being computerless because we get all these freaky weird porn viruses and my computer crashes. Should I kill my brother to protect the sanctity of my computer? Or just castrate him?

~Me.
Jaq
QUOTE (gerbilfromhell @ Apr 25 2003, 01:27 AM)
Dear jaq,
help. i love the forum, but i feel that if i stay here for one more minute, my computer will explode and i will start halucinating and get eaten by a flying gorrila. i am also glued to my chair what should i do?

I say stay on the forum longer. If your fears do come true we'll all have a good show. If they don't come true, we'll still get to read more of your posting madness. Either way you're stuck to that chair. I think you'll be staying.
Hope that helped
Jaq
Free Psycho
QUOTE (Jaq @ Apr 24 2003, 08:31 PM)
QUOTE (Free Psycho @ Apr 25 2003, 01:25 AM)
Dear Aunt Jaq,

Why don't dogs feel ashamed to hump in front of people?  And how is it they have such great balance with two little feet and people do not?

Sincerely,

Grossed out

Dear Grossed Out:

Dogs have something that I would be happy to have. No sense of shame. I think everyone would be alot happier if they didn't have any shame. I know I would. But if the doggy lurve is getting on your nerves just leave the room and let your four legged "friends" have their privacy. On a more serious note, dogs often hump when they're bored. Play ball with them or at least lock them in their crates. Everyone will be happier.

Yours Jaq

LMAO-thanks, but it would be more likely to see me cutting up the dogs and putting them in a stew then playing with them. sad.gif laugh.gif dry.gif mad.gif blink.gif
Jaq
QUOTE (Industrial Kybosh @ Apr 25 2003, 01:29 AM)
Dear Auntie Jaqster,

I want to support your new thread venture, but cannot think of a damn thing to post.

What should I do, short of spamming like a fool?

Yours majestically,

Drunk And Uninspired

InKy:

I admire your tenacity. If only everyone could take a little part of InKy....er...he wouldn't have much left for himself and probably have to take a quick trip to the hospital...okay...bad analogy. I only everyone could take a page from InKy's book, then no one could read it and InKy wouldn't have much of a book left. Why is it so many analogies are so very violent and cruel? I think I'll go and cry now.

Yours in Despair
Auntie Jaq
Debaser
dear jaq,

i know this dog. it hates me. am i justified in selling it?

sincerely,
needs the money
Jaq
QUOTE (racingaway13 @ Apr 25 2003, 01:30 AM)
dear auntie jaq
i have no school spirit whatsoever... is this even a problem?
sincerely
indifferent

RAcingaway13:

Absolutely not! In fact you should revel in your lack of school spirit and flaunt it like the flauntingnest flaunt that ever did flaunt. I feel that school spirit is akin to a heathen idol cult. Not that I have anything against heathens or idol worshipping, but come one, you really want to be worshipping your classmates? What kind of rot is that? If you are forced to attend a *shudder* pep rally I recommend throwing things at the atheletes and other childish pranks. Either that or sit there in passive resistance. Whatever floats your boat

Becoming More and More Lack Lustre by the Post
Auntie Jaq.
Jaq
QUOTE (Smallsam @ Apr 25 2003, 01:31 AM)
Dear Jaq:

My brother keeps downloading porn, and it slows down my computer and it creeps me out hardcore. Soon I'll just be sitting in a corner rocking back and forth at the thought of my brother doing *things* and being computerless because we get all these freaky weird porn viruses and my computer crashes. Should I kill my brother to protect the sanctity of my computer? Or just castrate him?

~Me.

Dear Me:

If I were given the choice between killing and castration and there were no other options I would choose killing. And there is a completely logical and practical reason for doing this. Castration will only make him more frustrated and probably result in more porn being downloaded onto the computer. Killing realeases all of the stress and will probably put him out of his misery too. If you feel these two options would be too drastic, telling your parents that the computer keeps crashing but not telling them why might help also. If you don't want to be a "tattletale" (I don't like that word, I don't like rat, or snitch either. You're not in a bloody gang people, it's alright to go to a higher authority) then buy your own computer and put several password locks on it.

Yours
Auntie Jaq
Jaq
QUOTE (Debaser @ Apr 25 2003, 01:35 AM)
dear jaq,

i know this dog. it hates me. am i justified in selling it?

sincerely,
needs the money

Dear Needs the Money

Before you sell this hateful dog, there's a few questions you need to ask yourself. Do you own the dog? Do you have any right to sell it? Will selling the dog somehow make your problems dissapear? Does the dog give you the evil eye? Would anyone buy the dog? If you can answer "yes" truthfully to all these questions then by all means sell the dog. But if that mutt ain't giving you the evil eye, I'd hold off selling it for the time being. And who would buy such an annoying dog if it didn't come with "evil eye" already installed? I know I wouldn't.

The Dog Lover
Auntie Jaq
LoLo
Dear Jaq,

Why do onions have layers?

Sincerely,
Watched Shrek too much.
Jaq
Dear Watched Shrek Too Much:

Because without layered onions we wouldn't get to have such great metaphors for life. If onions were only one layer everyone would hate them, they would never go to any chic parties and they would lay about feeling sorry for themselves. But because they have layers their self esteem is through the roof. In fact they may be the most egotistical root vegetable I know of. I feel sorry for rutabagas. How many metaphors for life do rutabegas have? They are the true misfits of the root vegetable metaphor world. Everyone else in is the clique except the poor rutabegas Carrots? Yup. Onions? You bet. Potatos? Hell yes. Even bloody beets have metaphors! But none for the poor misunderstood rutabega.

In conclusion, onions have layers to make them feel better about themselves.
Mr Fuzzy
Dear Aunty Jaq,

Im still just about moving at nearly 3 in the morning, and my T button doesnt work properly.
Do you know of anything my doctor could prescribe to help me?

Wobbly of Winchester.
Jaq
QUOTE (Mr Fuzzy @ Apr 25 2003, 02:50 AM)
Dear Aunty Jaq,

Im still just about moving at nearly 3 in the morning, and my T button doesnt work properly.
Do you know of anything my doctor could prescribe to help me?

Wobbly of Winchester.

Dear Wobbly:

I recommend high concentrations of bacon fat, powdered sugar and a little extract I like to call "memories of a 1964 ford pickup" I won't tell you exactly what's in the last bit, but boy howdy does it pack a whallop! Now you mix all those together and, if done properly, will form a kind of paste. Apply this paste liberally to your T button, thighs and above your right eyebrow. This should take care of what ails ya. If not, well obviously you didn't do it right and there's no reason to come whining back to me.

Lovingly Yours,
Auntie Jaq
jicama
dear auntie jaq

last night i drempt that i was a vampire, but i didn't want mom to find out so i hid in her closet. i told goober that i was a vampire, he didn't really care, but thought it was important that he make me some roast nuts. .. why did i dream i was an undead creature of the night? why would i be concerned about mom finding out of all people?! and why would i think that the best possible place to hide from her would be in her own bloody(dang those lederhouses) closet?! and why was my brother making me roasted nuts?

sincerly;
"she's no angel!"
spiceybrains
Dear Auntie....

I seem to have a serious problem staying off the internet at work. Its not allowed and i have been warned so many times... but i am addicted you see. this isnt helped by the fact that my home computer sucks like a sucky thing.

is there anyway to control this desire?

yours, addicted
Jaq
QUOTE (spiceybrains @ Apr 25 2003, 12:45 PM)
Dear Auntie....

I seem to have a serious problem staying off the internet at work. Its not allowed and i have been warned so many times... but i am addicted you see. this isnt helped by the fact that my home computer sucks like a sucky thing.

is there anyway to control this desire?

yours, addicted

Dear Addicted.

I find that little trick called negative reinforcement works wonders, but only if you really want to quit getting in trouble at work and putting your job in jeopardy. Now if you're completely fine with putting your job in jeopardy every time you log onto a useless site....then go for it. but if you really want to quit then you have to use the dreaded negative reinforcement method.

It goes like this. You have to make the prospect of logging on the internet so unpleasant that the mere thought of it sends you into spasms of fear. So everytime you log onto the internet for non work related reasons you're going to get a negative reinforcement. You can pick your own. I find yelling something extremely personal at the top of your lungs, bashing yourself over the head with a handy stapler or telling your boss to screw off will work wonders. These will provide such a nasty reaction that even if you still want to log onto the intenet you won't have a chance to because you'll be dealing with head wounds, private meetings with the boss, and nasty office gossip, although not nessecarily in that order.

Hope that helped.

Sadistically Yours
Auntie Jaq

p.s. save some money and get yourself a decent home computer
Jaq
QUOTE (jicama @ Apr 25 2003, 08:04 AM)
dear auntie jaq

last night i drempt that i was a vampire, but i didn't want mom to find out so i hid in her closet. i told goober that i was a vampire, he didn't really care, but thought it was important that he make me some roast nuts. .. why did i dream i was an undead creature of the night? why would i be concerned about mom finding out of all people?! and why would i think that the best possible place to hide from her would be in her own bloody(dang those lederhouses) closet?! and why was my brother making me roasted nuts?

sincerly;
"she's no angel!"

Dear Not A Heavenly Body

This probably all goes back to childhood. As usual this is where we pick up all of our neuroses. You specifically have fears about people who want you to eat roasted nuts. This stems from the time in 3rd grade school bullies held you down and force fed you roasted nuts while chanting "Spork! Spork! Spork!" over and over again. You deal with this fear by hiding in your mothers closet, a metaphor for the womb. The reason you are a vampire in this dream is quite simple. It is because you are crazy.

Backing Away Slowly
Auntie Jaq
iamtootiredyyyy
Dear aunty jaq,
My computer keeps on making annoying noises even when i kick it. I have reason to believe the canaries inside it are fighting. What shall i do? Are they hungry? I am afraid that if i have to put up with that dreadful nyrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh sound one teensy bit longer i might go a dribbly bit insane blink.gif

Sincerely headached, Iam. unsure.gif
gerbilfromhell
Dear jaq,
a high skool i've been wait-listed at has delayed it's decisions for another 2 weeks (they were origionally goin to answer in early april). obviously, this whole thing makes me nervous and i doubt i can deal with another two weeks of waiting (that and every day having 5 ppl ask me "did you hear from exeter yet?" jus to remind me that i haven't gotten in yet and to make me more nervous). should i become a hermit for the next two weeks and never leave my room? what should i do to get rid of the nervousnish? (non-violent options)
Jaq
QUOTE (iamtootiredyyyy @ Apr 25 2003, 10:51 PM)
Dear aunty jaq,
My computer keeps on making annoying noises even when i kick it. I have reason to believe the canaries inside it are fighting. What shall i do? Are they hungry? I am afraid that if i have to put up with that dreadful nyrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh sound one teensy bit longer i might go a dribbly bit insane blink.gif

Sincerely headached, Iam. unsure.gif

Dear You Are Headachey:

I recommend opening up your compute and having a looksee. Now I have absolutely no computer know how and I'm the first one to admit it. This thing in front of me that I can see words on I call my word and picture box. The thing it's sitting on is my grumbly box. I'm writing to you now on a typewriter. Magical gnomes are working busily at transferring the words I type to the picture box in front of me. Anywho.

Point is if you think there are fighting canaries in your grumbly box, as far as I know you're probably right. Put out some birdseed, get yourself some ear muffs (to ward against headaches) and don't forget to clean up after them. And above all have fun with your new pets. Maybe if they get good at fighting you could enter them in canary cock fights. It's not as bloody as real cock fights, but it's just as illegal.

Ignorantly Yours
Auntie Jaq
Jonman
Dear Jaq,

How do I dump one of the two girls I've been dating as it's all getting a bit much, and to be honest, I much prefer one over the other? I'm torn betwixt being totally honest and telling her how much of a two-faced lying bastad I've been, or a smoother approach to try and minimise the damage that I'll no doubt do, seeing as she's a nice girl really.

Silly me, eh?
Jaq
QUOTE (gerbilfromhell @ Apr 25 2003, 11:02 PM)
Dear jaq,
a high skool i've been wait-listed at has delayed it's decisions for another 2 weeks (they were origionally goin to answer in early april). obviously, this whole thing makes me nervous and i doubt i can deal with another two weeks of waiting (that and every day having 5 ppl ask me "did you hear from exeter yet?" jus to remind me that i haven't gotten in yet and to make me more nervous). should i become a hermit for the next two weeks and never leave my room? what should i do to get rid of the nervousnish? (non-violent options)

Dear Nervous:

One word. Jell-o. Okay, it's a hyphenated word, and it's not really word it's more of a brand name, but let's not get picky. Now you can used the gelatin dessert, or you can use the instant pudding, but it's imperative that it be a hyphenated brand name dessert. I can't think of any other hyphenated brand name desserts off the top of my head so we'll just say that Jell-O is the only one. You can bathe in it, fling it off roof tops, huck it at cars, use it in innumberable practical jokes, and if you get really desperate you can eat it. I don't really recommend the last one, but I had to put it in there, especially if you're feeling really stressed out.

Wobbling Towards Utopia
Auntie Jaq
Jonman
QUOTE (Jaq @ Apr 25 2003, 11:47 PM)
Dear Nervous:

One word. Jell-o. Okay, it's a hyphenated word, and it's not really word it's more of a brand name, but let's not get picky. Now you can used the gelatin dessert, or you can use the instant pudding, but it's imperative that it be a hyphenated brand name dessert. I can't think of any other hyphenated brand name desserts off the top of my head so we'll just say that Jell-O is the only one. You can bathe in it, fling it off roof tops, huck it at cars, use it in innumberable practical jokes, and if you get really desperate you can eat it. I don't really recommend the last one, but I had to put it in there, especially if you're feeling really stressed out.

Wobbling Towards Utopia
Auntie Jaq

Is Angel Delight hyphenated (i.e. Angel-Delight)?

If not, it bloomin well ought to be.
Jaq
QUOTE (Jonman @ Apr 25 2003, 11:43 PM)
Dear Jaq,

How do I dump one of the two girls I've been dating as it's all getting a bit much, and to be honest, I much prefer one over the other? I'm torn betwixt being totally honest and telling her how much of a two-faced lying bastad I've been, or a smoother approach to try and minimise the damage that I'll no doubt do, seeing as she's a nice girl really.

Silly me, eh?

Jonman

I recommend telling the truth. Now this is not ome high moral ground that I'm stepping on. This is plain and simple better for the girl, and she'll feel alot happier in the long run. It will hurt her when you tell her that you've been lying to her, but she'll actually feel alot better. I'll explain. If you reject her without telling her that you've been a narc, then she'll think it's something she's done and she'll agonize over it for weeks, perhaps monthes if she really liked you. But if you tell her straight out that you're a no good lying piece of something she should've scraped off the bottom of her shoe a long time ago, she won't blame herself. She'll blame you. She'll feel like crap but she'll also feel morally superior to you. She'll also have a good anecdote to tell her girlfriends. And don't think she won't. I'm sorry I couldn't have been more sympathetic to your plight but you brought this on yourself.

Tough Lovin'
Auntie Jaq
Jonman
QUOTE (Jaq @ Apr 26 2003, 12:06 AM)
I recommend telling the truth. Now this is not ome high moral ground that I'm stepping on. This is plain and simple better for the girl, and she'll feel alot happier in the long run. It will hurt her when you tell her that you've been lying to her, but she'll actually feel alot better. I'll explain. If you reject her without telling her that you've been a narc, then she'll think it's something she's done and she'll agonize over it for weeks, perhaps monthes if she really liked you. But if you tell her straight out that you're a no good lying piece of something she should've scraped off the bottom of her shoe a long time ago, she won't blame herself. She'll blame you. She'll feel like crap but she'll also feel morally superior to you. She'll also have a good anecdote to tell her girlfriends. And don't think she won't. I'm sorry I couldn't have been more sympathetic to your plight but you brought this on yourself.

Tough Lovin'
Auntie Jaq

True dat.

Good thoughts. Now all I've got to do is gather the minerals together to tell her.

Cheers medear. I'll go and get drunked afterwards. That'll see me right.
gerbilfromhell
QUOTE (Jaq @ Apr 25 2003, 11:47 PM)
QUOTE (gerbilfromhell @ Apr 25 2003, 11:02 PM)
Dear jaq,
a high skool i've been wait-listed at has delayed it's decisions for another 2 weeks (they were origionally goin to answer in early april). obviously, this whole thing makes me nervous and i doubt i can deal with another two weeks of waiting (that and every day having 5 ppl ask me "did you hear from exeter yet?" jus to remind me that i haven't gotten in yet and to make me more nervous). should i become a hermit for the next two weeks and never leave my room? what should i do to get rid of the nervousnish?  (non-violent options)

Dear Nervous:

One word. Jell-o. Okay, it's a hyphenated word, and it's not really word it's more of a brand name, but let's not get picky. Now you can used the gelatin dessert, or you can use the instant pudding, but it's imperative that it be a hyphenated brand name dessert. I can't think of any other hyphenated brand name desserts off the top of my head so we'll just say that Jell-O is the only one. You can bathe in it, fling it off roof tops, huck it at cars, use it in innumberable practical jokes, and if you get really desperate you can eat it. I don't really recommend the last one, but I had to put it in there, especially if you're feeling really stressed out.

Wobbling Towards Utopia
Auntie Jaq

ROFLMAO! laugh.gif *buys 2 gallons of jello, wonders how you'd measure jello (gallons, pounds, etc.)*
Jaq
You may measure them however you want. it will still be jello in the morning.
Free Psycho
Jell-o tastes like spit. Just thought I'd let you all know.
cheese is funny
dear jaq,

i havent been on since tuesday, and i SWEAR that i heard someone talking about smiting mimes and using gerbils to kill bush... and i thought it was gerbil.. so i walked up to him and said "lgg is cooler then mr sb" (not that it is true, but i know gerbil would have had a reaction) and he looked at me like i was an idiot....

am i addicted to the forums? do i need some sort of mata-patch or gum or something?
Jaq
QUOTE (cheese is funny @ Apr 26 2003, 01:43 AM)
dear jaq,

i havent been on since tuesday, and i SWEAR that i heard someone talking about smiting mimes and using gerbils to kill bush... and i thought it was gerbil.. so i walked up to him and said "lgg is cooler then mr sb" (not that it is true, but i know gerbil would have had a reaction) and he looked at me like i was an idiot....

am i addicted to the forums? do i need some sort of mata-patch or gum or something?

Dear Cheese:

Are you addicted? Short answer yes, but. Long answer no, with an if. Because I am lazy, I'm going to let you figure that out for yourself. As an answer to your other question; if there's a patch I don't want it.

Oh, also most people in high school are idiotic. The ones that aren't are anomolies that often go insane from the pressures of the status quo (holy bejubus I love that phrase).

From One Freak to Another
Auntie Jaq
Jaq
QUOTE (Jonman @ Apr 26 2003, 12:16 AM)
Good thoughts. Now all I've got to do is gather the minerals together to tell her.

Cheers medear. I'll go and get drunked afterwards. That'll see me right.

Tell us how it goes Jonman.
craziness
QUOTE (cheese is funny @ Apr 25 2003, 09:43 PM)
dear jaq,

i havent been on since tuesday, and i SWEAR that i heard someone talking about smiting mimes and using gerbils to kill bush... and i thought it was gerbil.. so i walked up to him and said "lgg is cooler then mr sb" (not that it is true, but i know gerbil would have had a reaction) and he looked at me like i was an idiot....

am i addicted to the forums? do i need some sort of mata-patch or gum or something?

JON I LOVE YOU BUT MR SB RULES!!!!!!!!!!!!!
of course you are addicted. if you saw someonewith my hair who was short and young but acted older what would you do? hug them?
cheese is funny
QUOTE (craziness @ Apr 26 2003, 02:45 AM)
QUOTE (cheese is funny @ Apr 25 2003, 09:43 PM)
dear jaq,

i havent been on since tuesday, and i SWEAR that i heard someone talking about smiting mimes and using gerbils to kill bush... and i thought it was gerbil.. so i walked up to him and said "lgg is cooler then mr sb" (not that it is true, but i know gerbil would have had a reaction) and he looked at me like i was an idiot....

am i addicted to the forums? do i need some sort of mata-patch or gum or something?

JON I LOVE YOU BUT MR SB RULES!!!!!!!!!!!!!
of course you are addicted. if you saw someonewith my hair who was short and young but acted older what would you do? hug them?

first of all, mr sb > lgg... i said that in my original post...

anyways, if i saw someone that reminded me of you i would hug them.... for like 2 hours...
craziness
awwwww
i feel so loved now!!!!!!!!!!!
Jonman
[quote=Jaq,Apr 26 2003, 02:30 AM]
Cheers medear. I'll go and get drunked afterwards. That'll see me right. [/QUOTE]
Tell us how it goes Jonman. [/quote]
For those of you that weren't in chat, here's the conclusion to my sordid little tale. I took Jaq's advice, went round to the girl's house, told her I was a total ***hole, that I'd been seeing someone else behind her back, and left shortly afterwards.

Went about as badly as can be expected, she wasn't a happy bunny.

So that's that. I've now decided that being a dirty so-and-so doesn't really suit me, and I'll stick to the one-woman policy for the foreseeable future.

Here ends my experiment in self-analytical psychology.

*goes to get showered prior to going out on the beers with a good buddy to act as his wingman*
LadyDarkPeach
Dear Jaq,
I have many problems:
1) I always have the urge to chase and kill ice cream or postal delivery people. Of course, i'm taking the truck with me... but... AM I NUTTY?
2) My toes really hurt, is it cuz i crack them all the time?
3)I like my best friends boyfriend...it's actually quite sad, cuz i got them togetther... unsure.gif ph34r.gif

thanks...
Texas Ninja
Jaq
QUOTE (LadyDarkPeach @ Apr 26 2003, 04:45 AM)
Dear Jaq,
I have many problems:
1) I always have the urge to chase and kill ice cream or postal delivery people. Of course, i'm taking the truck with me... but... AM I NUTTY?
2) My toes really hurt, is it cuz i crack them all the time?
3)I like my best friends boyfriend...it's actually quite sad, cuz i got them togetther... unsure.gif ph34r.gif

thanks...
Texas Ninja

Dear Martial Arts Cowgirl tongue.gif

Ooo! I love lists! Okay. I'll answer it in list form then.

1) No. You're not nutty. If you didn't take the truck with you I might think that you're a bit off, but who doesn't like ice cream? And if that's how you choose to get ice cream I say all the more power to you. Also, can I have some of your looted ice cream?

2) Your toes don't hurt because you crack them all the time. That's an old wife's tale and I'm an agony aunt. I'll tell you the truth. It's because your kid brother sneaks into your room at night, drugs you and smashes your toes with a sledgehammer. Get that boy checked out. There's something wrong with that kid. Also, this explains the cat's fear of the boy. Your brother keeps using the cat as some sort of furry cannonball. This is not appreciated by the cat or the neighbours. Time to face the music and think about taking him to the doctor.

3) It's perfectly natural to feel attraction to a guy friend when you see him being all sweet an affectionate (I'm assuming this is the situation, correct me if it's not) to one of your girl friends. Thoughts start to go through your head about whether or not he'd be pretty good for you too, since he's so good for your friend. Do not act on these thoughts. It's perfectly fine to have those thoughts, but it's just badness all around if you act on them. You'll probably end up losing both of them as friends if you do this and that is something that you don't want to happen. Once a best friend goes out with a guy, he is off limits for ever and all time, even if they do break up. It's part of the friend code (one part I learned the hard way) and if you value your friendship you won't act on those feelings. My advice is to get your best friend to set you up with a guy if you feel like having a boyfriend. Either that or don't spend so much time around the happy couple. Go out with your single friends and get your mind off the guy. Who knows? You might just meet someone better than him.

Yours
Auntie Jaq
Jonman
QUOTE (Jaq @ Apr 26 2003, 05:06 AM)
3) It's perfectly natural to feel attraction to a guy friend when you see him being all sweet an affectionate (I'm assuming this is the situation, correct me if it's not) to one of your girl friends. Thoughts start to go through your head about whether or not he'd be pretty good for you too, since he's so good for your friend. Do not act on these thoughts. It's perfectly fine to have those thoughts, but it's just badness all around if you act on them. You'll probably end up losing both of them as friends if you do this and that is something that you don't want to happen. Once a best friend goes out with a guy, he is off limits for ever and all time, even if they do break up. It's part of the friend code (one part I learned the hard way) and if you value your friendship you won't act on those feelings. My advice is to get your best friend to set you up with a guy if you feel like having a boyfriend. Either that or don't spend so much time around the happy couple. Go out with your single friends and get your mind off the guy. Who knows? You might just meet someone better than him.

Yours
Auntie Jaq

[aside to Jaq]
OK, I love the fact that we've now got an Agony Aunt and an Agony Uncle. I reckon this'll work wicked, and I couldn't pick a better candidate for the Aunt than you, Jaq

[back on topic]
Totally agree with Jaq here (which is why we're such a good team see?). My personal take on this is that if your bestest buddies are attracted to a member of the opposite sex (assuming it's for all the right reasons, and not 'cos they're an ***hole and they just don't see it), it's more than probable than you will be too. The reason? Simply because she they got on with them, you're likely to get on with them too. That's the reason that you're friends with them in the first place - because you've got common interests, goals and most importantly, mindsets.

So, if they find someone attractive, chances are, you'll see all the things that make that person great as well.

I'll revert to personal experience, as I so often do - one of my best mates is getting married this summer to a girl who's wonderful. All is good. My point is that before they got together, I tried my hand with this girl - you see? We both saw the good things about her. But I couldn't be happier for them - they're soooo good together. And the fact that one of my best mates is getting married to a girl that I KNOW is sound as a pound makes me all the happier for them both.

As far as advice goes, among my buddies, we have a motto - mates before muff (crude, I know), but it's true for boys and girls - partners come and go, but your (proper) friends stay with you for life. Look after them and love them. Going after a friend's partner breaks the code, no two ways about it. Just like Jaq said. Do not mess. It'll end in tears, I've seen it happen.

Be happy for your friend that she's got a great guy, they're few and far between....
Jaq
Couldn't have said it better myself Jonman. No really, I couldn't. tongue.gif
iamtootiredyyyy
Dear aunty jaq,

I have to annotate this book for my gcse's 'cos i didunt annotate it when i was sposed to (i think it was the teachers fault) however i have come across a slight flaw in this plan in that i cant be bothered.. what shall i do? Also, is there an easy way to learn spanish in a couple of weeks? huh.gif

Yours, incredibly stupid.
Jaq
QUOTE (iamtootiredyyyy @ Apr 26 2003, 08:55 PM)
Dear aunty jaq,

I have to annotate this book for my gcse's 'cos i didunt annotate it when i was sposed to (i think it was the teachers fault) however i have come across a slight flaw in this plan in that i cant be bothered.. what shall i do? Also, is there an easy way to learn spanish in a couple of weeks? huh.gif

Yours, incredibly stupid.

Dear Incredibly Lazy:

If there's a way of learning fluent or even halting Spanish in two weeks I don't know it. However if you could somehow get a hold of a Babelfish you wouldn't really need a crash course in the most romantic of the romance languages. Since the Babelfish doesn't exist to my knowledge you're up shit creek without a paddle.

If you really don't want to do the assignment fo your gsce's (whatever that means) and you think that it's a stupid assignment, but only if you do think it's worthless or time wasting, then I recommend writing a letter to your teacher spelling out just how idiotic and inane (good word!) the assignment is. This is akin to personally insulting the teacher and, if nothing else, will get your teacher's attention. She may even assign you negative marks! I've yet to see that happen, but there's always a first time for everything.

If you really want to get the assignment done ask a friend in your class if they have it done and ask them how to do it. If you're really really lazy then just copy the assignment from one of your industrious friends who actually does the assignment and who sees the inherent educational value in nearly everything they do in school (and that's why they'll never know the love of a woman tongue.gif ) instead of leaving it until the last minute and copying from other people.

Teacher of the Future
Auntie Jaq
LoLo
Dear Jaq,

I am tired of my boring life. (No I'm not considering suicide.) I've had the same look of baggy jeans and t-shirts since mid highschool, only after highschool were tats and piercings added. I've been going to school for the last two and a half years and still have 3-4 to go. I've had the same car for the last 4 years, although before that I only owned one for 7 months before it up and died on me. Also I'm living in my childhood home with my mom, and I'm 24. To top it all off, like many know I don't have a job, and yet I can't seem to get a job.

I was considering just packing up my car and leaving and starting over whereever I run out of gas. However since the lack of money I don't think that would get me much farther than where I go to school at.

Any suggestions as to how to spice up my life?

Sincerely,
Tired of being bored.
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