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Greeneyes
Dear Jaq,

Someone (we'll call them qaJ) keeps telling me that because I'm a quiet person that I should carry a big stick around to hit people with. Is this person crazy? Are they trying to get me to beat people for no reason other than their amusement? What should I tell qaJ? I fear she is a ninja and could kill me if I disobey her. Just assuming she is right, why is it that quiet people should hit people with sticks?

Yours,

Mr. Tryandwriggleoutofitthistime tongue.gif
Jaq
QUOTE (Artemisia @ Oct 30 2004, 01:45 PM)
Hello Jaq (or is that Ninjaq?)

I have a problem.  My 42 year old neighbour and her 11 year old son are really nice and have been spending lots of time with me.  I like them too. However, they seem to like the fact that, to the outside world, I tend to present as a "good Christian" like them.  Problem is, I get the feeling we have VASTLY different views on religion and life in general.  Like, they are conservative Mormons and I am...liberal and agnostic to the point that I probably shouldn't even self-identify as Christian.

How can I send the subtle message that I'm not what I seem without resorting to hanging gay porn on my walls?

Signed, *Goody-two-shoes Poser*
*


Well. Sometimes we have to tell people exactly what we think of them, their religion and their good fer nothing politics. This is usually when we're pissed off at them. Other times we like to retain a veneer of civility and just leave religion and politics out of the conversation. Because people feel so strongly about both issues and because no one is likely to back down from their point of view, religious debates have a tendency to turn into fights. It's usually not a good idea to talk about it with all but the closest friends and family. I think that unless she purposely brings up religion, and insists that you comment on it, she can believe whatever she wants to believe about you and you should keep your own counsel concerning religion. Even if she does want your input on religion and you don't feel comfortable talking about it just say "It's something I don't really talk about." If she's as nice as she seems she won't press you to answer. Obviously she is a very nice woman and you shouldn't let either of your beliefs get in the way of what could be a nifty friendship.
Jaq
QUOTE (Greeneyes @ Nov 1 2004, 01:26 AM)
Dear Jaq,

Someone (we'll call them qaJ) keeps telling me that because I'm a quiet person that I should carry a big stick around to hit people with. Is this person crazy? Are they trying to get me to beat people for no reason other than their amusement? What should I tell qaJ? I fear she is a ninja and could kill me if I disobey her. Just assuming she is right, why is it that quiet people should hit people with sticks?

Yours,

Mr. Tryandwriggleoutofitthistime tongue.gif
*



Obviously this person is insane(ly genius) You should do *everything* s/he says without a moment's hesitation or thought. S/he is (or should be) your new deity of choice. I recommend a few offerings of money and/or chocolate to your new deity to celebrate your conversion and to appease his/her obviously foul temperment. Either that or stop listening to people whose names you can't even spell.
Yours, Jaq
p.s. I like dark chocolate and my preferred currencies are Korean won, American dollars and Canadian dollars in descending order.
Tarantio
Dear Auntie Jaqueline,

I'm asking a very special lady out to dinner this week, and hopefully she'll say yes. If she does, what should I do? I had an italian place in mind, though they all seem a little expensive - and possibly too heavy-duty romantic for people who are meant to be "friends" - for my budget right now. And should I take flowers, or something like that? I need to be careful already, coz I know she's a veggie, and I need to be careful also, because we're only friends just now. Oh, and what should I do if she says no?

Yours confusedly... Tara
Jaq
QUOTE (Tarantio @ Nov 3 2004, 10:19 PM)
Dear Auntie Jaqueline,

I'm asking a very special lady out to dinner this week, and hopefully she'll say yes. If she does, what should I do? I had an italian place in mind, though they all seem a little expensive - and possibly too heavy-duty romantic for people who are meant to be "friends" - for my budget right now. And should I take flowers, or something like that? I need to be careful already, coz I know she's a veggie, and I need to be careful also, because we're only friends just now. Oh, and what should I do if she says no?

Yours confusedly... Tara
*


Tara:

Right. First don't refer to her as your "special lady friend" That just brings to mind Troy McClure, and while I'm sure you'd like to have an ultra modern swinging pad, not all women are impressed by the same things Selma is impressed by.

Take her somewhere where there isn't alot of pressure for it to be romantic, or at least cheesily romantic. Somewhere that you're pretty sure she'd like to go, that she hasn't been to yet, but you have. Obviously it should have good food. That way you can take the credit for introducing her to this new and fabulous food. and she'll relate the food with you, so every time she goes to that restaurant she'll be thinking at least subliminally about you. Pretty cunning, eh?

If you want to get her a present, take something small, personal and light hearted. Don't bother with flowers or chocolates. They've been done to death and they'll remind her that this is a Date (with capital letters) which will put more pressure on the both of you which will make everyone nervous.

If she says no, whatever you do don't whine or beg or try to make her change her mind. Just say something along the lines of "Oh. Alright. Fair enough. Can we still hang out anyways?" If you're too mortified to be around her if she rejects your question than by all means take a break and start seeing her again when you feel less like a dope.

Yours, Jaq
the lil' pie fairy
Dear Auntie Jaq,

My other half is getting a new playstation game next week, and I fear I won't get words out of him for hours on end. How can I keep his mind being swallowed so I still gets hugs and such?

Yours, worried one unsure.gif
jicama
dear person who is not related to me:

my mom called me today. she felt it was very important that she tell me about the name generating site she found, and insisted on informing me what my pornstar name would be, my drag-queen name, and what name my penis would have if i had one.

now, i'm fully aware that my mom does not live in the realm of normal mom behavior, but still- juh? has she had too much sugar? did dad lace the cookies he baked today? has she been "reading pierre burton"? in short, what is going on in my mother's brain that made my mother call me long distance to share this information with me?

from: sane by family comparison
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