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LoLo
Dear Jaq,

I'm getting a cramp in my forefinger from using the scroll roller on my mouse to scroll to the bottom of forum topics. What can I do?

Sincerely,
Ouch my finger hurts
Jaq
QUOTE (LoLo @ Apr 26 2003, 09:33 PM)
Dear Jaq,

I am tired of my boring life.  (No I'm not considering suicide.)  I've had the same look of baggy jeans and t-shirts since mid highschool, only after highschool were tats and piercings added.  I've been going to school for the last two and a half years and still have 3-4 to go.  I've had the same car for the last 4 years, although before that I only owned one for 7 months before it up and died on me.  Also I'm living in my childhood home with my mom, and I'm 24.  To top it all off, like many know I don't have a job, and yet I can't seem to get a job.

I was considering just packing up my car and leaving and starting over whereever I run out of gas.  However since the lack of money I don't think that would get me much farther than where I go to school at.

Any suggestions as to how to spice up my life?

Sincerely,
Tired of being bored.

Dear Bored:

Take a look at what you're doing in your life. Does it make you happy? Will it make you happy in the near future? Obviously you've already done this and the answer is no. It doesn't make you happy, it makes you feel bored and tired. You've probably done all of the things that you're supposed to do to have a happy and prosperous life. Usually at your age it's going to the right school. You've been going to school for the majority of your life and you're probably starting to question what you're doing with your life. While school is hard work and it's may be interesting it doesn't pay the bills and you don't really produce anything. Adding to that is your dependence on your mom, and your lack of financial independence because you don't have a job. This has got to be frustrating for anyone your age.

My advice isn't very good, I'm afraid. It's more up to you. Take a stock of your life. Find what you don't like about it and try hard to change it. If you can't change your life right now take some time off to thinkabout what you can do. Don't just lie around while you do that either. Try to join an exchange group or an international volunteering group. There are many fine international organizations that are always looking for volunteers to work overseas. Often they pay for everything and all you have to do is go there and help. This might sound a bit wacky but it'll help you get out of the rut you're in, give some purpose to your life, help the less fortunate, meet new people, and (yeah I'm sounding cliche I know) broaden your horizons. You can learn and see and do things that you might not have even thought about before then. When you come back you'll hopefully have a whole new perspective on your life and be able to look at your situation with new eyes.

Here's some links that might help you.

Peace Corps
Cross Cultural Solutions
i-to-i Volunteer, Work, Teach Abroad
So You Wanna Joing the Peace Corps

World Weary
Auntie Jaq
Jaq
QUOTE (LoLo @ Apr 26 2003, 09:40 PM)
Dear Jaq,

I'm getting a cramp in my forefinger from using the scroll roller on my mouse to scroll to the bottom of forum topics. What can I do?

Sincerely,
Ouch my finger hurts

Dear Ouch my Finger Hurts

Dude. Look up. Look waaaay up. See that little gray thing. Push it. Then drag it. Then like drag it some more. And then like...stop. heh heh. Okay. Now you can read your things. And sometimes, when the thread is like more than like one page, man you can like hit some other crazy link and it'll take you to the last like post or whatever. Oh dude! You know what would be like really awesome?! If you like trained some wicked gerbils to like run on that little wheel and then they could like scroll down the page for you, or whatever. heh heh, gerbils running on a mouse. Wow. That like blows my mind.

Dude,
Auntie Jaq
LoLo
Hey gerbilfromhell......come here a min

**whistles**

hehe
iamtootiredyyyy
QUOTE (Jaq @ Apr 26 2003, 10:28 PM)
QUOTE (iamtootiredyyyy @ Apr 26 2003, 08:55 PM)
Dear aunty jaq,

I have to annotate this book for my gcse's 'cos i didunt annotate it when i was sposed to (i think it was the teachers fault) however i have come across a slight flaw in this plan in that i cant be bothered.. what shall i do? Also, is there an easy way to learn spanish in a couple of weeks?  huh.gif

Yours, incredibly stupid.

Dear Incredibly Lazy:

If there's a way of learning fluent or even halting Spanish in two weeks I don't know it. However if you could somehow get a hold of a Babelfish you wouldn't really need a crash course in the most romantic of the romance languages. Since the Babelfish doesn't exist to my knowledge you're up shit creek without a paddle.

If you really don't want to do the assignment fo your gsce's (whatever that means) and you think that it's a stupid assignment, but only if you do think it's worthless or time wasting, then I recommend writing a letter to your teacher spelling out just how idiotic and inane (good word!) the assignment is. This is akin to personally insulting the teacher and, if nothing else, will get your teacher's attention. She may even assign you negative marks! I've yet to see that happen, but there's always a first time for everything.

If you really want to get the assignment done ask a friend in your class if they have it done and ask them how to do it. If you're really really lazy then just copy the assignment from one of your industrious friends who actually does the assignment and who sees the inherent educational value in nearly everything they do in school (and that's why they'll never know the love of a woman tongue.gif ) instead of leaving it until the last minute and copying from other people.

Teacher of the Future
Auntie Jaq

*Wants babelfish*
Nah i just have to write in the book notey stuff that basically helps me cheat in the exam which i dont see the point in really but i'm actually sposed to do it apparently huh.gif but unfortunately i still have to answer the questions which is all difficultish considering im stupid and im lazy as well which means that unless i can magically become un-lazy i wont even have the notes

QUOTE
Look up. Look waaaay up. See that little gray thing. Push it. Then drag it.
-How strange... there is no gray thing when i look up- just a ceiling. Theres many different coloured things on my computer though, but i cant push them cos theres some sort of force-field in the way
Jaq
QUOTE (iamtootiredyyyy @ Apr 26 2003, 11:04 PM)
Nah i just have to write in the book notey stuff that basically helps me cheat in the exam which i dont see the point in really but i'm actually sposed to do it apparently huh.gif but unfortunately i still have to answer the questions which is all difficultish considering im stupid and im lazy as well which means that unless i can magically become un-lazy i wont even have the notes

How odd. School sponsered cheating? Meh. huh.gif
jicama
QUOTE (Jaq @ Apr 26 2003, 10:20 PM)
Look up. Look waaaay up.

hehe! now i've got the friendly giant theme song in my head!

ok. so i've had another dream.
i dreamt that caiti had a baby. it was a boy and she named it john (her father's name). she then proceded to neglect it- she even left it in the car with out the heat on and it was winter! i went to zellers to buy it a towel with a little hood that has a frog mask on it (something i saw in real life!), but i couldn't find any so i was all upset. oh ya, caiti had the baby at vickers which had been converted into a hospital for some reason...
what does it mean?! it must have something to do with caiti's relationship with her dad, but why would i dream such a thing now?

from: a pseudo auntie in her dreams,
jicama
Jaq
QUOTE (jicama @ Apr 27 2003, 03:20 AM)
QUOTE (Jaq @ Apr 26 2003, 10:20 PM)
Look up.  Look waaaay up.

hehe! now i've got the friendly giant theme song in my head!

ok. so i've had another dream.
i dreamt that caiti had a baby. it was a boy and she named it john (her father's name). she then proceded to neglect it- she even left it in the car with out the heat on and it was winter! i went to zellers to buy it a towel with a little hood that has a frog mask on it (something i saw in real life!), but i couldn't find any so i was all upset. oh ya, caiti had the baby at vickers which had been converted into a hospital for some reason...
what does it mean?! it must have something to do with caiti's relationship with her dad, but why would i dream such a thing now?

from: a pseudo auntie in her dreams,
jicama

hee. I thought I was going to be the only to get that reference.

Dear Jicama:

You are crazy. I think we've already gone over this, but I just thought I'd restate it for the record. Once more with feeling You Are Crazy. Okay. Now that we've gotten that out of the way, on to interpreting your dream. Caitlin obviously doesn't have a vey good relationship with her dad. She got to know him/had him/the baby in a detestable place (vickers) and she left him/the baby out to freeze because she felt no emotion warmth towards him. You want everyone to get along as well as you do with your parent and you feel some stress that your best friend doesn't get along too well with her parents. This is why you tried to find a towel to keep the baby warm. Unfortunately you can't fix your friend's relatoinships with their parents and this is why you couldn't find the towel. You don't have the power to.

Alright. I'm spent

Yours in Dreamland
Auntie Jaq
jicama
yowza!
either that or john is a common name, i think caiti is evil, and i wanted the baby to be a hitchhiker when it grew up.. laugh.gif

it's raining!

hey jaq, in that old song, is the reason the old man won't get up in the morning because he's dead? does this have anything to do with the fact that it is raining? why do we teach children such morbid songs? why do i always think of my parents' car when i hear that song?

watery tart
Jaq
QUOTE (jicama @ Apr 27 2003, 04:16 AM)
yowza!
either that or john is a common name, i think caiti is evil, and i wanted the baby to be a hitchhiker when it grew up.. laugh.gif

it's raining!

hey jaq, in that old song, is the reason the old man won't get up in the morning because he's dead? does this have anything to do with the fact that it is raining? why do we teach children such morbid songs? why do i always think of my parents' car when i hear that song?

watery tart

Dear Watery Tart

It's actually not because the old man's dead. It's because he's happy and asleep in his warm comfortable bed and he just doens't ant to get up and go out into the rainy world because he's just so comfortable. Right? RIGHT?! Also that rumour that Ring Around the Poseys is about the Black Death? All lies. Horrible horrible lies, that are dsigned to make people unhappy and feel bad. They're actually talking about flowers and playing so much that htey get tired and fall down. Right? Don't tell me it isn't right....My world is crumbling about my ears!! Must. Hold. Onto. Happy. Untruths.

Shakily Yours
Auntie Jaq
jicama
but the old man "bumped his head"! that doesn't sound very comfy to me...
Jaq
QUOTE (jicama @ Apr 27 2003, 06:05 AM)
but the old man "bumped his head"! that doesn't sound very comfy to me...

Well, he just decided to take a rest, because he's an old man and little insignificant things that might not bother you or I might be quite uncomfortable to an older person. But that doesn't mean that he's dead. It doesn't. It really really really doesn't. He's just resting. That's all!
Pikasyuu
Dear Auntie Jaq --
My sister haves a question, and I feel I bugged Jonman 'nuff for a while. Why do mothers win every argument, no matter how stupid what they're saying is? Non-diet soda does not cause skin issues. It's never been prooven that any food, even the age old chocolate myth will cause skin irritation, unless maybe you rubbed it on your skin and left it there for a while. Are parents that closed minded?

- Sister of a diet soda-paranoid freak-girl. :)
Jonman
QUOTE (syuu @ Apr 27 2003, 08:30 PM)
Dear Auntie Jaq --
My sister haves a question, and I feel I bugged Jonman 'nuff for a while. Why do mothers win every argument, no matter how stupid what they're saying is? Non-diet soda does not cause skin issues. It's never been prooven that any food, even the age old chocolate myth will cause skin irritation, unless maybe you rubbed it on your skin and left it there for a while. Are parents that closed minded?

- Sister of a diet soda-paranoid freak-girl. smile.gif

*picks up baton from Jaq*

Nah, you haven't bugged me enough at all.

Full fat soda will indeed cause skin issues, but only if you neck a shed load of it, and don't eat an otherwise balanced diet. It's the sugar, innit? Mix that with a diet that isn't rich in fresh fuit and veggies, and yes, you'll have crap skin. More importantly, it'll rot your teeth away to stumps and turn you into a heffing chuffer.
Pikasyuu
Jonman. Marry me. o_o
Jaq
QUOTE (syuu @ Apr 28 2003, 01:09 AM)
Jonman. Marry me. o_o

Dear Syuu:

As a business partner/representative of Jonman I accept. When shall the wedding be my love? Jonman looks forward to spending the rest of his life with you and any e-children the union may or may not produce. Jonman sincerely thanks you for the heartfelt offer and if this were his actual thread I'm sure he'd offer words of comfort and love. Since this is not, he can not. Not that he's tried in the past. Agony Inc. thanks you again for your offer.

Sincerely
Auntie Jaq
Pikasyuu
QUOTE (Jaq @ Apr 28 2003, 01:15 AM)
QUOTE (syuu @ Apr 28 2003, 01:09 AM)
Jonman. Marry me. o_o

Dear Syuu:

As a business partner/representative of Jonman I accept. When shall the wedding be my love? Jonman looks forward to spending the rest of his life with you and any e-children the union may or may not produce. Jonman sincerely thanks you for the heartfelt offer and if this were his actual thread I'm sure he'd offer words of comfort and love. Since this is not, he can not. Not that he's tried in the past. Agony Inc. thanks you again for your offer.

Sincerely
Auntie Jaq

Yesss. I'm getting hitched. Uh, since you're the inc., you're free to plan everything while I just run around spending all his money and trying on pretty gowns. Nyahaha. I wear the daddy pants in this relationship. XD .. Not really.
LoLo
Dear Jaq,

Do you like my new av?

Sincerely,
I'm really not goth I swear.
Jaq
QUOTE (LoLo @ Apr 28 2003, 01:32 AM)
Dear Jaq,

Do you like my new av?

Sincerely,
I'm really not goth I swear.

Dear Goth:

I loooove your new AV. If I were another goth-like AV I would marry your AV and have AV babies with it and live happily ever after in AV paradise, secure in the fact that I was married to such a stellar AV such as your AV. If I were an AV publisher I'd publish your AV at the very beginning of my new AV book and title it "LoLo's NEW GOTH LIKE AV!" And not only would I put it at the beginning of the book, I would put it in the middle and end and all the pages in between. It is that good of an AV. If I were a doll manfuacturer I would model my next 40 dolls on your AV. If I were a painter I would paint your AV and I would get offers for a bazillion tirllion million dollars for it, but I would never sell it because it is so cool. Do you get the drift? I like your AV. It's a good AV.

Sincerely (no, really)
Auntie Jaq
Pikasyuu
Dear Auntie Jaq --
What shirt do I wear tomorrow?

-- Syuu
Jaq
QUOTE (syuu @ Apr 28 2003, 01:41 AM)
Dear Auntie Jaq --
What shirt do I wear tomorrow?

-- Syuu

Dear Syuu

Starting from the first shirt in your closet count forwards three shirts, now back two, now forward another seven. Now back four. Add six, multiply by the number of clean socks you have and move forward that amount. That's the shirt you will wear tomorrow. (If you reach the end of your shirts, just loop around to the first shirt again and start over)

Dizzily Yours
Aunti Jaq
Pikasyuu
QUOTE (Jaq @ Apr 28 2003, 01:48 AM)
QUOTE (syuu @ Apr 28 2003, 01:41 AM)
Dear Auntie Jaq --
What shirt do I wear tomorrow?

-- Syuu

Dear Syuu

Starting from the first shirt in your closet count forwards three shirts, now back two, now forward another seven. Now back four. Add six, multiply by the number of clean socks you have and move forward that amount. That's the shirt you will wear tomorrow. (If you reach the end of your shirts, just loop around to the first shirt again and start over)

Dizzily Yours
Aunti Jaq

Auntie Jaq --
I have a drawer with two stacks of folded shirts. Do I count down? And if so, which stack do I start with? Do the clothes on the floor count?

-- Syuu
Jaq
QUOTE (syuu @ Apr 28 2003, 01:52 AM)
QUOTE (Jaq @ Apr 28 2003, 01:48 AM)
QUOTE (syuu @ Apr 28 2003, 01:41 AM)
Dear Auntie Jaq --
What shirt do I wear tomorrow?

-- Syuu

Dear Syuu

Starting from the first shirt in your closet count forwards three shirts, now back two, now forward another seven. Now back four. Add six, multiply by the number of clean socks you have and move forward that amount. That's the shirt you will wear tomorrow. (If you reach the end of your shirts, just loop around to the first shirt again and start over)

Dizzily Yours
Aunti Jaq

Auntie Jaq --
I have a drawer with two stacks of folded shirts. Do I count down? And if so, which stack do I start with? Do the clothes on the floor count?

-- Syuu

Dear Syuu:

No silly, you count up. And start with the pile closest to the door. Also the shirts on the floor don't count because they're probaly dirty and if they're not dirty they're not in order. Geez, someone just isn't OCD enough. I know it's not me.

Auntie Jaq
Pikasyuu
QUOTE (Jaq @ Apr 28 2003, 01:54 AM)
QUOTE (syuu @ Apr 28 2003, 01:52 AM)
QUOTE (Jaq @ Apr 28 2003, 01:48 AM)
QUOTE (syuu @ Apr 28 2003, 01:41 AM)
Dear Auntie Jaq --
What shirt do I wear tomorrow?

-- Syuu

Dear Syuu

Starting from the first shirt in your closet count forwards three shirts, now back two, now forward another seven. Now back four. Add six, multiply by the number of clean socks you have and move forward that amount. That's the shirt you will wear tomorrow. (If you reach the end of your shirts, just loop around to the first shirt again and start over)

Dizzily Yours
Aunti Jaq

Auntie Jaq --
I have a drawer with two stacks of folded shirts. Do I count down? And if so, which stack do I start with? Do the clothes on the floor count?

-- Syuu

Dear Syuu:

No silly, you count up. And start with the pile closest to the door. Also the shirts on the floor don't count because they're probaly dirty and if they're not dirty they're not in order. Geez, someone just isn't OCD enough. I know it's not me.

Auntie Jaq

Dear Auntie Jaq --
They're both equally close to the door. >_>;

- Syuu
Jaq
QUOTE (syuu @ Apr 28 2003, 01:55 AM)
QUOTE (Jaq @ Apr 28 2003, 01:54 AM)
QUOTE (syuu @ Apr 28 2003, 01:52 AM)
QUOTE (Jaq @ Apr 28 2003, 01:48 AM)
QUOTE (syuu @ Apr 28 2003, 01:41 AM)
Dear Auntie Jaq --
What shirt do I wear tomorrow?

-- Syuu

Dear Syuu

Starting from the first shirt in your closet count forwards three shirts, now back two, now forward another seven. Now back four. Add six, multiply by the number of clean socks you have and move forward that amount. That's the shirt you will wear tomorrow. (If you reach the end of your shirts, just loop around to the first shirt again and start over)

Dizzily Yours
Aunti Jaq

Auntie Jaq --
I have a drawer with two stacks of folded shirts. Do I count down? And if so, which stack do I start with? Do the clothes on the floor count?

-- Syuu

Dear Syuu:

No silly, you count up. And start with the pile closest to the door. Also the shirts on the floor don't count because they're probaly dirty and if they're not dirty they're not in order. Geez, someone just isn't OCD enough. I know it's not me.

Auntie Jaq

Dear Auntie Jaq --
They're both equally close to the door. >_>;

- Syuu

Goodness. Seeing as how they're both close to the door you're going to have to get a measuring tape. Now find the exact centre of the door. Now measure from the exact centre of the door to the exact centre of the top shirt of the pil of clothing. Now you know which one is closer to the door. Count accordingly.

Washes Hands Repeatedly
Auntie Jaq
Pikasyuu
QUOTE (Jaq @ Apr 28 2003, 02:00 AM)
QUOTE (syuu @ Apr 28 2003, 01:55 AM)
QUOTE (Jaq @ Apr 28 2003, 01:54 AM)
QUOTE (syuu @ Apr 28 2003, 01:52 AM)
QUOTE (Jaq @ Apr 28 2003, 01:48 AM)
QUOTE (syuu @ Apr 28 2003, 01:41 AM)
Dear Auntie Jaq --
What shirt do I wear tomorrow?

-- Syuu

Dear Syuu

Starting from the first shirt in your closet count forwards three shirts, now back two, now forward another seven. Now back four. Add six, multiply by the number of clean socks you have and move forward that amount. That's the shirt you will wear tomorrow. (If you reach the end of your shirts, just loop around to the first shirt again and start over)

Dizzily Yours
Aunti Jaq

Auntie Jaq --
I have a drawer with two stacks of folded shirts. Do I count down? And if so, which stack do I start with? Do the clothes on the floor count?

-- Syuu

Dear Syuu:

No silly, you count up. And start with the pile closest to the door. Also the shirts on the floor don't count because they're probaly dirty and if they're not dirty they're not in order. Geez, someone just isn't OCD enough. I know it's not me.

Auntie Jaq

Dear Auntie Jaq --
They're both equally close to the door. >_>;

- Syuu

Goodness. Seeing as how they're both close to the door you're going to have to get a measuring tape. Now find the exact centre of the door. Now measure from the exact centre of the door to the exact centre of the top shirt of the pil of clothing. Now you know which one is closer to the door. Count accordingly.

Washes Hands Repeatedly
Auntie Jaq

Dear Auntie Jaq --
Oh. Could you help me pick out what pants I'm wearing as well, then?

-- Syuu
Sarah the Spider
Dear Aunti Jaq-

If you are lonely and sad because the boy you like got a hot date for the prom, is it improper to get drunk and hump a stranger's leg? Hypothetically, of course.


xoxo
Soon-To-Be Drunken Humper
Jaq
QUOTE (syuu @ Apr 28 2003, 02:01 AM)
QUOTE (Jaq @ Apr 28 2003, 02:00 AM)
QUOTE (syuu @ Apr 28 2003, 01:55 AM)
QUOTE (Jaq @ Apr 28 2003, 01:54 AM)
QUOTE (syuu @ Apr 28 2003, 01:52 AM)
QUOTE (Jaq @ Apr 28 2003, 01:48 AM)
QUOTE (syuu @ Apr 28 2003, 01:41 AM)
Dear Auntie Jaq --
What shirt do I wear tomorrow?

-- Syuu

Dear Syuu

Starting from the first shirt in your closet count forwards three shirts, now back two, now forward another seven. Now back four. Add six, multiply by the number of clean socks you have and move forward that amount. That's the shirt you will wear tomorrow. (If you reach the end of your shirts, just loop around to the first shirt again and start over)

Dizzily Yours
Aunti Jaq

Auntie Jaq --
I have a drawer with two stacks of folded shirts. Do I count down? And if so, which stack do I start with? Do the clothes on the floor count?

-- Syuu

Dear Syuu:

No silly, you count up. And start with the pile closest to the door. Also the shirts on the floor don't count because they're probaly dirty and if they're not dirty they're not in order. Geez, someone just isn't OCD enough. I know it's not me.

Auntie Jaq

Dear Auntie Jaq --
They're both equally close to the door. >_>;

- Syuu

Goodness. Seeing as how they're both close to the door you're going to have to get a measuring tape. Now find the exact centre of the door. Now measure from the exact centre of the door to the exact centre of the top shirt of the pil of clothing. Now you know which one is closer to the door. Count accordingly.

Washes Hands Repeatedly
Auntie Jaq

Dear Auntie Jaq --
Oh. Could you help me pick out what pants I'm wearing as well, then?

-- Syuu

You're purposely trying to drive me insane, aren't you?

Okay. Use the same process for picking out pants. It works everytime. You always end up with a pair of pants.
Pikasyuu
QUOTE (Jaq @ Apr 28 2003, 02:05 AM)
QUOTE (syuu @ Apr 28 2003, 02:01 AM)
QUOTE (Jaq @ Apr 28 2003, 02:00 AM)
QUOTE (syuu @ Apr 28 2003, 01:55 AM)
QUOTE (Jaq @ Apr 28 2003, 01:54 AM)
QUOTE (syuu @ Apr 28 2003, 01:52 AM)
QUOTE (Jaq @ Apr 28 2003, 01:48 AM)
QUOTE (syuu @ Apr 28 2003, 01:41 AM)
Dear Auntie Jaq --
What shirt do I wear tomorrow?

-- Syuu

Dear Syuu

Starting from the first shirt in your closet count forwards three shirts, now back two, now forward another seven. Now back four. Add six, multiply by the number of clean socks you have and move forward that amount. That's the shirt you will wear tomorrow. (If you reach the end of your shirts, just loop around to the first shirt again and start over)

Dizzily Yours
Aunti Jaq

Auntie Jaq --
I have a drawer with two stacks of folded shirts. Do I count down? And if so, which stack do I start with? Do the clothes on the floor count?

-- Syuu

Dear Syuu:

No silly, you count up. And start with the pile closest to the door. Also the shirts on the floor don't count because they're probaly dirty and if they're not dirty they're not in order. Geez, someone just isn't OCD enough. I know it's not me.

Auntie Jaq

Dear Auntie Jaq --
They're both equally close to the door. >_>;

- Syuu

Goodness. Seeing as how they're both close to the door you're going to have to get a measuring tape. Now find the exact centre of the door. Now measure from the exact centre of the door to the exact centre of the top shirt of the pil of clothing. Now you know which one is closer to the door. Count accordingly.

Washes Hands Repeatedly
Auntie Jaq

Dear Auntie Jaq --
Oh. Could you help me pick out what pants I'm wearing as well, then?

-- Syuu

You're purposely trying to drive me insane, aren't you?

Okay. Use the same process for picking out pants. It works everytime. You always end up with a pair of pants.

Dear Auntie Jaq --
No. I can never figure out what to wear. That, and it was a precursor to my enslaving you and making you my own personal Agony Aunt. No, being married to the Agony Uncle is NOT enough. Nyahah. Hahahaha. Eh..

-- Saner than sane.
Jaq
QUOTE (Sarah the Spider @ Apr 28 2003, 02:03 AM)
Dear Aunti Jaq-

If you are lonely and sad because the boy you like got a hot date for the prom, is it improper to get drunk and hump a stranger's leg? Hypothetically, of course.


xoxo
Soon-To-Be Drunken Humper

Dear Dry Humper:

Of course not! Boys like it when a girl is assertive. If you weren't no one would ever have sex ever. Hump all the boys legs that you like. You'll never have sex if you don't and you'll die sad, alone and being devoured by cats. I'm lazy, do what you want.

Should Be Studying
Auntie Jaq
Jaq
QUOTE (syuu @ Apr 28 2003, 02:07 AM)
QUOTE (Jaq @ Apr 28 2003, 02:05 AM)
QUOTE (syuu @ Apr 28 2003, 02:01 AM)
QUOTE (Jaq @ Apr 28 2003, 02:00 AM)
QUOTE (syuu @ Apr 28 2003, 01:55 AM)
QUOTE (Jaq @ Apr 28 2003, 01:54 AM)
QUOTE (syuu @ Apr 28 2003, 01:52 AM)
QUOTE (Jaq @ Apr 28 2003, 01:48 AM)
QUOTE (syuu @ Apr 28 2003, 01:41 AM)
Dear Auntie Jaq --
What shirt do I wear tomorrow?

-- Syuu

Dear Syuu

Starting from the first shirt in your closet count forwards three shirts, now back two, now forward another seven. Now back four. Add six, multiply by the number of clean socks you have and move forward that amount. That's the shirt you will wear tomorrow. (If you reach the end of your shirts, just loop around to the first shirt again and start over)

Dizzily Yours
Aunti Jaq

Auntie Jaq --
I have a drawer with two stacks of folded shirts. Do I count down? And if so, which stack do I start with? Do the clothes on the floor count?

-- Syuu

Dear Syuu:

No silly, you count up. And start with the pile closest to the door. Also the shirts on the floor don't count because they're probaly dirty and if they're not dirty they're not in order. Geez, someone just isn't OCD enough. I know it's not me.

Auntie Jaq

Dear Auntie Jaq --
They're both equally close to the door. >_>;

- Syuu

Goodness. Seeing as how they're both close to the door you're going to have to get a measuring tape. Now find the exact centre of the door. Now measure from the exact centre of the door to the exact centre of the top shirt of the pil of clothing. Now you know which one is closer to the door. Count accordingly.

Washes Hands Repeatedly
Auntie Jaq

Dear Auntie Jaq --
Oh. Could you help me pick out what pants I'm wearing as well, then?

-- Syuu

You're purposely trying to drive me insane, aren't you?

Okay. Use the same process for picking out pants. It works everytime. You always end up with a pair of pants.

Dear Auntie Jaq --
No. I can never figure out what to wear. That, and it was a precursor to my enslaving you and making you my own personal Agony Aunt. No, being married to the Agony Uncle is NOT enough. Nyahah. Hahahaha. Eh..

-- Saner than sane.

Dearest Syuu:

Oh. Alright then. Carry on.

Yours
Auntie Jaq
Pikasyuu
QUOTE (Jaq @ Apr 28 2003, 02:09 AM)
QUOTE (syuu @ Apr 28 2003, 02:07 AM)
QUOTE (Jaq @ Apr 28 2003, 02:05 AM)
QUOTE (syuu @ Apr 28 2003, 02:01 AM)
QUOTE (Jaq @ Apr 28 2003, 02:00 AM)
QUOTE (syuu @ Apr 28 2003, 01:55 AM)
QUOTE (Jaq @ Apr 28 2003, 01:54 AM)
QUOTE (syuu @ Apr 28 2003, 01:52 AM)
QUOTE (Jaq @ Apr 28 2003, 01:48 AM)
QUOTE (syuu @ Apr 28 2003, 01:41 AM)
Dear Auntie Jaq --
What shirt do I wear tomorrow?

-- Syuu

Dear Syuu

Starting from the first shirt in your closet count forwards three shirts, now back two, now forward another seven. Now back four. Add six, multiply by the number of clean socks you have and move forward that amount. That's the shirt you will wear tomorrow. (If you reach the end of your shirts, just loop around to the first shirt again and start over)

Dizzily Yours
Aunti Jaq

Auntie Jaq --
I have a drawer with two stacks of folded shirts. Do I count down? And if so, which stack do I start with? Do the clothes on the floor count?

-- Syuu

Dear Syuu:

No silly, you count up. And start with the pile closest to the door. Also the shirts on the floor don't count because they're probaly dirty and if they're not dirty they're not in order. Geez, someone just isn't OCD enough. I know it's not me.

Auntie Jaq

Dear Auntie Jaq --
They're both equally close to the door. >_>;

- Syuu

Goodness. Seeing as how they're both close to the door you're going to have to get a measuring tape. Now find the exact centre of the door. Now measure from the exact centre of the door to the exact centre of the top shirt of the pil of clothing. Now you know which one is closer to the door. Count accordingly.

Washes Hands Repeatedly
Auntie Jaq

Dear Auntie Jaq --
Oh. Could you help me pick out what pants I'm wearing as well, then?

-- Syuu

You're purposely trying to drive me insane, aren't you?

Okay. Use the same process for picking out pants. It works everytime. You always end up with a pair of pants.

Dear Auntie Jaq --
No. I can never figure out what to wear. That, and it was a precursor to my enslaving you and making you my own personal Agony Aunt. No, being married to the Agony Uncle is NOT enough. Nyahah. Hahahaha. Eh..

-- Saner than sane.

Dearest Syuu:

Oh. Alright then. Carry on.

Yours
Auntie Jaq

Dear Auntie Jaq --
I shall. I wonder if we've made the longest quote upon quote posts yet?

-- Syuu
jicama
dear auntie jaq

i've got a friend who has an important test tomorrow, but because of an internet addiction, extreme procrastination, and boredom she is not studying. should i attempt to make her feel guilty, or support her and her self distructive ways?

yours truly, an evil evil person
cheese is funny
dear jaq,

ive been losing weight lately (not much, but its causing my problem) and now none of my pants fit me... i have a concert to go to 2 weeks and i wont be able to mosh cause ill be too busy holding my pants up... and i dont have any money to buy new pants... what should i do?

yours truely,

holding his pants while he is typing this
Jaq
QUOTE (jicama @ Apr 28 2003, 02:36 AM)
dear auntie jaq

i've got a friend who has an important test tomorrow, but because of an internet addiction, extreme procrastination, and boredom she is not studying. should i attempt to make her feel guilty, or support her and her self distructive ways?

yours truly, an evil evil person

Dear The One Evil:

Yes. Make her feel guilty, however, as with most people with an addiction she is beyond help and is probably planning to just fail the test. HOwever you are being a good friend by trying to guilt her into studying and you should be commended. What a good friend you are!

I'm not adddicted, I'm not
Auntie Jaq
Sarah the Spider
Dear Auntie Jaq,

The Sarah is a loser and has made a similar thread. Will you destroy her home with atomic beavers?

xoxo
The Loser

PS-I'm drunk, I need a leg...
Jaq
QUOTE (cheese is funny @ Apr 28 2003, 02:42 AM)
dear jaq,

ive been losing weight lately (not much, but its causing my problem) and now none of my pants fit me... i have a concert to go to 2 weeks and i wont be able to mosh cause ill be too busy holding my pants up... and i dont have any money to buy new pants... what should i do?

yours truely,

holding his pants while he is typing this

Dear Skinny:

You've got two options.

1) Belt. Simple, yet effective. No belt around? I find twine, rope, really really skinny people and string cheese work almost as well, if not better.

2) Eat large amount of fatty and sugary prodcuts. Being a guy this will probably go to your waist and make your pants snugger. I don't really recommend this option, but if you have no twine about, it's the next best thing.

Have fun moshing!

Wishing She Could Go Too
Auntie Jaq
jicama
i think jaq went to study, cheese, but i'll fill in as pseudo aunt.

of course, the obvious answer is to take out the sewing machine and take in the waist, but i don't know about you but i know i can't sew worth a darn, so lets try something that we can all do. eat!
yes cheese, the answer to your quandry is lard. it's cheap, easy to find, and comes in large tubs. buy a bucket or two of those, grab a spoon and start shoveling! you'll start to feel a little gross after the first few spoon fulls, but don't let that stop you! just picture all those people pointing and laughing at you as you scramble to pull your pants back up, let the power of self-conciousness drive you to keep consuming that fatty goodness! and don't let your stomach tell you that it's full either! no sir! tell that whimpy stomach who's boss! you can do it cheese! and when the day of that concert comes, jump around with the confidance that your pants aren't going anywhere!
jicama
oh, you're still here! go on you!
Jaq
When I'm not around, I give permission to Jicama to answer this thread. But I was around dangnabit! Meh. Oh well.
jicama
QUOTE (Sarah the Spider @ Apr 28 2003, 02:57 AM)
Dear Auntie Jaq,

The Sarah is a loser and has made a similar thread. Will you destroy her home with atomic beavers?

xoxo
The Loser

PS-I'm drunk, I need a leg...

dear drunk with a leg shortage

atomic beavers?! jaq has atomic beavers and didn't tell me?! ohmy.gif

well, jaq isn't gonna be around for the rest of the evening, and in all likely hood we'll be partying tomorrow as we will both be starting our summer vacations. so as they say "when the cat's away the spiders will play!" ...though really i think jaq has more of a dogish personality- cats are so blecky. but i digress. does jaq mind? i doubt it. she likes answering peoples problems in her unique discombobulating way, but it would appear that their are more than enough problems to go around! laugh.gif so go ahead and give people a piece of your mind! perhaps if more people set up agony theads, the agony aunts and uncle will specialize?

from the one and only pseudo auntie jaq.
Jonman
QUOTE (jicama @ Apr 28 2003, 03:27 AM)
so go ahead and give people a piece of your mind! perhaps if more people set up agony theads, the agony aunts and uncle will specialize?

from the one and only pseudo auntie jaq.

I bagsie problems involving attracting or de-attracting boys, starchy foodstuffs, fish and fish related triva, and spoons (including spooning).

So there.
MAtt
QUOTE (Jonman @ Apr 28 2003, 10:25 AM)
QUOTE (jicama @ Apr 28 2003, 03:27 AM)
so go ahead and give people a piece of your mind!  perhaps if more people set up agony theads, the agony aunts and uncle will specialize?

from the one and only pseudo auntie jaq.

I bagsie problems involving attracting or de-attracting boys, starchy foodstuffs, fish and fish related triva, and spoons (including spooning).

So there.

ha
Jaq
I call dream analysis, rodent infestation and related school problems.
Pikasyuu
Dear Auntie Jaq --
I think I'm at two-hundred. Go me. No. I don't have a question. Well, besides why the AZ tea cans are green. That irks me.

-- syuu
Jaq
QUOTE (syuu @ Apr 29 2003, 12:41 AM)
Dear Auntie Jaq --
I think I'm at two-hundred. Go me. No. I don't have a question. Well, besides why the AZ tea cans are green. That irks me.

-- syuu

Dear Syuu -

The AZ cans are green because they hate you. It's as simple as that. They know instinctively that you hate green or at least that shade of gren and so that's the colour that they are. This is the same for all people, the AZ cans are the colour that people hate the most and somehow we've all agreed to cal the colour that we hate the most green. If you ask any other person what colour the AZ cans are they will say green of course, but their green might be your orange or purple or brown. It's all part of the philosophical wonder that makes up my boredom.

Auntie Jaq.
SuperKathoid
Dear Jaq,

I'm a member of this online forums, called Matazone. And there's this guy, gerbilfromhell, and he is awesome. Do you think you could possibly set us up??

Thanks for whatever you can do,
Sincerly,
In Love With The Devil
Jaq
QUOTE (SuperKathoid @ Apr 29 2003, 10:55 PM)
Dear Jaq,

I'm a member of this online forums, called Matazone. And there's this guy, gerbilfromhell, and he is awesome. Do you think you could possibly set us up??

Thanks for whatever you can do,
Sincerly,
In Love With The Devil

Dear Devil Worshiper:

Well, although I've never been a matchmaker on the boards I have dabbled here and there in real life. I don't know too much about you, but if you think that Gerbil From Hell will be a good match for you, I'd be more than happy to set it up!
ATTN: GERBIL FROM HELL There's this super great girl that wants to get set up with you. Her name is SuperKathoid and she thinks you're just swell. So, what do you say?

Okay SuperKathoid, I've done what I can. Now we can only sit back and let nature take it's course.

A Jorb Well Done
Auntie Jaq
SuperKathoid
laugh.gif A good Jaooerob indeed
Jaq
QUOTE (SuperKathoid @ Apr 29 2003, 11:06 PM)
laugh.gif A good Jaooerob indeed

thank you!

I do me best..
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