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The Other Side forums - suitable for mature readers! > The Other Side forums > Daft
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Jonman
In line with Mr Fuzzy's well researched and factually based reports that Mata eats kittens, I feel that it's about time that other darker aspects of his character come to light as well.

I'll start the ball rolling.

I have incontrovertible evidence that not only was Mata responsible for the murders in London attributed to Jack the Ripper, but also singlehandedly caused the extinction of the dinosaurs, and has also been photographed playing golf using mice in place of golf balls.
Forever Unknown
Show us this evidence, oh Great One.


Mata's real name is Betty, y'know...
dancing hamster guy
mata made it rain while i was walking to college
Forever Unknown
Mata is a salesperson for MacDonalds and often gets awarded 'Employee of the Month' for his good work with preservatives.
dancing hamster guy
mata rang me up and tried to sell me double glazing
smallcuteanddeadly
QUOTE (Mata @ Sep 23 2004, 03:53 PM)
Give me blood! Blood I tell you! Blooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood!

it's fun to bay for blood occasionally (especially when I've not eaten a puppy for a while).


*



Mata is deranged and eats puppies ohmy.gif
dancing hamster guy
puppies and hamsters
smallcuteanddeadly
QUOTE (dancing hamster guy @ Sep 24 2004, 10:33 AM)
puppies and hamsters
*


Nah I think we established it was kittens that ate hamsters. I've had puppies and they don't eat hamsters. Seriously. You're safe.

[/spam]
dancing hamster guy
i sure do hope so
Forever Unknown
But Mata does boil hamsters and sells them to hobos. Mr Fuzzy has four. Mata got confused that day...
Pixelgoth
If ever a thread was made for Daft it's this one! laugh.gif

Mata likes to randomly make people jump while they are eating MacDonalds too! dry.gif
smallcuteanddeadly
QUOTE (Forever Unknown @ Sep 24 2004, 10:54 AM)
But Mata does boil hamsters and sells them to hobos. Mr Fuzzy has four. Mata got confused that day...
*


My bad DHG. I guess you're screwed after all. laugh.gif
the lil' pie fairy
Someone once said he has an arsenal of small pygmies in a small dark cupboard somewhere. He keeps them starved so they tear the flesh off the victims more effectively when released ph34r.gif
nordelen
i heard that Mata is often seen wearing a pink suit that has green pin-stripes.
i also heard that he dresses up like Blanche from the "golden girls" on a regular basis.
dancing hamster guy
i don't want to be boiled
someone help me!!!
Hobbes
Best. Thread. Ever. biggrin.gif

p.s. Mata is battery-powered
Forever Unknown
QUOTE
Best. Thread. Ever.


Agreed.


Mata dresses up like Santa Claus and sells crack to small children.


Is that too sordid....?
Pixelgoth
QUOTE (Forever Unknown @ Sep 24 2004, 12:35 PM)
QUOTE
Best. Thread. Ever.


Agreed.


Mata dresses up like Santa Claus and sells crack to small children.


Is that too sordid....?
*



Yes *shakes head from side to side*

Oh dear *leaves thread in disgust at FU*

tongue.gif
Mata
*sobs* It's all true... Except for the bit about the kittens. I feed the hampsters to the kittens, the kittens to the puppies and then eat the puppies.
Hobbes
QUOTE (Mata @ Sep 24 2004, 12:43 PM)
*sobs* It's all true... Except for the bit about the kittens. I feed the hampsters to the kittens, the kittens to the puppies and then eat the puppies.
*


It's the gerbils I feel sorry for.
Jaq
Don't forget the fact that you put sugar in the popemobile's gas tank.
Forever Unknown
QUOTE
*sobs* It's all true... Except for the bit about the kittens. I feed the hampsters to the kittens, the kittens to the puppies and then eat the puppies.


You're a bad bad man.
Snugglebum the Destroyer
He's really my father and has disowned me beacuse he doesn't want to share the millions of pounds he makes from his animations.
Spacehappy
Mata was the one that taught me how to kick puppies.
Forever Unknown
That means he's my father too...
Righteous
I once saw videographic evidence of Mata mugging an old woman while dressed in a giant badger suit.

Also, his nose is prosthetic and in fact made out of cheese. He lost his real nose in a knitting accident.
dancing hamster guy
mata doesn't actually exist it is just a robot that pretends to be him
Righteous
QUOTE (dancing hamster guy @ Sep 24 2004, 08:57 AM)
mata doesn't actually exist it is just a robot that pretends to be him
*

That explains so much.
Snugglebum the Destroyer
QUOTE
That means he's my father too...


I think he spawned evey single Matazonian... wink.gif
LoLo
Mata says he's working on his thesis, but in reality he spends his time in a dark basement working on his evil experimentation. This experiment is so diabolical that I'm almost too scared to post about it but I will for the sake of athletic kiddies everywhere. What he's doing is to make little robotic tops of athletic trophies that when a child who wins one of these trophies goes to sleep, it comes alive and attacks the child. Imagine the damage one of those little hockey sticks on a hockey trophy could do. Oh the horror.

What do you have against athletic kids Mata? huh.gif
sjwt
Herd that someone said to soandso that mata was seen reading a letter that contained a sugestion that maybe he might acctaly be an alien.
Forever Unknown
QUOTE
I think he spawned evey single Matazonian...


Dear Mata/Daddy,

1) You have missed 20 of my birthdays (you're lucky you caught the last one, else I'd have considered a law suit of some sort). You've also missed 20 Christmases. I look forward to your kind remittance in due course.

2) What have you been doing to my mother?!?!?!?!
Pab
Mata is really Jonothan Umbago Milongo, son of the demised Nigerian ex-minister for petroleum exports. And he needs your help.
Righteous
Yes, Pab. All he needs is a deposit of $800 US to transfer all of his millions from Nigeria to the States where he will give you a significant cut of said millions.
froggle-rock
My next door neighbour told me that her son's teacher's pet's vet's ex-wife's toy boy saw Mata having afternoon tea with George Bush.
Pab
QUOTE (funked)out_frog @ Sep 24 2004, 07:17 PM)
My next door neighbour told me that her son's teacher's pet's vet's ex-wife's toy boy saw Mata having afternoon tea with George Bush.
*



Ò·Ó

YOU BETTER HAVE SOME ANSWERS TRAITOOOOORRRRRRRRR
CommieBastard


Mata told this baby the truth about Santa Claus.



Mata was singlehandedly responsible for the construction, emplacement and operation of the Death Star.
ravein
*Walks in wearing a muumuu and bedroom shoes*
These are Mata's illegitimate children


We are waiting for our child support check Mata!! Look how your babies are sleeping! We can't even afford beds! They have to sleep in the old boots you left behind when you took everything and left! I have to kill large rats so they can have clothes! You could at least buy the babies some formula! You could at least drop off some diapers!! You NEED to keep selling them t-shirts so the children can eat! You.. sorry no good… YOU DON’T LOVE YOUR CHILDREN!!!!!!!
Polocrunch
I heard that Mata told Susie that she was real pretty when he took her to the burger bar on Thursday, but the next morning he told everyone that her teeth were wonky. Then, when Susie went to cry in the toilet, him and Jamie stood around laughing and telling jokes about how fat she was.

He also flicked mud at Mrs Telford on the school trip and blamed Jason for it. And Jason doesn't even have hands.
Sir Psycho Sexy
QUOTE (nordelen @ Sep 24 2004, 12:50 PM)
i heard that Mata is often seen wearing a pink suit that has green pin-stripes.
*


nonsense, mata has much better colour co-ordination than that!

Mata has many failed genetic experiments floating in jars of goop in his house (I've been there and saw them, claimed it was dinner tongue.gif), though he has had some successes, though Mr Fuzzy has yet to turn into an evil super creature he hasn't turnen into a big puddle of slime either
Polocrunch
Mata's name is Ellen at weekends.


Yes, that's right. He is the lesbian comedian, Ellen. And he writes all his own material too - don't listen to the New York Times!
Ashbless
Mata's the one responsible for the absolute gorgeous days that you observe from work the day after your rainy holiday. I think I heard that he does it with some sort of rays.
Faerieryn
Mata doesn't make up his animations, they are beamed to him via a secret spy satalite.... and if you play the latest little goth girl backwards you can clearly hear the words to "hit me baby one more time" and the theme tune to "Fraggle Rock" (no wonder everyone is singing it)
Forever Unknown
Mata used to moonlight as Scary Spice.

You ever seen them in a room together? Nooooo....
Hobbes
QUOTE (Forever Unknown @ Sep 24 2004, 01:33 PM)
That means he's my father too...
*


Mata's my mother!
And he has buttons on his stomach so you can use him as a cellular phone.
froggle-rock
Mata drank the last of the orange juice and put the caton back in the fridge.

-And I heard from my sister's friend's father's minister's gardener's web designer's assistant's mate who lives in Madagascar that Mata was overhead saying that he didn't ever want to know who his athletic offspring are! *gasp*
The.Wheezing.Ghost
J.Lo didn't make the song "Jenny from the Block." popular, Mata did! he really sang the song...J.Lo just appeared in videos....she was his cover up! He wasn't ready for the world to know about his sexy feminine singing voice.
Ashbless
Mata's hired sirens to sing subaudibly on the Matazone forums. It's why we all keep getting lured back again and again. Those who don't post much get given to the sirens to eat - really.
Polocrunch
Mata once strangled a baby with his bare hands as a dare. He then killed three more young children just because he liked it. People, this is a sick, sick man we're dealing with.
Mata
Humpf. Anyone got any nice rumours about me?
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