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The Other Side forums - suitable for mature readers! _ Creations _ A New Poem

Posted by: PsychWardMike Apr 23 2005, 04:09 PM

(Criticism welcomed and requested.)

This poetic pretension is killing me!
God knows I've got an affinity for all infinity
But this poetic pride is robbing poetry of its dire earned dignity.
And these dark demons in neon mohagany woodworks
Wreak darkness on a light starved globe
While all I can do is sit back with a drink that I could only wish was as stiff as those pricks
And bitch

Fuck man! fuck this!
I don't know who I am
Or maybe I do,
But that don't matter
Because I know that light and love DO exist
And they're here around me, circling me in my constant halo
And that nirvana and heaven
Are both in a North Jersey Cafe
As I'm sitting surrounded by my surrogate sisters
And Beatnick Blood Brothers
And my Friday night Fantasy Family

And goddamn 'cause all I can do and all I can say is that
Life is Viewtiful
And on our crazy little fucked up world,
I'm enjoying my stay

So gimme a shine
'Cause on this track 42 Choo Choo,
I'm hitching a ride to God knows where,
But I know what!

Beauty, bitch, Beauty.

Posted by: Apollyon Apr 29 2005, 03:39 AM

That was great. I like your metaphors, although for the second time today I'm not quite sure what imagery is trying to say.

That aside, there is still powerful emotion flowing through this poem, and it also has great phrasing and rhythm. Great! biggrin.gif

Oh, and by the way, what is Viewtiful???

Posted by: PsychWardMike Apr 29 2005, 05:17 AM

Viewty, true viewty:

and more specifically...



Posted by: Greeneyes Apr 30 2005, 09:39 PM

Odd how his V-watch only appears when he looks at it, isn't it? A bit like The Simpsons, really...


Posted by: PsychWardMike Apr 30 2005, 10:59 PM

Heh. Yup. A bit odd, but you know what? I don't care... I be a fanboy! laugh.gif

...Now, what of the poem?

Posted by: LPScythe May 19 2005, 05:46 PM

I like it. Certainly has a certain beat. Good thought in it.

Personally, I prefer less of a quick beat, but that's simply my opinion. not exactly criticism.

But I am VERY happy to say that this is the first non-emo poem I have read for a longtime.

Posted by: PsychWardMike May 20 2005, 01:43 AM

I don't do emo. Don't wory about that.

Posted by: pgrmdave Oct 13 2005, 10:04 PM


It's not great, it's not terrible.

I don't like the:

I don't know who I am
Or maybe I do,

But I can't really say why, it just seems...unnecessary to me.

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