Fun, Fun. (slight Sarcasm There), an abbrievated version Options

[believe]

Its little odd to post this, as I don't really believe in 'burdening people'. But I shall keep it short to compensate. Its just an interesting time in my life. I came down after my grandmother died and stayed to help out. My brother, his recovering drug addict wife and their children (1, 4 and 6) had moved in with my parents. My mother doesn't enjoy the best of health and doing daycare. While there's been some nice moments, its also a close up view of a marriage disintregrating. Interesting from a psychological point of view, but frusterating too. Chance after chance to repair or fix it ignored, until the divorce they didn't want is happening. To add the fun.. Jen isn't just a recovering drug addict, she's a manic depressive and possibly borderline with traumas. Somehow, I fear for custory battles. On the bright side, I have a better idea of what not to do when married.

[sjbbandgeek]

The main concern I see here are the young children. If the parents can't get their act together, the children will suffer for the rest of their lives.

[believe]

heh. Their mother is essentially a child herself. I'm told that people with drug addictions often have similiar mindsets and the me centered world views. It changes with time, but as young as they are, its hard to feel we have that time. The little four year has troubling anxiety issues already >_o

[Mata]

I kow it's a strange attitude, but put the parents first. Children are remarkably resilient, and I think that helping the adults even a little bit will help parents enormously.

Like I say, kids are very resilient. When I think about the things that people all over the world go through and still end up as sane adults capable of living happy and mature lives... It amazes me.

Oh, and when I say 'look after the adults' I'm also including you in that. I've got a lot of respect for you. You've shown yourself to be an intelligent, fluent, and very interesting person, who is always prepared to find your limits and push yourself to expand beyond them. You've got a lot of great qualities, and so I really hope that you keep your head clear through all this. You've got my thoughts with you. I know it can't be easy, but I'm sure that everyone you've talked to on here has been impressed by you and wishes you the best, especially when your family is going through difficult times.

Wasn't it The Pilgrim's Progress where the pilgrims shared their burden and found that Jesus was walking with them although they didn't recognise him? Trust me, you're not burdening us, and if you want to talk about things in your life then we're all happy to listen. We won't always have anything to say other than offering our hopes for improvement, but that doesn't mean we're not wishing you all the best that we can.

[believe]

Hm. I think thats true to a point certainly. They're all interconnected and helping of the above to a better place tends to improve the quality of life. Especially as the parents have far more power to arrange for it.

You're likely more forgiving than I. After watching them refuse the simple things that might have saved it time and time again, its hard for me to put the parents first. Or want too. There's more hope for kids in a few senses. I could just be feeling bitter today though. I'll try though and thanks. I try to keep that in mind. That I went through this, they will too and they'll be fine. Or as close as we can manage.

Aw. ._. Thank you. I've really enjoyed my visits, a big part of that due to you. I've rarely meet a person so genuinely open to everything -and- consistently nice. Without large quantities of beer being involved anyway. And I'll be okay. I haven't lost that childlike resilience yet. I'll get through this fine and keep my head on mostly straight. Thank you for the concern. It does help.

Hm. I'd have to reread The Pilgrim's Progress, but likely. And I agree with it on principle. I just don't think its a gift that should be abused. I'll try to post more though, should it help. Thanks again.

[Jonman]

Dunno if I can offer any good advice, but having witnessed my brother's divorce, and subsequent problems with his bonkers ex-wife, I wish your family all the luck in the world. I've seen divorces where both parents are rational adults, and they seem to have reasonable functional, if segregated, family lives. A divorce where one parent is not a rational grown-up can get very very messy very very quickly.

I'm going to contradict Mata's advice - make of that what you will. Shelter the kids from as much of the heartache as you can. Don't lie to them - if they ask questions, answer them honestly, but diplomatically. Treat the kids with respect, and don't badmouth the parents in front of them.

By all means do whatever you can to help out the parents, but, resiliant as the kids are, they're at the mercy of the adults in their lives. Try and be as supportive of them as you can.

Jonman out.

[believe]

I'm leaning toward your view, Jonman. Though thats probably as much being out of patience with stupidity is anything, but hey. You've both taken all the good points, so I just wanted to say thank you for the advice. We're all doing what we can for both parties and hopefully, that will end up being enough.