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> Not the best Poem ever, but i try, please tell me your opiniions
torn love notes
post Aug 27 2005, 04:36 AM
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every breath you take, every moment you are alive,i cry, for i can not be with you, I gaze upon your face witha smile, yet I am crying my heart is being crushed every second I'm, with, without you, I am hopeless.These tears that seem to come from satan, come from you.Why? Is it that your purpose is to give me a death that is not achievable by anyone else? Such a beautiful face, such a beautiful soul.AS I REalize your intentions are pure, I begin to hate you even more, I START TO LOVE you uncontrolably


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Kitty
post Sep 6 2005, 03:06 AM
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Erm.... its not written as a poem.... It really really sounds like prose and is written in a prose format. Other than that, you portray the emotions pretty well which is good.


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torn love notes
post Sep 16 2005, 11:14 PM
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WHEN I GAVE IT TO HER.... SHE STARTED CRYING TEARS OF JOY, AND SHE JUMPED IN MY ARMS, SO ALL IS WELL


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little_bear
post Sep 16 2005, 11:18 PM
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I could have written a short novel by this point
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QUOTE (torn love notes @ Sep 17 2005, 12:14 AM)
WHEN I GAVE IT TO HER.... SHE STARTED CRYING TEARS OF JOY, AND SHE JUMPED IN MY ARMS, SO ALL IS WELL
*

TYPING IN CAPITALS MEANS PEOPLE WILL LISTEN TO YOU MORE.

AND THAT'S SCIENCE.


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torn love notes
post Sep 16 2005, 11:20 PM
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Woops, i didn't notice i did that.

BUT IT GOT YOUR ATENTION SO IT ROCKS


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little_bear
post Sep 16 2005, 11:22 PM
Post #6


I could have written a short novel by this point
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Anyway, dude, your poem is really bad. Go away, get a pen & paper, and write an 'original' love poem. Try and avoid clichés about the heart n' stuff. Yeah.


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torn love notes
post Sep 16 2005, 11:30 PM
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You see, i don't realy mind harsh constructive critisism, but that was just seiously unneeded. Thanks buddy.

"yOUR POEM IS RELAY BAD." PSH


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Where'd the cheese go?
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What is life but a death sentence waiting to be completed?
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voices_in_my_hea...
post Sep 17 2005, 02:09 AM
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It was kind of difficult to read without any paticuler(sp?) format.

You seem to be showing Emotions really well in your poem, though. And that, to me at least, is one of the most important things!

QUOTE
You see, i don't realy mind harsh constructive critisism, but that was just seiously unneeded. Thanks buddy.

It's nice to know that you didn't reply with the normal
"WAT iZ yOuRr PrObELM??//" That most people seem to respond with. biggrin.gif


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torn love notes
post Sep 18 2005, 01:39 AM
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Yes, Yes the american poet society seemed to enjoy it. I won $300 off of that poem. I didn't want to eneter,because i thought it would be a sell out of me, but i did anyways because my family needed the money.


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What is life but a death sentence waiting to be completed?
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voices_in_my_hea...
post Sep 18 2005, 02:25 AM
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If my woman were a fire...
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I don't think that's selling out at all! If your family needed the money, that was just amazingly kind of you.

Now, if you sell your poem to Hershey Chocolate for a commercial jingle..... then you can consider the "sell out" point of view. biggrin.gif


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Her dignity shone so bright like a light on a hill
and she burned for me, no other man came near her flame.
Bad country songs - the deafening twang of the rich white kid blues.
You can own the strange, but the lights and glares will not make you real.
Go to the top of the page
 
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Dige
post Sep 20 2005, 06:59 PM
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I was reading this and I was wondering, how can I contact The American Poet Society? I really do like to read poetry, and it would be interesting to look into it. I ran a few searchs for them, and came with nothing under that name. All I did find was a scam going under the name American Poets Society.


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torn love notes
post Sep 24 2005, 01:23 AM
Post #12


Worrying
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My reading teacher is int it.Not much I can do to help you. unsure.gif


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Where'd the cheese go?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What is life but a death sentence waiting to be completed?
Go to the top of the page
 
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