losing my mind?, Hurting. Emotionally. Options

[Quoth(The Raven)]

I have suffered depression, angsiety and sadness all my life. I suffered most of my life, then began counseling and drug therapy, and most of the pain lifted. I left my last job three years ago, fired for emotional problems. Since then, I've felt a bit better, still. Now, I'm disabled.

A few months ago, the nightmares started, again. I can't sleep through the night, and the bad dreams are getting more frightening and more bizarre, as they go. Various government agencies still have me jumping through hoops over my disability, and I wound up blowing up, emotionally, over one of these... If they're going to ask for a document, why the H*ll don't they read it, instead of asking me for another document that says essentially the same thing?

Then, my stepfather aggravated me, again, and i blew up... again. I'm tired, angry, sad... the nightmares keep coming. I try to write, and my own charachters are wringing tears from me, with their pathetic little plights... and the things I have them going through aren't all that bad... What am I doing to myself?

I'm tired, and feeling sad about the Flying Mice, in the Matabar... all they want out of life is cookies... and they're willing to work hard for them... Seriously, when I wrote about the poor mice going to Arthur asking... practically begging... for a chance to earn their cookies... I started crying, feeling sorry for them!

I am due to see my doctor, Monday, anyway, about my medication and I think it's not a moment too soon...

Thanks for listening...

[silvermoon]

*hugs* Sorry to hear you're not feeling so great. Good thing you're seeing your doctor soon, hopefully he will be able to help. I'm afraid I can't offer any advice aside from that. If you ever want to talk, feel free to message me. I've been told I'm a pretty good listener. Hope you get to feeling better!

[Astarael]

I'm glad you're going to see your doctor soon. Maybe he can give something to help you feel better. I know that government bureaucracy doesn't make any sense, but maybe they'll do something useful for you eventually. Try getting a little more sleep if you're able to. Sometimes when you're tired your emotional control is bad and you can't think straight. It may not help much, but sleep is good for you anyway. Try drinking a bit of milk before you go to sleep. That always keeps me from having nightmares and it helps me get to sleep faster. *hugs* People here at Matazone are here if you want to talk or rant.

[Quoth(The Raven)]

Thanks. My emotions are still pretty close to the surface, and I'm tired all the time, from being forced awake by nightmares, but I'm holding it together, I think... I find that I sleep better in daylight than at night... i don't know why...

Well, gotta head to bed; early morning, tomorrow... and at least three nightmares (Average) to get through before then.... *Sigh* wish me luck...

[Ashbless]

How was your doctor's appointment? Hope it went well.

Have you tried writing down the nightmares into a dream journal and then when you dream it again just say aloud "Hey, I've already written you down so you can go away now." I have no idea if it will work. Just a thought.

*Hugs* Hope life starts treating you well again soon. Tired is hard.

The flying mice are welcome to work in Matabar anytime for their cookies. They excerise the flying cats by playing tag with 'em.

[Quoth(The Raven)]

Thanks!


Well i was doing better, but after that Pizza I had for supper, I seem to have developed a case of indigestion. And this close to bedtime... oog. That can't bode well, for sleep... Still, I did find out that something was wrong with one of my meds, which have been swapped out for new... They were smelling strongly of sulfer, so I knew something was wrong... So far, no monsters, but no peace yet, either... I still wake up feeling worse than when I went to bed, and the dreams still disturb me, but are far more subtle... We're still adjusting my meds... *Sigh*

[Fluffy]

I wish you well. It must be horrible going through all of that. However, even though living on is as painful as it is wonderful, one must remember that things can and will get better. That just as there is no doubt that despair will strike us, that it is also definite that the flower of hope will bloom in us again, as long as we live. For, we would not be alive without hope; we would merely give up and drown to death in our own sorrow. I know that my attempt to comfort you probably won't help very much, if at all; for, I, literally, can hardly comprehend your situation. But, as I've said, I wish you well, and that, my friend, is all the help I can offer.

[silvermoon]

It's good to hear you're doing better, if not well. I really wish I could be of more help, but like the others in the thread, I have no experience at all with this. Hopefully getting the meds straightened out will help. Good luck! My thoughts and prayers are with you!

[Quoth(The Raven)]

I wish you well.  It must be horrible going through all of that.  However, even though living on is as painful as it is wonderful, one must remember that things can and will get better.  That just as there is no doubt that despair will strike us, that it is also definite that the flower of hope will bloom in us again, as long as we live.  For, we would not be alive without hope; we would merely give up and drown to death in our own sorrow.  I know that my attempt to comfort you probably won't help very much, if at all; for, I, literally, can hardly comprehend your situation.  But, as I've said, I wish you well, and that, my friend, is all the help I can offer.

Sometimes a kind word is the best medicine... Thanks!

[Quoth(The Raven)]

It's good to hear you're doing better, if not well. I really wish I could be of more help, but like the others in the thread, I have no experience at all with this. Hopefully getting the meds straightened out will help. Good luck! My thoughts and prayers are with you!

It's all about brain chemistry. Mine is screwed up. But that's what the meds are for. Besides, if I wasn't who I was, I wouldn't be who I am, and, whoever I am tomorrow depends on who I am, now, if that makes any sense. .... Everything, even Pain, serves a purpose, if we can but see it...

[{Gothic Angel}]

It's good to hear you're doing better, if not well. I really wish I could be of more help, but like the others in the thread, I have no experience at all with this. Hopefully getting the meds straightened out will help. Good luck! My thoughts and prayers are with you!

It's all about brain chemistry. Mine is screwed up. But that's what the meds are for. Besides, if I wasn't who I was, I wouldn't be who I am, and, whoever I am tomorrow depends on who I am, now, if that makes any sense. .... Everything, even Pain, serves a purpose, if we can but see it...

Considering you've given me some seriously good advice, made me laugh countless times and provided some pretty damn good arguments in issues, I wouldn't say theres anything "screwed up" with your brain chemistry. It may not be perfect, but who is? And even real life nightmares have to have a morning someday

[funky fairy]

I have down days too, its like a black cloud hovering over your head and no one elses!

I come on the tinternet and I always cheer up!

[bikerroc]

If kind words can help, I wish you all the best in the kind world. I do not have any experience of what you are suffering but my thoughts and prayers are with you. I've got big ears too so anything you want to share, I'm here to listen.
Lots of love and cyberhugs

[Quoth(The Raven)]

At the moment, I feel a bit like the narrator in Edger Allen Poe's "The Raven", reading portents and hidden meanings into the things around me... meanings that aren't necesarily there, and I feel a bit alone,and frightened...

Still, there's always Matazone, and I thank you for all the kind words... they do help...

[silvermoon]

Good to hear we can help! And I agree completely with {Gothic Angel}, you're hardly what I'd call screwed up. You're really great at coming up with storylines and things like that, those are always lots of fun to read. If it weren't almost 2 in the morning, I'm sure I could come up with a lot more. And remember, we're all here for you. You mean so much to a lot of us here. Hopefully you'll start feeling better soon! Much love!

[Astarael]

From what I've seen of your posts, you aren't screwed up any more than the rest of the people who post here. You give great advice to people and have interesting perspectives on loads of different issues. I really hope that you feel better soon. When everything creeps you out, try to look forward to your talks with friends and the people here. We're always ready to listen and talk. Best wishes and... *gives Quoth lots of hugs and some fresh cookies*
Not to be terribly off topic, but I like your new avatar!

[Quoth(The Raven)]

Well, the night before last, I dreamed I was attacked by a CPR dummy that bore a striking resemblence to Chris Rock...

Last night, and well into this morning, I was back in high school... The Archies, Superman, and a Goth valentine's day (Deep, dark, purple and Burgandy Glitter hearts everywhere... Brrr.) made appearances, superman making a PSA about violence while he was about. There were also subplots about an clueless athelete, and a brainy black kid who was on the wrong track... No monsters, but, Goddess! to be stuck in a bad (And bizarre) after school special all night... gah!

Well, at least my nightmares are original, I'll give 'em that...

*Sigh* What I wouldn't give for a good nights sleep... I'm dying, here...

[silvermoon]

Sorry to hear the nightmares still aren't giving you much peace. Is your doctor doing anything to help? I suppose something like that would take time, though. Hang in there, hopefully things will be getting better for you! *many hugs*

[Marriegold]

I can't offer any advice. I hope it gets better after seeing the doctor soon. All I can say is that we are all here for you and there is always some one around if you just want to talk, post whenever you feel the need to. Hope it all works out

*Hugs*

It's not my place to say but I went through a very long process of teaching my self to controll my own dreams but that is purely because I am into supperstion and I am moving onto astral projection but I found it really hard to do this.
Don't know why I just felt I had to type that sorry ignore that. I appoligise. Sorry.

[Quoth(The Raven)]

Recently, I've learned that the anger is still with me. You know the equation, I suppose? Fear leads to anger, anger unexpressed fossilises into depression...

I still have a lot of unexpressed anger. If I have offended any of you the last couple of weeks, I'm truly sorry. I should really just stay away from debates. They make me crazy. so, I'm taking a step back... and once again devote myself to the lighter threads of daft, for awhile...

Thanks, everyone...