My mom thinks I'm funny...., A tale of trying to move Options

[The Travis]

Movin' movin' movin'...

Hello there people, children, and people who eat children, it is good see you. What have you been up to? My roommates and I have been attempting to move. I say “attempting” because it hasn’t been going well. What’s that you say? You want a highly exaggerated and humorous tale of my misery? Sounds like a date, you silly people.

First and foremost I need you to remember that all we were doing was move upstairs and across the hall. Same apartment company, complex, and building. It was literally a 25 foot move, and somehow they turned it into one big pain in the neck of my next neck’s neck. Neck.

Problem 1- Moving date



The office is where our lease is kept under high security (read: sitting in a pile by the garbage). Our lease states the last day that we are allowed in the old apartment or as I like to call it “The Death Freezer”. My roommate and I had been taking turns calling and going into the office to find out when we could start moving into the new apartment. This went on for a few weeks. They kept saying they would call us the next morning with the information, but I guess they were just too busy trying to eat their own heads or whatever the hell they do down there. Finally I went in there wearing my big boy pants and my bad girl skirt, and demanded justice. The lady behind the front desk looked like someone had set her face on fire and then put it out the next day using a rake. She may not have been good looking but at least she was extremely stupid. She talked a little slower than I digest food, and this is what she told me:

“So uh... you wanna... like... know.. uh... when you can .... you know, move? Ok... let me just uhhh... ahhhhhhhhh.... check on .... you know, that.” She picked up a walkie-talkie and said “Base to Housekeeping.” Then there was a long pause followed by a longer pause. “Base to Housekeeping.”

“Kjzzzz ffffllll mnnnnzzzz” was the response she got.

“Yeah... I uhhhh.... errr is F 4 ready for.... people to .... you know, occupy?”

Long pause followed by “Thrrrrvvvv ngggggzzz psszzzzz kkkkkkkhhhh eeeennggggggg firp.”

“Ok... well I guess.... uhhh ahhhh..... the air conditioner is... uhhh you know, busted. It must.... uh be... the... conditioner, because we ...ahhh... have... you know, air. It’ll ahhhh... probably be another... you know, week.” I asked if we could start moving things in sooner so we wouldn’t have to do it all at once. “Uhhhhh ahhhhhh errr AHHHH AHHHHHHHHHH... you know, sure.”

“So are we going to be able to stay in our old apartment until the new... one..... are you chewing on your keyboard?” She then make a Chewbacca-like growl, and I ran home crying.

Problem 2- THE SKY IS FALLING!

Problem 3- The new apartment.



Have you ever been walked into a tin crap-house on a hot day? That’s what it was like when we first entered our “new” apartment. There wasn’t so much a floor as much as a few boards glued to the support beams of the apartment below us. They gave us a damage report to fill out on the new apartment, here are a few of the problems we had-

Large Bedroom- Missing a wall.

Medium Bedroom- Does not exist.

Small Bedroom- Just a closet, and there’s a very rude raccoon living in there.

Kitchen- On fire.

Bathroom- No toilet, just a bowl on the floor and a sign that says “Stand close, it’s smaller than you think.”

Windows- Covered in what appears to be blood and vomit.

Living Room- Spacious and well lit.

Dining Room- There’s half of a car in there.

Door- Covered in bullet holes and lewd comments about my mother.

Calling this place a hell-hole would be like saying that projectile-bleeding from your eyes is kind of a bummer. My roommate got cancer from touching the light switch and his friend went insane just from going crazy in the bathroom. Wait, what?

All in all, I’d say that moving sucks and so does my apartment. But neither suck half as much as this story, so I’m going to stop typing right abo

[gothictheysay]

*applause*

I think you're going to be making a few friends here.

Although, he's my IRC noob, you hear? He wandered in one day and we linked 'im here.

[The Travis]

*applause*

I think you're going to be making a few friends here.

Although, he's my IRC noob, you hear? He wandered in one day and we linked 'im here.

I'm mindhugging you so hard right now.

[Astarael]

It's a newbie who comes with the correct spelling and writing skills built in! Praise Nuggan! *dances with happiness*
*claps* Highly amusing. If you weren't adopted and I wasn't too lazy, I might try to grab you. Anyway, make yourself at home and merge with the insanity. It's too late to tape you, as you didn't go to Introductions to start a thread, but welcome anyway!
*fires copper-filtered flamethrower for emphasis and pretty green flames*

[PsychWardMike]

Hah! I've been needing this kid!

Well done.

[The Travis]

It's a newbie who comes with the correct spelling and writing skills built in! Praise Nuggan! *dances with happiness*
*claps* Highly amusing. If you weren't adopted and I wasn't too lazy, I might try to grab you. Anyway, make yourself at home and merge with the insanity. It's too late to tape you, as you didn't go to Introductions to start a thread, but welcome anyway!
*fires copper-filtered flamethrower for emphasis and pretty green flames*

I was properly welcomed in IRC... a few times. I still can't sit comfortably, and I think I got a rash from that tape.

I LOVE YOU GUYS!