 The 12 Point Guide To Netiquette, sound like anyone you know?? |
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 Dec 31 2003, 03:27 PM
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#1
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Technically a giant, intellectual midget.  Group: Established Members Posts: 4,319 Joined: 29-March 03 From: Enger-land Member No.: 197 Gender: Transgender  |
I was looking for something in my room this morning and I came across this little gem of a book, I vaugly remember ripping the wrapping paper off it 6 days ago and putting it to one side to devour an early morning mars bar, well i randomly opened it and found these, i had to giggle at how they reminded me of....someone (n00bs won't remember him). So it is:
Advice for those engaged in a cyberspace flame-war: 1. Make things up about your opponent: It's important to make your lies sound true. Preface your argument with the word "clearly". "Clearly, Fred Flooney is a liar, and a dirtball to boot." 2. Be an armchair psychologist: You're a smart person. You've heard of Freud. You took a psychology course in college. Clearly you're qualified to psychoanalyze your opponent. "Polly Purebread, by using the word 'zucchini' in her posting, shows she has a bad case of penis envy." 3. Cross-post your flames: Everyone on the net is just waiting for the next literary masterpiece to leave your terminal! From the Apple II RoundTable to X-10 Powerhouse RoundTable, they're all holding their breath until your next flame. Therefore, post everywhere. 4. Conspiracies abound: If everyones against you, the reason can't possibly be because you're a sh**head. Theres a conspiracy against you, and you will be doing the whole net a favour by exposing it. 5. Lawsuit threats: [one of my favourites] This is the reverse of Rule #4 (sort of like the ying and yang of flaming). Threatening a lawsuit is always considered to be in good form. "By saying I have posted to the wrong group, Bertha has libeled me, slandered me and sodomized me. See you in court Bertha." 6. Force them to document their claims: Even if Harry Hoinkus states outright that he like tomato sauce on his pasta, you should demand documentation. If Newsweek hasn't written an article on Harry's pasta preference then Harry's obviously lying. 7. Use foriegn phrases: French is good, but latin is the lingua franca of flaming. You should use the words "ad hominem" at least three times per article. Other favourite latin phrases are "ad nauseum", "veni, vidi, vici" and "fettuccini alfredo". 8. Tell 'em how smart you are: Why use intelligent arguments to convince them you're smart when all you have to do is tell them? State you're a member of Mensa, or Mega, or Dorks of America. Tell them the scored you recieved on every exam since highschool. "I got an 800 on my SATs, LSATs, GREs, MCATs, and I can spell the word 'premeiotic'." 9. Accuse your opponent of ceonsorship. It is your right as an American citizen to post whatever the hell you want on the net (as garanteed by the 37th Amendment, I think). Anyone who tries to limit your cross-posting or move your flame war to e-mail is either a communist, a fascist, or both. 10. Doubt their existence: [other of my favourites] You've never actually seen your oppponent, have you? And since you're the center of the universe, you should have seen them by now, shouldn't you? Therefore, THEY DON'T EXIST! This is the beauty of flamers' logic [*cough*] 11. Lie, cheat, steal, leave the toilet seat up. 12. When in doubt, insult: If you forget the other 11 rules, remember this one. At some point during your wonderful career as a flamer you will undoubtedly end up in a flame war with someone who is better that you. This person will expose your lies, tear apart your argument, make you look generally like a bozo. At this point there's only one thing to do: INSULT THE DIRTBAG!!! "Oh yeah? Well, your mother does strange things with vegetables." I hope you have learnt something from this, if not, I hope you had a giggle  As an aside I got this from a book called "E-tales two"....if you're interested 
-------------------- He's a freak of nature, but we love him so.
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Dec 31 2003, 03:50 PM
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#2
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 Kiefer > Jason Group: Admin Posts: 9,698 Joined: 26-February 03 From: UK Member No.: 51 Gender: Female |
That is wonderful and so true! /me Laughs to no end.
--------------------  Being Pimped By Aries Since 2003 |
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Dec 31 2003, 03:51 PM
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#3
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 Is conformity, consumption, and obedience really that bad? Group: New Members Posts: 1,788 Joined: 10-October 03 Member No.: 644 |
Truer words have been spoekn, but those come pretty close.
-------------------- Still around, just lurking.
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Dec 31 2003, 04:22 PM
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#4
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 souped on the beat Group: New Members Posts: 217 Joined: 13-November 03 From: Raleigh, NC Member No.: 712 |
*prints*
thank you for the advice... definitely a good laugh. -------------------- We will start with the firemen, and then the math teachers, and so on in that fashion...
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Dec 31 2003, 04:49 PM
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#5
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 Empowe(red) Group: Established Members Posts: 1,588 Joined: 1-October 03 From: New York Member No.: 614 Gender: Female |
roflmfao
hahahaahhahaahahahaha That was great.... *wipes tears from her eyes and sighs*... you're right - it does remind me of a certain someone
-------------------- Squeaky swings and tall grass
The longest shadows ever cast The water's warm and children swim And we frolicked about in our summer skin Where I roam... |
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Dec 31 2003, 05:20 PM
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#6
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 Candbrush Threepwood Group: Established Members Posts: 5,391 Joined: 28-May 03 From: Derby Member No.: 345 Gender: Female |
QUOTE (Sir_Psycho_Sexy @ Dec 31 2003, 07:26 AM) 5. Lawsuit threats: [one of my favourites] This is the reverse of Rule #4 (sort of like the ying and yang of flaming). Threatening a lawsuit is always considered to be in good form. "By saying I have posted to the wrong group, Bertha has libeled me, slandered me and sodomized me. See you in court Bertha." lmao! Oh god, does that ever remind me of someone. That's super great, SPS. 
-------------------- I love you in a way that is mystical and eternal and illegal in 20 states.
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Dec 31 2003, 05:28 PM
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#7
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 oiled and fried ...like chicken Group: Established Members Posts: 804 Joined: 21-June 03 From: fl, usa Member No.: 407 Gender: Secret |
lol...
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Dec 31 2003, 06:04 PM
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#8
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 Member titles are so overrated. Group: New Members Posts: 115 Joined: 30-December 03 From: Kentucky, United States Member No.: 833 |
lmao!
Its sad to say that that is only too true.
-------------------- I'm too lazy to make a proper sig.
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Dec 31 2003, 07:53 PM
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#9
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 Nobody Expects - THE SPANISH INQUISITION! Group: New Members Posts: 1,289 Joined: 12-October 03 From: Kingston, MA (US) Member No.: 649 |
hmm, someone comes to mind...
very nice, SPS. /me likes -------------------- im now sextastically married to krys (magikeyes)! i love you so so so so soooooo much!///im engaged to liz(edward_lover)!///I LOVE YOU BOTH!!///I am Missy's slave! yay me!///Krys is my loving girlfriend...i love you infathomably with all my heart, mind, body, soul!///killersquirrel is my first noob ever ^_^///Trina(Spiffy) is me ickle sis! ^_^ /me wuvs trina///Shelly(werewolf) is my older sister! be nice! :P///I am engaged to VVes!///Mina(deaq) is me new n00bie! I LOVE YOU, MIAN!///i have three more n00bies; baldricks gherkinator. they are Jen, David, and Sebastian///Jen must be kept away from microwaves at all times. David must be kept near Jen permanently. Sebastian must not be fed peanuts...he prefers walnuts....
YAY FOR POLYGOMY! YAY FOR YOU ACTUALLY BEING BORED ENOUGH TO ENLARGE ALL OF THIS! /\_/\ (\ _ /} i would cry but my tears have been stolen (^.^ ) (='.'=) i would scream but my voice has been taken (U U ) .(")_(") thus i write. (''')(''') kitty attributed to Tigerlily PM me if you are reading ths, i have something to tell you BI PRIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! http://www.webpost.net/ac/acidteardrop/all...ebelongtous.JPG (sorry, that picture's way too big -Commie) |
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Dec 31 2003, 10:21 PM
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#10
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 Only YOU can answer that question! Group: Established Members Posts: 328 Joined: 15-June 03 From: Some where in the back woods of Scranton, PA Member No.: 384 Gender: Female |
*whipes tear from eye* Beautiful. *sniffles* Just beautiful. I Loved it. I'm sending that to all my friends. Weee!
--------------------  |
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Dec 31 2003, 10:32 PM
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#11
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 The Six Train. Group: Established Members Posts: 1,904 Joined: 8-October 03 From: The Bronx, New York City!! Member No.: 636 Gender: Female |
that is hysterical rotfl
-------------------- THE DREAM POLICE. D:
I am proudly e-married to Fluffy, I am honored to be the little sister of Righteous, and Lord of Darness is always on my mind. Smallcuteanddeadly is my noob! Yay! Fear the wrath of my dragon, Lord Baltimore! I am willing to fight; I am a soldier of love. Speaker for the Lost is my e-pimp. Lol. |
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Dec 31 2003, 11:55 PM
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#12
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Nobody Expects - THE SPANISH INQUISITION! Group: New Members Posts: 1,289 Joined: 12-October 03 From: Kingston, MA (US) Member No.: 649 |
can i send it to that person who it reminds me of? oh please oh please?
-------------------- im now sextastically married to krys (magikeyes)! i love you so so so so soooooo much!///im engaged to liz(edward_lover)!///I LOVE YOU BOTH!!///I am Missy's slave! yay me!///Krys is my loving girlfriend...i love you infathomably with all my heart, mind, body, soul!///killersquirrel is my first noob ever ^_^///Trina(Spiffy) is me ickle sis! ^_^ /me wuvs trina///Shelly(werewolf) is my older sister! be nice! :P///I am engaged to VVes!///Mina(deaq) is me new n00bie! I LOVE YOU, MIAN!///i have three more n00bies; baldricks gherkinator. they are Jen, David, and Sebastian///Jen must be kept away from microwaves at all times. David must be kept near Jen permanently. Sebastian must not be fed peanuts...he prefers walnuts....
YAY FOR POLYGOMY! YAY FOR YOU ACTUALLY BEING BORED ENOUGH TO ENLARGE ALL OF THIS! /\_/\ (\ _ /} i would cry but my tears have been stolen (^.^ ) (='.'=) i would scream but my voice has been taken (U U ) .(")_(") thus i write. (''')(''') kitty attributed to Tigerlily PM me if you are reading ths, i have something to tell you BI PRIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! http://www.webpost.net/ac/acidteardrop/all...ebelongtous.JPG (sorry, that picture's way too big -Commie) |
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Jan 1 2004, 12:03 AM
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#13
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Candbrush Threepwood Group: Established Members Posts: 5,391 Joined: 28-May 03 From: Derby Member No.: 345 Gender: Female |
QUOTE (acidteardrop @ Dec 31 2003, 03:54 PM) can i send it to that person who it reminds me of? oh please oh please? You don't need anyone's permission. It isn't copyrighted. It's meant to be forwarded. *EDIT* Oh. Hehe. SPS got it from a book. So, it is copyrighted. But still, I doubt anyone would mind if you shared it with one person.
-------------------- I love you in a way that is mystical and eternal and illegal in 20 states.
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Jan 1 2004, 12:39 AM
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#14
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 Don't you just love hot water bottles? Group: New Members Posts: 2,606 Joined: 21-March 03 From: York University Member No.: 160 Gender: Female |
woooohoooo!!!
genius. yes. genius! -------------------- It's not so bad being trendy, everyone who looks like me is my friend...
SHINY... Freshers Flu is a buttmunch. |
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