One Hell Of A Major Problemo, or, more accurately...ARGH Options

[the lil' pie...]

ok...you guys never let me down before, and i really need you all today *pleads with eyes*

ok. from the beginning, i have an ex called jonny that never stopped liking me completely. wasn't a problem until september, when a few of you might remember i split up with my ex rich for the first time.

now, he was nice about it, and a night out in the same group led to a chat and an agreement to see each other a couple of times. in short, i decided i didn't like him, i'd got myself wrong, and i barely managed to scrape my way out of it all, before getting back with rich

now, i decided about a week ago that i liked him, and wanted something to properly happen (or at least, i thought i did) so i engineered opportunity and voila. i pulled. but, you can guess what i'm going to say...no, i don't actually like him enough to go out with him. or even let anything happen again, i don't think

a few reasons why he hasn't helped this: he told me he loves me, has done for ages. that he'd dedicate the star he has for his late father to me instead. that he never wants to let me go. the next morning, that he meant it all and he still wanted me back.

my brain's internal response: ARRRRRRRRGH

a few of my friends know the state of my brain, and i've avoided him quite well so far since. i just don't know what to do, i feel very...uh, bad, for doing this (there aren't polite words to describe me. i constantly hurt people. and feel like a pile of...uh, bad stuff, for being such a scheming manipulative...uh, bad person)

apart from needing to vent that, i could do with some advice from all the different points of view covered by people here...even if it's just a pm or something saying "rarr you horrid girl, sort it"

thanks guys xxx

[franken-sarah]

Aww! Honey, I don't think anyone here thinks you're a pile of bad stuff - or a pile of anything for that matter!! You're our little pie-eater!!

Anyway, we all do stuff we regret from time to time, that doesn't make you bad! So, you tried something out and it hasn't turned out the way you thought it would, is that really so terrible?

I know it must feel worse if this guy's professing his undying love for you but he'll just have to except that isn't how it's going to be. Providing you're sensitive to his feelings and let him down gently I don't think there's much else you can do.

I'm sorry, I know this doesn't fix your problem but I hope it helps you get a little perspective on what's happened.

*hugs*

[Phyllis]

^I agree.

Just sit him down and talk to him honestly and gently. Tell him you're sorry (since you obviously are), but you made a mistake and things aren't going to work out. Hopefully he won't be too angry or continue professing his undying love for you any more...but it might take him awhile to accept it.

And I'd also advise against trying to get back together with him at any point in the future. If you end up feeling like this again, then it'd just be toying with his feelings. Try to remember how you feel now next time you happen to feel like you'd like to be with him again.

[Fallen Element]

My pie one! You are not a pile of badness, I doubt you ever could be!!! *HUGS*

And in my relationship scariness, I doubt I could put what I want to say down, basically it is the same as cand and franken-sarah... You just have to make your feelings clear to both him and yourself...Be true, be safe and most of all, be you!!

You will know what to do when you need it!!

Love and scarfs!!

Fal xXx

[gothictheysay]

Heh, I'm on this fellow's side in my situation.

I don't want to sound repetitous, but yes, explain to him all your feelings, and accept his. You obviously don't feel the same way towards him, just tell him that your respect his feelings and him overall. If you get nervous when he tells you how much he loves you, tell him that. But think this: if it makes him feel better, why not let him, after you've explained everything and have no problems between the two of you?

edit: don't ignore him...it might really hurt him.

This post has been edited by gothictheysay: Mar 15 2004, 10:44 PM

[jicama]

sounds like this guy is an obsessed, sad little man. going out a few times with a rabid fan boy might be good for the old self-esteem in the short run- everybody likes to feel special, but it doesn't take long before cute and doting ends up as creepy and unbalanced. i mean, how can you have a decent conversation with a guy that puts you on a pedestal?!

by breaking up with him, you are doing both of you a favour- you are getting out of a relationship where you would either end up dominating him, or be treated like a porcelain doll. also, by breaking ties with him and making it clear that you are never getting back together with him, you are forcing him to stop mooning over you and get on with his bloody life.

all in all, it you aren't comfortable in a relationship, you should get out as quick as possible so as to do the least amount of damage. if you're having doubts about going out with him now, just think how unhappy you'd be in a week, a month, a year. don't let guilt keep you in a relationship, it's not fair to you or him.

[Silver Star Ange...]

Oh dear. My best friend had this problem. You should tell him that you really appreciate what he's doing, but you're not sure if you're ready to go back out with him. I mean, if he really loves you then he should understand and appreciate your thoughts and feelings. Hope I helped! *hugs and hands you ice cream*

[Atari]

Ok, I've been in the gent's shoes.

You need to talk to him, and squash this bugger flat. This is one of those situations where the nicest thing you can do is be a bit rude, just say "I'm sorry, but I'm not intrested."

If he leaves the conversation with any (irrational or rational) hope that you may still come around, it'll mean that much more heartache for him in the long run. You need to get it across (it will take some repetition) that there is no hope for you two having that sort of relationship.

No mercy. Its for his own good.

[Sir Maxerpopple]

^
!
!
!

Absolutely. There is nothing else you can do. Yes, you are at slight fault, but we've all been there. Trust me, I have been personally. But you are not all to bnlame. Blame isn't the issue. Set things straight, apologize for your actions, and hopefully things will move on. It may be harsh but it is necessary. Hope things work out soon.

[Pixelgoth]

*hugs*

What they all said really. We've all been there and done that. I've got several t-shirts and could probably write a book on how not to treat men

Anyhoo, we all make mistakes. I'm not backing up what you've done coz you have hurt this guy BUT again mistakes happen and as long as you're honest with him and yourself this will sort itself out.

*hugs to make you feel better*

[the lil' pie...]

well, i sent him an email explaining how i felt, and said i wanted him to know now rather than later...and i apologised for it being blunt in case it was (my emails often are when they're not happy ones and i can never tell)

i'm hoping that and a little time will do the trick...

[Thus Spoke Zarat...]

I would question the integrity of anyone who would change the star that had been dedicated to their dead Dad to being dedicated to me. It's a pretty low thing to do.

[the lil' pie...]

^it did freak me out a little

updation: he replied to the email...well, it went better than expected...it just made me feel bad. i'm gonna have made him miserable for weeks now

[Mata]

It's better to be honest with him and make him miserable for a few weeks than to string it out for longer and then still make him miserable at the end of it all.

[miss_spunk]

*hugs loads* you did what you had to.