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> Getting To Know Yourself, eh just what it says
post May 2 2004, 11:27 PM
Post #1

in the end there is only me.. *CENSORED*

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so ive been thinking latley... and ive noticed a lot of new changes in me... i want to know what everyones are. Look back on a picture or a diary you used to keep.. think about how muhc you've changed.. how has it made you a better person? how has it affected your decisons? is your life better or worse sence u have changed?

Recently, i looked at a picture and a diary i used to keep... ive changed a lot physicaly.. i cut my hair off, dyed it black, ive gotten a little taller, more curvy. And after reading my diary ive noticed a lot of things that changed about my personality.. ive grown more intuative and a lot more sceptical. A lot more carful on who i trust, ive had my heart broken a few times, had my share of problems that keep on coming. I think its made me a better person becuase now i can handle thigns a little bit better.. but worse in a way that it hurts my and my health. It affects my decisions becuase i think more on them now, and im more carful about that now. My life could be better, could be worse.. im not sure right now.

sorry for the random topic, but i havent been around and i wanted to get to know people again.

Forever Forbidden
take me into the darkness..........
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Silver Star Ange...
post May 2 2004, 11:38 PM
Post #2

The Six Train.

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I used to be really naive, worse than I am now. I also used to be really corny. I've also lost a lot of weight, gotten much taller, nicer hair, and I'm WAY more curvy.

I am proudly e-married to Fluffy, I am honored to be the little sister of Righteous, and Lord of Darness is always on my mind. Smallcuteanddeadly is my noob! Yay!
Fear the wrath of my dragon, Lord Baltimore! I am willing to fight; I am a soldier of love. Speaker for the Lost is my e-pimp. Lol.
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post May 2 2004, 11:41 PM
Post #3

Secret Electric Pants Buffer

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I've changed, the problem is I just can't tell how much.

My hair's a little longer though, which is ok. And I'm taller. And I have strange ideas for the future, which kind of scare me and kind of intrigue me. The music I'm into is a lot more melodic (in its own heavy way) and I've had a pretty rough encounter with true love. I also find it harder to concentrate on things, especially work.

But I guess I've always been like that.

Pity I never keep anything 'for the record'. All my old stuff just gets chucked out.

George Bush- the world's worst winner.
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Sir Psycho Sexy
post May 3 2004, 12:51 AM
Post #4

Technically a giant, intellectual midget.

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I'm definately more confident than i used to be, i'm also happy in the fact I probably have a fuller sex life that some...which is funny considering what a loner i used to be at school tongue.gif

for the most part I put it down to matazone, sure univiersity's probably contributed, but i think matazone (the place, not the person) has done the most

He's a freak of nature, but we love him so.
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Sir Maxerpopple
post May 3 2004, 01:02 AM
Post #5

Is conformity, consumption, and obedience really that bad?

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For my entire life I, despite what I had been telling myself, was very much at the whim of others opinions. For the past year I had been a floundering fool at the whim of my emotions that led me to do many many stupid things, culminating at hurting/putting into an uncomfortable position a close friend of mine to a point where she couldn't take me anymore. I only realized it all about a week ago. Since then I have decided and participated in becoming more self-reliant and indifferent to the opinions of others. I've stopped wallowing in agony and have become more hermit-like. This is the first time I've felt good for a week in 3 months. I've also gotten noticeably taller, and even more bitter in the philosophical realm.

Still around, just lurking.
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post May 3 2004, 01:05 AM
Post #6


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From: Wiggleton
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I hate myself, always have. That hasn't changed.

I can be quite the asshole, that hasn't changed.

I'm a lot more rational than before, that's a big change.

I'm more attracted to knowledge and wisdom than before and I can't get enough philosophy. Compared to how I was before, pretty different.

I'm riding my unicycle more and getting out more. Playing paintball more than before. That's new.

Don't put as much effort into school as before.. Then again I never really have.

I know myself pretty well and see all my changes, flaws, and mistakes and analyze them quite a bit and try to make myself better from them. That's all I really have to say.
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post May 3 2004, 03:26 PM
Post #7

dream to make believe

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I have become lazy, I can no longer get up at 7am everyday without moaning, possibly something to do with not being forced into bed at half 9 like I always was before I turned 16, I wish I could motivate myself to do it but I couldn't sleep even if I did.
I'm less motivated, I want to do well but I can't make myself try for it.

I hate my attitude towards work more than ever.

I've evolved from a child in a way that has made me more open minded although I left behind any self confidence I ever had I'm trying to regain some of that and although I know I will never overcome my paranoia I hope I can atleast become less jumpy.

I can't make friends, that's not really changed. I think it has something to do with my paranoia, always assuming that people are using me to make themselves feel better. I've had my best friend since first school, she is clever and motivated and has an amazing ability to concentrate on things when she has to and I admire her for it.

I think I'm a better person overall now that I was a few years ago, if not I am at least happy with what I have become even if I am not happy with exactly who I am, if that makes any sense?

snoo is about as evil as a muffin
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post May 3 2004, 06:35 PM
Post #8

suggestive cupcake

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I've changed a lot since last year, I think. Half because of Matazone-related happenings, half just because I'm growing up and that's what life does. The only prominent changes are that I'm less attentive to certain things, and my temper's a little shorter for the regular BS - I also feel a little wiser, too, which is what I think everyone wants to mature up to. ^^

i'm like oh kimosabe,
your body is my hobby

the official 'you bitch' count: a whole lot
last updated 11/05
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post May 3 2004, 06:41 PM
Post #9

: P>

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In the last few years I managed to get less geeky with far more interest in social stuff, also I think I've ended up more self conscious but also crazier (in a good way). I also seem to be less passive and better at making friends, but only if introduced as I have no 'meeting people' skills. My mucic taste also got better, wider ranging genre wise but far more specific in terms of whats crap and suchlike. I've got interested in far more stuff and become more open minded in the last few years.

Hmm...I probably sound like a complete weirdo now...ah well *hides* ph34r.gif

I am Candice's asw emo e-husband, real life actual husband and all around awesome person, Funked)Out_Frogg's e-paramour. Snugglebum's harem slave. Candice and gothictheysay are my e-pimps.
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post May 3 2004, 07:50 PM
Post #10

Has gone untreated for blurriness since 1986

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In the last year I've really matured - not so much behaviourily*, I was pretty sensible when I was young - but emotionally, physically and intellectually I've come a long way. Since arriving on Matazone my grammar and vocabularly have improved enormously. After starting my LJ I noticed I had a running commentary going on in my head continuously. My writing abilities have come on in leaps and bounds (well, I think so).
I'm not much taller sadly, but I have filled out a bit. Shaving has become a real irritation. I've actually considered dating people - shock horror! I've started to think about where my life is going, what I want to do, who I want to do it with. I blame Matazone partly for this huge upheaval, and I thank it too. Without this forum my life would be considerably duller, and probably less sedentary.

*/me buttrapes the English language
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post May 4 2004, 05:50 PM
Post #11

never enough yaoi in the world...

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I guess I've changed a lot since high school, which was 4 years ago.
Let's see.....

Instead of worrying if I would ever have a boyfriend, now I'm engaged and worrying about pre-nups, wills, mortgages, children, wedding budget....

Instead of me being jealous of other people, some are now jealous of me! that's a nice change for the high-school nerd!

Don't fight so much with my parents anymore....mostly because since I'm in another city, they can't do much about my life, can they? Plus, I can choose to tell them what I want to!

Fell in love, which caused my oh-so-carefully-cultivated thick skin to disintegrate. Which I suppose is a good thing.

Learned how to dress better, which I think is more important than losing weight, because if you know how to dress well you can hide it, and you look better!

Don't hate anyone, and no one picks on me, and in a big university in a big city, you can choose to hang out with people you like, not like in a small hick town.
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post May 4 2004, 10:49 PM
Post #12

~~Sanity Impaired since 1986~~

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Well I noticed a change in my social patterns at school this year since my friend Jenn was not there. I seem to have a more scattered variety of people I know and friends through the school. What I mean by scattered is different cliques and somemore others are giving me more the time of day.

Physical stuff? Well before school I got my hair really short, just above my lobes, its going to my shoulders again. According to Jon's dad I must of gotten taller from last time by a small bit. Hopefully, with applying at a job at NCO, and exercising I will get some pounds off. It's hard to do that now since I got to concentrate on schooling, so I'm putting that definitely to high gear once school finishes.

As for mental stuff, the hypersensitive part has not changed much, but trusting others has a little more. My past passive behaviour on putting up with crap is less passive and more agressive, and helping people has went even more assertive to how I will protect others in a way. As of this year (and it will probably change) my tolerance for people (students and teachers) has really gone down. In my 'unique' way, I usually will be verbal on how I feel, which is something I would of never done a couple years back.

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post May 5 2004, 04:14 AM
Post #13

Rabid Saskatchewanian

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QUOTE (Artemisia @ May 4 2004, 11:49 AM)



Anyhoo, It would take a long time to describe all the changes I've gone through in the last year. Sometimes I don't know who I am anymore. This summer is a much needed period of self-reflection and whatnot.

As fascinating as my life is, I'll just let you speculate. Because I'm tired, and I need to study... sad.gif

At the Left Hand of God

Thou shalt not lie with a man as with a woman; it is an abomination. Thou shalt do it standing up.
Dominating Aries, e-hubby, since 2004.
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the lil' pie...
post May 6 2004, 02:12 PM
Post #14

Don't you just love hot water bottles?

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this has really got me thinking over the last couple of days, and this is what i came up with (yay for all)


my hair is so much longer. it's gone from skimming shoulder length to sitting mid-chest level, which people all seem to prefer, so i'm sticking with it. it's more shaped and layered, which takes more caring for. and my highlights look wicked in the light. basically, instead of hiding behind my hair, i'm proud of it, and more willing to make the most of it.
i wear a lot more make-up now, blusher/bronzer, eyeshadow, mascara, liner, highlighter, lip-gloss, concealer if i have blemishes...which is weird, because until a year ago i only occasionally wore pale eyeshadow. on it's own. blink.gif (i'd like to say i don't look overdone, despite the sound of it i've been told it's a very natural look. 'tis why i like it)


being more aware of my body after being in a relationship, and having shenanigans (what a word), has made me accept it doesn't have to be perfect, that people do find me attractive, and that i shouldn't run away from nice clothes. so i do emphasise things like my bum, my waist and my although-quite-small apparently nice breasts. and being very eclectic as a person, i range from baggy fraying trousers with t-shirts to half casual tops, hoodies or a shirt, to skirts and tailored trousers with nice tops and jackets when im not at school. confusing for everyone else but i don't have one style.

everything else:

more confident, more open-minded nowadays, more willing to explore areas of life. more in touch with my sexuality and the fact that sometimes i find women very attractive. more sexually confident in myself and the general side of things. more outgoing with people i don't know, better at meeting people and making friends. i communicate with more ease, i'm happier in myself and it shows.
less worried by trivial things, although i'm more stressed about the rest of life!
falling in love, having my heart break and healing to find that love again has made more changes than i care to try listing here, but it's made me a better person.
and i think, that's what it comes down to. i feel better about who i am, and the way i see it that's going to carry on changing me smile.gif

(that, was way too long. but, it's done now) (i apologise unsure.gif )

It's not so bad being trendy, everyone who looks like me is my friend...


Freshers Flu is a buttmunch.
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post May 7 2004, 04:16 AM
Post #15


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this year i have less friends. all of my friends somehow managed to move at the same time. sad.gif im tyring really hard to make new ones, and some people would say im even popular. but i disagree. i barely even talk to people bcause they are always to busy for me. talking to the cooler people. i miss my best friends.

i am less happy in general because my friends are gone. however, im doing much better in school and i have become athletic. i barely spend any time watching TV or being online compared to how much i did last year.

Love is real.
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post May 7 2004, 06:17 AM
Post #16


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Since I first came on board to the forums, I haven't changed too much, I guess once you reach this age plateu it takes time to see any drastic changes as it will take longer in years.

I suppose my overall attitude has changed a bit , but still with a hint of daftiness.

My writing style, is a tad different.

Physically? A lil more tan , a tad more weight to a whopping 120, from 118 just a summer ago... I haven't grown much in height..still 5 ft, 7 in...

As with some others ... I trust less, and I'm more skeptical and cynical...

I learned that I too can be the cause of pain and suffering without meaning it to be that way at all...

I guess it's the price to pay in life while you grow and mature, eh?


I live in my own little world, but it's ok they know me here.
Solo pensando en ti Dayan
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post May 11 2004, 08:39 PM
Post #17

Vive y Deja Vivir

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I think becoming more skeptical and cynical comes with time, I think everyone goes through it, and it's basically triggered by the things we've had to go through. When we're little, we're taught to trust in people, in the system, in the ones you're closest to. But over time you realize that lots of people suck, the system is corrupt, and the it hurts the most when the ones closest to you betray you.

Every year, I keep thinking, I'm older, more mature than last year. This has taught me that I change all the time, while at one time I think I'm at my peak or have settled into my skin, 6 months later it's all different again. But at least from last year I can safely say I've gotten my priorities straight. I have less friends, but quality over quantity is a good rule when it comes to friends anyway. I used to think, naively, that *starts playing a violin* I was the only person that went through crap, that I was the only person who knew the things I did, or thought the things I did, or whatever, but now I've realized all those things are just components of maturity. Mostly everyone matures, just at different rates. Almost everyone goes through those questions of Who am I and Where am I and Who do I want to be as a person, all that jazz. Everyone worries about themselves and the person they're turning out to be. People just don't talk about it enough.
So, inside, I think I've matured quite a bit, but I'll be saying the same thing next year.

Physically... recently I chopped off all my hair. It used to be past my boobs, now it's up to my ears. I'm donating it to Locks of Love happy.gif
I think I grew like an inch, which amazes me, I didn't think I was gonna go an inch past 5'3". Since last year I got out of my depressing stupor and stopped wearing brown and black lipstick *shivers* In fact, stopped wearing make up entirely. It's a good feeling to save 10 minutes of sleep, and like, loads of money. One tube of mascara was like $8! Forget that, I have better things to spend my money on.

"As life gets longer, awful feels softer,
Well it feels pretty soft to me.
And if it takes sh*t to make bliss,
Well I feel pretty blissfully."
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post May 11 2004, 09:37 PM
Post #18

Has been kidnapped by gerbils and forced to post on here repeatedly

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Physically I look as scary as ever.
My self confidence went up a bit but then it went down again quite randomly.
I seem to have gotten less stupid but more lazy.

Altogether I dont really know, I dont remember what I was like before and I have no idea how other people see me.


Kung fu fighting from 25th April 2010
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