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Animal of manual life
Age Unknown
Gender Not Set
Wilmington, NC (The States)
Birthday Unknown
I enjoy swimming late at night, reading everything (Manga, Dostoevsky, the funny papers, the local libertarian paper circulations, poorly translated japanese candy wrappers, etc), waxing intellectual with my political crew, playing violin, loving my pets (My dog, Zaku, and my two cats, Fred and Balou), and writing songs (Mediocre...but noteworthy due to quantity of time and notebooks i waste on it)
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Gender: Female
Joined: 29-July 04
Profile Views: 3,106*
Last Seen: 7th May 2005 - 05:33 AM
Local Time: Oct 20 2017, 01:54 AM
460 posts (0 per day)
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AIM Xkitsurabamix
Yahoo collidescopelady@yahoo.com
ICQ No Information
MSN collidescopelady@yahoo.com
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2 Jan 2005
Ok, all of my friends have been joining the server I'm on on FFXI, so i wanted to know:
What MMO game are you addicted to?

(Also, i've started designing maps for Half Life 1, so i'll be up and at 'em as soon as my first is finished)

I belong to:
Game: Final Fantasy XI
Server: Seraph
Name: Saskia
Race: Mithra (Cat chick)
Home City: San D'oria
Job: White mage/Black mage

PM me for a world pass, i own my own linkshell, and i constantly Power level people!
(Power level = Healing people while they fight so they don't die, so they can level up quickly)
(World pass = What you join servers with. imput it at the Charicter Creation screen)
(Linkshell = Private community chat thing in-game)
I'm also applying to be a mentor soon, so i'll be all official in the game to help newcomers.
I get my own little insignia beside my name and everything.
1 Jan 2005
Last year, i slept on the couch in my 'best friend's living room, cudled up next to the only person on this planet who has my full heart.

'I've got to hug you once for every chance i've missed...'

He cheated on me.
Several times.
Tossed me around, lied, threatened, screamed...
i was young, so i wanted to make him happy then, you know?
No lies, really...why would i have a reason to lie now? really...
i was selfish, though...i wanted his attention and his loyalty, you know?
...I offered to be his 'side girl'...if i could only be around him some more...
see, he was going to leave me for my best friend, but i figured...he didn't really care about her...
it was just a passing phase...
if i stuck by him, he'd see that i was really here.

then my neighbor.
Then three of his friends.
then my 'best friend' again.

It was over, right?...
New years, last year...was when it all started.
So this new years?

I had two dreams, back to back...'nightmares'?...no clue.
Dreams about him. Holding him, the soft, tight skin of his back...all of those sweet freckles...
That was my favriote place. night there, his shoulder and his neck.

my current boyfriend was in the dream, too. Dean is...well...sweet. pleasent, funny...hilarious, even. (Lorax, you know 'em...he's wonderful)...
as i was holding Mike closely...
i put my hand on Dean's hand...

When i woke up, i wanted to vomit.
I'm disgusting.

But people always say...
'Oh, just move on. it's over. stop being stupid'

It's just not that easy.
It just isn't.
i have moved on...before.
but then i get taken back...right back to where i started...
and i'm drowning in love and concern for him again.

I'm pathetic and stupid, and a selfish little girl...whatever...
i just...can't stop.
I'm tearing up as i write this...still...
i can remember that cool skin...

In my dream, i thought it was real. i honestly thought it was all ok.

It makes waking up, and realizing it wasn't all better...
so much harder.

(My first concious thought of the new year was to kill myself)
28 Dec 2004
Here's a little treat for you kids...
Type in 'miserable failure' into Google, then hit,
'I'm feeling lucky'

and then enjoy.
20 Nov 2004
(I know i said i wouldn't post for a month, but i suppose this is my one exeption, seeing as it's an emergency)

Have you ever had a nosebleed?
Like, a really bad, unprovoked nosebleed?
That lasted for 10 min
just pouring, a constant, steady, quick speed...

this has happened to me about a month ago, for two weeks, and just this morning, it started again. i woke up, and thought i had snot on my pillow or something icky like that, so i wiped it, and i felt a huge puddle of blood underneath my head.
but this time, it didn't last 10 min.
It's going on 20 mins, and my mom is two towns away, and i am home alone.
none of my friends can come, nor my mango (current sweetheart) Greg, because they all either have senior project or work.

I'm feeling wuite light headed, and the nosebleed is still going on. i have a cotton ball quite uncomfortably wedged in my nose, so i was wondering- - -is this signs of having a brain tumor or something?
I think it might be a stress nosebleed, but i was having a rather naughty dream, and i recall something in japanese anime when you have naughty thoughts, you get a nosebleed...that's what i thought after the initial shock.

i wish my nosebleed would end so i can eat some of the christmas tree cakes i have...they are tasty-licious.
19 Nov 2004
*sobs all alone in the corner*
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