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Daria
Wait for the uprising
29 years old
Female
In a cave in Scotland
Born July-2-1988
Interests
Music, fun, art, philosopy, science, arranging furniture to see people's reactions.
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Gender: Female
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Joined: 7-April 05
Profile Views: 8,748*
Last Seen: 22nd May 2013 - 10:45 AM
Local Time: Oct 22 2017, 09:44 AM
3,177 posts (1 per day)
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Daria

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29 Sep 2011
Hey everyone

Firstly, I would like to direct you towards http://www.dracinabox.com/ which is an online shop belonging to a friend of mine. It sells all things goth, so I figured some of you may be interested in it.

It's tangentally related to what I'm about to talk about, because my friend is depressed. In fact, lots of my friends are depressed, or manic, or anxious, or having issues with gender or their sexuality. I'm currently going through the process of getting diagnosed- so far, the psychologist is pretty sure I have cyclothymia which is a mild form of being bi-polar. I've been keeping mood diaries (see below) and have been pretty shocked by how much my mood zigzags about by its own accord. I knew I got ups and downs, but I'd never kept track of it before.



To be totally honest, I want to get a diagnosis so I can label myself when it suits me to do so. Like with university: if I miss class because I'm depressed or anxious, I can point to the label and go "so, yeah, that's why". As it stands, I'll tell my advisor that I missed class because I was depressed, and she asks me what causes the depression. Well... nothing causes the depression. It just happens. I don't want to be on medication at the moment- I can still deal with the lows and I don't want to give up the euphoric highs- but it has still been a struggle to deal with the notion that aspects of my personality I am proud of or see as positive could actually just be attributed to symptoms of a disorder and therefore medicated away.

Which is why I'm writing this post. I remember a while back there was a thread discussing the hypothetical situation that if you found out you had a brain tumour that affected your personality, would you remove it? (or something along those lines). This feels a bit like that- being creative and having your mind race with ideas, having euphoric days, high sex drive, optimism (and irritation at the lack of optimism in others)... these are things I enjoy. They are also elements of cyclothymia and would be lost if I was levelled out on medication. I just don't think I could be me without them.

I see a counsellor as I feel it's important for me to be able to recognise how I'm feeling and work around it- I can be unreasonable, I sometimes start arguements with my partners, I push friends away. But usually I notice I'm doing these things when I'm doing them and kind of end up stopping half way through, apologising, and discuss why I feel the need to do whatever I was doing (usually because I don't feel in control of my situation/ brain/ life/ whatever).

So at the end of this huge Hey Listen All About Me post, let's go back to the brain tumour question. If you found out you had a brain tumour that wasn't going to kill you but it affects your personality (according to the doctor because of its positioning or something idk I'm no doctor) would you have it removed? Bearing in mind that it grew slowly over time and the personality changes would just be part of you.
16 Jan 2011
So because it feels like it's linked to Matazone...
I broke up with Wytu last Saturday. We'd both realised that we hadn't been trying very hard to make things work, although came to different conclusions about what that meant- for me it was to break up, for him it was to try harder. We're still amiable, and the last four years haven't been for nothing, but I really feel that the relationship had come to its natural end.
I'm not expecting a slew of *hugs!* or "Aww, it's ok"s (in fact, I think I would prefer not to have them >_>) but feel free to message or text if you have any questions. Haha, it's like an interview...

Apart from that, my wrist isn't as painful as it was when I first fractured it! Yay! And... err... I have my cats living with me in Scotland now happy.gif

The new year feels like it's bringing exciting things and lots of change! Daria with silver hair, anyone?

How about you guys? What does the new year bring for you?
8 Dec 2009


My housemate was going on and on about getting a real Christmas tree this year. When the day came that my friend and I were free to get it with him, he changed his mind and said he didn't want one. Well, my friend and I went to the place anyway, looking for holly and mistletoe. They didn't have any, but they did have free branches- so I made our Christmas tree happy.gif

Have you got yours up yet? What does it look like?
18 Aug 2009
I have been getting excited about art recently- most specifically with the ideas of being in art.

What art excites you?

Edit: Upon re-reading, maybe I was too ambiguous the first time round. By being in art, I didn't mean performing- I meant something more like art being so big that by seeing it you are in it.
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Industrial Kybos...
One day we will surely rule the field of alternative entertainment retail...
20 Dec 2008 - 15:16

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