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I forgot my socks
39 years old
Baltimore, MD
Born July-14-1978
Uhhh...creating things in Photoshop 7.0, reading, Sandman...well, anything Neil Gaiman...photography, drawing, dancing, Purgatory, any rave that isn't a lame collection of 13-year-old-drug-addict-wannabes, freaking people out, David Eddings, Luis Royo, Dr. V.S. Ramachandran, neuropsychiatry, Radiohead (ok, all music except 'gangsta rap' or country), Japan, the prospect of Armaggedon, Interior Design, the wisdom of Mr. Snaffleburger, Persephone Plus (Jhone is a goddess!)...I'm sure there are a few thousand other things but I don't feel like putting them in here. I'm sure I'll post them from time to time.
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Gender: Female
Joined: 26-June 03
Profile Views: 1,459*
Last Seen: 30th November 2014 - 12:44 AM
Local Time: Oct 17 2017, 01:15 AM
1,233 posts (0 per day)
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MSN pstrmrtm23@hotmail.com
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29 Jan 2005
Oops...I said we...I lied, it's just me celebrating, but at least it's a party!!!!

Behold, I have returned from my time in my own personal Elba! A few changes have been made....this puter, hopefully, will be a good puter and not suck as much as the last one did (iMacG5 and I will defend it to the utter death! Ha! Take that, Mac-haters!....wait, are there any Mac-haters in Mataworld??).....I also am now older by ummm.....a little over half a year. Okay, so I haven't been gone forever, but it certainly feels like it!!

Anyone remember the lovable cuddly Ratt?

*wrinkles nose*
17 Mar 2004
Well, this is just kindof a rant, but I guess it goes here since it deals with an Issue of the original sort.

I have a friend..my best friend, actually. She's like the older sister I never had, and she means just...TONS to me. She lives in Cedar Rapids, about a half hour from where I live. This is something of a bummer, since I don't have a car and neither does she. I get to see her more often than I did when she was living on the other side of the state, but I still don't see her anywhere near as much as I'd like. Anyway..

She lives with her boyfriend of about...ummm...I guess it's been about 5 months since they started going out. He's someone I know from back in 1996, when he still lived in Iowa City. He's a nice guy for the most part...one of the "sensitive, pseudo-hippy" types. He also has Clinical Depression. As far as I know, he's had it most of his life. Usually, he's able to keep it fairly well under control, but from time to time, he just kinda..gives up, I guess...and lets it overwhelm him and control him. She knew when they started going out that he had this problem, but he assured her he was going through psychiatric counselling for it, so it wouldn't be much of an issue.

Ok, I guess a little scene-setting is in order here. A (my friend) moved in with K (the boyfriend) back in October. K is going to Kirkwood Community College to get his chef's license..I think he's about halfway through. When A moved in with him, she started looking around for a job, so that she could pay her half of the bills, since K isn't working, and his only income is from his quarterly Tuition Checks from Kirkwood. Those are enough to pay his half of the bills, but not much more. Unfortunately, the job situation in Eastern Iowa isn't all that hot right now (still), and it took A a few months of searching before she found a job. K reassured her that it wasn't a big deal, since he knew she was trying hard to find a job. She finally got a job working at Wendy's (for any not in the know, Wendy's is a fast-food burger joint, much like McDonald's) part-time. She's making money, but not a lot, so things have been a little tight for them. She's been working for a little less than a month now.

A few weeks ago, K called me up to tell me he wanted to set up a little weekend Spring Break party with him, A, myself, my bf, and a few other friends from his town and mine. I got another call about a week later from A, to let me know that she and K had gotten a new cell phone and to give me the number, and also to let me know that things were still being planned for the Spring Break get-together (which would be this coming weekend). Since then, I haven't heard from either of them, so I tried calling them tonight to ask if things were still in motion. Well, their phone is deactivated (they have one of those plans where you buy a card that gives you a month of unlimited calls..so basically, their card ran out and they haven't gotten a new one), so I called A's friend L (who gives A rides to and from work every day) to find out if she knew anything about what would be going on this weekend. What I found out from her was this:

Apparently, K has not been going to his classes for about the last month. His depression has been acting up, but he doesn't want to admit it to anyone because he knows that they would urge him to 1) go see his counsellor and 2) take medication for it. He stopped going to his counsellor shortly after A moved in with him, because he decided he didn't need counselling anymore. He's never taken meds, because he believes they are a waste of his time and money. The thing is, his depression has been getting steadily worse as the years go by. His periods of depression last longer and longer, become stronger each time they hit, and he fights them less and less. He's gotten to the point now where he tries to pretend his fits of depression don't exist. Instead, he's not going to classes, spending all his time at home downloading and watching MST3K episodes, smoking a pack and a half of cigs and drinking a 12-pack of beer a day. He's not a violent drunk, but he gets cranky and snaps at A all the time now. He's also apparently unable to do anything for himself at this point. He can't even manage to make himself a sandwich...he just sits at the computer and waits until A gets home from work, then asks her to make him a sandwich and bring it to him. He just got his latest tuition check, and A had to badger him to pay bills with it. The rest of it, he told her he planned to spend on alcohol and cigarettes, because "it's his money, he can do what he wants with it."

A is going crazy to the point of pulling her hair out, because he won't go to counselling, he won't get meds, and he's drinking and smoking all their money away. He won't talk to her about what's bothering him, but he clings to her and expects her to do everything for him. She's afraid he's going to flunk out of classes or just decide to quit school, which means they won't have enough money to pay bills at all. L and her husband have been trying to talk some sense into K, but he's not listening to them, either.

Why the hell can't he just admit that he's got a problem and deal with it like a man? He's making life miserable for the person he supposedly loves more than anyone else in the world, and I don't see how he can miss that fact. It seems like he's bound and determined to ruin his life, and take her down with him. I can't just sit by and let something like that happen, but what the hell can I do? I've asked L if she could bring A down here for the weekend...maybe if K has to spend some time fending for himself, he'll realize that he needs to do something about his depression. I just don't understand how he could delude himself into thinking that he can control what is obviously a chemically-induced problem (well, neurotransmitter-induced, I guess) by sheer force of will...and then think that by drinking himself into stupidity is supposed to help. I just don't understand clinical depression....can anyone here shed some light for me?
6 Mar 2004
The bf and I got our Wacom Intuos2 Graphic Tablet yesterday!!!

*spends a few minutes bouncing off the walls going WOOHOO WOOHOO WOOHOO in approved Daffy Duck manner*

So anyway, I'm learning how to use it, natch. I made a couple little thingummies with it (the first one being non-serious, the second being serious) and I wanted to show y'all. so here...

3 Mar 2004
I'm not sure if this goes here, since I created a new blog...or in Daft/Daily life, since it's kinda unimportant... so mods, feel free to move it smile.gif

Anyway..I just wanted to announce the creation of a new blog..it's on Blogger, so I think I kinda just separated myself from the Matazone blogring....I dunno. I have links to all the people I used to have links to. I just like Blogger more for some reason...less clutter, maybe? I dunno.

Well, this new blog is a little different in style and tone from my previous attempt. I suppose you could say that the new one is showing the side of me that only my friends see: the side of me that composes opinionated diatribes happy.gif. With issues how they are these days, I really don't think i could resist much longer, though.

Anyway, here it is. Please take a look? tongue.gif
8 Feb 2004
Hear Ye, Hear Ye!! Etc. Etc.!

I kinda find this interesting, because only recently I was posting things in Creations and talking about how I hoped to be published soon, etc. etc. Well, now I'm on the other side of the fence!!

My friends and I are creating a 'Zine called Angst. It's going to be something like a mix between the Onion and the Gothic Handbook.....basically, a 'Zine that has articles, artwork, cartoons, poetry, etc. that look all angsty on the outside, but upon closer inspection are actually poking fun at those people in the world who like to revel in their dramatic misunderstood-ness. We're also going to be satyrical about pop culture (the bf and I currently working on a line of "My Little Ponies" that include "Porn-Star Pony", "Nuclear Pony", "Homeless Pony", etc. etc.) and will most likely poke fun at the people we see around us who are too full of self-importance.

So.....our Zine co-creators suggested that I come here to put out an offer to all of you: let's make a multi-National 'Zine!!! If you want to submit any poems, articles, reviews, artwork, etc. that have to do with poking holes in people's puffed-up "oh my life is so AWWWWWFUL!" (or even poking holes in your own angst!)....let me know!!!
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