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in the end there is only me.. *CENSORED*
28 years old
San Diego, Ca
Born June-20-1989
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Joined: 28-July 03
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Last Seen: 22nd January 2014 - 06:19 AM
Local Time: Oct 18 2017, 06:20 AM
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16 May 2004
ok so im hosting a contest on allpoetry (which is where all my poetry is posted) and its hard as a mofo... so i was hoping that you wonderful readers of the great mata, would read the entrys submitted to my contest.. and tell me your 3 favorites... one gold, one silver, and one bronze... ill be taking your opinions along with mine, and a few other peoples into consideration when i judge. so.. please help!

Tear my heart out (my contest)
2 May 2004
so ive been thinking latley... and ive noticed a lot of new changes in me... i want to know what everyones are. Look back on a picture or a diary you used to keep.. think about how muhc you've changed.. how has it made you a better person? how has it affected your decisons? is your life better or worse sence u have changed?

Recently, i looked at a picture and a diary i used to keep... ive changed a lot physicaly.. i cut my hair off, dyed it black, ive gotten a little taller, more curvy. And after reading my diary ive noticed a lot of things that changed about my personality.. ive grown more intuative and a lot more sceptical. A lot more carful on who i trust, ive had my heart broken a few times, had my share of problems that keep on coming. I think its made me a better person becuase now i can handle thigns a little bit better.. but worse in a way that it hurts my and my health. It affects my decisions becuase i think more on them now, and im more carful about that now. My life could be better, could be worse.. im not sure right now.

sorry for the random topic, but i havent been around and i wanted to get to know people again.
2 May 2004
ok so last friday (the 23 of april) i did something i sorta regret and now im getting sh*t about it.

I guess one of the gurls that were with me told everyone what i did and what happened. I didnt find out until monday afternoon when school ended becuase my friend Chris came up to me and yelled at me. "OMG! KRYS! u had sex with KAI! how could you! your a fing slut!!!" and blah blah blah. It was really upsetting becuase i know im not a whore. That was my first time ever doing ANYTHING of the sorta and i never intended on it in the first place. I know, im blabbing my indeciency to the whole forum, but not many people here know me well anymore sence i have disapeared latley. Anyways, so i guess Blair told everyone about me and Kai. I wasnt ashamed of what i did with him becuase he is a good friend and it was really sweet and special to me. So later that night im talking to Sam and he told me that blair is mad at me for something else about friday.
Long story short, Sam got alcohol poisioning and he ended up kissing me for a thank you becuse i took care of him and blair was pissed so she told everyone.
Tuesday im walking to my 5th period and Yazra (blairs best friend) is walking behind me, talking at the top of her voice saying 'god i hate fing ugly whores that can only get guys when the guy is drunk! egh! ugly whores! and i hate people that kiss their friends almost boifrend' and blah blah blah
she did the same thing on the way out of school. and being the non angry person i am i ignored her... when i got on the bus tho, i ended up hurting my hand by punching the metal. I go home and Sam helped a little... so then Wednesday, i was sorta determined to kick Yazra's a$$ becuase what she was doing is immature and pethedic. So she runs up to me at lunch and says 'please dont start any fights.. you need to stop talking to us and dont even hang out with Sam anymore' stuff like that, and im my head im thinking 'wait.. werent you the one calling me an ugly whore?' so i say yea whatever so she will leave. She leaves and Sam tries to come over and talk to me.. but blair and Yaz have this death grip on his wrists and wont let him. Eventualy he got free and came to talk to me.
Thurdsay they left me alone for most of the day.. except at lunch when Sam was hanging out with me, they sent all his friends over to DRAG him away becuase they dont want him talking to me. Later that night, i get on the net and check my LJ and Blair made a post about me! and about how Sam likes me but he is only lieing and she shouldnt worry about me becuase im not compititon and blah blah blah. So i leave it be and end up geting so overwelmed and mad that i passed out from this crazy anxiety/athsma/panic attack.
Friday i come to school and no one did anything, i left and it was ok... but then this weekend me and sam were talking about how blair hates me becuase Sam likes me and all this bullsh**.. im not quite sure what i should do about the situation. IM not sure if i should just ask blair and yazra to shut up and leave me alone, or just not talk to Sam anymore becuse he seems to be the reason why they hate me so much.. but sam is my friend and i dont want to not be his friend.
Any segestions?
27 Feb 2004
latley ive been writing a lot and just started posting sum of it on the internet. Some of the poems you wont be able to see becusze they are under abuse and... they dont allow guests to the site to veiw them becuase they are extremly personal. So please, read and comment all you wish on my writing.. im working on getting published in this years poetry book at my school. Hope i get in smile.gif enjoy

Magik/Poetik Tragedy's poetry

thank you smile.gif
17 Feb 2004
so after about 10 seconds of consideration and a random proposal.. me and Narth have decided we're getting married happy.gif YAY US!
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