I have a friend who teaches at a school. One day my girlfriend and I were visiting her in Weymouth and I decided it was time to buy some new army boots because my old ones, that had travelled with me for many many years, had finally become too worn out. There is an army surplus shop in town so we went and bought some new boots, a nice pair of British para boots. Lovely stuff. Obviously, I now no longer needed the boots that I was wearing.

My friend is an Art teacher, so, to give her students a break from the normal still-life objects, I gave her my boots under strict instructions to remove the laces (which would be just too annoying to draw). She took them to school with her and put them out. She was asked ‘Miss, where on earth did you get those boots from?’ to which she naturally replied that her friend Mata had bought a new pair and given the old ones to her. I am told that one of the girls in the class was very excited about these being my boots so runs across the room and kisses them.

Jamie; you are clearly barking mad, but I think that’s lovely. So here’s a ‘hello’ to you for being a complete loon!